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A Story of Character: How Two Boys Handled a Foul-Mouthed Friend

Angry boy
Sometime the Right Choices Hurt

Would your kids to have the character to tell a friend they didn't like his foul language? Or should they put up with it for fear of losing his friendship? Todays' parenting expert, Michael Sabbeth, and author of the book, The Good The Bad and the Difference, is here to share this story. (From pages 202 and 203.)

 

Michael Sabbeth is a lawyer. He enjoyed challenging young students to think about character, choices, and values. He tells kids and adults to avoid the myth that choices don't have consequences. Sometimes those consequences hurt.

The Story

A boy named Erik told Michael Sabbath how he and his friend disliked foul language from their buddy. It seems the foul-mouthed boy used it everywhere: at home, the movies, and the playground. Erik told Michael that they liked the 6th grader but they didn't like his meanness to them or other kids.

One day they took the risk to tell their friend they didn't like his crude behavior. They told him they wouldn't spend time with him unless he stopped cursing. As they feared, the boy left them in anger.

Erik said, "We don't talk that way and we don't think it's right. We didn't need that kind of friend."

The Wrap-Up

A few months later the exiled boy approached the boys and said he'd stop cursing if he could be their friend again. They accepted him back. The boy kept his promise.

******

I like this story because it emphasizes the ability of kids to make good choices. All 3 boys paid the price. Erik and his friend lost their rude pal. The vulgar boy lost 2 friends.

When the foul-mouthed boy decided to stop swearing and asked to be accepted back, everybody won. Not all choices have happy endings. Most parents want their children to show character by making good choices with or without a positive conclusion.

Do you believe speaking up when something's wrong, shows character?

How would you feel if your child made Erik’s choice?

******

Pick up Michael Sabbath's book, The Good The Bad & the Difference: How to Talk With Children About Values  You'll love his stories. Share them with your kids. Start today.

Cover The Good, The Bad,
Available at Amazon.com

Let's THANK Michael Sabbath for sharing his inspirational stories for discussing values with kids.

Michael Sabbeth best
Michael Sabbath

******

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15 House Rules for a Great High School Prom Party

 

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A Few Rules for Great Prom Parties

Does your student want to host a high school after prom party at your house. If so, listen to our parenting expert and author of Messengers in Denim, Dr. Par Donahue. His grandson created some rules that you are free to use.

 

With spring in the air, can high school proms be far behind? They will be here sooner than parents think, and  later than  most high school kids (girls especially) can wait.

Each spring I have posted Post-Prom Party rules developed by one of my high school grandsons. He is now a sophomore at Notre Dame and gave me permission to post them.

I am posting them again in hopes they will help parents and prom goers make their post-prom party happy, safe, and more fun! So, here goes.

Spring brings forth proms, and proms suggest post-prom parties, and post-prom parties cause major parental anxiety, or at least they should! But it doesn’t have to be that way!

A couple of years ago,  one of my grandsons wanted to host a post-prom party, so his parents asked him to decide what the rules of conduct would be. If the parents agreed with the rules, he would be allowed to have the party. With his permission and that of his parents I submit his guidelines for what turned out to be a great party.

He and his girlfriend, high school juniors, planned the party; they made up the following rules to govern conduct at the party and had them approved by his parents. (Which is the way I think house rules should be decided.) He and she also decided what the punishment would be for an infraction of the rules.

Lest you think he is a geek, let me assure you he is not. He has one of the top GPA’s in his class, plays in the marching band, is an Eagle Scout, has a black belt in karate, and is the kind of guy you would want your teens to have for a friend. I sure am proud of him! I have deleted his name and the names of his parents, but the party invitation below is exactly as he wrote it.

“Hey, guys, in case I haven’t told you yet, you’re invited to an after-prom party at my house! My mom just wants to make sure that everyone knows some ground rules. If you are to attend, please email her at XXXXXXXX.net with a confirmation that you understand and agree to these rules.

Rules and Regulations for the After-prom Party:

‘Because we care about you…”

1. All rules and regulations enumerated herein have been agreed upon by Mr. and Mrs. XXXXXXXX, and all attendees of the after-party must abide by the following or parents will be notified to collect the offending person(s).

