Why won't this daughter listen?

Parents, who cannot listen, are the worst communicators. They cannot teach effective communication because they don’t practice it. 

Hey there! Are you someone who argues instead of listening to your child? Many parents do. Yet, listening is your most important parenting tool. Don't worry, if you decide to, you can always improve it. There are some habits you might have to brush aside before becoming a good listener.

Today I will share:

5 listening mistakes to avoid

5 simple listening habits to increase

1 simple formula for being your child's best counselor

3 fun listening activities for your family. 

5 Harmful Listening Habits to Avoid as a Parent:

Do you ever:

1. Interrupt your child?
2. Discount your child's opinions?
3. Dismiss your child's feelings?
4. Criticize your child?
5. Lecture your child?

Don't be overly concerned because here are 5 easy listening habits that you can use right now. They'll quickly improve your listening skills.

5 Listening Habits to Learn, Practice, and Model:

 

Father and Son Communicating

1. Look your child in the eye.
2. Focus on what they are saying.
3. Remember the key points.
4. Repeat those points in your words.
5. Ask questions to better understand your child.

By practicing these skills, you'll become a better listener. You'll be teaching your child good communication skills too. 

Become Your Child's Best Counselor:

Do you know why counselors are loved by their clients? It's because they are good listeners. They practice the 5 good habits. They also include the 70% Law of Communication, meaning, they listen 70% and speak 30%. As a parent, strive to speak less, listen more, and appreciate your child's thoughts and feelings. As you progress, notice how your relationship with your child strengthens. You'll become your child's best counselor too.

Here are 3 activities to make 'listening' a priority in your family: 

3 Activities for Family Listening:

1. Post a ‘Listening Habit of the Week’ on your refrigerator. Practice that habit in your home and outside your family. ‘Catch your children being good’ with a compliment when they listen well. 
2. The Morning Forecast: Tell your child, “Name something you’re looking forward to today.” The Evening Review: Ask, "What are some things you are grateful about today?"
3. Create free time each day and turn off technology. Use this time to discuss both your day and your child's day. Practice the 70% Law. 

Make 'Listening' a priority in your family. Listening Works!

Video - Short Clip - 1.11 minutes 

Sometimes pictures do speak 1,000 words. What do you think?

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Jean Tracy

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Mother and Daughter Discussing Character

Judging character is easy to teach. Coach your child to see how a person acts and hear what she says. Is the other kind, honest, and respectful? Or is she rude, unkind, and dishonest?

Training Your Child to Look for the Good 

Good Character is about being honest and having strong moral values. You can trust an honest person. But a dishonest person signals the red alert, "He lies. I can't trust him." The following questions open your child's eyes to finding good character in others.

Parenting Tip List - How to Ask about Character: 

Consider using these discussions around the kitchen table, in the car, or at bedtime.

1. Reject fault-finding in classmates.

• How can the habit of finding fault in others hurt you?
• How could fault-finding lead to gossip?
• What do you think about gossiping?

 

How Could Gossip Hurt Him?

2. Explore the Qualities of Character:

• How would you describe someone with a weak character?
• What are signs of a good character?
• How would you recognize the good character in others?

   3. Help Your Child Make Friends with Kids of Good Character:

• How can you be friendly?
• How can you have fun?
• How can you be appreciative?

3. Practice Praising a Classmate's Good Character:

 

Girl Enjoying a Compliment

• Pick a classmate to praise.
• What would you say? Let’s practice. 
• Share it with your classmate and tell me what happened.
• Who will you praise next?

Help your child listen to a classmate's words and see how she acts. He'll be assessing the 'content of her character.' It can influence him about who to avoid and who to choose as a friend. 

Guide your child to 'look for the good' in others. He will find it because you opened his eyes to see and his ears to hear.

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy

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"Positive Thinking Works Wonders"

Norman Vincent Peale wrote the Power of Positive Thinking. This short parenting article and video share how positive thinking leads to positive action.

Children can use positive actions to make friends. They can become friendly. Friendly children are a delight to know. They see the good in others and tell them. Because they are positive and friendly, they are magnets.

Friendly children give peers what they want: sincere attention, appreciation, and compliments. These positive actions boost the receiver’s spirit. Friendships may be the result. Norman Vincent Peale was right, “Positive thinking works wonders.”

