Today Gerry Hughes, our guest blogger, shares how active listening is an important social skill and how kids can achieve it.

Gerry Hughes  Director, Neuro-Linguistic Learning Center ~ Sacramento, California Area

"We actually combine a very important classroom skill with an important social skill we call Active or Visual Listening.

This skill enables the student/person to 'turn off' their inner voice and listen with 100% focus to what the OTHER person is saying. "Aside from raising grades, good listening also makes you a good friend."

ps: and as I've told my older boys (now 17), the one thing most women want from men more than anything else is to know we're actually listening to them. Active Listening will make you very popular with the ladies. ;-)

pps: Something I've also learned in my old age is I can either be right or I can be happy. Today, I choose happy."

You can contact Gerry at http://www.swish4fish.com/index_files/Parent_Training.html 

Active Listening is an important social skill because it gives the other person the attention they thirst for. Giving people the gifts of listening and attention attract them to us.

Parents, it is natural to formulate what we want to say next when we need to be listening. This gets in the way of giving our full attention to the speaker.

As parents, let's advise our kids to make a mental decision to turn off their "inner voice" and truly listen. The speaker will feel valued and your children will become more popular with the other person.

How do you teach kids to listen?

Please comment in the comment link below.  Don't forget to add your email so I can send you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and the friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

 With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS  

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When Kids Don't Know How to Apologize, They Lack an Essential Social Skill 

"I won't apologize to grandpa," yelled Connor."You can't make me."

"Why are you so stubborn?" yelled his mom.

Conner had just pointed to his grandfather and said,

"You don't know anything 'cuz' you're so old!"

His grandfather's ashen face and drooping eyes told Connor he had gone to far. Grandfather had left the room.

Now Connor's mother bugged him to apologize. But Connor wouldn't budge. He didn't know how to apologize. He didn't know how easy it is to learn the Apology Formula.

The Key to Apologizing

Imagine a key ring with a large silver key. "Apologize" is engraved on that key.

Learning to apologize can be the silver key to reopen doors to relationships with relatives, friends, and future colleagues when we've hurt them. All kids need to apologize sometime. Read on to find out how to teach your kids this important social skill.

How to Teach the Apology Formula for Kids:

You'll need:

1. A stack of 3" by 5" blank cards

2. The victim's name

3. The word "I"

4. The specific negative behavior

5. What the offender promises to do to change

What Connor dictated to his mom for his card:

Grandpa, I'm sorry for saying, "You don't know anything 'cuz' you're so old. I promise to talk to you with respect from now on."

Ask your kids to name the parts from the above 2-5 numbers in the following examples:

1. Mom, I'm sorry for hitting Lily. I promise to walk away next time she teases me.

2. Miss Smith (teacher), I'm sorry for not doing my homework. Next time I promise to do it before I play.

3. Victoria, I'm sorry for telling our class you flunked your test. I promise to say nice things about you from now on.

4. Ryan, I'm sorry for tipping your bike over. I promise to be more careful.

5. Dad, I'm sorry for scraping your car. I promise to work it off with the tasks you give me.

Listen. You'll need to make sure your kids are sincere. Tell them to mean what they say and to shake hands if the victim is willing.

Your Action Step for Teaching Kids Too Stubborn to Apologize:

1. At a family meeting ask them to think about something they regret doing and the family member they would like to apologize to.

2. Give each member a blank card to write their apology using the 5 part formula.

3. Have each person role-play their apology.

4. End each apology by shaking hands.

5. Remind them to use the Apology Formula whenever they need it.

Remember, you are giving them the silver key to repairing relationships now and in the future. You're building character too.

Let me know how it works for your family by commenting in the comment link below.

Please comment in the comment link below.  Don't forget to add your email so I can send you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and the friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

 With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS  

Pick up 50 social skills to role play with your children at: 

Social Skills Kit for Kids

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com  and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids

Do you have trouble teaching the social skills of tolerance, forgiveness, and compassion. Our parenting guest, Deborah Fabos learned some important lessons to share with us.

