« June 2012 | Main | August 2012 »

Parenting Skills: 5 Phrases Parents Can Teach Kids Who Argue

Fighting
Parents Can Teach Kids How to Argue Respectfully

If you're a parent with kids who argue too much, you may need help. Our parenting expert and author, Dr. Michele Borba gives us 5 verbal strategies to use from her The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. Let's listen to an excerpt to find out what she suggests.

Teach Kids to Argue Respectfully

Kids need to know that it's okay to disagree-just as long as they do so without bashing the other person. The problem is that most kids don't know ways to argue their point respectfully, so teach a few phrases they can adopt to get their views across, such as

1. "That's one idea: here's another..."

2. "I don't agree. Here's what I think."

3. "There's another way to look at it."

4. "Have you considered...?"

5."That's one way to look at it, but here's another..."

You might even write such phrases on a chart to hang up on the fridge as a reminder and then find a way to naturally use a different phrase each day with your kids so that they get in the habit of using them. Do stress that they must deliver the line calmly and then listen to the other person's opinion.

One Parent's Answer

A Mom from Lake Tahoe Shares:

My youngest kid never had a chance to voice his view against his older very-verbal sister. The arguments and tears drove me crazy. I finally gave him an egg timer and made a house rule that he must be able to talk-without interruption-until the buzzer went off after a full three minutes of expressing himself.

He carried that timer around for days, but it worked. Not only did the tears stop, but he actually learned to state his case against his sister quite well.

*******

I like Dr. Michele Borba's 5 verbal strategies and appreciate her for sharing one parent's suggestion. To find out in more detail 6 more strategies like:

  • Be sympathetic
  • Don't ask why, ask what
  • Encourage them to work it out themselves
  • Intervene if necessary
  • Encourage amends
  • Suggest a compromise

go to pages 49 and 50. Dr. Borba will share what each means and how you can use them in her book:

The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries

  Cover The Big Book of Parenting Solutions
Available on Amazon.com

*******

Let's APPLAUD Dr. Michele Borba for her excellent knowledge of parenting problems and solutions.

Dr. Michele Borba
Dr. Michele Borba

******

Please share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the tiny comment link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock
   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.


Why Adolescents Fight with Other Teenagers - The Story of Target

Boy Teen-Points-Finger-14626868

  Find Out Why Adolescents Fight Peers

 If you know adolescents who fight and wonder why, Marney Studaker-Cordner, our parenting expert and author of The Whipped Parent, along with her co-authors, Kimberly Abraham and Kathryn O'Dea will share their knowledge.

The Thunderstorm Model

Thoughts, feelings and actions are a package deal. This package is like a thunderstorm. A person's action is like lightning: you see it. Thoughts and feelings are like the cloud conditions in the sky, above the lightning. It's impossible to see what's going on in those clouds. You can only guess, based on the lightning.

An adolescent who fights with peers is an example of seeing lightning, without knowing the conditions leading up to the behavior. Adolescents get into physical fights for all sorts of reasons.

Sometimes it truly is because the kid is angry and becomes aggressive. He may react impulsively, without thinking it through. But it is a mistake to believe this is the only reason teenagers fight.

Today's Adolescents Live in a Culture of Violence

It's in their music, their schools, their homes and their gangs. Many live in neighborhoods or attend schools where to fight is to survive. Yes, they have thought it through. No, going to a teacher or walking away may not be an option.

In some places, to do so is seen as a sign of weakness and may end up being more dangerous than fighting. The point is, you see the fighting, but you don't necessarily know what's behind it.

The Story of Target

Target's dad doesn't understand why his son continues to get into fights at school. Target is on probation for shoplifting and truancy. Every time he assaults a peer, he gets sent to detention. He's been in therapy for almost a year to find alternatives to fighting with no apparent success. His father, therapist and probation officer came to conclude that Target must actually like the excitement of fighting.

What no one stopped to consider was that Target goes to school with some very dangerous peers. He thinks that, if he doesn't fight, he'll be seen as weak and targeted by those peers, who have access to all sorts of weapons, He feels scared, and this fear leads to other feelings of vulnerability and shame. He responds to these thoughts and feelings with the actions of getting into physical fights. Target thinks that...(from page 74)

******

To read more pick up The Whipped Parent: Hope for Parents Raising an Out-of-Control Teen

 The Whipped Parent

 It's available on Amazon.com

Let's give THANKS to Marney Studaker-Cordner, Kimberly Abraham, and Kathryn O'Dea for bringing us insights into why adolescents fight with other teenagers. What they reveal makes sense to me. How about you.

