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Divorce : 3 Top Solutions for Helping Your Children Through the Holidays

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Divorce is Tough on Kids. Avoid This Image

Helping Children Through the Holidays After the Divorce, writting by our divorce expert, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, will help you with her 3 top solutions. Let's find out her parenting advice.

"When Mom and Dad divorce their children are faced with many life changes. As loving and concerned parents we try to minimize the pain and reduce the chaos brought about by new routines and schedules. We also try to focus on making this new chapter in life as positive and supportive as possible for everyone in the family.

One of the toughest transitions for children is often coping with the first holiday season. Our challenge as parents is to create new traditions and activities that can replace the memories of family holidays in the past. Here are some suggestions on how to help your children through the holiday season in the best possible spirits.

1. Show compassion:

Talk to your children about the holidays. Listen, rather than lecture, and let them vent about their feelings, regrets and frustrations.  Acknowledge what they are expressing to you and be understanding. Be aware that some children will hold their feelings in so as not to protect you. Reassure them that it’s okay to talk about their sadness as well as apprehension about what they will experience this year.

Remind your children that what they are feeling is natural and normal. Be there for them with reassurance and hugs. Also let them know that some activities will still be part of their holiday celebrations so they understand that much of life continues in the same way, despite divorce.

2. Model Responsible Behavior With Your Ex:

Studies show that children whose divorced parents get along with one another adapt much easier to the divorce.  So talk to your ex about giving your children a happy holiday season in every possible way. If you can both spend some family time together with the children, without discord, they will appreciate your efforts.  If you can’t, at least strive to make the drop-off experience peaceful and harmonious.  Never bad-mouth your ex to the children, make them your messenger or have them spy for you at their other parent’s home. Model your best, most respectful and mature interactions with your ex in front of your children so they can enjoy their childhood, especially at this time of year.

3. Start Creating Wonderful New Memories:

This year will lay the foundation for years to come. So think about new ways to celebrate, new places to visit, new foods to prepare. By creating a fresh set of traditions you will give your children something to look forward to. By replacing old memories with the new, you can make the holidays special again for them. And if they do the same in their other parent’s home, they can enjoy an even fuller experience of celebrating the holidays.

By acknowledging your children’s feelings with compassion while offering them new options for keeping the holidays special, you are giving your children an important gift: the love and support they need to overcome the challenges of being a child of divorce."

*****

Family Conversations Rosalind Sedacca
Let's give Rosalind our heartfelt THANKS for her wise advice and 3 Solutions.

Please connect with Rosalind Sedacca, CCT. She is founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!

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For Rosalind’s free ebook on:

Post-Divorce Parenting: Success Strategies for Getting It Right, plus Rosalind's free ezine and other resources for parents, visit  http://www.childcentereddivorce.com

 *****

What are your opinions about this blog or your suggestions for helping your kids get through the holidays? Please answer in the comment link below. Tweet us too.

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Newsletter at http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/ and receive 80 fun activities to play with your kids.

 


How Positive Attitudes Build Character and Optimism in Kids

Kids Need Friends)

Building Character with Optimistic Attitudes 

If you ever think raising children with positive attitudes is too hard, listen to our parenting expert, Cindy Rzasa-Bess, Ph.D., she knows a lot about attitudes and kids.

The way you as an adult act or role model, the attitudes you have, can directly influence a child’s behavior and his/her sense of self.

There are already a large number of “isms” in our vocabulary, but we need to add one more that is very much needed in today’s world: POSITIVISM.

Positivism is the process by which we willingly choose to see our world differently, optimistically, and strive to adopt a framework that stresses good heartedness, an upbeat outlook and positive regard for those in our company and care.

This, in turn, will support changes in our thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, approaches and actions so as to fit our new worldview. Although it sounds grandiose, there is much theory that supports this process and much success associated with it. All it takes is a willingness to try and a chance to make it come true.

By realizing that our attitudes have power, we can alter our experiences and have a better time when with our children. If we have a positive attitude, we make a certain kind of choice consistently.

