You Can Discipline Kids with Respect

Disciplining respectfully is a challenge for parents. Our parenting skills expert, Carole Disseldorp, will share 7 tips from her book, Easier Parenting.  First she'll share how disrespectful parents turn kids off. Then she'll share how to discipline with respect. To know exactly how to get your kids to cooperate and give you the respect you want, keep reading.

The Problems with Disrespectful Discipline

Carole knows that kids dislike nagging, yelling, and forcing them to obey. They drag their feet, ignore requests, and think mean thoughts about their parents. When parents use fear to get their kids to submit to their demands, feelings of love and peace fly out the window. Think about the last time someone treated you badly. How did you react? Why would children respond any differently?

How to Deal with Minor Misbehaviors

Let's face it, kids can be annoying. That's why you might use threats, say ugly words to get them to stop, or yell with annoyance. Have you ever reacted poorly to these behaviors?

• Whining
• Sulking
• Irritating noises
• Crying
• Pestering

They drive many parents wild. And kids keep using them because they work. Many folks give up and give in. They don't think, "If I say 'Yes' when I want to say 'No,' my kids will keep repeating these behaviors. Why? Parents just want the irritating actions to stop if only for the moment.

Carole tells us that remaining calm and not reinforcing the negative behaviors is a better way to react. How? Ignore them. Yes, it's hard to do but if you're consistent the behaviors will fade away. On the other hand, if you have been giving in to your child a lot, it will take longer to change.

Carole's Discipline Solutions for Parents

1. Realize that it's natural for your kids to not always obey. This can help you to refrain from expecting immediate compliance and acting with impatience.
2. Give a reason for changing unpleasant behaviors to older children because it's a sign of respect.
3. It's fine to give a reason for ending a behavior to kids less than 3 years. But they aren't ready to reason yet. She suggests it's more effective to act.
4. Change your behavior from repeating over and over to setting limits is best with kids.
5. Use natural or logical consequences like not wearing a jacket in freezing weather will make your daughter cold or not getting ready in time will make her miss out on a game with dad
6. Avoid heated arguments. It's hard for a child to argue by herself
7. Finally, always remember you are the parent and use your authority with kindness, firmness, and consistency.

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I agree with Carole's 7 discipline solutions because, as a family counselor, I know they work well. Start using her strategies today and you'll notice a positive difference in your children. Look for more detail in her book, Easier Parenting, on pages 41-44.

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Let's THANK Carole for her outstanding contributions to parenting with respectful discipline.

Carole Disseldorp

Pick up Easier Parenting: 8 Vital Principles to Guide Your Children's Behavior Successfully

 Available at Amazon.com

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Easy and Powerful Ways To Give Your Baby a Head Start

If you want to ensure your baby or toddler gets a head start, you can. Our parenting skills expert, Dr. Sally Goldberg, wrote both Baby and Toddler Learning Fun and Make Your Own Preschool Games. Both are excellent books filled with the best parenting information and fun activities for you and your child. Today she'll share  your unique power as the parent, what young children need, and 3 fun activities.

The Power of Parents:

 It's your face, your smile, your cuddles your child hungers for. Your feelings toward your baby will eventually tell him how to feel about himself. Your reactions toward him will become the basis of his self-esteem.

You are his first and best teacher. He wants to learn from you. Here's where you give him a head start.

Dr. Sally cautions you to refrain from spending lots of money on big shiny toys because your child will lose interest rather fast. Instead she advises making toys from what you have at home, like paper, scissors, and crayons. You find wonderful ways to teach shapes, letters, colors and more. For example, your little one will love touching 10 papers cups as you count each one. So what does your tiny one need from you?

What Babies and Toddlers Want and Need from Parents:

They don't need a grand home filled with the latest toys. They don't need the best bathing tub, crib, or silk blankets. They need your:

• Loving touches
• Happy interactions
• Playful learning activities
• Stable relationships
• Joyful music
• Expressive reading

These are easy to give and make parenting meaningful, exciting, and rewarding.