*******

Please share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the tiny comment link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock
   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.


These 10 Affirmations Help Parents Accept Themselves and Their Children!

Boy jumping

Children Need Parents to Be Accepting!

If you're a parent who needs to accept your child and yourself, you'll like these 10 parenting affirmations. Our expert parenting author, Shefali Tsabary, PhD, will share 5 affirmations for accepting your child and 5 self-accepting affirmations. Why not try them today?

If our children are behaving in a manner we deem to be "bad" out of a sense of defiance, the appropriate response is firmness. If they are being "bad" because they are having trouble handling painful emotions, we need to be understanding. If they are needy and clingy, we many need to be cuddly and attentive, or-if we have been overly attentive and haven't fostered independence in them-we may need to help them learn to be content in themselves and comfortable being alone...

5 Affirmations for Helping Parents Accept Their Child

1. I accept my child is different.

2. I accept my child is quiet.

3. I accept my child can be stubborn.

4. I accept my child takes time to warm up to things or people.

5. I accept my child gets upset quickly.

Why Parents Need to Accept Themselves

Our ability to accept our children is directly linked to our ability to accept ourselves-both as we are presently, and for what we have the potential to become. After all, how can we hope to raise our children to be freethinkers and free-spirited if we aren't these things ourselves? How can we raise independent, autonomous children if we ourselves aren't independent and autonomous? How can we raise another human being, and other spirit, if our own being has been largely dismissed, our spirit systematically squelched?

5 Self-Accepting Affirmations for Parents

1. I accept I am a human being before I am a parent.

2. I accept I have limitations and many shortcomings, and this is okay.

3. I accept I don't always know the right way.

4. I accept I can be selfish and unthinking in my dealings with my child.

5. I accept I don't always know how to respond to my child.

When we are unable to accept our children, it's because they open up old wounds in us, threatening some ego-attachment we are still holding onto. Unless we address why we can't embrace our children for precisely who they are, we will forever either seek to mold, control, and dominate them-or we will allow ourselves to be dominated by them. (from pages 33-37)

******

I like how Dr. Tsabary discusses the need to accept who we are with our own weaknesses to be able to accept the weaknesses in our children. She isn't talking about being a permissive parent but rather a better parent.

******

Let's PRAISE Dr. Tsabary for sharing her deep thoughts about becoming a Conscious Parent.

     Shefali Tsabary, PhD         Applause_18229118
        Dr. Tsabary

You can pick up her book, The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves Empowering Our Children

Cover ~ The Conscious Parent

It's available on Amazon.com

*******

Please share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the tiny comment link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock
   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.


Parenting Skills: How Family Conversations Increase Children's' Vocabulary!

Family-Dining-bigstock
Family Dinner Conversations Promote Vocabulary in Kids

You can increase your parenting skills with family dinner conversations. Better yet you'll be increasing your children's vocabulary and literacy too. Our parenting expert and author, Ellen Galinsky, shares the research of Catherine Snow in Ellen's book, Mind in the Making. Let's find out the truth behind Snow's research. 

The Research about Children's Literacy

In the research 80 low-income families with three-year-old children were visited when the kids were three, four, and five. The children were tested on their literacy skills too. The parents taped their dinner conversations.

Parents Use a Sophisticated Vocabulary, Snow Says:

In these dinner table conversations, of course, there's always a lot of talk about "Eat your peas" and "Keep your elbows off the table" and Pass the noodles," but in some of the families, in addition, there's wonderfully interesting conversation about what proposals the governor just suggested for the new budget, or how the construction of the expressway is going to influence the neighborhood.

And these conversations are full of wonderful words like budget and governor and proposal and neighborhood-words that children might not use and probably don't understand fully. We found that families that used words like that in their dinner table conversations had children with much larger vocabularies two years later.

So part of vocabulary acquisition is learning the words that are going to be important in school, the words that second-grade teachers think when a child uses them,

"Oh, wow, that was a good word; that's a smart kid."

Those words are signals about the sophistication of the child's thinking. And of course they are also tools for thinking.

The difference between knowing three thousand words and knowing fifteen thousand words when you arrive at kindergarten is enormous. The child who knows three thousand words know words like shoes and milk and jump. The child who knows fifteen thousand words knows words like choice and possibility-words that index a more complex array of possibilities for dealing with the world.

