Divorce and Parenting: 6 Essential Messages for Your Child
If divorce is crushing your child, there are 6 essential messages you need him to believe. Our parenting expert and author, Rosalind Sedacca is here to share those messages from her book, How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? First she'll tell her story, then the 6 messages, and end with an excerpt from her son.
The Story
Rosalind and her husband were going to divorce. Her biggest fear was how to tell their son and help him deal with all the changes in his life. Changes he didn't want. Rosalind spent a sleepless night of worry. A thought about creating a loving storybook about her son's life filled her mind. That became, How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce?
The 6 Essential Messages Children of Divorce Must Hear and Believe
Rosalind thought through what her son must know and this is what she presented to her husband:
1. This is not your fault.
2. You are, and always will be, safe.
3. Mom and Dad will always be your parents.
4. Mom and Dad will always love you.
5. This is about change, not about blame.
6. Things will work out okay. (These 6 essential points are from page 9.)
The next day when Rosalind shared these principles with her husband, he agreed to promote them with their 11-year-old son.
Once Rosalind created the photo storybook, she along with her husband and son began reading about the happy events. They enjoyed the pictures and laughed about the good times. As the story evolved into the present tension then into the discussion about divorce, their son cried and cried. It was painful but it was done.
Their son is a young man now. Below is an excerpt from him.
"More than a decade ago, my mother created a special storybook for me. It was like no other book I had read. My mom, dad and I read it together. This was a storybook about my life, complete with photos of me and my parents. It was filled with memories, love and praise. It told a simple tale of how my mom and dad met, the love that they had for each other, and how, over time, it had changed. It ended with talk of divorce, what it meant to me, and why it was the beginning of change - not the end of my family." (From page 6)
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I admire Rosalind's honesty and creativity in developing this book. She does not hold back on the pain, the tears, and the courage to face the truth with her son. Her creativity gave her boy a storybook of his young life and became the visible truth that he would always be loved by each parent. He also learned that he did not cause the divorce.
This book includes templates for telling children about the divorce ranging in age from 5-10 years and from 10-15 years.
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Let's PRAISE Rosalind for giving parents a loving way to help their kids face the pain and move through the divorce and beyond.
Pick up your copy of How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce?
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Available at Child-Centered Divorce
Sign up for Rosalind's blog at http://www.childcentereddivorce.com/blog/?pg=blog
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