2. No non-prescription drugs, stimulants, depressants, hallucinogens, alcohol, tobacco, club drugs,
inhalants, mushrooms, narcotics, etc. are allowed.

3. No friends of invitees permitted unless they were invited by the host couple (John Doe and Jane Doe).

4. After quiet time (2:50 a.m. ±) begins, girls are to be confined to the guest room and guys are to be confined to the upstairs level. Mr. and Mrs. XXXXXXXX will be sleeping in the hallway/staircase region to prevent “purple” rooms.

5. No intense intimate relations. Mr. XXXXXXXX defines intimate as “anything more than a chaste kiss. Leave room for the Holy Spirit.”

6. All guests must depart by 9:00 a.m. (to be changed?).

7. After the party, all guests must help to clean up (spills, trash, messes, etc.).

8. All guests must stay within the presence of others, and nobody/no small groups of people are allowed outside unless all are willing to go outside. House alarms will be set upon the group’s
arrival from prom.

9. Do not do anything that you do not want Mr. XXXXXXXX to put pictures of on Facebook.

10. Be nice, no drama please.

11. If you wish to bring a movie(s), it(they) must be rated G, PG, or PG-13. All other movies will be
confiscated.

12. If you wish to bring video games, they must be EC, E, E10+, or T. All other video games will be
confiscated. If one wishes to bring a video game system(s), that (those), too, is (are) allowed.

13. Music considered offensive by Mr. and Mrs. XXXXXXXX is not allowed either. If you would not go up to them and speak the lyrics to them conversationally, do not play that song.

14. Forbidden activities include Laptag, Spin the Bottle, Truth or Dare? etc. Other activities can be forbidden on the spot by Mr. and Mrs. XXXXXXXX

15. The 10 Commandments are in effect at all times. A list of these is posted in the kitchen to aid anyone who might not understand them completely.”

Some 12 or 14 couples came and I was told by my grandson that no one was asked to leave and everybody had a great time. If you are sorry your kids were not invited to a party of this kind, let
them plan their own party. Just copy my grandson’s rules and have a great time.

*******

Let's THANK Dr. Donahue for sharing his grandson's prom rules. They will make your teens safe and happy. 

Blog Optimistic Dr. Parnell Donahue
 Dr. Donahue

Pick up Messengers in Denim and find out the wonderful things Dr. Donahue, as a pediatrician, has learned from them.

Cover Messengers in Denim
Available at Amazon.com

*******

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About Bullying: Is Your Preschool Child a Bully?

Boy angry preschool bigstock--9633062
You Can Prevent Your Child from Being a Bully

If your preschooler was in trouble for bullying, what would you do? Our parenting expert and author, Dr. Partridge, is sharing advice from his book, Building Character Skills In The Out-of-Control Child.

To show the importance of his work, here's a statistic from the National Education Association:

"It is estimated that 160,000 children miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidation by other students."

Imagine being the parent of a preschool bully and having to attend a parenting meeting with the parents of your child's victims. Dr. Partridge, being the expert, led the discussion. Several parents spoke up telling how their children were "picked on."

Finally, one of the parents of the bullies spoke, "My wife and I are embarrassed - and apologetic, because our son is one of the troublemakers - no doubt about it."

Other parents shared their frustration and discouragement because their youngsters were bullies too. The kids who were bullies at school acted badly at home too.

Dr. Partridge encouraged the parents to give suggestions on how to change the bullying behavior.

Here are some of the parent's suggestions:

1. Sit the bully on a chair in the laundry room facing the dryer and make him stay there.

2. Put the bully to bed early.

3. If he acts badly in the grocery store, leave the cart. Take him home and put him to bed for the rest of the day.

4. Swoop him up and put him some place he doesn't want to be.

One mother told about what didn't work:

"Well, when Jennifer hits her brother, I hold her and tell her it's not the right thing to do, and why - and what she should do since she's older - but it's not working." (From pages 95-96)

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If children aren't disciplined effectively from an early age, they may becoming spoiled, uncaring, and seek the power that bullying gives them. They become a menace at home, in school, and, as they grow, to society.

By getting answers from the parents, Dr. Partridge didn't need to tell them to be stricter  with their children. They knew it. They heard what worked from each other. Brainstorming can be a good place to start when real solutions are described. What would you do if your preschool child was a bully?

