If you had free time, would you spend it talking with your family? If you had fun topics to discuss, would you share them with your children?

In the e-book, Character Building: Problem Stories for Family Discussions you'll find simple solutions for finding the time you need and lots of interesting topics to discuss. Each story promotes speaking and listening skills.

The problem stories include common situations found in most families. One includes a girl named Madison. She hates homework, stomps on her math book and yells, "I hate math! I'll never use this stuff! I'm not going to do it!"

If your children hate homework too, this story gives them the opportunity to discuss Madison's problem and their own feelings about homework.

Your children will access their own wisdom and give their best advice to Madison. The 5 character building questions at the end of each story will help them.

You won't need to yell, sell, or tell your children how to think about feelings, behaviors, or attitudes. With these discussions your children will be thinking, sharing, and internalizing their own good advice. When you teach them to think for themselves, you prepare them for life.

This e-book ends with 51 discussion starters like:

1. What is you first memory?

2. How would you know if you were successful?

3. Share a difficult challenge that taught you something.

4. Talk about a time when you were brave.

5. What's one of the nicest things you've done for someone?

Children love sharing their opinions. They feel confident when their ideas are accepted. Closeness with family members grows and they learn the art of sharing their thoughts. That's the wonder of fun family discussions.

When you guide your children through discussions and  approve of their opinions, suggestions, and advice, you build their character too.

*****

Raise a loving thoughtful family the easy way. Pick up this e-book Character Building: Problem Stories for Family Discussions.

Available on Amazon.com

Author, Jean Tracy, MSS

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Domestic Violence and Abuse Must Stop!

If you've experienced abuse as child or as a parent, you'll want to read Mary Romero's book, The Breakdown of an All-American Family. Today Mary, our expert author, child advocate, and life coach, shares the story of her dysfunctional family.

If you think child and parent abuse is infrequent, think again. Mary shares the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services statistics from 2008. "An estimated 905,000 children were victims of child abuse or neglect in 2006."

Mary shares her story with wisdom, understanding, and openness. Mary's father, a sociopath, beat, starved, and neglected his wife and five children. If you've ever been grabbed by the neck and lifted off the floor or punched in the stomach with manly force, you'll understand what Mary and her family experienced.

In Mary's family, members were sworn to secrecy about the happenings at home.  To show they were a happy family, they were reminded to smile at Church on Sunday. No one knew this all-American Family was broken except for a lone neighborhood police officer who tried to help.

Mary's father gave her dog biscuits when she dared to say she was hungry. Her younger brother tried to commit suicide and her older sister was sent to a mental institution as a child because she challenged her father.

You'll see why 7-year-old Mary viewed herself as the family protector. Mary relates many incidents in which she protected her mother and siblings. You'll wonder why her mother wouldn't feed or shelter Mary when Mary needed her help.

Mary explains why two of her adult siblings side with her father. You'll know why she forgives her mother and has cut off all connections to her father.

With the help of her strong mind, a good therapist, and concern for others, Mary knows how to help victims of domestic crime and abuse. If you know of anyone who needs such help, give them Mary's book, The Breakdown of an All-American Family: An autobiography of child abuse, domestic violence and recovery.

 Let's give a BIG HAND to Mary Romero for her well-written, fascinating and helpful autobiography.

Mary Romero, AAS, CSC

Go to http://mmmcconnell.wix.com/live-life-coaching to purchase her book as well as, her coaching services.

******

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Helping Kids Change Bossines to Friendships

 If you're a parent and you have a bossy child, you'll want to use these solutions. Our parenting expert and author, Dr. Michele Borba, is sharing 5 problems with answers you can start using today. Let's find out her advice from her popular book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.

"Teach Simple Solutions to Curb Bossiness

Don't assume that your child knows how to change her domineering ways; instead show her a new response. Here are a few examples of solutions for bossiness to help you get started. Then watch your child a bit more carefully to identify the problem and then provide a solution. 

1. Problem: Doesn't share.

    Solution: Explain taking turns to your child, why it's important, and then remind her of the expected behavior. "Remember, I expect you to share. If there's anything you really don't want to share, put it away before your friend comes. Otherwise you must let her have a turn."

