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Parenting Tips ~ How to Help Your Kids Deal with Grief

Parenting Skills Blog for Character, Parenting, and Family Solutions from Jean Tracy, MSS

You can help your child deal with grief. Recently, my 2-year-old granddaughter said, "Chum died". She repeated it several times. Chum was our 15-year-old yellow lab. Just thinking about her brings tears to my eyes.

I knew little Allyssa didn't understand and wanted to know where Chum was. We said, "Chum's asleep". We showed her where Chum is buried. Sometimes it's hard to know what to say to kids when a death occurs.

My friend, Mary, says,"Include your child in difficult things, like the death of a loved one." She believes it's helpful to let your child see you grieve. When your child sees you grieve, your child realizes that grief is normal. It adds another dimension and makes life more realistic. Of course, your child will have sad things to grieve throughout his or her life. Seeing how you grieve now is a preparation for grieving later.

To help your child, have him or her draw a picture of the grief and then tell you about it. When you take the time to listen, you'll lessen your child's pain.

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What Do You Think? 

Do you agree that showing your grief to your child is wise? Or do you think it is harmful? Please comment on the comment link below.

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Parenting Advice from a Dad~ Discipline with Firmness

Parenting Skills Blog for Character, Parenting, and Family Solutions from Jean Tracy, MSS

This parenting tip comes from my oldest son, Scott. He and Andrea have 2 daughters, Paula and Daniela. The girls are unique, fun, and hard working. They are going to spend the weekend. I can hardly wait.

Parenting Tip from Scott~Be Firm:

When it is time for your child to come out of Time Out, ask her why she was sent there. If she says, "I don't know," tell your child to go back until she does know. (This is providing you made it clear why she was sent there in the first place.) It may take three or four times before she admits her misbehavior and answers you. In the end your child will learn self control and to take responsibility for her own behavior."

Guess what? Scott was sent to Time Out many times as a child. It gave him time to think about his misbehavior. It helped him take responsibility for his misbehavior. It taught the self-discipline to delay immediate pleasure and strive for long term goals. I have to admit, though, he didn't like Time Out at the time.

It pleases me that Scott and Andrea use Time Out with their girls. They never hit their girls. Time Out is their way of being firm. I think their use of Time Out is what makes the girls so much fun to be with. I can take them anywhere and be proud of them. One more thing, I've noticed my my granddaughters talk a lot more than my boys ever did.

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What Do You Think?

There are parents who dislike Time Out. What do you think of Time Out? Why? Please comment in the comment box below.

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Parenting Secret for Raising Your Kids with Good Behaviors

Parenting Skills Blog for Character, Parenting, and Family Solutions from Jean Tracy, MSS

Parents, Discover How This Mother Gets Her Children to Behave

This parenting secret comes from Jeni. Jeni is a wonderful wife, mother and working mom. In fact, Jeni is married to my son, Brian. They have 2 children. A 6- year-old and a 2-year-old. Here's Jeni's tip.

Parenting Secret~Effective Parents Follow Through

"Follow through on both rewards and punishments. Empty promises and threats don't achieve anything."

Years ago when my sons, Brian and Scott, were little, I learned why following through was so important. We'd go grocery shopping and the first thing they'd ask as we entered the store was, "Can we have some gum from the gum ball machine?

I'd smile and say, "Let's see how you behave." They knew if they behaved they'd get a gum ball. If I forgot about the gum balls when leaving the store, they'd remind me. That told me that images of gum balls danced in their heads while we shopped. The gum balls were important to them.

Brian and Scott taught me that I needed to follow through. I learned that following through motivated them to behave because they knew they could trust me to do what I promised.

Use these this parenting secret and start today. Let me know the results by commenting in the comment link below. 

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Parenting Tips for Raising Kids ~ 5 Ways To Get Your Kids to Confide in You

Parenting Skills Blog for Character, Parenting, and Family Solutions from Jean Tracy, MSS

Parents, Discover How This Mother Gets Her Children to Share Their Thoughts and Feelings:

My cousin, Ann, is an expert at getting her kids to talk. Because they confide in her she is able to guide them. What is Ann's secret?

Ann's Secret~Listen and Validate Feelings

"Rather than question your child's feelings, listen with understanding. Beware of saying, 'You don't mean that,' even if it's something you don't want to hear. If you can listen with understanding and validate your child's feelings, your child will be comfortable in coming to you with problems."

Ann is raising 3 children, each with very different personalities. When they come to her with problems, she stops what she's doing, looks her children in the eye, and asks caring questions. They, in turn, share their thoughts and feelings with her. Because of her listening skills and her acceptance of their feelings, she is able to be her children's confidant.

5 Ways To Get Your Kids to Confide in You

1. Stop! Look! Listen!

2. Keep their secrets.

3. Say, "I understand how you feel."

4. Say, "Tell me more."

5. Ask, "How can I help you?"

It's Easy to Guide Your Children When They Confide in You.

Use these 5 parenting tips and start today. Let me know the results by commenting in the comment link below. 

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Parenting Tips for Raising Kids~Help in Your Child's Classroom to Insure Success

Parenting Skills Blog for Character, Parenting, and Family Solutions from Jean Tracy, MSS

Parents, Discover What This Mother and School Office Manager Learned from Working in Schools.

Be Involved in Your Child's Schooling

This tip is from my friend and neighbor, Beth. As an office manager in one of our local elementary schools, Beth watched and listened. Her school serves hundreds of kids from many different countries. They speak different languages.

Beth Says,

"Help in your child's classroom, with your child's homework, and work with your child's teacher. Find out if your child is having a school problem or is a school problem.

If you form a partnership with your child's teacher, you will be helping your child."

