« December 2010 | Main | February 2011 »

Respect ~ How Library Books Can Help Parents Value Kids

How can library books teach parents to value kids? I asked my librarian friend, Terri. First, she started with library books and disrespect. Perhaps you can guess what she said.

How Parents Disrespect Kids with Library Books:

T - When parents ask me to recommend difficult books that will boost their kids' grades, I feel uncomfortable.

J. - What do you mean?

T. - Too many parents are over-concerned about school grades.

J. - What's wrong with that?

T. - These parents are missing the point. Parents ought to be teaching their kids to love reading not the opposite.

How Parents Respect Kids with Library Books:

T. -  When children are young, they ought to sit on their parents' laps and read fun books. Why? Children feel loved by parents when sitting close to them. They attach the loving attention to fun stories. This is the best way to get kids to love books.

J. - What if the kids are too old for laps?

T. - Then read cool books with them at bedtime. Parents can add wonderful vocal expression or even share reading every other page with their kids.

J. - As a school librarian, how do you know if parents respect their kids?

T. - Parents ask for easier books that kids love to read.

J. - As a former teacher, I know what you mean, Terri. I would tell parents to help their kids pick out entertaining books that are easy to read at home. "These books are for fun and enjoyment because you want your children to love reading."
 
T. - That's right, Jean. I also advise parents to allow young and older kids to read picture books. Many picture books have beautiful illustrations that tell wonderful   stories. They're great for the imagination too. Kids can make up their own stories from the pictures.

Conclusion ~ How Library Books Can Help Parents to Value Kids

I left Terri thinking, 'When parents pick difficult books to boost their child's school grades, kids could think reading isn't worth the strugge. Parents could be teaching their children to dislike reading. How could that possibly boost school grades?'

Of course, school teachers must encourage kids to increase their reading abilities. Teachers are trained. They use fun techniques, group levels for kids, and special reading books.

At home the story is different. Library books are for pleasure reading. What a fun way for parents to value their kids!

What about you? What do you think? Please comment in the comment link below. When you do, I'll send you a gift with 7 Parenting Tips for Encouraging Respectful Behavior.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Two more things:

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids

Pick up my new Kindle e-book, Is Your Child Disrespectful – How Successful Parents Encourage Respect at: http://amzn.to/hdG7UQ


Respect ~ How This Parent Uses Examples to Raise Respectful Children

Using examples to build esteem in kids can be effective. Parenting expert, Clayton Thomas, told me his secrets when I asked him:

How Do You Raise a Respectful Child?

"Respect for me is to set clear expectations and monitor them until they are followed through. On a broader level I give my kids examples to respect like:

1. I treat their mother (my wife) like gold.

2. I keep them involved in my world and show them places where my blogs have been seen.

3. I participate in their school/sporting events.

4. I pull my kids aside after showing teachers, coaches, and others respect and ask,  'Why did I do, say or act like that?'

It's amazing how quickly kids learn respect when I model and teach it. My secret is to treat others the way I want to be treated." - Clayton Thomas of www.tantrumstroublesandtreasures.blogspot.com

Conclusion ~ Using Examples to Raise Respectful Children

I like how Mr Thomas shows respect by example. He treats his wife like gold. He brings his kids into his world with his blogs. He enters their world by participating in their school and sporting events. He shows them how to respect teachers, coaches, and others. In short, he models respect with the Golden Rule. In his family everybody wins.

One more thing, I applaud him for monitoring his expectations until they are followed through. For many parents this is easy to forget and causes lots of parenting problems.

What about you? What do you think? Please comment in the comment link below. When you do, I'll send you a gift with 7 Parenting Tips for Encouraging Respectful Behavior.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Two more things:

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids

Pick up my new Kindle e-book, Is Your Child Disrespectful – How Successful Parents Encourage Respect at: http://amzn.to/hdG7UQ 


Respect ~ Interview with a Tween: How Do Kids Know Their Parents Respect Them?

Kids get a sense of when parents respect them. They know by their parents' words and actions too.

Have you ever wondered what your child might say, if your child was asked, "How do kids know their parents respect them? 

I asked 12-year-old Dani. She offered 6 ways a child would know. She also offered 4 ways respected kids would treat others. Read her answers below.

How Do Children Know Their Parents Respect Them?

1.  Parents would be kind.

2.  They wouldn't yell. They'd speak in a respectful voice.

3.  They would take time to understand their kids.

4.  They would listen to their kids.

5.  They would compliment their kids.

6.  They would hug and kiss their kids.

How Would Respected Kids Respect Their Parents and Others?

1.  The respected kids would be polite.

2.  They'd do nice things for their parents.

3.  They'd show other kids they are important too.

4.  They'd be respectful to others even if they didn't like them.

Conclusion ~ How Do Kids Know Their Parents Respect Them?

I came away with respect for Dani. As a tween, it was easy to see she had her own thoughts and they were good.

Not all tweens have great parents. It's harder for them to be polite and respectful when they're treated with disrespect. Yet, Dani's list isn't hard for parents to follow. It just takes remembering and practice.

What about you? What do you think? Please comment in the comment link below. When you do, I'll send you a gift with 7 Parenting Tips for Encouraging Respectful Behavior.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Two more things:

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids

Pick up my new Kindle e-book, Is Your Child Disrespectful – How Successful Parents Encourage Respect at: http://amzn.to/hdG7UQ


Teaching Kids Self-Respect ~ 3 Essential Truths Parents Need to Know

"For teaching kids self-respect, what do parents need to know?"

I asked my friend, Sharon Pahlka. Sharon, a social worker and life coach at http://www.LifeIsaGift.com Sharon gave me 3 powerful answers.

"You matter," she answered.