2. Problem: Dictates the game plan.

    Solution: Your new house rule is "the guest chooses the first activity"; from then on, choices are alternated.

3. Problem: Doesn't realize she sounds bossy.

    Solution: Show her how to turn a bossy comment into a more tactful statement. Bossy: We're going to shoot baskets." Tamer: What would you like to play? "Bossy: "We're doing it my way." Tamer: "How about if we try it my way?"

4. Problem: Unaware she's being bossy with a peer.

    Solution: Develop a private signal (pulling on your ear or touching your nose) so that the moment her bossiness kicks in, you signal to her to turn down her dictator mode.

5. Problem: Doesn't consider the other person's view.

    Solution: Turn the experience into a teachable moment: "Kara never got a turn. How do you think she felt?" "You never asked Bill what he wanted to do. How do you think he felt?" "What do you think you can do next time so your friend has a say?" What will you do to make sure Paul has a better time?"

Set a Consequence If Dictating Continues

Your child needs to know you are serious about curbing her bossy streak. So if despite your efforts your child continues to be a dictator around peers, it's time to set a consequence. "Unless you can be less bossy, you won't be able to have Matt come over. Let's work on ways you can treat him more fairly." from pages 67-68.

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To find out a lot more about changing bossy behavior and one parent's excellent solution, read the full chapter entitled Bossy  on pages 64-70 in The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries

 Available at Amazon.com

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Let's give a BIG HAND to Dr. Michele Borba for her solutions to bossiness.

Michele Borba, Ed.D.

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Parents Learn What to Say to Grieving Teens

If you're a teen experiencing grief, look over these 10 tips and see if you'd like to share some of them with your parents. They could help your parents know how to talk with you in helpful ways. Our parenting experts and authors, Drs. Heidi and Gloria Horsley help teens who are grieving over painful losses. This is an excerpt from their outstanding book, Teen Grief Relief. Let's find out what they've learned.

"Young people tell us that sharing these ideas really helped to get them some space. Before you share it, you might want to revise or delete some of these items and write some of your own. Then, you might want to run the list by your parents and get their input.

1. Talk about the loss, but in small doses. I want to know that loss and death aren't taboo subjects.

2. Ask open-ended questions: "How has it been for you since the death of your friend."

3. You can explain, but don't lecture I really hate the lectures, especially when I'm trapped in the car with you.

4. Accept that what I may be feeling is normal adolescent anger, survivor guilt or the feeling is normal adolescent anger, survivor guilt or the feeling that life is unfair.

5. Tell us how you're feeling, and leave it at that. You could say, "I miss John so much today." You don't have to say anything else. We get it.

6. If there's something about the loss that you have to talk to me about, set a time limit and keep it to 15 minutes or less. I just can't stay with you for much longer than that.

7. I'm already feeling the pressure of being judged and criticized by other people, including some of my friends. I need your support more than your criticism right now.

8. Remember that I'm a teenager and try not to take the way I respond to you so personally.

9. Give me age appropriate freedom and don't smother or micromanage me.

10. Keep talking to me. Even if I'm not responding. I'm listening."

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To learn how Drs. Heidi and Gloria Horsley advise teens to express themselves, turn to page 16 of their book Teen Grief Relief: Parenting with Understanding, Support and Guidance

Available at Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Drs. Heidi and Glorea Horsley for their pioneer work with teens who need grief relief and how parents can helpl them.

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If you’re a parent, you can help your kids become independent thinkers when you use family discussions. Today, Dr. Michael Sabbeth, a parenting expert, author, and lawyer shares a classroom discussion that helped fifth graders discuss life and death decisions. This is an excerpt from his terrific parenting book, The Good, The Bad, and the Difference.

What Would You Do?

“What would you do,” I asked, “if you needed medical treatment for a life-threatening problem?”

Some children said they would pray or cry. Brent focused on facts. He’d go to the hospital and talk to another doctor. “I’d want more information.”

Jared understood the relationships among information, choices, and probabilities. “Truth helps you make better decisions. I’d need to know what will happen and what might happen to me.”

The core of Autonomy is self-determination and self-regulation.  Note how Karen’s few words captured Autonomy’s essence. “If you don’t know what can happen, you can’t control your life.”