If we have a negative view, we act in entirely different ways. We may refrain from doing things or involving ourselves with others because we have poor expectations about the outcome.

Optimism makes the daily work seem easier and the load life hands us seem lighter. Pessimism creates a feeling of indifference, disinterest or outright disgust. In order to cope well with the tasks and trials you encounter, it is better to opt for optimism.

Parents Are Role Models

Our job is to capture a child’s interest in learning and encourage his/her efforts as they embark on new discoveries. By casting things in a positive light, they increase the chances for success in a child’s life.

During early childhood, each child strives to be independent and self-expressed. A positive home environment accepts each child and his/her point of view. It also encourages the child to try new things and it respects his/her efforts throughout the process. The child’s efforts should be supported and they should be routinely be given the freedom to do new things without adult intervention. The joy of learning and living lies in the process of exploration and discovery.

Each child’s experience should be monitored with gentleness. During the early childhood years, each child could be taught to value him/herself and his/her own work and accomplishments. A positive environment enables a child to have a better sense of self.

*****

Let's give a big CHEER to Dr. Cindy for her wisdom. We appreciate your great input.

Family Conversations Cindy Rzsas Best

Cindy Rzasa-Bess Ph.D.

You may connect with Dr. Cindy at http://www.thebesschoice.com/

*****

Bonus Article: This Family Conversation Builds Character in Kids

http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/feature_article.asp?fa_id=124

What are your opinions about this blog or your suggestions for helping your kids become optimistic? Please answer in the comment link below. Tweet us too.

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

 Sign up for my Newsletter at http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/ and receive 80 fun activities to play with your kids.

 


10 Strategies for Building Character and Raising Optimistic Kids

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10 Strategies for Building Character and Optimism

Building character and raising optimistic kids makes sense when you know how. Our parenting expert blogger, Debra Scott, M.A., is a Homestudy Provider at Adoption Consultants of WA. Her 10 strategies will give us the help we need.

"1.Role modeling, as always, is number one. When children hear you saying positive things, it is more likely that they will see the positive in things.

2.Before going to sleep (this refers to younger children), talk about their day...whether the things that went on were positive or negative. This is an opportunity to point out the good things that happened and show genuine interest in how their day went.

3. For older children (teens) who talk less about their days (in general), be sure to find a moment during the day or evening to connect with your teen even if it's to tell them that they look very nice, you appreciate that they called when they arrived at their friend's house and remind them how much they are loved. Keep it positive (although, personally, I know that this one is a challenge for many parents of teens ;)

4. John Gottman, author of many books on relationships, children's emotional health and founder of the Love Lab, has sage advice; a Positive-to-Negative Ratio of 5-1 will typically create a healthier relationship. In other words, for every negative, it is in our best interest to come up with five positives. Challenging? Indeed.

5. Catch your children doing something right :) While they are sitting there playing alone or with a friend, a small tap or a hug on how well they're getting along and a "great job on sharing."

6. Instead of continuously telling children what they should NOT do; be specific about what it is that you'd like them to do. "Clean the kitchen," is too huge and is almost a set up for failure. "Clean your room," can be a set up for failure as well.

"Please pick up all of your toys, but them in the proper bins and let me know when you're finished." Check on the child to make sure they are doing their job, they might need the instructions again. If you want positive results, it's in your best interest to be as clear as possible about what you expect.

7. After a job well done, be as specific as you can about what was done well. "Wow Timmy, the blocks are in the block box, your trucks are in your closet and all of your crayons are picked up. Fantastic job!"

8. Notice that there are no "I love the way you put the crayons in the box"? There is a reason. This is about doing a good job; it is not about how you FEEL about it. Keep it business-like instead of adding your feelings and/or emotions. And keep it as positive as possible even if the child did not do a perfect job.

