Children of divorce must hear 6 essential messages from their parents. Our guest blogger, divorce expert and author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -with Love! is Rosalind Sedacca, CCT. Let's find out those 6 essential messages now.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
1) This is not your fault.
Mom and Dad have been having problems. We don’t agree about certain issues and that creates conflict. That does not mean you are to blame. You are an innocent child who we both love and cherish. It is not your fault that Mom and Dad have disagreements. We are not fighting about YOU. We are disagreeing with each other about issues that concern our family. But you are not in any way at fault.
2) Mom and Dad will always be your parents.
No matter what changes occur over the weeks, months and years ahead, one thing is for certain. Mom and Dad will still always be your parents. No one else will ever be your real Mom. No one else will ever be your real Dad. We will both always love you and be there for you, no matter where we live or how things should change.
3) You are, and will continue to be, safe.
Even though there will be some changes ahead in our family, Mom and Dad will still be taking care of you. You are safe and there is nothing to be afraid of. You don’t have to worry about things. We’re making plans for our family and you are a very important part of every decision. So relax, and let Mom and Dad take care of things.
4) This is about change, not about blame.
Divorce is a scary word. But all it really means is that our family will be experiencing some changes. Change is okay. Everything in life keeps changing. You grow bigger, taller, stronger and smarter every year. The seasons change every year. Clothing styles and hair styles keep changing. You change grades and schools as you grow older. Change means things will be different in some ways. It doesn’t mean things will be bad. Change can be fun, exciting and new. Sometimes it takes a while to get used to changes, like beginning a new grade with a new teacher. Other times change gives us a chance to do things in a new and better way, like trying a new sport or a hobby you grow to love.
The change in our family is not about who’s right or wrong or who’s good or bad. The old way didn’t work for us and now we will be trying a new way for our family to live so there’s more peace, calmness and happiness for us all. Instead of worrying about who’s to blame, let’s think about how we can see the changes ahead as a new adventure -- a brand new chapter in our lives. Who knows what lies ahead?
5) Things will work out okay.
We’re often frightened when we begin new things and face new challenges. Like the first time you learned to ride a bicycle, the first day of school or day camp, your first trip to the dentist. Things always have a way of working out, even when we’re scared that they won’t. Divorce will be the same way. Things will be new and different for a while.
We’ll have new ways of doing some things. But life will go on. We will get used to the differences. Some of them we may even prefer. And after a while, we’ll look back and say, life is different than it used to be, but it’s all okay. I’m okay, our family is okay and, most important of all, we still love each other. That is a lot better than okay. It’s great!
6) Mom and Dad will always love you.
No matter what happens, no matter what changes occur, one thing is for certain. Mom and Dad will always love you. That will never change. Regardless of what we do and how old you get. You can count on that.
These core messages are the foundation your children will depend on when they are feeling frightened, sad or insecure. Repeat them often. You’ll be rewarded in countless ways as you and your children overcome the challenges of life after divorce.
Get Rosalind Sedacca,s e-book at http://www.howdoitellthekids.com/
Contact Rosalind at her website:
http://www.childcentereddivorce.com/
What's Your Experience in Talking with Children about Divorce?
Please comment in the comment link below. Don't forget to add your email so I can separately email you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS from KidsDiscuss.com
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Wise comment, divorce lawyers.
Jean Tracy, MSS
http://www.KidsDiscuss.com
Posted by: Jean Tracy, MSS | January 24, 2012 at 07:24 PM
Today, more and more couples are filing for divorce due to unresolved problems. And the sad part is that most of these couples have children who are caught in the middle of their parents' battle. These tips will help parents in explaining their situation to their kids.
Posted by: long island divorce lawyer | January 24, 2012 at 06:18 PM
Thanks for your supportive comments.
Jean Tracy, MSS
http://www.KidsDiscuss.com
Posted by: Jean Tracy, MSS | December 26, 2011 at 05:57 PM
Indeed, divorce is tough on both children and parents. This is why as much as possible, parents have to make their kids understand why they have to resort to such drastic measure. Thank you for your tips.
Posted by: divorce attorney las vegas | December 26, 2011 at 01:29 AM
Your remarks on how difficult it is to make the decision to divorce and your advice to make sure before you make that decision are so important.
To thank you for your contribution I am sending you 101 Jokes from Kids for Kids to share with your children.
Warmly,
Jean
Posted by: Jean Tracy, MSS | October 31, 2011 at 08:51 AM
I read your post. I am really too late to read and doing post for it. I really felt that this is real good work. But surprise to see none of response. Yes it is absolutely right that deciding to pursue divorce is one of the most difficult and emotional decisions you will ever make, particularly if you have children. Take time for yourself as you reconnect with your heart and your desires. So it’s the most difficult decision you will ever make, but before you call it quits make sure you cannot save your marriage.
Divorce Lawyers Virginia
Posted by: Divorce Lawyers Virginia | October 31, 2011 at 12:56 AM