******

Let's APPRECIATE Dr. Partridge's wisdom in helping parents help themselves and for sharing his ideas in his insightful book.

Dr. Partridge
    Dr. Partridge

Pick up Building Character Skills In The Out-Of-Control Child

Cover Building Character Skills in the Out-of-Control
Available at Amazon.com

****** 

If you'd like an ebook on how to discipline effectively pick up my Discipline Tips for Parents today. The techniques inside will give you what you need to raise respectful children.

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3 Ways for Teaching Your Children to Control Their Tempers

 Mom Asian bigstock-18057422

How to Model Self-Control
 

If your children's aggressive behavior is out of control, keep reading. Our parenting experts and authors of the book, The Whipped Parent are here to share 3 self-control strategies you can use today. Marney Studaker-Cordner and Kimberly Abraham are therapists who have helped inner city kids.  Let's hear their advice.

Did I Say That Out Loud? (An excerpt from their book)

Eight-year-old Hammer's mom took him to therapy. Her biggest concern was Hammer's behavior whenever he got angry. "He hits, he steals and he lies. He goes into rages. He has kicked holes in my walls. I'm ready to put him in foster care." Mom wanted Hammer to learn how to handle anger without physical violence.

"I tell him all the time to just walk away," she sighed. "I work forty hours a week. I just don't have the time to be out in the middle of the street all night, fighting with these neighbor kids' mamas."

When asked what consequences she'd tried with her son, Mom replied, "I tried beating him, but he just doesn't seem to care.

1. Did she hear what she just said?

2. Did she just model a violent approach to anger and frustration? You bet.

3. Does she understand that? Probably not.

Unless you're really paying attention, it's hard to hear yourself. Especially when you're in the middle of an emotional situation. (From pages 115-117)

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The 3 Ways to Teach Your Children to Control Anger

Our authors recommend:

1. Listen to yourself. 

2. Be more aware of messages you send your children.

3. Take advantage of the opportunities to model calm behavior in words and actions.

In short, the 3 ways to help your kids to control their tempers is making sure you model controlling yours.

******

I like how Marney and Kimberly helped us hear Hammer's mom using the kind of inflammatory language and behavior she didn't like in her son. Like Hammer's mom it's easy to not hear our own words or see that our own actions model aggressiveness.

Their 3 recommendations are helpful to parents everywhere.

Marney and Kimberly also discuss how a mom couldn't hear her teenage son when he'd explode about her grabbing him. Find out more on page 116.

******

Pick up The Whipped Parent and get the courage and help you need today.

The Whipped Parent
Available at Amazon.com

******

Let's THANK Marney Studaker-Cordner MSW, CSW and Kimberly Abraham, MSW, CSW for working with inner city children and giving us such great insights into the power of poor modeling.

Authors Marney and Kim
    Marney and Kimberly

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The Best Baby Toy for Your Child's Brain Development

 

Baby on floor with mom bigstock--6615510
What Is Your Baby's Favorite Toy?

Babies have a best toy. To develop your baby's brain you must use it. It won't cost you a penny. To find out what it was, I went to Deborah McNelis' Braininsights. Deborah is an author, speaker, educator, and parent. Let's find out the best toy ever for your baby's brain development.

How This Toy Works for Young Babies:

Lay your baby on a soft blanket on the floor. Lay down face to face in front of your baby. Can you guess what the best toy is? It's YOU.

Your baby wants to see your happy face. Notice how he tries to lift his just head to look at you. Your face and your voice are delightful to him.

Floor Tips:

1. Surround your baby with soft pillows while he's on his blanket. As he gets a little older, place a toy in front of him. Encourage him to reach for it.

2. Make the pillow circle larger when he's even a little older. Place several toys around the circle. This will encourage him to start crawling.

3. Be there to praise his efforts and have fun with him.

Deborah assures us that your baby's brain develops more abilities through new experiences. To give your baby those experiences is as easy a being his favorite toy and by encouraging both his motor and mental development.

******

Pick up Deborah McNelis' Braininsights: Love Your Baby ~ Making Connections in the First Year

Cover BrainInsights

Available at Amazon.com

******

Let's APPLAUD Deborah McNelis for her work in brain development. She's done her research and gives us the best advice for helping our babies grow.