9. On the other hand, don't sugar coat it if the child did a poor job. She or he might need more assistance or more direct instructions. One more suggestion regarding kids cleaning up/helping/doing chores; on occasion, it is nice to suggest that the two of you sit down and read a book or play a game. Quality time with a child is a wonderful reward. I personally like to keep food out of the equation of rewards and that could be a whole other conversation :)

10. One last suggestion and this is one of my pet peeves. Honestly, I hear this all of the time when parents interact with children. "Put your toys away, okay?" or "We're leaving in five minutes, okay?" I try to explain to parents that it's okay to put a period after the request. And please don't ask "OKAY?" Honesty, this gives your child a perfect opportunity to say "NO!" It's a set up where you're actually giving your child a choice and honestly, it can be confusing to a child.

They might be thinking, "hmmm, she said I need to clean up but she asked if that's okay, I don't want to clean my room so I'll say no." If the reason you use the word "okay" is to make sure that your child heard you, then use this statement, "The toys need to be picked up from the floor before we leave. Sarah, I'm wondering if you heard me?" "Tommy, brush your teeth and I'll meet you in your bedroom. Did you hear me?" Okay, vent over. Don't give your children permission to say no."

*****

Family Conversations Debra Scott, MA
Debra Scott

Let's give Debra a big THANK YOU for her well thought out strategies. Try the ones you don't practice for 21 days, the time it takes to build a habit. Enjoy the results.

You may connect with Debra Scott at:

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/debra-scott-m-a/1/998/a3a

*****

Bonus Article: 9 Parenting Tips for Building Character in Children

http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/feature_article.asp?fa_id=80 

What are your opinions about this blog or your suggestions for helping your kids become optimistic? Please answer in the comment link below.

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

 

Sign up for my Newsletter at http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/

You’ll receive 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids


How Parents Build Character and Optimism in Kids with 25 Love Notes

Love Note kd009_icon
Building character and optimism in children is fun and easy with our expert parent and author's advice.Tara Kennedy-Kline uses this method with her clients and you can too.

The Love Note Method ~ 25 Things I Love about You:

"This is by far, my favorite! One of my clients was having a particularly difficult time with her teen aged daughter. The girl was angry, defiant and well..."teenish".

I suggested that the mom make a list of 25 things she loves, admires or respects about her daughter, then cut the sentiments into separate strips of paper and put them in a small box. The girl was asked to read just one sentiment a day.

Several weeks later, the mother was doing laundry and found that the daughter had some of these papers in her pocket...she was reading them in the morning and then carrying them with her throughout her day as a reminder of just one more thing that made her "loveable."

It only took a few weeks and a couple of heartfelt statements of unconditional love to open up a new line of respectful communication between a mom and her daughter. I have done this same exercise with my children and my husband.

I have even had some of my clients make a similar list of 25 things I respect, admire or appreciate about bosses, co-workers and even BULLIES who are giving them a hard time. When we look for the good in others, it often softens our opinion of them...and just the act of losing "the hard edge" can turn the tables on anger, resentment and negativity.

Finally, as has been stated so many times before, if we are to expect optimism, acceptance and gratitude from our children...we must first be the model of those things as parents.

*****

Let's give Tara a big Thank You for this fun and easy way to build character and turn negative attitudes around with love notes.

Blog Optimistic Tara Kennedy-Kline

 

Read Tara's complete book from which she shared these techniques. It's full of golden nuggets for raising your kids.

Stop Raising Einstein: Discover The Unique Brilliance in Your Child...and You

  Blog Optimistic Stop Raising Einstein

Tara Kennedy-Kline is also founder of Linkedin's Rebuild the Village.   

  Connect with Tara at:
http://www.multilevelmom.com/


What are your opinions about this blog or your suggestions for helping your kids become optimistic? Please answer in the comment link below.

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To follow up with Tara's fine ideas, pick up the Parent Affirmations Kit. You'll possess 75 love notes to motivate your kids and you'll be building character when you put one in a pocket, under a dinner plate or on a pillow.

Cover Parent Affirmations Kit kd009_thumbnail

http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/parent_resource_center.asp?pr_id=kd009

 

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

 

Sign up for my Newsletter at http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/

You’ll receive 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids

 

Write on my Facebook Wall at

http://www.facebook.com/KidsDiscuss

and receive:

15 Loving Actions to Share with Your Family


4 Key Parenting Promises for Raising Optimistic Children

 Black Couple Parents


Raising optimistic children won't be difficult if you make 4 key promises to yourself and keep them. Our expert blogger, Dr. Stephen Jones, is Associate Dean of Students in the College of Engineering at Villanova University. He's helped countless teens and university students achieve top grades. Let's hear his advice.

