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3 Ways for Teaching Your Children to Control Their Tempers

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How to Model Self-Control

If your children's aggressive behavior is out of control, keep reading. Our parenting experts and authors of the book, The Whipped Parent are here to share 3 self-control strategies you can use today. Marney Studaker-Cordner and Kimberly Abraham are therapists who have helped inner city kids.  Let's hear their advice.

Did I Say That Out Loud? (An excerpt from their book)

Eight-year-old Hammer's mom took him to therapy. Her biggest concern was Hammer's behavior whenever he got angry. "He hits, he steals and he lies. He goes into rages. He has kicked holes in my walls. I'm ready to put him in foster care." Mom wanted Hammer to learn how to handle anger without physical violence.

"I tell him all the time to just walk away," she sighed. "I work forty hours a week. I just don't have the time to be out in the middle of the street all night, fighting with these neighbor kids' mamas."

When asked what consequences she'd tried with her son, Mom replied, "I tried beating him, but he just doesn't seem to care.

1. Did she hear what she just said?

2. Did she just model a violent approach to anger and frustration? You bet.

3. Does she understand that? Probably not.

Unless you're really paying attention, it's hard to hear yourself. Especially when you're in the middle of an emotional situation. (From pages 115-117)


The 3 Ways to Teach Your Children to Control Anger

Our authors recommend:

1. Listen to yourself. 

2. Be more aware of messages you send your children.

3. Take advantage of the opportunities to model calm behavior in words and actions.

In short, the 3 ways to help your kids to control their tempers is making sure you model controlling yours.


I like how Marney and Kimberly helped us hear Hammer's mom using the kind of inflammatory language and behavior she didn't like in her son. Like Hammer's mom it's easy to not hear our own words or see that our own actions model aggressiveness.

Their 3 recommendations are helpful to parents everywhere.

Marney and Kimberly also discuss how a mom couldn't hear her teenage son when he'd explode about her grabbing him. Find out more on page 116.


Pick up The Whipped Parent and get the courage and help you need today.

The Whipped Parent
Available at


Let's THANK Marney Studaker-Cordner MSW, CSW and Kimberly Abraham, MSW, CSW for working with inner city children and giving us such great insights into the power of poor modeling.

Authors Marney and Kim
    Marney and Kimberly

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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