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How an Unconcerned Parent Turned His Wild Child Around

 

Boy angry
Here's Help for Your Out-of-Control Child!

If your child's misbehavior is wild and you're unconcerned, listen to Sean's story. Our parenting expert and author, Dr. Partridge, is sharing and excerpt from his book, Building Character Skills in the Out-of-Control Child.

 

Sean's Character Building Story:

Sean was the son of very well-regarded parents in a prosperous suburban community. Strangely, when his mother sought consultation, his father did not appear to be particularly disturbed by his son's repeated behavior problems at school. 

Sean was smart - so smart that he manipulated teachers, administrators and recreation leaders - and he terrorized his peers in the classroom and on the playground.

His father, as it developed, had been something of a maverick himself as a boy, and he didn't seem especially concerned. "So Sean's not functioning in the first grade," he told his wife. "It's no big deal. He's a bright kid. He'll get it."

But Sean didn't settle down. By the second grade, it became evident that he was becoming too violent for the public school environment. The family talked of a private school. Yet they were perceptive enough to realize that Sean probably wouldn't last long in a private school, either.

Another crisis arose over Sean's behavior with his Little League baseball team. Confrontations escalated, not only between Sean and his parents, but between his truly caring parents themselves. Sean detected messages that his father really wasn't serious about changing his behavior and effort.

Finally, it became apparent that his mother would have to lay it on the line to her husband: "We aren't going to have any family or a marriage unless you're willing to do something about this yourself."

At this point, Sean's father became convinced the situation really was serious, and he'd have to become fully involved with Sean. Just to make sure, I created a structure that virtually mandated his father's serious participation.

When the school called about Sean's latest episode, it was his father's responsibility to confer immediately with teachers and administrators.

About the third time that he received a summons from school and had to leave a waiting client, he became very serious about Sean's behavior problem. He knew he'd have to put himself on the line.

The struggle with Sean turned around right there.

Sean brought his daily report card from school directly to his father's nearby office. Dad administered Time-Out, extra jobs, and day-to-day discipline.

Very soon, Sean got the message. The unconcerned parent had become a determined parent. Clever though he was, Sean had run out of room to maneuver. (Pages 136-137)

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Parents who make excuses for their out-of-control kids make big mistakes. When this dad began to civilize his wild child, the boy turned around. Parents are so important in training their children. Can you imagine how many people felt relieved when Sean's behavior changed for the better?

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Why not pick up Dr. Partridge's book, Building Character In The Out-Of-Control Child

Cover Building Character Skills in the Out-of-Control

Available at Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Dr. Partridge for writing such a brilliant book. His solid ideas can help parents everywhere.

Dr. Partridge

Dr. Partridge

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You Can Have Fun Building Character in Your Children

 

Family Meal with Teens
Fun Discussions Build Character!

If you could have fun building character in your children, would you do it? Now you can! Pick up my kindle book  today on Amazon.com for FREE.

Character Building: Problem Stories for Family Discussions will help you instill solid values in your kids. Your children, in turn, will love the attention, approval, and appreciation you give them for their thoughts.

Gone are the unpleasant days of lecturing, nagging, and yelling. With this FREE e-book, you will help your children access their own wisdom in solving the problem stories about topics like:

1. Fighting in the car

2. Bullying

3. Bragging

4. Put downs

5. Chores and many more

Your children will help decide the listening and speaking skills they need. They'll practice empathy, social awareness, and problem solving too.

Your family discussions can be held at the dinner table, before bedtime, and on long car rides.

Why not create an unbeatable family bond, build character, and have fun doing it?

In Addition to This Free E-Book, You'll Receive These Bonuses:

15 car topics

18 ways to create family conversations

51 subjects for discussion starters

This promo only runs until midnight PST September 26 and 27, 2012.! Pick it up now for FREE at:

Character Building: Problem Stories for Family Discussions

Cover Brian CB vol. 1r

Available at Amazon.com

If you don't have a kindle, no problem! Download the FREE Kindle App and read my kindle book on your computer. Get you kindle app at Kindle for PC

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Teaching Kids to Read: Dyslexia Is Not a Disease

 

Boy studying
Unleash the Genius in Your Child's Mind

If your kids have trouble reading or have been diagnosed with dyslexia, you need to read this blog. Our parenting expert and author, Rick Ackerly, has been a teacher and principal. The following is an excerpt from his book, The Genius in Every Child.