1. Every time my son or daughter shares a good grade I demonstrate my excitement.

2. I look for ways to share positive growth that I am seeing in my child's thinking.

3. I slow down to hear what my child is saying so he/she will know that I will listen to them.

4. I verbally share that I love them and cherish them. It puts a smile on their faces no matter what age.

I like Dr. Jones parenting promises because children want their parents' attention, approval, and appreciation more than anything in the whole wide world. These promises give children what they really want. They motivate kids to think and do their best too.

*****

Blog Optimistic Dr. Stephen Jones

Dr. Stephen Jones

Let's give Dr. Jones a big THANK YOU for sharing such excellent ideas.

You may connect with Dr. Jones at http://www.drstephenjones.blogspot.com

Parents, now it's your turn to share the spotlight.

What are your opinions and suggestions for raising optimistic children? Please answer in the comment link below.

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To follow up with Dr. Jones' fine ideas, pick up the Parents Affirmation Kit. You'll possess 75 love notes to motivate your kids and you'll be keeping all 4 promises everytime you put one in a pocket, under a dinner plate or on a pillow.

Cover Parent Affirmations Kit kd009_thumbnail

http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/parent_resource_center.asp?pr_id=kd009

 

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

 

Sign up for my Newsletter at http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/

You’ll receive 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids

 

Write on my Facebook Wall at

http://www.facebook.com/KidsDiscuss

and receive:

15 Loving Actions to Share with Your Family


3 Parenting Tips: Raising Kids in the Family Soup of Optimism

  Girl with tomato soup
Raising kids with optimism is like being a family chef. What? Our expert blogger today, Ray Erickson, will tell you what he means. Ray is a writer, author, speaker, consultant and psychotherapist. Let's find out his 3 tips.

Model, Be the Chef

1. The most potent of all things parents can do to raise optimistic kids is to be optimistic. I know that sounds like a no brainer, but kids do learn what they live.

Children swim around in this family soup and you are the chef. So use only the most nutritional and fresh ingredients to ensure a really rich and tasty soup.

Give Challenging Opportunities

2. Another way to foster a sense of accomplishment in your children's lives, is by giving them opportunities to challenge themselves. Then permit them to discover their own ways to meet those challenges. They will develop confidence knowing that no matter what happens, they can move beyond it.

Listen, Be Curious

3. Listen with the intent to understand. Do not listen so you can take the next opportunity to put in your two cents worth. Just listen and be curious.

As you listen, acknowledge how they use critical thinking and problem solving skills.

Optimism does not remove the challenges from our lives, but it sure makes it easier to navigate those challenges.

*****

Let's give Ray a big THANK YOU for his important tips on raising kids in the family soup of optimism.

  Blog Optimistic Ray Erickson

Ray is the author of 10 Tips to Tame Your Teens at his website http://www.rayerickson.com

Blog Optimistic book Ten Tips to Tame

You can also connect with Ray at his blog:  http://www.rayerickson.com/blog

 

Parents, now it's your turn to share the spotlight.

What are your opinions or suggestions for helping your kids become optimistic? Please answer in the comment link below.

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To move your children forward with positive thinking, pick up the Dilemma Discussion Kit. The 50 fun discussions with your kids will help them face life's challenges. Your listening ear is key!

Kd010_Dilemma Discussion Kit
http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/parent_resource_center.asp?pr_id=kd010

 

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

 Sign up for my Newsletter at  http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/

You’ll receive 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids

 

Write on my Facebook Wall at

http://www.facebook.com/KidsDiscuss

and receive:

15 Loving Actions to Share with Your Family


Character ~ Building Your Child's Self- Esteem and Optimism with Creative Stories

Family Conversations - Father Reading

Building Character and Self-Esteem with Stories

If you’d like to build self-esteem and mind power in your kids use positive bedtime stories. Kids whose minds focus on positive thinking have better self-concepts.