Deborah Fabos ~ Experienced and Individualized Care and Education Provider in Home ~ Greater Los Angeles Area

Tolerance, forgiveness, and compassion

"I find it interesting that sometimes we expect others to show these toward us yet we can be quick to judge another's action, become irritable, and unkind in our interactions.

I worked with these 3 virtues in teaching life skills to my boys. It's a wonderful discovery to see my 3 1/2 year old grandson naturally fostering these qualities and all I have to do is to encourage him to continue.

My son (27 suffering from Schizophrenia) has had much in his life that he suffered from, but it's a blessing to see him become forgiving and learning to better regulate his emotions.

Self Check-Ins help us to know how we are feeling and seem to go hand-in-hand with tolerance, forgiveness, and compassion skills.

I think it goes back to how YOU feel. If you feel good about yourself you will act better toward others. If you aren't feeling good then it's time to look within and NOT react to others around you. For us, it's been a good place to start and a good process to execute!"

Connect with Deborah at http://familyfabos.blogspot.com/  

I like Deborah's approach to teaching tolerance, forgiveness, and compassion. Using Self Check-Ins to see how you feel about yourself before you speak seems quite wise.

If you don't feel good about yourself don't open your mouth and say things you may regret. If you do feel good about yourself, it's easier to treat others with tolerance, forgiveness, and compassion.

How do you like the idea of Self Check-Ins?

Please comment in the comment link below.  Don't forget to add your email so I can send you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and the friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

 With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS  

Pick up 50 social skills to role play with your children at: 

Social Skills Kit for Kids

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com  and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids

"Thank-you" - The Essential Social Skill All Kids Need

"Give me more candy," begged Hannah.

"No, Hannah. You didn't say the magic words when I gave you the last piece," answered her mother.

"I want candy!" shouted Hannah.

"Hannah,"I won't listen until you can say the magic words."

Hannah knew how to say thank-you but refused.

Children who don't say, thank-you lack an essential social skill. People note when kids don't say it and are less likely to give them anything. No one wants to be taken for granted.

"Thank-you" is the recipe that opens hearts because it tells the giver he's appreciated.

How to Teach the "Thank-You Recipe" and Build Character

1. Write out this script and post it to the refrigerator.

Name + Thank-you + I like it because...

2. Pretend objects in the room are gifts. Hand one to your child. With each object tell your child you are someone she knows. Have her take the object and use the formula like this:

1. Hand your child a pillow. Pretend you are Aunt Helen.

"Aunt Helen, thank-you for this pillow. I like it because it's my favorite color and it will look great on my bed."

2. Hand your child a stuffed animal. Pretend you are Grandma.

"Grandma, thank-you for this teddy bear. I like him because he's so cute and soft."

3. Hand your child a book. Pretend you are a friend's mom.

"Mrs. White, thank-you for this Harry Potter book. I like how magical and scary his stories are."

Teach Your Child To Be Honest

Here's the hard part. How do you teach your child to be honest when he doesn't like the gift? Teach him to find something he likes about the gift like, color, size, or something else.

Maybe your child read all the Harry Potter books. Saying "I like how magical and scary his stories are," is still true.

Practice by giving her some old worn out toys for gifts. Ask her to pick out at least one thing she likes about each toy. Now she'll be ready for future gifts she doesn't care for.

Encourage your child find ways to be thankful everyday. You'll be building character by teaching her this essential social skill for life.

Your child won't be taking people for granted because you taught her to be grateful. The "Thank-You Recipe" opens hearts.

How do you teach kids to say thank-you?

Please comment in the comment link below. Don't forget to add your email so I can send you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and the friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Pick up 50 social skills to role play with your children at:

Social Skills Kit for Kids

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids

Social skills include the 4 pillars of respect, honesty, gentleness, and patience says our expert mother and author. Keep reading to find out her mistakes and solutions.

Tara Kennedy-Kline ~ Author of Stop Raising Einstein

We hold 4 pillar principles in our home:

1. We are respectful
2. We are honest
3. We are gentle
4. We are patient

The reason for the 4 pillars is simply that when my children were small and I was on a mission to be the 'perfect parent' (which I have since found would be similar to a mission to be Barbie)

I created rules for everything and those rules were to be followed to the letter. One day when I was feeling completely overwhelmed and frustrated, I realized that my frustration was based on the fact that all I did with my children was enforce rules!