1. What do you mean?

Sharon's spiritual answer was, "God holds each of us in high esteem. We are made in His image. Children need to know that for self-respect. It's easier to love and respect yourself when 'Somebody' loves you."

2."What can parents do to make their kids feel loved?"

"Take time for each child. When parents don't take time for their children, it makes it difficult for those kids to feel valued and respected. They don't feel worth their parents' time."

Sharon revealed she grew up in a single parent home where alcohol was involved. She felt alone except for Sister Ruth who let her clean her chalk boards after school. Sharon felt loved and knew she mattered to Sister Ruth. Sharon was 10-years-old. She also spent time sitting alone in Church. She felt loved there too. This became the core of her own self-respect.

3. What are some specific ways parents can help children feel loved and respected?

"Parents would say, 'I love you' often and with meaning. They would sit down with kids and explain things. They'd  talk about treating others well because we are all valuable. They'd play games with their kids and laugh a lot."

Sharon believes kids would be less likely to be talked into doing things that are wrong, if they had a healthy self-respect.

One thing Sharon is proud of, she has 8 grandchildren. Her son and his wife adopted them all and have dedicated their lives to raising them in a loving home.
 
So What Are the 3 Essential Truths Parents Need for Teaching Kids Self-Respect?
 
1. To make sure their kids know they matter.
2. To give their time to their children.
3. To say "I Iove you," often, play and laugh a lot.

In spite of Sharon's difficult background, she is one of the most positive and funny people I know. She has the special gift for making people feel great.  I left Sharon feeling I had been in the presence of a wise, loving, and spirtual person.

What about you? What do you think? Please comment in the comment link below. When you do, I'll send you a gift with 7 Parenting Tips for Encouraging Respectful Behavior.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Two more things:

Join our Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids

Pick up my new Kindle e-book, Is Your Child Disrespectful – How Successful Parents Encourage Respect at: http://amzn.to/hdG7UQ 


Respect ~ Find Out The Number One Method Parents Use for Teaching Kids Esteem

If you'd like to know the best way to teach your kids respect, keep reading. I asked parenting experts, "How do you teach kids respect?" Below you'll find 3 typical answers that build respect and character.

How Do You Teach Kids to Respect Themselves and Others?

1. Sheila Sudlow from http://cheekychumsonline.co.uk  advises parents - "Lead by example, if you swear as a parent then your kids will too. You'll create a negative influence. Instead show them kindness, love, and respect. Listen to your child." Sheila is an early years child specialist.

2. Priya Florence Shah from http://www.lovingyourchild.com says, "Model respect. When you respect yourself and let your children see that, they feel free to do the same for themselves."

3. Deirdre Morris, a spiritual pregnancy success coach at http://magicalbeginningsforbaby.com says, "Model self-respect so your child can grow up with a sense of self-worth and permission to honor herself."

Many Experts Chose MODELING As the Number One Method for Teaching Kids Respect and Character

You might say, "That's obvious." Yet consider the number of parents who still swear, yell, or put-down their kids. How will their children learn to respect themselves and others if their parents disrespect them? How will they develop a strong healthy character?

Experts Sheila, Priya, and Deirdre know that parents who MODEL esteem toward their children give them the gift of self-worth. This is the best way to teach kids respect.

What about you? What Do You Think about Teaching Respect?

Please comment in the comment link below. When you do, I'll send you a gift with 7 Parenting Tips for Encouraging Respectful Behavior.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Two More Things:

Join our Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids

Pick up my new Kindle e-book, Is Your Child Disrespectful – How Successful Parents Encourage Respect at: http://amzn.to/hdG7UQ


Respect ~ How Successful Parents Teach Kids about Positive, Personal, Power

Respect makes sense when both parents and kids tap into their positive, personal, power. As the parent, you are the guide, the leader, and the counselor for your children. Your kids need you to be the parent. Does this mean your kids are play dough to be shaped like putty in your hands?

My friend, Marilyn Wiltz, a master educator for new teachers and a former principal, sat down for an interview.

What Is Respect, Marilyn?

Respect is when both the parent and the child honor their own and each other's positive, personal, power. In school, we call that P to the 3rd power.

What Do You mean?

We Teach Kids and Parents to Think in Terms of These 3 Positive, Personal, Powerful Rules:

1. I control my own behavior, not yours.
2. I have the power to model good behavior.
3. I hope my my good behavior influences your behavior.

What Do They Have To Do with Respect?

When parents live by these 3 rules, they avoid threats, lectures, and arguments. There is no force. The parents respect the child.

How Does This Work?

When parents use threats and lots of reminders they lose.  These tactics don't work and the parents lose their children's respect. 

I remember years ago, when I was a teacher, telling my students, I only give directions once. They listened. Is that what you mean?

Yes, parents must start with their own kids. They must emphasize the good things about their children. Kids need to see their own positive, personal power. Parents must encourage them to try what they might not have tried without the encouragement.

Would, "I like how you went to your room and did your homework?" be an example?

Yes, that's much better than saying, "I'm tired of telling you to do your homework."

How Does Positive Personal Power Work for Kids?

When kids have been treated with respect, they treat others with respect. They know they can control their own behavior. They model good behavior and other kids feel their positive influence.

So guidance from parents is respectful. And respected kids treat others like they've been treated.

Yes, it's the Golden Rule. Kids aren't manipulated like play dough. They learn to control themselves and learn to encourage others too.

When I left Marilyn, I felt like she had handed me a treasure. I like thinking about respect as the 3 P's of positive, personal, power. I liked her 3 Rules too.

What about you? Please comment in the comment link below. When you do, I'll send you a gift with 7 Parenting Tips for Encouraging Respectful Behavior.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

One more thing:

Join our Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids