Find Out Which Question Relieves Disappointment

If your child feels the pain of disappointment and your advice isn't working, keep reading. Our parenting skills expert, Headmaster Rick Ackerly, who wrote The Genius In Every Child, will share typical situations that cause kids distress, the perfect question to ask, and the best comments to make.

1. Understand the Frustrations Your Child Faces:

Rick Ackerly, a nationally recognized educator, shares the story of Suzy who had a tough time dealing with disappointments. Suzy, a preschooler, often cried when things didn't go her way. When teachers tried to comfort her she'd reply, "I will never feel better" and "My friends will never by my friends again." Suzy's frustrations included:

• Her best friend not sitting with her at lunch
• Classmates choosing games she didn't like
• Kids learning to do things like riding tricycles before she did
• Times when she didn't get a turn to speak

Teachers gave her kind advice, helped her with her tearful feelings, tried to distract her but nothing worked until one teacher asked the perfect question.

2. Ask This Question to Help Your Disappointed Child:

Many counselors know that people have their own answers. The task is to ask the right questions.

When Suzy's teacher asked her, "What can you do to help yourself feel better?" Suzy paused and said,

"I just don't know."

The teacher was quiet and just looked at Suzy. This was a perfect response because Suzy said,

"I can think of some words to say to myself: then I'll feel better." Suzy stopped crying and was quiet for a while.

"What are those words?" asked the wise teacher.

"What comes then goes," answered Suzy.

"What comes then goes," repeated the teacher. "That is so beautiful. Tell me what you mean."

"I mean when I don't like what is happening or what someone is doing, it comes, then it just goes."

The teacher noticed that Suzy's face and body relaxed as if the disappointment had lifted.

Rick shared this with us because Suzy discovered her own answer. Her answer came from within her. He admired her teacher because she led Suzy to it by asking the best question. But that wasn't all the teacher did for Suzy.

3. Make Comments Like This to Help Your Children:

Suzy's teacher said, "Beautiful." Rick says words like beautiful, great, awesome, and amazing touch the soul. If the teacher had said good, excellent, or right they would enter Suzy's brain like an evaluation. This wasn't what the teacher was after. Rick says, "We want the child to feel her own inspirations without judgment."

By asking Suzy to tell her what she meant, the teacher helped Suzy reinforce her own idea that, "What comes then goes." 

Finally, Rick stated, "Discomfort can provide the impetus for learning." It sure did for Suzy. It does for us too. (From pages 132-134)

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Suzy's story reminds us to help children find their answers from within and strengthen them by asking kids to explain their answer further.

Do you think "What comes then goes" came from Suzy's inner genius? Could it help you when dealing with disappointments?

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Let's THANK Rick Ackerly for sharing this story with its helpful ideas.

Pick up The Genius in Every Child and find wonderful ideas for bringing out the best in your children.

Available on Amazon.com

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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