I felt like I was constantly scolding them or correcting them and saying "my rules":

1. We don't yell at our brother.

2. We don't say things like that.

3. We don't make a mess at the table.

4. We don't throw our paper on the floor.

5. We don't leave our toys lay around.

6. We don't, we don't, we don't...

The epiphany was, "My children weren't setting out to disobey me. I simply had too many rules."

Our 4 pillars are the unbreakable principles of our family

They are the virtues that we will model & enforce because these are the lessons we want our children to carry with them for life.

Other mistakes, messes and "life" will happen and we will choose whether they are something to correct, laugh at or learn from (in some cases all apply) but with our pillars are our foundation.

We can pick our battles and if we as parents choose to engage in one, our children are clear on what line they have crossed to get us there."

Connect with Tara at http://www.multilevelmom.com/

I appreciate Tara's honesty in sharing her mistakes and solutions. The 4 Pillars of respect, honesty, gentleness, and patience can build character in any home. They are virtues and social skills worth striving for.

Which social skills do you teach your kids?

Please comment in the comment link below.  Don't forget to add your email so I can send you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and the friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

 With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS  

Pick up 50 social skills to role play with your children at: 

Social Skills Kit for Kids

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com  and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids

Besides the obvious safety reason there can be a wide variety of reasons to allowing kids to have a cell phone in school. Below you will find a list as to why it may be beneficial to allow kids to have a cell phone in school.

1. Parental contact. The amount of time it takes to reach a parent during an emergency can be significantly reduced if the child has a cell phone. Finding “Mom” or “Dad” listed on their contact list and making the call from the site of the emergency would be much quicker than having to notify the teacher or office and having them look the information up in their system.
2. School closures. If there is a weather related emergency, and the school needs to close ,it would be a lot less hassle for the school, if the students could contact their parents themselves. It would be much faster than standing in line at a school phone or the secretary having to make calls or activate a calling tree.
3. Scheduling. Most phones now have calendar options on them. This is an easy way for students to keep track of their assignments and upcoming tests. Since teenagers are never very far from their phones it would be easier for them to manage their work electronically, than trying to keep track on a piece of paper that could get lost or damaged.
4. Research. Keeping students from surfing the web during class time could easily be managed by having a policy that they are turned off. This being said the internet on cell phones can be a useful tool for research on different projects.
5. Reduced workload for secretarial staff. Parents can send messages in regards to being late or reminder for appointments via text message or voicemail to their children and thus eliminate or reduce the amount of messages being passed to students by the office.
6. Emergencies. If there is an emergency at school that would require calling the police, fire or ambulance services the response time is much shorter for an observing student to use their cell phone rather than finding one at the school.
7. Note taking. If a student is slow in taking notes from the board or projector they can use their in camera phone feature to take a picture of the notes, they didn’t catch, so as not to miss anything.
8. Keeping tabs. Every parent’s worst nightmare is not knowing where your child is. Many cell phone providers now offer a tracking option that will allow you to locate where your child is (or the nearest cell phone tower). This way if the school calls and says your child is absent, and you cannot reach them, you are able to track them down to make sure they are safe.
9. Forget something? Whether it is their lunch, soccer gear or homework assignment, we all know that kids will be kids and that forgetfulness is a part of human nature. Allowing kids to have a cell phone at school will make contacting parents much easier with a quick call or text during a break rather than having to get permission to go to the office to make a call that could take much longer if there is already a line waiting.
10. Peace of mind. Knowing that you are able to reach your child at a moment’s notice will give any parent the peace of mind they need in order to send them out of the nest. After 9/11 we all tend to be more cautious and protective with our families and this is just another way to have that reassurance.

For those of us beyond age 30, we all remember life without a cell phone. Long lines at a pay phone, stress during emergencies on whether you can get to a phone in time and the pads of sticky notes getting lost where we wrote down our, much needed, information. Cell phones can be a distraction if left on during class but after reading the information listed above I hope to give you some insight into why a cell phone in school is not such a bad idea after all.