Golden Opportunities for Parents

Many parents don't get involved in their child's schooling because they don't know how important it is, they feel overwhelmed in their own lives, or are too busy.

Parents, Most Teachers Love Having Your Help

Helping in your child's classroom offers you several golden opportunities. You'll find out how your child is doing. You'll be more effective helping with your child's homework. You'll be showing your child how much you care. Helping in your child's classroom is a great way to insure your child's success.

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What Do You Think? 

Do you agree that being involved in your child's school is one of the most important parenting activities for your child's success or do you think something else is more important? Please comment on the comment link below.

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Parenting Tips for Raising Kids~How to Discipline Children without Spanking

Parenting Skills Blog for Character, Parenting, and Family Solutions from Jean Tracy, MSS

Parents, Discover What This Father and Psychologist Learned from Raising 3 Kids.

This parenting tip comes from my friend, Nick Wiltz. Nick is a child psychologist. He's worked with the most difficult cases and helped many families. He's the father of 3 children too. This is Nick's tip:

Discipline Wisely. "When Disciplining, Don't Talk, Act!"

Nick's tip reminds me of several of my own counseling cases. Keep reading to see what I mean.

Imagine telling your child she has 5 minutes to brush her teeth and get to bed. 10 minutes later, you call out, "Are you in bed yet?"

Your child answers from the bathroom, "Almost!" 10 minutes after that, you call out again, "Are you in bed yet?" Again, your child answers, "Almost!"

10 minutes later you call out, "Are you in bed yet?" For the third time her answer is, "Almost!"

You feel so angry that you start yelling, "If you don't get in bed right now, I'll come in there and spank you." Within 5 seconds your child is in bed.

What Just Happened with Your Discipline Skills?

You didn't follow Nick's advice, "Don't talk, act!"

Instead you spoke 3 times. When you raised you voice after the 3rd time, your child jumped in bed. Why? Your child knew you wouldn't act until you nagged 3 times. Nick suggests you follow through immediately when you want your child to do something.

How Can Parents Follow Through the First Time?

Following through might be as simple as standing silently by the bathroom sink with a serious look on your face.  Most kids will finish quickly and get to bed.  If you act rather than talk, you won't end up threatening or spanking.

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Parenting Tips for Raising Kids~How Being Consistent Saves Future Pain

Parenting Skills Blog for Character, Parenting, and Family Solutions from Jean Tracy, MSS

Parents, Discover What This Mother Learned from Raising 5 Kids.

My friend, Roberta, sent this parenting tip. Yes, Roberta raised 5 children. Besides having lots of parenting experience, Roberta has a special personality that kids trust and love. She helped many teens who were of of control in our local school district. I respect her advice immensely. This is her number one parenting tip:

Be Consistent in Your Parenting

"Being consistent in following through with rules and expectations should be the number one task with young parents. By being consistent, you eliminate the control that a child likes to have in 'raising a parent.' I think that being consistent is the hardest task a parent faces. The positive consequences are worth the effort."

I believe Roberta is right. Being consistent in following through with rules and expectations is the hardest task a parent faces. Yet, it far exceeds the effort.

How Being Inconsistent Causes Future Pain for Parents

1. Your child will lose respect for you.

2. Your child will not trust what you say the first time.

3. Your child will sass, ignore what you say, and manipulate you over and over.

Being inconsistent may be easier at the time of the problem. In the long run, it will consistently cause you future pain.

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Do you agree that being consistent is most important or do you think something else is more important in raising kids?

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Parenting Kids Who Talk Too Much and How to Get Them to Listen

Parenting Skills Blog Gives You Character, Parenting, and Family Solutions from Jean Tracy, MSS and www.KidsDiscuss.com

Parents, does your child talk way too much? Does she have a listening problem? If you can't keep up with her chatter, find out how stories get her to listen.

Excerpt from Back Talk Street and Minnie the Mouth, page 87.

"Minnie told her father, "Today for lunch I had a tuna fish sandwich, a glass of milk and a..." Before she could finish Mr. Song got up and left the room. "Where's Daddy going?" moaned Minnie.

"He's tired of your long stories and constant chattering." answered her mother.

Minnie felt tears well up. "I don't chatter," she insisted as she wiped the tears on her sleeve.

"Minnie, your mouth is like a broken water pipe. It gushes out words and it never stops," said her mother. "No wonder your father left the room. Minnie, you need to listen more than talk."

"I do listen," insisted Minnie.

"No, Minnie, you don't," scolded her mother. "You are such a chatterbox!"

"I'm not a chatterbox!" cried Minnie as she ran out the kitchen and headed for her sister's room. With her lips turned down and drooping eyes, Minnie had a frown that could kill flies.

Why Kids Talk Too Much

Kids who talk too much get negative attention because they haven't learned that others want attention too. Minnie's dad couldn't listen because her chattering was a long one-way street. Minnie wanted his attention but hadn't learned to filter her thoughts. All the trivia flowed through her month.

Listen, people who use an avalanche of words bury all hopes of a conversation. Others learn to escape over-talkers like Minnie's dad. If your child is burying conversations, you must help. Why? Because she'll go through life being disliked and disrespected.

Helping Kids Who Talk to Much and Drown Conversations

Share and discuss a story like Minnie the Mouth's. To help your chatterbox think through the problem of over-talking ask these questions:

1. What did Minnie need to learn about her talking problem?

2. Why do you think some children talk too much?

3. Do you listen to everything kids say when they talk too much?

4. Do you ever talk too much? How can you tell?

5. What advice would you give to kids who talk too much?

Parenting a chatterbox is easier when you talk with your partner and brainstorm together. Share your ideas. Choose solutions. Look at your own behaviors too. Please share your thoughts in the comment box below.

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