Author, Deborah McNelis
     Deborah McNelis

******

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Quiz for Parents: Turning Kids from Failure toward Success

 Boy jumping bigstock--b-17755565

Teaching Kids the Best Way to Succeed


If you're a parent and like taking quizzes, find out if you're helping your child succeed today. Our parenting expert and author, Carol Josel, has devised a test called Honestly Speaking from her book Other-Wise and School-Wise. You'll fine 9 questions to answer and 4 quotes to help your children succeed.  This is an excerpt from her parenting guidebook.

 

Honestly Speaking

Parents often feel compelled to step in to ensure our children's success, trying to protect them from failure and a loss of self-esteem. You too? Check off those items that hold true for you and then read on for tips and quotes to keep you on the right path.

1. I sometimes praise my child for the very slightest reason.

2. I have, as least once, called my child's teacher to make excuses for my child's poor showing on a test or assignment.

3. At least once, I've requested that my child be retested to improve a grade.

4. I discourage my child's risk-taking. Why court disaster?

5. I'd do just about anything to help my child feel good about him/herself.

6. I've at least once typed a paper, done an assignment, or helped my child complete a project for a good grade.

7. I don't hesitate to question a teacher if my child has been disciplined. He/she is a good kid and not a behavior problem.

8. I'd consider calling a teacher and refuse to let my child serve detention. If my kid says he/she is blameless, that's enough for me.

9. I believe that teachers should offer extra credit and bonus points to bolster a child's grades.

Scoring:

Checking off more than even one or two of these items suggests that instead of bolstering self-esteem, you may actually be undermining it. Read on to find out why...

Not To Be Avoided!

You know that success is sweet--and it's what we want for our children! Yet, at the same time, we must understand that self-esteem comes from overcoming obstacles, hard work, and, yes, even failure. Protecting our children from consequences undermines effort, independent thinking, and the ability to cope. Here's why... (From pages 57-58)

Quotes for Parents from Experts

. "When we muffle our children in a haze of supportive words and blunt their experience of consequences, we could be making it harder for them to deal with the real world." ~ Melissa Fay Greene

. "I've noticed this trend a lot lately: adults refusing to let children fail at something. It's as if we grown-ups believe that kids are too fragile to handle defeat." ~ Suzanne Sievert

. "Parents get overly involved in the minutiae of their kids' lives, stage-managing successes and robbing kids of the opportunity to learn from their failures." ~ Pat Wingert and Barbara Kantrowitz

. "Help your kids see mistakes and failures as temporary setbacks instead of excuses to quit." ~ Michele Borba, Ed.D.

Reminder: Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times and hit 714 homeruns!!! (From page 58)

******

If you failed the quiz, don't worry. Use the expert quotes to remind you that children must experience the pain of failure to know the sweet taste of success.

Carol Josel is the 'Parent's Expert.' As a long-time educator, she understands how parents want to protect their children. She also knows that over-protection won't turn kids from failure to success and self-esteem.

******

Pick up Other-Wise and School-Wise: A Parent Guidebook to learn the best ways to help your child succeed.

  Cover Other-Wise

Available at: Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Carol Josel for sharing her wisdom with us. She offers us the opportunity to be the best parents ever.

 

Author Carol Josel
Carol Josel

******

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Behavior Problem: Counselor's Advice to Teen for Her Excuse about Stealing

 

Girl blamingbigstock-183931
Find Out WhyTeen Blames Parents

 If you’re the parent of a teenager who steals, how should you react to this problem? Find out what one parent did and what our counselor and parenting expert, Annie Fox, advised. The following are excerpts  from Annie's book, Teaching Kids to Be Good People.

What Would You Teach Here?

My parents give me allowance, but not enough. Since I go out with girls I need money. I also need money for my motorbike. My dad understands, but my mom doesn’t let him give me more money.

I earn extra cutting the grass for neighbors. But these little jobs aren’t enough for getting all the money I want.

I came to the extreme point of stealing from the supermarket but I was caught. Now my parents don’t give me any more money. My mom won’t talk to me. I am very sad. – 16-year-old. (Page 59)

Read Annie Fox’s Reply To:

“Why don’t my parents give me more money?”

It sounds like you are blaming your parents (just a little) for the fact that you were “desperate” enough to steal. Nothing your parents did caused you to steal. You knew it was wrong, and there was a chance you would get caught. And you chose to do it anyway. So please take responsibility for what you did. That is the only way that you can avoid making those kinds of choices.