3 Fun Activities that Create a Positive Parent/Child Bond:

Young ones need space to crawl, walk, and run. It's becoming popular to give babies computer style toys that keep him visually occupied. They keep his attention but they can't give him love. They promote visual learning instead of taste, touch, smell, and hearing your loving voice.

1. Dr. Sally suggests a walk in the park. Spread a blanket, let your baby crawl. Or allow your toddler to walk, run, or skip ahead of you while she explores flowers, shrubs, rocks or looks at the sky. A shovel and pail for digging and pouring dirt and sand can increase motor activities. Why not count rocks out loud while handing them to your child to put in a bucket? Most everything you do can be learning experiences for your little one.

2. Dr. Sally recommends wonderful music for car rides like Chopin, Beethoven, and Mozart. Such music can comfort and relax your child while he looks out the window and absorbs the sights.

3. Dr. Sally says, "Home is where the heart is." She advises parents and children be together, for instance, after dinner. Maybe dad is playing solitaire, mom is reading a book to baby, and brother and sister are playing a board game. The activity of being together gives your children a sense of security and belonging.

Giving your child a head start doesn't include expensive toys and surroundings. It does include loving interactions, exploring, teaching, and security. You have the power to give your baby and toddlers what they really want - you, your attention, approval, and simple learning activities. (From pages 1-34)

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Let's THANK Dr. Sally for her extensive research, her easy to use information, and for writing the book, Baby and Toddler Learning Fun: 50 Interactive and Devlopmental Activities to Enjoy with Your Child.

Available on Amazon.com

 Dr. Sally Goldberg

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Find Out Which Question Relieves Disappointment

If your child feels the pain of disappointment and your advice isn't working, keep reading. Our parenting skills expert, Headmaster Rick Ackerly, who wrote The Genius In Every Child, will share typical situations that cause kids distress, the perfect question to ask, and the best comments to make.

1. Understand the Frustrations Your Child Faces:

Rick Ackerly, a nationally recognized educator, shares the story of Suzy who had a tough time dealing with disappointments. Suzy, a preschooler, often cried when things didn't go her way. When teachers tried to comfort her she'd reply, "I will never feel better" and "My friends will never by my friends again." Suzy's frustrations included:

• Her best friend not sitting with her at lunch
• Classmates choosing games she didn't like
• Kids learning to do things like riding tricycles before she did
• Times when she didn't get a turn to speak

Teachers gave her kind advice, helped her with her tearful feelings, tried to distract her but nothing worked until one teacher asked the perfect question.

2. Ask This Question to Help Your Disappointed Child:

Many counselors know that people have their own answers. The task is to ask the right questions.

When Suzy's teacher asked her, "What can you do to help yourself feel better?" Suzy paused and said,

"I just don't know."

The teacher was quiet and just looked at Suzy. This was a perfect response because Suzy said,

"I can think of some words to say to myself: then I'll feel better." Suzy stopped crying and was quiet for a while.

"What are those words?" asked the wise teacher.

"What comes then goes," answered Suzy.

"What comes then goes," repeated the teacher. "That is so beautiful. Tell me what you mean."

"I mean when I don't like what is happening or what someone is doing, it comes, then it just goes."

The teacher noticed that Suzy's face and body relaxed as if the disappointment had lifted.

Rick shared this with us because Suzy discovered her own answer. Her answer came from within her. He admired her teacher because she led Suzy to it by asking the best question. But that wasn't all the teacher did for Suzy.

3. Make Comments Like This to Help Your Children:

Suzy's teacher said, "Beautiful." Rick says words like beautiful, great, awesome, and amazing touch the soul. If the teacher had said good, excellent, or right they would enter Suzy's brain like an evaluation. This wasn't what the teacher was after. Rick says, "We want the child to feel her own inspirations without judgment."

By asking Suzy to tell her what she meant, the teacher helped Suzy reinforce her own idea that, "What comes then goes." 