Here's How It Works – 

 

Be Positive! Be Friendly!

Your Child:

1. Rejects fault-finding and criticism.
2. Looks for the honest good in others.
3. Doesn’t keep it to themselves.
4. Praises the other.
5. Makes friends.

How to Encourage Your Student to Find the Good in a Classmate.

 

Discuss and Encourage Honest Praise.

1. Pick a classmate to praise.
2. Discuss different genuine compliments to give.
3. Tell your child, “Share the compliment.”
4. “Come home and tell me what happened.”
5. Praise your child and ask, “Who do you want to compliment next?” Repeat the process.

How Parents Can Teach Kids an Unfriendly Attitude 

 

Looking for the Worst in Others

1. Look critical. Be critical.
2. Search for the worst in others.
3. Gossip about it.
4. Feel superior to your victim.
5. Lose your kids' trust to confide in you because you might tell others.

Looking for the worst in others and broadcasting it to people is gossiping. Gossip is bad for our minds. It creates adverse pathways in our brains. Our attitudes turn sour. Dissatisfaction and gloominess can result.

Proving Norman Vincent Peale Right

 

Look for the Good - So Easy!

Looking for the best in others and telling them specifically is a loving act. Honest complimenting is good for our minds. It creates positive pathways in our brains. Our attitudes blossom. Satisfaction and happiness can result. Positive thinking does work wonders.

Be your child's role model. Teach her to find the good in others. It's powerful and will make her world a happier place.

Please pass this 1-minute video forward to your friends and their families.

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Jean Tracy

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"Nobody likes me."

This sad boy talks to himself constantly. He tells himself self-pity thoughts. Find out how to help him.
People talk to themselves a lot. Often, they’re not aware of what they tell themselves.
When their thoughts are happy and healthy, they feel strong and positive.
When their thoughts are sad and filled with self-pity, they feel weak and miserable.

 

You CAN help your child choose how to think.

How can you help your child become

a strong happy thinker? Here’s how:

Pick up your free Happy Thinker Exercise at https://www.KidsDiscuss.com  Insert the code word - THINKER and download your gift.

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Jean Tracy

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WE CARE FOR EACH OTHER

Gossip and Looking for the Worst in Others

Meet Alexa and Tony. Both are gossipy 10 year-olds. They like bad-mouthing the kids in their 5^th grade. It helps them feel superior. 

 

"He thinks he's so cool." 

Alexa: Did you see Noah's glasses?

Tony: "So ugly!"

Alexa: “I agree.”

Tony: "Nobody likes him."

Alexa: "He thinks he so cool."

Tony: “Yah. He has the biggest house in town.”

Alexa: “They have 2 Teslas in their garage.”

Tony: "He’s so spoiled. He gets everything he wants."

Alexa: "Right! I hate hearing him brag about his video games."

Because Noah had more toys, the biggest house, and expensive cars, they felt envious. They told themselves, “I’m not spoiled like Noah. I’m better than him.” 

If looking for the worst in others become a habit, Alexa and Tony could become gossipy adults.

 Praise and Looking for the Best in Others

 

Calvin Complimenting Noah

Meet Calvin. He’s in the same 5^th grade as Alexa and Tony.

His easy laughter and friendly smiles draw kids to him. 

Noah asked Calvin to his birthday party. Noah didn’t invite Alexa and Tony. Calvin noticed that mostly adults and few classmates attended. 

“I like how you made your invitations, Noah, especially with your cat pawing the cake. Would you help me draw like you?" 

Later, Calvin asked if they could play video games.

When they finished, Calvin told Noah, “You're good at making those car racing decisions.” Everybody agreed. Noah felt like he was starting to fit in. He smiled at Calvin for helping him.

Calvin looks for the good and finds it. He shared it with Noah too.

Other students sense Calvin's positivity and want to be his friend.

If Calvin makes "looking for the good" a habit, he could become an effective leader today and in the future.

What Do You Think?

How did Alexa's and Tony’s mindsets differ from Calvin’s?

Who, in your judgment, had the better attitude?

If you chose Calvin’s attitude, check out the following Slide Share.

Dr. Martin Luther King's Dream - How Kids Pay It Forward

In this slide share you’ll find 3 ways to seek and share the good in others. And 3 ways to seek the good outside the family. My Family Compliment Weekend, a special technique, is waiting inside for you.