Dyslexia Is Not a Disease

It is not even a condition. Dyslexia means "trouble reading," and under its large umbrella are grouped a wide range of neurological configurations in a wide variety of minds. Sure, when specialists declare, "Yes, your child has dyslexia," they are saying that your child's mind has trouble with some things that other minds do easily, like seeing the difference between b and d.

Some Different Types of Dyslexics:

However, while it may be true that all dyslexics are similar, it is also true that no two dyslexics are alike.

1. Eden, for instance, stumbles as she proceeds through the letters of a word, trying to sound out the syllables and turn that string of letters into a word.

2. Aiden can do that just fine, if he slows down, but naturally gravitates to reading the first letter and guesses the rest of the word from the context.

3. Eddie, in the fourth grade, can get through reading a passage aloud accurately and fluently, but he can only answer about 50 percent of the questions about the passage accurately.

4. Abby reads through the same passage slowly, adding an "eh" sound at the end of a number of words, as if there were an extra syllable. It seems to take her forever to get through the passage, but not only can she answer all the questions about the passage accurately, she can also elaborate and tell you many of her own thoughts on the subject. All four have been "diagnosed" as dyslexic.

Teaching any of the academic subjects takes a lot of doing, but underlying all that activity, with or without tutors, must be the understanding that the development of these skills is in the service of, and concurrent with, the engagement of genius.

Teaching academics in an intellectual, social, emotional, and spiritual vacuum will not work for most children.

If that method seems to work for some children, it is because reading itself comes easily to them, and reading has become a vehicle for the liberation of genius. If this engagement has not occurred, then all the activity was mostly for naught. (pages 21-22)

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Rick Ackerly's topic about the genius in every child is filled with solid information you can use. To read more, pick up his book The Genius in Every Child: Encouraging Character, Curiosity, and Creativity in Children

Cover The Genius

Available on Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Rick Ackerly for sharing his profound knowledge, experience, and for helping us understand what dyslexia is.

Blog Potential Rick Ackerly educator
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The Top 10 Best Parenting Strategies Kids Need from You

 

Bigstock_Family_Problems_183002
Listening, Understanding, and Love

If you're a parent, you'll need these strategies to raise emotionally healthy kids. Our parenting expert and author, Dr. Charlotte Reznick, is sharing her top 10 best ways for rearing children along with 6 parenting requests from a nine-year-old child.  I suggest you copy the top ten methods and keep them where you can refer to them. This is an excerpt from her book, The Power of Your Child's Imagination. Let's listen to her advice.

Listen to Allegra's Story

Nine-year-old Allegra asked me to speak to her parents on her behalf. She had a list of concerns she was afraid to bring up, behaviors that made her anxious and unable to concentrate on her schoolwork and chores. Her requests included:

. Not yelling at each other: it woke her up at night

. Not screaming at her older brother

. Never hitting her, for any reason

. Not saying anything mean or hurtful to her

. Making it safe for her to talk about her feelings

. Being more positive

Kids like Allegra have taught me a lot about good parenting. They are much wiser than we give them credit for and know exactly what they need to thrive. Over the years, these requests have evolved into the top ten list below. I share them with adults whenever I can.

Not only do these items promote stronger family ties, but they are principles that create a safe emotional context in which to teach your child the Nine Tools. If you think about the qualities you appreciated or would have liked in your parents, you may find many on this list.

What Kids Most Want and Need from Their Parents

 Dr. Charlotte's Top Ten List

1. Patience

2. Understanding

3. Listening

4. Soft Voices

5. Structure

6. Consistency

7. Love

8. Freedom connected to responsibility

9. Family and extended family

10. Role models

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If you think about it, these make so much sense. Can you imagine how life would have been if your parents had lived these top 10 ways with you. Let's live them with our children today.

Dr. Charlotte Reznick goes on to discuss each item on her top ten list with wisdom.  Go to pages 71 - 75 to read her descriptions. Then follow Dr. Reznick's advice and have a conversation about them with your children. See if there's anything they'd like to add to the list.