Finally, Rick stated, "Discomfort can provide the impetus for learning." It sure did for Suzy. It does for us too. (From pages 132-134)

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Suzy's story reminds us to help children find their answers from within and strengthen them by asking kids to explain their answer further.

Do you think "What comes then goes" came from Suzy's inner genius? Could it help you when dealing with disappointments?

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Let's THANK Rick Ackerly for sharing this story with its helpful ideas.

Pick up The Genius in Every Child and find wonderful ideas for bringing out the best in your children.

Available on Amazon.com

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Helping Your Child Deal with the Divorce

If you're facing separation or divorce and need to tell your children, keep reading. Our parenting skills expert, Rosalind Sedacca, has created a child-centered way to let them know.  She's designed a special method for you to create a personal book for your children that will help them deal with the divorce.

Ms. Sedacca knows that divorce is difficult for children and parents. Before the decision to divorce, she states, "Children are well aware of the tension, the anger, and the depression that may be present." Her goal is to ease the pain for your child.

Rosalind's method includes templates for you to fill in with practical advice and ideas. It will help you discuss with your child his history within the family, how he has always been loved, photos of happy memories, and finally the decision to divorce. Throughout her book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? Rosalind shows great compassion for you and your children.

The Child-Centered Solution Section:

I like this part because it helps you tell exactly what will happen like where your child, his dad, and his mom will live. It assures your son or daughter what will remain the same by filling in blanks. There are many suggestions within her book to help you brainstorm:

1. You can still...

2. You will still...

3. Mom will still...

4. Dad will still...

You are advised to assure your child that he will always be loved by you and his other parent. Rosalind suggests the photos you include be pleasant pictures to discuss.  This will add continuity to your child's life because you promise your parent involvement will continue with future activities and pictures.

The message that Rosalind stresses throughout is to remind your children, they are safe, loved by both parents, and to let go of any blame because the divorce is not their fault.

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Let's THANK Rosalind Sedacca for developing this creative way to ease the pain and help your child with the divorce.

         Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

Pick up her book, How Do I Tell the Children About the Divorce, and use her expert ideas for telling your children in the kindest way possible.

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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If your children need to say "I can," instead of "I can't," keep reading. Our parenting skills expert, Miriam Laundry, has written an impressive book entitled, I CAN Believe in Myself. Today, we'll share the side effects of raising negative kids, how to change them, and the story of  Molly.

How to Help Your Children Think, "I CAN"

Miriam Laundry's book illustrates the problems your children experience when they repeat, "I can't." These two words have the power to influence them by:

1. Causing sad feelings. Notice the expression on your kids' faces. Have them look in the mirror. Ask them, "Do you really want your brain to think, 'I Can't?'

2. Making them feel helpless.  Ask your youngsters, "Would you rather feel weak or strong?" Hopefully, they'll say strong. Then discuss how choosing to be helpless hurts them.

Try not to do things for your children that they could do for themselves. It could intensify their helpless feelings.

3. Increasing a sense of fear. Many kids fear hurting themselves or failing. This fear prevents them from trying. Never put your children down for feeling anxious. Put-downs make things worse. Rather praise them for the steps they take to overcome their fear. Be specific, positive, and truthful.

The Story of Molly

In this beautifully illustrated book, young Molly shows your kids how "I can't" held her back. They'll find out why Molly couldn't speak as she heard her teacher and classmates also say, "I can't."

Through Molly's creative imagination, your child will learn how Molly and her friend, 'Shreddy,' turned everyone around, including herself.

I CAN Believe in Myself is the best message for raising positive children who don't give up. Read it again and again with your kids. You'll like the results.

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Let's THANK Miriam Laundry for writing such a helpful book promoting 'I CAN' in young children. And one more thing, let her book boost positivity and an 'I CAN' attitude in your kids.

Miriam Laundry

Pick up your copy of, I CAN Believe in Myself, read it with your children often.

 Available on Amazon.com

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Please support today's author and share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the View Comments link below. It will open up for you. We'd love to hear from you.

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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