This article was written by the admin at Wireless of Internet Reviews.

What do you think? Feel free to agree or disagree or tell us the disadvantages for allowing kids to have cell phones in schools. If you're a teacher, what is your opinion?

If you make mistakes and want solutions when your kids fight, keep reading.

Researchers Report:

Researchers tell us that 36 million acts of sibling rivalry occur every year. Some are severe. Most are normal. When your kids fight, they want you in the middle. They want you to be the judge. They each want you to take their side. I remember my own mother’s reaction.

A Personal Story:

When I was a kid, my brother and I fought constantly. We kicked, we teased, we shoved, we called each other names, and we rolled over and over on the ground punching each other as hard as we could.

Many fights started in our backyard. In my excitement to win the fights, my yelling grew so loud that the whole neighborhood knew we were slugging it out again.

My, mother, a rather shy person, would throw up a back room window and yell, “Jeanie, shut up!” The whole neighborhood heard her.

Her shouts embarrassed me and hurt my feelings but they didn’t stop me. My brother and I fought like that almost every day. And almost everyday mom would shout the same command.

My mother later confided, “I was sure you two would kill each other.”

Looking back, I can’t remember what we fought about. I can remember my mother’s words and I regret what I put her through.

When your kids fight and you step in the middle, what will your kids remember? Here's some advice:

5 Parenting Mistakes to Avoid When Your Kids Fight:

1. Letting them duke it out

2. Yelling

3. Swearing

4. Lecturing

5. Hitting

Knowing what to do in the heat of the moment isn’t easy. What is easy, is letting your own anger explode. If you do, what are you really teaching your kids?

5 Parenting Solutions When Your Kids Fight:

1. Talk the situation over with your partner.

2. Come up with a logical plan for handling future fights.

3. Tell your kids (when they’re not fighting) what will happen the next time they fight.

4. Determine to respond with your reason and not your emotion.

5. Follow through with the plan.

If you react to your kid’s fighting the way my mother did, you can change.

Your Action Step ~ Answer These 3 Questions:

1. Will my children remember my reactions?

2. Am I  teaching them what I want them to learn?

3. What do I want to teach them?

Conclusion for When Your Kids Fight:

Avoid mistakes you hope your kids will forget. Create solutions that build character.

If you're looking for specific ways to help your fighters solve their own problems consider my Problem Solver Kit  I have to warn you though, my boys didn't like it. That's why they rarely fought.

Do your kids fight and what do you do?

Please comment in the comment link below. Don't forget to add your email so I can separately email you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and the friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

 With warm wishes,

 Jean Tracy, MSS  website at: http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

Another Gift:

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Games like 20 Questions can lead to great family conversations says our guest blogger, Catherine Mason, a Wellness Consultant. Here's Catherine's advice.

Catherine Mason

"Another "fun" way to initiate meaningful family discussions is with games. 20 Questions is a favorite in our household and it always seems to spur dialogue about definitions, preferences, expectations, assumptions and much more.

One of our rules is that every participant must be able to successfully guess the answer, which makes the game challenging yet age appropriate. And a great learning experience for everyone!"

Thank you, Catherine, many of us love family games. "20 Questions" enlivens dinners, car trips, family nights and more. You don't need paper, pencils, or board games.

You can connect with Catherine at http://www.mydietribe.com/

How to Play the Game "20 Questions:"

Goal: Try to answer the questioner with 20 questions or less.

The Questioner can start by asking, "Can you guess what I'm thinking of?"

4 Rules:

1.Participants must only ask questions that require a yes or no.

2. The questioner in charge must only answer yes, no, I don't know, or I can't answer that.

3. Members listen to the answers and build on what they hear.

4. The Questioner starts by asking: "Can you guess what I'm thinking of?"

Examples of Beginning Questions from the Members:

The first question from the members can be "Is it Animal, Vegetable, or Mineral? The questioner can answer that one.

Then the participants can ask questions like the following that can only be answered with yes or no:

Is it red?
Is it bigger than a house?
Is is round?
Have I ever seen one?
Is it found in water?

Members each take a turn to ask the questioner with a question of their own. The members keep taking turns until they've reached 20 questions.