Parenting Skills

Parent-talk does not mean baby talk, talking down to preschool-aged children, or a constant flood of words. Using meaningful, grown-up words with children as they enter the toddler and pre-school years helps them learn and appreciate new words."

An Exercise:  What Do Your Dinnertime Conversations Sound Like?

Listen to your mealtime conversations as if you are a researcher. What did you learn? (from pages 126-129)

I liked the common sense way Catherine Snow conducted the research. The results show the importance of family dinner conversations. The next time our family gets together with the grandkids, I plan on doing the suggested exercise. How about you?

Pick up Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs 

  Cover ~ Mind in the Making
Available at Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Ellen Galinsky for bringing Catherine Snow's research to us and for sharing a practical tip on how to increase our children's vocabulary at the dinner table.

      Ellen Galinsky         Applause_18229118

       Ellen Galinsky

*******

Sit back, relax, and share your opinions about this blog post. Please comment in the tiny comment link below. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock


With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

You might also like:

 Character Building: Problem Stories for Family Discussions

  
Cover Brian CB vol. 1r


Teenagers Share How They Grieve When a Loved One Dies

Teenager bigstock-Sad-Eyes-328089
Parents Want to Help Teens Deal with Grief

If your teenager is grieving with anger and guilt over the death of a loved one, keep reading. Our parenting experts authors Drs. Heidi and Gloria Horsley will discuss 2 of the big three emotions teenagers experience using words from the teens themselves.

Big Three Emotions

There are basically three emotions that may keep your grieving teenager in a state of suffering. The big three are: Anger, Guilt, and Shame.

Anger

Anger at losing a loved one is huge for a teenager. By dying, this person has really screwed up their life. Anger can stem from many places. Teens might be angry at the person for abandoning them, angry at God for allowing this to happen, angry at the world for not understanding how difficult it is for the teen. In addition, parents often become overly protective following a death.

Teenagers tell us that it is as if  their parents have a magnifying glass on them at all times. Teens feel like their parents want them to account for every second in the day. Teens claim that parents are reluctant to turn the car keys over to the teenager, and they want almost constant check ins from the cell phone.

One teenager told us, "It's like I'm under house arrest. Why should I suffer" I didn't wreck the car. I have a valid driver's license. I took Drivers Ed."

Teenagers feel cheated and angry when they are treated differently than they were before the death. Their developmental task of becomeing more independent has been interrupted.

Guilt

Although your teenager may not really be able to translate feelings into words, the second cause for teenage suffering is guilt. Many teens have guilt and regret that they didn't spend more time with the deceased, or remorse that they didn't treat them better.

Here is one example of teen guilt from our Internet radio show, "Healing The Grieving Heart."

Darrel Scott, whose daughter Rachel was murdered in the Columbine High School massacre, discussed on our show the fact that Rachel's brother Craig was very withdrawn for about six months following Rachel's death.

Darrell said that he was sure there was something Craig, his son told him that he had had a fight with Rachel the morning of her death and they had left for school on bad terms. Craig felt that it should have been him. Darrell said that after the talk Craig started to show some marked improvement.

Craig's dad helped Craig to see that their argument was one of a normal response between siblings and that it did not change their love for one another. "It should have been me" or "I should have treated my sibling better" or "I should have prevented the death" are common responses that cause teenagers to suffer. Pages XIX-XX

To find about about the shame the surviving teenager feels, pick up Teen Grief Relief: Parenting with Understanding, Support and Guidance

 

It's available on Amazon.com
Cover Teen Grief Relief

 

Let's give Heidi and Gloria Horsley and BIG THANK YOU for sharing their knowledge and experience about grieving teenagers.

Applause_18229118

Drs. Heidi and Gloria Horsley



 

 

 

 

    

 

 

 

*******

Sit back, relax, and share your opinions about this blog post. Please comment in the tiny comment link below. We want to hear from you.

Woman relaxing

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

 

 


Teenage Drinking: Don't Make This Parent's Mistake!

Teenager-With-Drinking-Probl-4221482

Should Parents Allow Teens to Drink?

Many parents let their teenagers drink. Is it a mistake? Today our parenting expert, Dr. Parnell Donahue, will share a true story from his practice as a pediatrician. Find out what this teenage girl told him. Do you agree with her parents?

Adult Responsibility

Some parents mistakenly think that kids will eventually drink, so why not provide them a place to drink safely? I remember Sharon, a girl I saw for her college physical the day after she graduated from high school.