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Pick up The Power of Your Child's Imagination

Cover The Power of Your Child's Imagination

            Available on Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Dr. Charlotte Reznick for her excellent book. It contains many helpful exercises you can share at bedtime to help your child grow.

Author  Dr. charlotte_reznick
Dr. Charlotte Reznick

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Problem: What Should Teens Do When Friends Are Addicted?

 

Girl drinking bigstock
Would Your Teen Help an Addicted Friend?


If your teen has a friend addicted to drugs or alcohol, what's the problem? Our parenting expert and author, Dr. Parnell Donahue, is here to share an excerpt from his book, Messengers in Denim. Dr. Donahue is relating a story about a girl named Beth. He was speaking to her sophomore class.

The student asked many questions. This one created a class discussion Dr. Donahue will never forget. "What should a person do if her friend is using drugs or alcohol?"

Many students gave their thoughts but when Beth spoke everyone listened. Let's find out what she said.

Beth's Addiction Problem with Drugs and Alcohol

"Can I say something?" she asked softly. I (Dr. Donahue) nodded and she continued. "Most of you don't know me very well. I just moved here from Maryland two months ago."

She turned and addressed the class. "Let me tell you what I think, but first let me tell you why I moved here. You'll find out anyway.

When I was living in Annapolis, both of my parents left for work before I went to school; so I just sat in the kitchen, bored, and waited for the bus. One Monday, after my folks had had a party the night before, I thought I'd try some vodka.

It was still sitting on the kitchen counter, so I poured myself a glassful. I can't say I liked it, but I drank a pretty big glass of it, and by the time I got to school I was laughing, and everybody thought I was like a clown or something.

I felt like, real popular, so after that I drank vodka every morning before school. It was easy because my folks always had a big liquor cabinet and they never seemed to miss what I drank.

This continued for almost the whole year. It got to the point where I couldn't pay attention and would fall asleep in class. Before long, my grades were shot and I was in trouble.

My folks didn't know what was going on until one day my friend said she had had enough of me destroying my life, so she called my mom. Then she told my homeroom teacher, and she even called the police."

By now Beth was in tears and the classroom was in a total hush. But she continued."

******

Dr. Donahue goes on to tell that Beth went into rehab. She felt angry at her friend for a long time.

To find out why Beth said, "I think...no, I know, that if your friend is using drugs or alcohol, you should tell her parents, the school counselor, and the police." To hear the whole story pick up,

Messengers in Denim: The Amazing Things Parents Can Learn from Teens and go to pages 122-123.

Cover Messengers in Denim

Available at Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Dr. Donahue for this story and all the wonderful stories in his book that show why he cares so much about teens. His insights give us the hope and the answers we need.

     Blog Optimistic Dr. Parnell Donahue     Applause_18229118
Dr. Parnell Donahue

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Parenting: When Little Kids Run Away from School!

 

Boy jumping
Why Parents Worry!

 

Listen to our parenting expert and author as she tells how she reacted when her 6-year-old son, Jeremy ran away from school. The following is an excerpt from Madeline Levine's book, "Teach Your Children Well."

The Story of Jeremy

School was out for the day. He (Jeremy) and his friend Matt were shooting hoops in the school yard when they decided that it would be much cooler to shoot hoops in the high school gymnasium just a couple of blocks away. Jeremy had spent a lot of time in that gym with his basketball-playing older brother.

The fact that Jeremy and Matt had to meander the back roads of our town was apparently no deterrent compared to the intoxication of being independent explorers. Thankfully, they arrived without incident, easily climbed the metal fence around the high school, and were having the game of their lives when the police found them.

Rather than being appalled by the appearance of the police, they both seemed to think that riding in the back of a patrol car was a suitably exciting conclusion to a thrilling afternoon...

 Madeline's Conversation with Jeremy

So instead of banishing my son to his room for eternity, he went there for the evening. But first he and I went over the events of the day, the upset it caused me, the rules about not leaving school, and my expectation that he would "think" before acting.