Thus arises, Julie explained, the need to be informed. “How can you make decisions about your life if you don’t know the facts?”

Peter took the thinking a step further, expressing the need, indeed, the duty to find the truth. “If you don’t know the truth, you won’t take the necessary steps to help yourself.”

Stephanie grasped the relationship between knowledge and self-empowerment. “Getting the information is like standing up for yourself. That’s how you do it.”

Sarah’s comment showed that these little folks do comprehend the larger concepts, such as the trade-offs inherent in making choices. “You might decide you don’t want the surgery if something bad can happen and you don’t want to take the chance.”

Stephanie’s analogy between doing well in school and taking care of yourself led to this priceless exchange. “It’s like looking up information for your homework so you don’t get a bad grade.”

Finding the parallel amusing, Tommy blurted out, “You mean dying is like a bad grade?”

“Yeah,” Stephanie roared. “Really bad!” Laughter filled the classroom.

******

Having been a teacher before becoming a family counselor, I remember the priceless discussions I had with my classes. Getting kids to think through good discussions is rewarding for teachers, parents, and kids whether they take place in the classroom or around the dinner table.

******

To read more about this discussion and other discussions between Michael Sabbeth and children, go to page 128 of his intriguing book:

The Good, The Bad, and The Difference: How to Talk with Children about Values

Available on Amazon.com

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Let's give a BIG THANK YOU to Michael Sabbeth for his fascination book on teaching us how to talk with children about values.

******

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Train Your Child's Powerful Imagination

If you'd like to empower your child with joy and success, go inside to his imagination. Our parenting expert and author, Dr. Charlotte Reznick, tells you how in step-by-step detail. It's easy and rewarding. Here's an excerpt from her book, The Power of Your Child's Imagination.

"Six-year-old Alec couldn't go to bed alone. Every night, his mom sat with him until the anxious boy fell asleep. Then she would tiptoes out, hoping not to wake him. If she left sooner, he would tremble and beg her to stay.

When she asked about his fears, his response was surprisingly precocious. "I believe in ghosts and goblins," he said. "I think they come through walls. I think they're real, I'm a little kid, and I have a big imagination."

Mind and imagination are powerful forces, especially in a growing child. They are catalysts for so much more than bedtime fears. The stories a child tells herself, what she thinks and imagines, determine how she reacts to the events in her life and, essentially, who she becomes. Consider any problem you child is facing right now - struggles at school or with friends, sorrow over a loss, jealously over a new baby, physical illness-and you'll find much of her suffering stems from how she thinks about it.

For a child to thrive in the world, he must thrive inside. We spend so much time on the externals-how children behave, how they handle their bodies and interact with others-that we rarely address the inside places where personality and imagination, mind and heart, reside. The places where a Self is born. Yet the same skills adults use to improve creative and professional performance can help your child discover increased health, confidence, and self-esteem.

Like Alec, your child has a big imagination. We're going to make it an ally, tapping his inner knowledge to help him heal himself and realize his dreams. Simply discovering that he has his own wisdom will be empowering. Developing the habit of listening to it and trusting it will profoundly shape how he meets life's challenges.

"But he's just a boy," you might be thinking. "How much can...(Pages 3-4) To read more and learn the imagination exercises you can use to empower your child, pick up Dr. Charlotte Reznick's book,

The Power of Your Child's Imagination

Available at Amazon.com

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Let APPLAUD Dr. Reznick for writing such a practical book for helping our children harness the power of their imaginations. As parents you will learn to transform your child's stress and anxiety into joy and success. What could be better?

Dr. Charlotte Reznick

******

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Don't Let Time and Pressure Separate You!

If you're a parent, do you feel pressure for time? Perhaps you compare yourself to other parents who seem perfect. Our parenting expert and author, Neil McNerney, is here to show us how to free ourselves from both parental peer and time pressure. He has some super solutions from his book, Homework: A Parent's Guide to Helping Out without Freaking Out. Keep reading!

1. Parental Solution for Peer Pressure

What do we tell our kids about peer pressure? "If your friend jumped off the house, would you do it too?" (And by the way, after looking at the number of YouTube videos jumping off houses, I'm afraid the answer to this question, from many kids, would be..."Yes!")