When I entered the room she was sitting quietly holding her head in her hands. She was a pretty girl that it almost distracted me from the reeking smell of alcohol on her breath.

"Don't talk," she said as I entered the room. "I had too much to drink last night and my head is killing me. Can I just go home and we can do this some other time?"

"That's fine with me," I replied, "But you'll have to explain to your folks why we have to reschedule."

"Duh," she replied, inferring I was some kind of dinosaur. "We had a graduation party. They were there."

I was a naive young doctor just starting my practice and couldn't for the life of me imagine her dad, a professional, allowing an underage daughter to drink to excess at his party. Maybe she's not telling the whole truth, I thought, so I asked, "So your folks had a party and let you have too much to drink?"

She lifted her head from her hands and looked at me through her beautiful but bloodshot, deep brown eyes. She opened her mouth and stared at me, but did not say anything. I'm sure she couldn't believe my incredulous attitude.

Finally she said, "The purpose of a graduation party is to get drunk and celebrate. I'm going home."

Fortunately, she did not add "stupid" to the end of the sentence. I followed her to the waiting room where her dad was waiting.

"Dad, I'm sick," she said. "Let's go home and do this some other time." Then she walked out the door." (pages 126-127)

******

To read the conclusion of this and hear other true stories, pick up:

Messengers in Denim: The Amazing Things Parents Can Learn from Teens

Cover Messengers in Denim
                

On pages 129-130, Dr. Donahue offers 10 parenting tips for parents who want help dealing with teenage drinking.

Available at Amazon.com
 

Let's APPLAUD Dr. Donahue for sharing his wealth of stories and wisdom so that parents can raise their teens wisely.

     Blog Optimistic Dr. Parnell Donahue         Applause_18229118
  Parnell Donahue, M.D.

******

Sit back, relax, and share your opinions about this blog post. What do you think about teenage drinking? Please comment in the tiny comment link below. We want to hear from you.

Woman relaxing

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.


Parenting: How to Talk with Children and What Mistakes to Avoid!

Girl with flower for mom
Children Respect Parents Who Talk with Respect

Today children will tell us how to talk with them. Our guest expert is an author, dad, lawyer, and teacher of ethics. Michael Sabbath  wrote The Good, The Bad, and the Difference: How to Talk with Children about Values. He knows about parenting and what children need and think. Listen as they tell him how to talk with them. Would you consider following their advice?

Be Our Size!

"Praise works with only three types of people; men, women, and children." - Anonymous

I arrived early at Erik's fourth grade class. Mrs. Nelson was reading to students sitting in a semi-circle on the floor. She waived me in, finished the lesson and walked to the back of the room. I approached her empty chair, and, for no reason that I can recall, I asked the class if it would be okay if I sat down.

"Yeah!" Molly hollered. "Be our size!"

A tingling jolted up my spine. I had struck gold. Molly had said something profound, something metaphoric, something that demanded further exploration.

I asked Molly what she meant. Her nose wrinkled. Her words emerged slowly. "It's like you're the same as us," she replied. "It's like you understand us better." Clayton chimed in: "You're just talking to us instead of telling us what to do."

Hundreds of children have interpreted Molly's words. "You're not standing over us," Alexandra said. "It means," Stephen said, "you see things from our perspective," Morgan said: "To see the world as a kid sees it." Cara said. "It's that you are not so powerful." "It means to be a child with us," Ellis said.

Did Ellis really want adults to be children, I asked?

"I mean," she clarified thoughtfully, "to respect us, that we're kind of equal."

I asked children if there were specific ways that parents could talk to them so they could be "their size." Their heart-swelling answers gave instruction on voice tone, topics, vocabulary and concerns about disagreements between parent and child. Of course, the children quoted here don't speak for every child, but their thoughts are representative.

LAUREN: "What's an effective way to talk and get us to think about stuff? Ask questions. We might not know the answers right away but we'll start to think about it."

DAVID: "Try to think on the same level instead of using difficult language."

DIAMOND: "Get eye to eye contact. It shows us respect."

NICK: "Just ask what would happen if you did this or that."

BETH: "Talk with a calm voice and don't yell. If adults yell, the kid will get mad."

ALEXANDRA: "You should explain because kids get confused, and it doesn't feel good...Pages 13-14.