Sit by your child’s bedside.

Create a big black imaginary balloon to represent negative thoughts.

Create an imaginary magic pin to pop the black balloon.

(Tell your child the pin is for popping negative thoughts now and during the day too.)

Begin by asking your child, “What mind power story should we create tonight?”

Pretend your child, Chris, says, “Mom, I don’t want to go to my cousin’s birthday party.”

Create that story together and include a:

positive picture - positive feeling - positive sentence

Sample Story for Building Self-Esteem and Optimism with Mind Power ~

Parent:  “A child named Chris feels uncomfortable going to a birthday party because…”

Child: “Chris doesn’t know the kids. Chris thinks the kids won’t play with him.” (Tell your child to pop that negative thought with the magic pin.)

Parent: (Make a loud “POP!”) “Chris uses his mind power and sees a positive picture. It is…”

Child: “Chris is smiling at the kids and laughing at their jokes. They like Chris.”

Parent: “The kids act friendly and Chris begins to feel…”

Child: “Comfortable. “I like this party,” thinks Chris.”

Parent: “Chris uses Mind Power and says…”

Child: “I am feeling comfortable at my cousin’s party.”

Instruct your child to see, sense, and say that last sentence right now. Tell him to see, sense, and say it in the morning too. Do this every night with different stories to help your child develop a powerful mind with a positive character.

Bonus Article: 5 Self-Esteem Questions for Better Parenting http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/feature_article.asp?fa_id=51

Parents, now it's your turn to share the spotlight.

What are your opinions and suggestions for raising optimistic children? Please answer in the comment link below.

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

 

Sign up for my Newsletter at http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/

You’ll receive 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids

 


How You Can Live Your Ultimate Life As a Parent, Partner, and Person!

  Jean_tracy_white_background_100x150

I've just become a speaker on the faculty for the Ultimate Life Company and would love to have you join me.

For 2 weeks you will have complete access to 80+ of the most powerful speakers, teachers & coaches from around the world - in every area of life. No matter what you want to learn about - health, wealth creation, mindset, relationships, family, savings, purpose, or fun - they have it. Even teenager's lives are being changed!

Every month you receive close to $3000 in webinars, e-books, audio courses, videos, and more!

 

Every event is chocked full of amazing information that can change lives. You just have to check it out.

I'm so excited about it, and wanted you to know about it too. They talk about having all the resources you need to live your Ultimate Life. I fully intend to do just that and want to give you this same opportunity. 

After the introduction about the Ultimate Life Company you may  

 

click on any topic and see who the top-notch presenters are. Each presenter has valuable bonues that you'll receive if you join.

 

If you click on my presentation,

 

Kids, Conversations, and Character: Your Parenting Guide

 

 You'll see my bonuses too if you decide to join.

 

Click here to find out more about the:

 

 

You'll find me listed under the Ultimate Family.
 
Wanting you to be part of my ULC Family,

Jean

 Jean Tracy, MSS

 

Like me on Facebook

 

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Raise Optimistic Kids with This "Flip the Switch" Technique!

Light bulb happy faceFlip the Switch!

If your children are ever grumpy, moody, angry or negative, you'll want to hear from our parenting expert, Tara Kennedy-Kline. She'll tell you exactly how to help your kids "Flip the Switch."

"In our family, we have created a practice of "Flipping the Switch" on dark moods/conversations. I taught my boys very early on, that they and only they determine their thoughts, reactions and words.

With that in mind, if my boys are particularly grumpy or short tempered about something, I ask them what is bugging them. If it's something we can't change (like the actions or words of another person) or if it's not helping us or moving us forward, then we "put it in a bubble and blow it away".

If it's simply their choice to be in a foul mood, then I remind them that no one can force them to be negative and it's a waste of their energy to hang out in that space, so let's "flip the switch" and shed some positive light on things.

Surround yourself with light. I believe, as many people do, that our attitudes and energy are created or influenced by the people we spend the most time with. For that reason, I encourage my boys to seek out those people who they admire, respect and who make them feel energized and positive.