OK, now…moving forward. Your mother is upset and disappointed. She may be angry and hurt as well.

You want more independence, and to get that you need to rebuild the trust that you’ve damaged. It’s going to take time and a “new history” to show your parents that you know how to make good choices.

The first step would be to apologize to them for the hurt you caused. That might help heal things between you. You should also be thinking about what you learned through all of this.

Hopefully you’ve learned something about choices and consequences, so the next time you feel “desperate” to get some money for going out with girls, etc., you will find ways to earn it and not ever steal again. When you figure out what you’ve learned, talk to your parents. Explain your new way of thinking to them. Consistently make healthier choices, and over time, you will help heal the relationship. (From pages 211-212)

******

Annie is a wise counselor. She did several great things in her reply:

1. She advised the girl to stop blaming her parents.

2. She reminded the girl that stealing was her choice.

3. She told the girl to take responsibility for her actions.

4. She acknowledged the girl want more independence.

5. She shared the process. Apologize and create a “new history,”

6. She asked the girl to think about what she learned about choices and consequences.

7. She told the girl to earn what she wants.

8. She advised her to explain her new way of thinking to her parent to help heal the relationship.

9. She told her to consistently make good choices over time.

If you have kids with behavior problems, you’ll find great advice from Annie Fox.

******

Pick up Teaching Kids To Be Good People: Progressive Parenting for the 21st Century.

Cover Annie Fox Book Teaching Kids

Available at Amazon.com

Let's HONOR Annie Fox for her unique book filled with letters from teens and her responses to them. We profit by her wisdom for kids and their behavior problems.

Author Annie Fox
 Annie Fox, M.Ed.

******

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Parenting with Language: How Positive Self-Talk Builds Resilience

Child daydreaming
Positive Self-Talk Builds Resilience!

If you’d like your children to have strong backbones, you must listen to the quote from our parenting expert, Dr. Donna Volpitta, author of the book, The Resilience Formula. Dr. Donna writes about the relationship between language and thought. She knows the importance of connecting these two elements when talking to kids. I will expand on her great idea with examples.

How We Think

“Our thoughts are based on language. As we think, we are, in effect, talking to ourselves.” Dr. Volpitta

3 Examples Where Parents Can Promote Positive Self-Talk

When children do something well, we can give them the kind of praise that will encourage repeat behavior and a positive mindset.

1. Your child thanks Aunt Suzy for her birthday gift.

2. Your child studied well and earned a good grade.

3. Your child helped a younger boy who fell and scraped his knee.

Compliments that Teach Resilience with Language

When we give praise that’s positive, specific, and true (PST) we encourage constructive thinking in the minds of our children. Keep on the alert for samples of your child’s great behavior every day and use PST to let them know. Here’s some PST in action.

1. When you thanked Aunt Suzy, did you notice her big smile? Everyone likes to be thanked. I’m pleased you are realizing how important it is to show gratitude.

Possible language within your child’s mind: ‘Thanking others is easy. I like making people happy too.’

2. You took the time to study and you earned a good grade. I’m glad you’re willing to study, learn, and be rewarded.

Possible language within your child’s mind: ‘It feels great to get good grades. If I study first and play afterward, I can get good grades and have fun later.’

3. I saw what you did when Sammy fell off his bike. You took care of his bike, gave him attention for his bloody knee, and helped him clean it. Sammy will look up to you for taking care of him. Helping Sammy was a kind thing to do.

Possible language within your child’s mind: ‘Helping him made Sammy feel better. I like feeling good when I do nice things for others.’

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I believe Dr. Donna is right when she tells us we can help kids develop positive thought processes with our  language. I also endorse the ideas you’ll find in her book for guiding your kids’ self-talk when they face problems. You’ll find more of her excellent advice on helping kids with effective verbal communication on pages 47-50.

Pick up The Resilience Formula: Proactive Not Reactive Parenting

 Cover Donna
Available at: Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Dr. Donna Volpitta for sharing her connection between thought and language. How we talk to our kids greatly influences how they talk to themselves. Thanks Dr. Donna.

Dr. Donna Volpitta

Dr. Donna Volpitta

******

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