 

  Michael Sabbeth


 To read more you'll find his parenting book, The Good, the Bad and the Difference: How to Talk with Children about Values at Amazon.com

Let's give Michael Sabbeth a BIG HAND for sharing what he knows about children and how they'd like to be spoken with. He'll talk about parenting and  how to share your values too.

                         Applause_18229118

 

 

 

Sit back, relax, and share your opinions about this blog post. Please comment in the tiny comment link below. We want to hear from you.

Woman relaxing

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.


Parents, Do Your Kids Trap You in Gotcha Wars?

Teenage boy stubborn
Can Parents Avoid the Gotcha Wars with Kids?

If you're the parent of kids and teenagers who love to make you angry, our expert parenting author, therapist, and mother will share 2 stories from her parenting workshop. Katherine Gordy Levine is the author of When Good Kids Do Bad Things. Here's an excerpt from her book:

Gotcha Night

It was frigid outside, but the atmosphere in my office was steaming hot. This was another Gotcha Night at Parent Tactics, parenting workshop I created.

How This Teenager Trapped His Parent

"I don't know if I can take it," shouted Tom, a burly man who had always reminded me before of the young John Wayne, slow to anger, riding hard on his emotions. Recently granted custody of his thirteen year-old son, he soon found himself locked head to head, horn to horn, in a Gotcha War. He was, as George Bush likes to say, about to go ballistic.

“Last night was typical. We were going to go to a movie. Mark came in from sledding with his clothes all wet and I told him to change. He mumbled that he didn’t have any clean clothes. We went to his room and there was plenty of clean stuff, but he didn’t like any of it. Two pairs of pants and three shirts were brand-new. Mark picked them out himself two weeks ago, but now he can’t stand them.

“I got angry. He refused to change; I refused to let him go to movies. What was supposed to be a good family time became just another dammed run-in. It drives me crazy. I pride myself on being in control of myself, but when I spend any time with my son, I’m ready to kill. He loves to make me angry.”

Parents Understood the Gotcha Wars

Everyone else nodded sympathetically. They were all fighting Gotcha Wars at home. Anne, the willowy blond mother of twelve-year-old twins, complained about the “nothing-to-eat” song she heard every day.

How This Parent Felt Trapped by Her Kids

“It happens as soon as I come in from shopping. I’ve caved in to all of their junk food fantasies. There’s food everywhere!

“But it never fails. One of my kids slouches into the kitchen, opens the refrigerator door, Refrigerator
and moans, “There’s nothing to eat." And like a fool, I list the contents of all the kitchen cabinets, the refrigerator, the storage cellar, the cookie jar.

I’ll even mention the hidden stash of candy. Finally, when I’ve given up all hope of finding anything that might pull him back from the brink of starvation, his face lights up with a little smirk and I know he’s won again.”

“Yes,” chimed in Joan, the normally cheerful mother of three teenagers, “I know that smile of victory and I hate it. At our house…"

*******

To find out Joan’s story and the author's solutions to your Gotcha Wars go to: When Good Kids Do Bad Things: A Survival Guide for Parents of Teenagers

Let's give THANKS to Katherine Gordy Levine for allowing us to share an excerpt from her excellent book.

     Cover When Good Kids Do Bad Things BestApplause_18229118

 *******

I like how Anne recognized how her kids pulled her into the Gotcha Wars. It's so easy to get trapped when you're trying to be helpful. What would you do to avoid being pulled in?

Sit back, relax, and share your opinions about this blog post. Please comment in the tiny comment link below. We want to hear from you.

Woman relaxing

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.


Counseling: Discover the Strange Child in the Therapy Room

Boy toothless
Who Is The Strange Child In His Therapy Room?

When you take your child to counseling, you must leave the strange child behind. Our expert counselor, Carolyn Healy, shares her insight about that strange child and what you must focus on instead.

The therapy room can get very crowded. Picture two concerned parents (or one concerned parent who has dragged the other along), worried and eager for help, and their child, who has been doing something eye-catching enough to wind up in a therapist’s office, and who may well be there under protest.

From the introductory phone conversation with one of the parents, I usually know the basic outline of what will be said: “Jason’s teacher says that he’s disruptive in class..,” or “Max can’t make friends…,” or “Molly won’t eat.”

That gives us plenty to work on, but quite often, there is another person in the room  – unacknowledged but very much present – who makes it far harder. The invisible visitor looks exactly like Jason or Molly or Max, but is perfect in every way. This interloper is the child the parents hoped for, but didn’t get.

The first job of the therapist is to usher the imaginary too-good-to-be-true child out of the room and out of his parents’ minds so that we can all contend with the real one who is trying to tell us something through his behavior.

The next job is to uncover the strengths of the real child so that we can organize our work around them. Rather than working to fix problems, we get better traction from starting with the child’s capabilities, so that he can notice them and learn to use them to change his own behavior.

Some start with reframing – a child who constantly interrupts in class “has a lot to say,” and one who refuses direction is “good at getting his needs met,” which gets everyone looking from a new angle.

But it takes more than that. This approach asks the child to take himself seriously as a competent successful individual who can make choices about how to meet his needs.

And it asks three crucial things of the parents. First, to become intentional instead of reactive, observing and catching the child doing something positive, rather than watching for behavior that needs correcting.

Second, to stay in the moment with their child instead of falling into nagging and correcting. Without distractions of cell phones or TV, they listen and empathize.

Finally, parents need to come to know their own strengths, and operate as parents from there. If you don't share your strengths with your child, who are they for?

*******

Carolyn Healy is a therapist friend of mine. She is a leader in her writings about grief. As you can see, Carolyn knows a lot about counseling children too.

Let's give Carolyn APPLAUSE for her fine blog post and the insights she shares from a counselor's point of view about the strange child in her therapy room.

     Carolyn Healy         Applause_18229118
       Carolyn Healy

You can connect with Carolyn Healy on her wildly popular blog,

Ms. Cranky Pants  where she offers her humorous opinions on just about everything.

Carolyn also writes about grief on her blog Waves of Grief

******

 Sit back, relax, and share your opinions about this blog post. Please comment in the tiny comment link below. We want to hear from you.

Woman relaxing

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.


Teachers Union and Charter Schools: What's the Struggle?

African_Girl_Thinking
Can Charter Schools Teach Kids to Think?

Are you confused about charter schools and teachers unions? Do you want the best education for your children? You must read expert author, Deborah Kenny's book, Born to Rise. Find out what this widowed mother with 3 young children learned. Then read her book and learn how she fought to revolutionize education in Harlem.

Teachers Union and Charter Schools: An Excerpt from Born to Rise

I had always believed in unions. Most of my summer camp counselors were liberal, some were socialists. We all supported better treatment of workers and disenfranchised.

Growing up immersed in these values, it never occurred to me that this ideology could result in poor treatment of low-income children. Yet in just a matter of months, I had become completely disillusioned by union politics.

In her book Nothing's Impossible, the founder of Frederick Douglass Academy, Lorraine Monroe, explained, "The teacher's union would be a major headache for anyone in the principal's role. They'd filed almost a hundred grievances in the previous year, tying the principal up with hearings."

Meanwhile, she added, "kids were running up and down the halls and playing their boom boxes during class." The union did not allow principals like Lorraine Monroe to hire the teachers she wanted or to fire incompetent teachers.

Then there was tenure. After only two years in the classroom, teachers had guaranteed jobs for life regardless of their performance. Teachers, who had "breathed the longest," as education reformers like to say, got to keep their jobs, regardless of the academic success of their students. Teacher compensation was based solely on seniority, with no connection to quality or student learning outcomes.

I learned from Chris that the union spent millions of dollars to influence political leaders and to litigate against principals who wanted to fire ineffective teachers, all in the name of "due process" and fairness. (What about the children, I wondered.) If a motivated teacher wanted to stay late and tutor a student on his own time, well, too bad. Union rules would not allow it.

I heard time after time from teachers who had been scolded by union reps for staying late after three o'clock to tutor a student. This extra effort was "setting a bad example." Other teachers told me stories of holding secret study groups with a few colleagues in coffee shops, for fear of being "caught" putting in extra time to improve their practice.

All of these rules added up to a school system that made it impossible for schools to function and allowed children's lives to be wasted. It was a moral outrage... (pages 43-44)

Born to Rise is a fast-paced book full of struggles. Read about Deborah Kenny's battles to free her faculty from the teachers union as she promotes her charter schools to give children in Harlem a quality education. 

******

Let's APPLAUD Deborah Kenny for her tireless learning and efforts to build charter schools that help every child succeed.

     Deborah Kenny         Applause_18229118

       Deborah Kenny

*******

Born to Rise: A Story of Children and Teachers Reaching Their Highest Potential

Cover Born to Rise

is available on Amazon.com

*******

it back, relax, and share your opinions about this blog post. Please comment in the tiny comment link below. We want to hear from you.

Woman relaxing

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.