I made it clear that "leaving" school was unacceptable and that if it happened again it would result in a serious loss of privileges. By bedtime we had both regained our emotional equilibrium (which is to say I had, which meant he could as well).

I read a few pages of his favorite book, as usual, cuddled a bit, and told him I loved him, and he said, "I love you back." It was a pretty undramatic ending to the day. The way most days, even the challenging ones, should end.

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Here are some points Madeline made while retelling this story that you didn't hear:

1. We, as parents, differ in the amount of anxiety we can take.

2. Children differ in their amount of curiosity.

3. We need to keep our cool.

4. We need to see things through their eyes.

5. We need to access our children's ability to be responsible and then give feedback and guidance.

I liked how Madeline was able to do all of the above.

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To find out why this book, Teach Your Children Well: Parenting for Authentic Success, is an Amazon hit, why not pick it up?

Cover Teach Your Children Well
Available on Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Madeline Levine for sharing her reactions to a story that we can model when dealing with our own children's actions.

Madeline Levine
   Madeline Levine, PhD

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Building Character: Do Dads Make a Difference?

 

Dad and Son Baseball
How Fathers Make a Difference

If you're a father and you want to make a difference, our parenting expert and author, Jamie Bohnett, will share the effects of two different fathering styles on two of our greatest baseball stars. One star lives under a cloud and the other star doesn't. You'll find out why dads do make a difference. Here is an excerpt from Jamie's book, "Letters to My Son."

 

Building Character the Right Way:

Bonds vs. Griffey

Dear Son,

As you may recall, we moved to the Seattle area at the very beginning of Ken "The Kid" Griffey, Jr.'s baseball career. I watched you and your brother grow up idolizing him. His major league career inevitably came to an end two decades later.

Ken Griffey Jr.

You remember how Ken Griffey Jr. played when he was in his prime. He played the game with a seeming effortlessness that was amazing to watch. He was truly "The Natural."

Whether he was chasing down a fly ball to the center field wall, throwing a base runner out, smacking another home run, or stealing a base, Ken Griffey Jr. seemed to do it all with boundless joy.

However, in these last two years, back with his original team, The Seattle Mariners, Griffey's age, injuries, and surgeries sharply eroded his baseball skills. His decision to retire was preceded by this once proud superstar sitting on the bench.

The Baseball Stars

There is no doubt in anyone's mind that he will be remembered as one of the very best who ever played the game of baseball. Griffey's retirement reminds me of another player, Barry Bonds, who also recently retired. Bonds extended his record-breaking career well into his forties, eclipsing the single season home run record of Mark McGwire and the career home run record of Hank Aaron.

Both of these men had fathers who had All-Star major league careers, Ken Griffey Sr. and Bobby Bonds. And both of the sons surpassed their fathers' baseball greatness.

Ken Griffey Jr. retires now with what appears to be a clear record and great appreciation for what he accomplished without the help of banned steroids.

Barry and Ken's Father-Son Relationship

Yet, Barry, Bobby's son, retired under a huge cloud of suspicion that he was using steroids illegally to enhance his performance.

Barry's relationship with his father by his own account was distant. "I was a momma's boy. I didn't get anything from my dad, except my body and my baseball knowledge. The only time I spent with him was at the ballpark."...

On the other hand, Junior's relationship with his dad was close...(Pages 45-46) To find out about a personal conversation between the two baseball stars and Ken Jr.'s private thoughts about doing things the "right way,"  pick up:

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Letters to My Son

 

Cover Letters to my son

Available at Amazon.com

Let give SPECIAL THANKS to Jamie Bohnett for sharing this letter to his son and encouraging sons everywhere to do things the "right way". I also appreciate how he encourages us to realize the importance of good fathering.

Jamie Bohnett

Jamie Bohnett

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How Expectations Can Hurt Parents with Out-of-Control Teens

 

Boy teen drinking bigstock
When Parents' Expectations Begin to Crumble

Parents with high expectations can feel beaten down with their out-of control teens. Our parenting experts and authors for today will give you examples why this is true. Authors Marney Studaker-Corner, Kimberly Abraham, and Kathryn O'Dea have experience with teens. Here is an excerpt from their book, "The Whipped Parent." Let's see what they have to say.