If the participants don't get the answer with 20 questions or less, the questioner can tell them what it was and take another turn.

Who ever gets it right can start a new round with, "Can you guess what I'm thinking of?"

And the game goes on.

One more thing: If your family is having fun, you're doing it right.

What Ideas do you have about conversations with kids?

Please comment in the comment link below. Don't forget to add your email so I can separately email you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

 With warm wishes,

 Jean Tracy, MSS  website at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

Another Gift:

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com  and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids

Family Conversations can reveal secrets if you're willing to have an 'Amnesty Evening.' Jeanette Kasper, a Conflict Expert, will share how her "Amnesty Evening" was created.

Jeanette Kasper

"When the kids were young at dinner we would ask each person:

1. What was the best thing about your day?

2. What was the worst thing about your day?'

Each person got to talk until he/she was done. We always encouraged discussion.

My kids are 23, 19 and 16 now and discussions simply flow. We had an interesting discussion at my birthday dinner.

My oldest was relating all of his exploits and I asked the younger ones about their exploits.

They were reluctant to share until the oldest suggested we declare 'Amnesty Evening' -- nobody could get into trouble for sharing anything during the evening. I learned a lot about my kids and we had some great discussions.

Creating and encouraging discussions when they are young, giving them the time and respect to talk about themselves and their days, and as they grow, they continue to share and discuss."

Connect with Jeanette at http://angerisnotanemotion.com/ 

Thank you, Jeanette.

'Anmesty Evening' invites parents to know what happened in the past or what's happening now. We've had similar revelations at our Sunday breakfasts. My kids loved sharing how they fooled their dad and me like riding bikes down a long steep hill without hands. They were kids then.

I learned that they could fool me even when I thought things were fine. Hopefully, lots of parents will have an 'Amnesty Free' Conversation with their children. Who knows what they'll learn.

Jeanette, you also made a great point about sharing and discussing when kids are young. As they grow up, they continue sharing and discussing. What a gift to teach our kids.

What Ideas do you have about conversations with kids?

Please comment in the comment link below. Don't forget to add your email so I can separately email you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

 With warm wishes,

 Jean Tracy, MSS  website at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

One More Thing:

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Connecting with kids at dinner creates a family bond that's hard to beat. Today we have two experts who discovered how to have great conversations with their kids. Let's hear their parenting tips.

Linda Appleman Shapiro, a psychotherapist for over 25 years

"For starters, conversations depend on the age of your children. However, in general, I think that family dinners are very important times to share one's thoughts, feelings and experiences - and what better time than at dinner for parents to model the importance of communicating.

One of the best strategies I've found over the years (and I'm now a grandmother as well as a mother) is to open up conversation by sharing something about MY day. It's amazing how much easier it makes it for kids to open up once you've opened the door by doing so yourself.

And, I suppose, the kindest way to respond to whatever is shared in return is to meet the child where the child's at without lecturing, without judgment. Just use good, old-fashioned unconditional love and advice when asked for it."

Thank you, Linda.

Linda's  Parenting Tips for You Includes:

• Modeling good communication.
• Sharing parent's day first to encourage kids to share their day next
  
• Starting the conversation according to our kids' age levels.
• Avoiding judgmental talk and lectures with what kids share.
• Giving unconditional love.

To connect with Linda go to http://www.applemanshapiro.com/

Founder and Owner of Masterful Kids.

"I think that is so important to have interesting topics to talk with children about over a meal. I am a parent of three, and have found that asking about a child's particular passion helps.

My son loves history and is a member of the National U.N. in 10th grade. He loves when I ask him about this club and the topics they discuss.  Ask children what they learned in school."

Thank you, Robin.

Robin's parenting tips for you includes:

• Create interesting topics to discuss.
• Talk about children's passions and interests.
• Discuss what your kids learned in school.
  

To contact Robin click on http://www.masterfulkids.com  

 What Ideas do you have about dinner conversations with kids?

Please comment in the comment link below. Don't forget to add your email so I can separately email you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

 With warm wishes,

 Jean Tracy, MSS  website at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

One More Thing:

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com  and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids