Helping Kids Change Bossines to Friendships

 If you're a parent and you have a bossy child, you'll want to use these solutions. Our parenting expert and author, Dr. Michele Borba, is sharing 5 problems with answers you can start using today. Let's find out her advice from her popular book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.

"Teach Simple Solutions to Curb Bossiness

Don't assume that your child knows how to change her domineering ways; instead show her a new response. Here are a few examples of solutions for bossiness to help you get started. Then watch your child a bit more carefully to identify the problem and then provide a solution. 

1. Problem: Doesn't share.

    Solution: Explain taking turns to your child, why it's important, and then remind her of the expected behavior. "Remember, I expect you to share. If there's anything you really don't want to share, put it away before your friend comes. Otherwise you must let her have a turn."

2. Problem: Dictates the game plan.

    Solution: Your new house rule is "the guest chooses the first activity"; from then on, choices are alternated.

3. Problem: Doesn't realize she sounds bossy.

    Solution: Show her how to turn a bossy comment into a more tactful statement. Bossy: We're going to shoot baskets." Tamer: What would you like to play? "Bossy: "We're doing it my way." Tamer: "How about if we try it my way?"

4. Problem: Unaware she's being bossy with a peer.

    Solution: Develop a private signal (pulling on your ear or touching your nose) so that the moment her bossiness kicks in, you signal to her to turn down her dictator mode.

5. Problem: Doesn't consider the other person's view.

    Solution: Turn the experience into a teachable moment: "Kara never got a turn. How do you think she felt?" "You never asked Bill what he wanted to do. How do you think he felt?" "What do you think you can do next time so your friend has a say?" What will you do to make sure Paul has a better time?"

Set a Consequence If Dictating Continues

Your child needs to know you are serious about curbing her bossy streak. So if despite your efforts your child continues to be a dictator around peers, it's time to set a consequence. "Unless you can be less bossy, you won't be able to have Matt come over. Let's work on ways you can treat him more fairly." from pages 67-68.

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To find out a lot more about changing bossy behavior and one parent's excellent solution, read the full chapter entitled Bossy  on pages 64-70 in The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries

 Available at Amazon.com

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Let's give a BIG HAND to Dr. Michele Borba for her solutions to bossiness.

Michele Borba, Ed.D.

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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