If we challenge our kids to not give in to peer pressure, it's important that we don't, either. It requires us to stay concentrated on "why" we are doing something and checking to make sure it is not related to showing others that we are a good parent.

Another excellent suggestion was a saying I heard recently: "I refuse to compare my insides to other parents' outsides."

I love this quote; it focuses on the fact that we are comparing ourselves to the part of other parents that we see. Most people only show the parts of themselves they feel good about, not the parts that are insecure, anxious, cranky, and mean. We all have those sides of us, even those who seem to be perfect parents.

2.  Parental Solution for Time Pressure

One of the really great ways me and my family keep track of our schedules is by using Google Calendar. We each have a separate color for each person, and we put in new activities as we schedule them. Work hours, practice times, parties, trips, graduations, etc., all get put into the calendar.

Both of our kids have access to the calendar as well. When they ask about an event, or what time the game is this weekend, we can just tell them to check the online calendar.

I recently reviewed a typical week and was stunned at how little white space is left. Even though we are vigilant about keeping our time commitments to a reasonable level, the pressure of time is always on us.

This recent Christmas, as I was working on finishing the manuscript for this book, I asked my daughter what she wanted for Christmas. "Time," was her answer. "Time to sit and watch movies together. Time to just spend as a family." In this day and age, when we assume that all that kids want is just more stuff, the biggest thing my daughter wanted from me was my time.

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I loved Neil McNerney's quote, "I refuse to compare my insides to other parents' outsides." Using the Google Calendar is a great idea. It's as close as our fingertips. If you want to read more tips from Neil on this subject, go to page 59 of Homework: A Parents Guide to Helping Out without Freaking Out.

Available on Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Neil McNerney for writing this book which shares his expertise as a teacher and school counselor.

        

Neil McNerney, M.Ed., LPC

*******

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     Find Out Jennifer Gilbert Survived!

If you've survived, abandonment, a vicious attack, excruciating physical and emotional pain, parenting can still be difficult. Our expert author, Jennifer Gilbert, shares her experiences from childhood to parenting in her  book, I Never Promised You a Goodie Bag. I think you'll find her amazing.

Abandonment

Jennifer, the oldest daughter of three girls, grew up in a good family. Although her parents were caring, there was a recurrent problem. Her father's business required frequent traveling for weeks at a time. He wanted Jennifer's mom to go with him. Jennifer sobbed every time they left.

The Attack

When you read the vicious attack by a stranger, be prepared to experience your own terror.  He repeatedly stabbed her with a screwdriver.  The very people who could have helped her abandoned her as she screamed and fought back.

Physical and Emotional Pain

Jennifer takes you right inside her being to help you understand her physical and emotional pain. You'll learn how her loving family and friends tried to console her but with words that only increased her misery. You'll find out what victims really need from those they trust and love.

Survival

The spirit within Jennifer amazed me. How could she care so deeply about making others happy? How could she mask her feelings and create a multi-million dollar business? How could she trust any man, let alone marry? How could she choose to raise children in a world where bad things happen? How could she heal herself?

Jennifer Gilbert answers these questions and gives hope to all survivors.

You'll love the stories Jennifer weaves with threads of humor, insight, honesty, and bravery. You'll respect how Jennifer worked through her deepest pains. And in the end you'll understand how she acquired compassion, caring, and  wisdom  as the mother of three.

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Pick up Jennifer Gilbert's book, I Never Promised You a Goodie Bag: A Memoir of a Life Through Events-the Ones You Plan and the Ones You Don't

Available on Amazon.com

Let's give our HEARTFELT PRAISE to Jennifer Gilbert for sharing her deepest self.

Jennifer Gilbert

Visit her website at www.savethedate.com

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Parent and Teacher with Mutual Contract

If you'd like a contract that puts parents and teachers on the right track for encouraging character, curiosity, and creativity in children, keep reading. Our expert parenting author, Rick Ackerly, is sharing a contract he and a sixth-grade teacher, Susan Porter, came up with years ago. Rick is an educator and speaker with 45 years’ experience working in schools. Let's take a look at that contract.