 

The Expectations Road Race

Expectations are a lot like that car ride. Careening ahead at full speed are those expectations your child just can't or won't meet. You know the ones. Those nagging unmet hopes and expectations that leave you feeling disappointed, angry, resentful and full of worry.

You've read the first chapters of this book and may have decided, "Boy, they're right. I can't expect anything from my child. As a matter of fact, I should just give up all my hopes for him. He'll never meet them anyway."

The highest unmet expectations can be followed by extreme lows. "I used to want my child to go to college and be an engineer. I thought he'd have a nice house and family. But he just refused to go to school. Now I figure he'll probably live in a house that's almost condemned. Even that's a high expectation, because he'll probably be homeless."

Sometimes the higher your expectations are,

the harder you hit coming down from them.

A speeding car ride may be exciting the first time you take one. If the ride never stops, however, you end up being fearful, exhausted, overwhelmed and sick. You can probably picture your kid, sitting in the driver's seat, scaring the daylights out of you and refusing to slow down no matter how hysterical you get.

When you're traveling at full speed ahead, the times of high expectations, you're feeling anxious, powerless and fearful.

"I want so much for my child. I'm afraid of how his life will turn out-if he lives to see his future. I need to keep him from ruining his life."

When the car slows down, and your expectations are lowered, you may have given up all hopes and expectations. You feel helpless, depressed, and totally whipped.

"He'll end up dead or in jail. I'm not even going to open myself up to him emotionally, because he'll only hurt me again with his behavior."

Another type of extreme low is when anger and resentment lead you to sabotage your adolescent.

"I hope he does end up in jail for drinking and driving. As a matter of fact, next time he goes out with his buddies, I think I'll tip the cops off about what road he usually takes."

Without realizing it, you may even set him up to fail. Your whipped emotions are what take you from one extreme to the other.

Extremes

As a whipped parent, finding middle ground is the key to feeling... (from pages 45-46)

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The authors captured the thoughts of many parents. Let's APPLAUD them for their work with teens and sharing how well they understand parents who feel whipped.

To read more, pick up their book, The Whipped Parent: Hope for Parents Raising an Out-of Control Teen

The Whipped Parent

Available at Amazon.com

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Please share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the tiny comment link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

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How to Communicate with Kids: The Dos and Don'ts

Family laughing
Communicating Means Listening and Responding

 

Teaching kids to communicate is more than flashcards. Our parenting expert and author, Ellen Galinsky, has gathered the dos and don'ts of other experts to share with you. Here's an excerpt from Ellen's book, "Mind in the Making".

Do: Remember the purpose of language

Language is a tool by which people express their thoughts. Everything children are going to learn, they are going to learn through their ability to understand language and to produce language.

- Janellen Huttenlocher, University of Chicago

Don't: Think that using flash cards is promoting communication skills.

There are so many ways that parents and caregivers can encourage language in young children, and it's not through flash cards-it's through conversations, it's through questioning, it's (through) being responsive to what a child is interested in.

- Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Temple University

Do: Know that you are your children's most important guide into the world of language.

Think of yourself as (your) child's greatest plaything. Your voice, your face, the things you do, your actions are what intrigue them most. They have a natural curiosity for the things that humans do.

-Patricia Kuhl, University of Washington

Don't: Think you have to buy expensive products to teach your child about communicating.

Rather than buy fancy software of expensive toys, the thing to remember is that you and your time are the most valuable things to a child.

- Patricia Kuhl, University of Washington

Do: Listen and be responsive to your child.

Children learn language in a situation where they talk to you about what they're interested in and you respond.

-Catherine Snow, Harvard University

Don't: Drown your child in words.

When your children have had enough stimulation, they'll pull away. Be respectful of this and engage them again when they are ready to reengage. (from pages 141-142)

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Do you agree with the experts. What are your experiences in helping children communicate?

Let's give SPECIAL THANKS to Ellen Galinsky for gathering these dos and don'ts.

Ellen Galinsky
Ellen Galinsky

Pick up Mind in the Making for teaching The 7 essential life Skills Every Child Needs.

Cover ~ Mind in the Making
Available on Amazon.com

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