Find people who are doing what you want to do and are where you want to be. I do not encourage them to dismiss or abandon people. And I certainly do not condone rudeness or mean, hurtful behavior, but I do give them permission to "bless and release" those people who bring them down or frustrate them."

*****

Blog Optimistic Tara Kennedy-Kline


Let's give Tara a big "Thank-You" for her:

1. Flip the Switch Technique

2. Blow Away the Bubble Technique

3. Bless and Release Technique

These can help parents everywhere.

Read Tara's complete book from which she shared these techniques. It's full of golden nuggets for raising your kids.

Stop Raising Einstein: Discover The Unique Brilliance in Your Child...and You

  Blog Optimistic Stop Raising Einstein

Tara Kennedy-Kline is also founder of Linkedin's Rebuild the Village.

Connect with Tara at:
http://www.multilevelmom.com/

 Parents, now it's your turn to share the spotlight.

What are your suggestions for helping your kids become optimistic? Please answer in the comment link below.

 Bigstock_Question_mark_18383141 (596x800) (477x640) (149x200) (75x100)

To follow up on Tara's techniques, for another way to "flip the switch,"

pick up this Thought-Stopping Kit

Cover Thought-Stopping
 
http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/parent_resource_center.asp?pr_id=kd005

 

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

 


Building Character in Children with Love and Positive Parenting

Empower, Believe in, and Love Your Child

Our expert blog source, Positive Parenting, in this excellent article, Using Positive Parenting to Improve Well-Being, shares 4 ways to promote confidence and self-esteem. Let's find out more.

"A sense of well being is one of the key foundations of positive psychology and positive parenting. By having better control of our bodies, decisions, and emotions, we are capable of more success and happiness throughout life. Having a sense of well being promotes self-regulation, a key approach to successfully maintaining health, stopping bad habits, ending addictions, and improving behavior.

The best way to promote self regulation in children is to encourage a positive sense of well being. When children have a positive sense of well being, they are healthier – both mentally and physically. The also do better in school, have better test scores, and feel happier than their peers who do not have a positive sense of well being.

Helping your children have a positive sense of well being can be accomplished through using a positive parenting approach with your children. There are several things you can do that will promote well being:

· Empower your children. Teach your children to be responsible and accountable by allowing them to make choices independently. This can occur from a very young age. By allowing your children to make decisions and control their lives even in small ways, they will learn to take responsibility for the consequences of their decisions.

· Believe in your children. Communicate with your children and tell them that you believe they are capable of doing whatever they dream of doing. Even if it is not something you envision for their future, by allowing them to envision success in doing what they dream, they will develop a stronger sense of self and be more likely to believe in their own capabilities as well.

· Allow your children to be individuals. Instead of encouraging your children to live without questioning – in school, in politics, in life – encourage them to think for themselves, learn to express and articulate their own opinions. By valuing your children’s input and thoughts, you teach them to value their ability to contribute positively to their world.

· Love your children unconditionally. Even if your child makes a choice that leads to negative consequences, address the behavior separate from the person. Never tell your child he or she is bad. You can express disappointment in the choice made but always make sure your child knows you love him or her no matter what.

By supporting your child in a positive and encouraging manner, you will arm him or her with a sense of capability that will increase self-esteem, confidence, and a sense of well-being. These positive parenting emotions will give your child the ability to navigate the stresses and challenges of life successfully."

This blog is from:

Using Positive Parenting to Improve Well Being

What are your opinions about this blog or your suggestions for helping your kids become positive? Please answer in the comment link below.

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To follow up with Positive Parenting pick up our Parent Affirmations Kit. You'll possess 75 love notes to motivate your kids and you'll be building character when you put one in a pocket, under a dinner plate or on a pillow.

Cover Parent Affirmations Kit kd009_thumbnail

http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/parent_resource_center.asp?pr_id=kd009

 With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

 

Sign up for my Newsletter at http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/

You’ll receive 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids

 

Write on my Facebook Wall at

http://www.facebook.com/KidsDiscuss

and receive:

15 Loving Actions to Share with Your Family