"Defining the Parent-Teacher Contract:

• .as the teacher, I can and will:
• care for your child and make sure she is safe
• praise him when he deserves it
• be on her case when it's necessary
• encourage him to find his strength and use it
• challenge her to use her weakness to improve it
• show him how to take charge of his learning
• be there for her when she needs extra help
• provide him with a side variety of ideas, subjects, and activities

I Cannot:

• love her as you do
• protect him for disappointment
• make sure she is happy
• make sure he is not bored
• .ensure she has friends
• make sure he gets good grades
• guarantee she will get into a good high school
• give him self-respect or self-confidence or high self-esteem

As the Parent, You Can:

• know your child for who she is
• appreciate your child for who he is, not for who you hope he [all be
• be there to console her when she needs it
• listen to him in such a way that he feels listened to
• in listening, help her fight her own battles
• enjoy him
• delight in her
• have fun with him
• give her unconditional love and trust even when you don't feel it's justified
• believe in him even when your feelings tell you otherwise

You Should Not:

• feel guilty for your child's disappointing achievement or "poor" performance
• feel inadequate that you cannot respond to her every need on short notice
• compare your child to other students
• fight his battles for him"  (from pages 17-18)

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To find out more about when you can do to raise your children with character, curiosity, and creativity pick up Rick Ackerly's amazing book,

The Genius in Every Child: Encouraging Character, Curiosity, and Creativity in Children

Available at Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Rick Ackerly for sharing his excellent knowledge as a teacher,
principal, and parent.        

              
 *******

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you.

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below.

Is Sex and Violence in Movies Harmful to Kids?

Parents, do you need research to realize the sex and violence your adolescents see affects their behavior? Probably not but the research is fascinating just the same. Our parenting expert and author, Dr. Donahue, is here today to share the research and some questions for us to consider. 

Do movies reflect culture or lead it?

Do movies reflect our culture, or do they lead and change culture? Social scientists have debated this issue probably since the first movie hit the screen. It seems to me that the available research show that teen exposure to risky behaviors like smoking, using drugs, and drinking in movies are more likely to use tobacco, alcohol and other drugs. Most sociologists accept this finding.

Catholic Church officials have long held that that movies help define teens behavior. Our pastor felt so strongly that I remember not being able to see "Gone with the Wind", because Rhett Butler told Scarlett "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!"

Now the question remains; does teen exposure to sexual content in movies influence their sexual behavior?

Last week Dartmouth researchers think they may have answered the question.

They reviewed 684 high grossing movies from 1998 to 2004 that contained sexual content - defined as heavy kissing or sexual intercourse. Then they surveyed 1,228 kids aged 12-14 and asked them which of these movies they had seen. Six years later they surveyed the kids again, asking them about their sexual behavior.

Their conclusion: "Adolescents who are exposed to more sexual content in movies start having sex at younger ages, have more sexual partners, and are less likely to use condoms with sexual partners." And their recommendation to parents: "This study and its confluence with other work, strongly suggests that parents need to restrict their children from seeing sexual content in movies at young ages."

I think that makes a lot of sense. Earlier studies found that more that 84% of movies from 1950 - 2006 contained sexual content. Furthermore, 68% of G rated films, 82% of PG movies, and 85% of PG-13 movies contained sexual content. This goes way back to the fifties! I wonder how, or if, the content changed between then and 2006? (I am, of course, being silly, we all know it changed and not for the better.)

But, my thoughts today are on the Aurora movie shootings. I have not seen, and will not see the Batman movie. And I don't know if it is violent, but I wonder if we are showing kids and ourselves too much violence! 

We know what happens to kids who watch sex, smoking, drinking, and drugs in movies, why would we think watching violent movies and playing violent video games would not make them more violent? Why do we watch violence? And as important, why do we let kids watch violence? This blows my mind!

Haven't we seen enough violence in our own lives that we don't need to spend money to see more?

Sorry if I sound like and old sorry sport, but tell me, what is it about violence that draws people to watch it? Maybe I'm just a chicken at heart!

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This post came from Dr. Donahue's blog on July 21st http://www.messengersindenim.org/ 

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 Let's APPLAUD Dr. Donahue for sharing this research and asking us the important questions. Dr. Donahue, a pediatrician, is the author of:

Messengers in Denim: The Amazing Things Parents Can Learn from Teens

Dr. Donahue

Pick up Messengers in Denim

            Available at Amazon.com

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