Watch Now!

Dr. King's Dream - How Kids Pay It Forward

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Jean Tracy

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"There's Something about Love that Builds Up and Is Creative."

Martin Luther King, Jr. wanted his four little children (and all people) judged by the "content of their character," not "the color of their skin." Dr. King believed in love not hate. Find out how character, judgment and love fit together in a way Dr. King might approve.

Effective parents teach children to judge. Not by skin color but by searching for the good.

Today, I’ll share how this love works through the story of Gabby, a family activity, and an activity that increases others’ self-esteem. It creates friendships too.

Practice it in your home. I guarantee it will boost your family’s love. Then watch it spread outward from your family to others.

 

Dad, I like how you take the time to play UNO with me.

How Kids Judge Others by the "Content of Their Character"

Dr. King was right. "There is something about love that builds up and is creative." 

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Jean Tracy

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How the Family Makes His Dream Come True

August 28, 1963, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech. He told the crowd he wanted his four little children to be judged by the “content of their character,” not by the color of their skin.  You can make his dream come true.

Today, my new video will share 2 simple activities to teach your children. It promotes judging others in a way, I believe, Dr. King would approve.

Teaching Children To Find the Good in Each Member

First Character Building Activity

Gather your family together once a week. Pick a member's name from a special bowl. Each member tells the person with the name they picked an honest compliment. What's this got to do with judging character and Dr. Martin Luther King?  'Judging' includes the good qualities you see in each other. 

 

"Gabby, I like how nicely we talk to each other. You're

the best sister ever."

Second Character Building Activity 

Each member looks for the good in friends, classmates, and teachers. You'll see in the video how simple it is. Your children pay forward what they learned within your family. Imagine them sharing their experiences at your next family dinner.

 

Toby, your speech about Dr. King was so interesting.

Hopefully friends, classmates and teachers will also spread the good they find in others. Why? Because to 'judge' by looking for the good in others makes both the giver the receiver feel great.

It all starts in the family.

Enjoy this video now.  How Children Promote Dr. Martin Luther King's Dream

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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Children CAN learn to control their self-talk.

Lou Tice, speaker, motivator and founder of the Pacific Institute, taught the 3 parts in goal-setting. He said that good goal-setting starts with the thought, then the picture, and then the emotions that go with them. When we put them altogether, they become our self-talk. He said  "Control your self-talk and you control your life."

 

Speaker and

Motivator

Many years ago, I viewed a film in which he taught goal-setting. Immediately, I saw its value. I knew I could teach this technique to adults and children in my counseling practice. The following is an example:

 

I can't.

Fearful Negative Self-Talk

1. The thought - “I can’t give my book report in front of the class.”
2. The picture – the class is making fun of me.
3. The emotion - fear

When we say, see, and sense it altogether and keep recycling it, it becomes our painful reality. As Lou Tice said, “We move toward our pictures (the pictures in our head).

We don’t have to think negatively. We can control our lives with positive self-talk. We can teach our children to set goals with positive self-talk too. But how? I'll show you soon.

Brave Positive Self-Talk

1. The thought - “I am giving my book report with confidence.” (Use “I am” as if it is happening now.)
2. The picture – The class is listening and smiling. (Look at what you would see, not yourself – see your class.)
3. The emotion - confidence.
4. Finally, put the positive thought, picture and emotion all together in one moment and do it each morning and night. This is the way to set goals, be successful and create a happier life.

We can control our destiny by controlling our self-talk. Let’s instruct our minds to create positive pictures with positive self-talk using this simple method.

This video shows you how:

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Jean Tracy

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 Mojo Mindsets Helps Kids Succeed

Achieving goals is easy when your child creates a mojo mindset. Just be sure his goals are realistic. 

Tell Your Child:

Pick one goal like –

• I am getting a good grade on my next math test.
• I am giving my book report with confidence.
• I am making a friend at school.

Clear your mind and relax with 5 deep breaths.

1. See clearly by looking outward at your goal not at yourself.
2. Sense it with a strong feeling like focusing, confidence, friendliness etc.
3. Say it starting with the words, “I am… as if you already have it.

1. Put the picture, the feeling, and the words all together in one magic moment.
2. Do this before getting out of bed each morning and before falling asleep at night.
3. Take the action to make it happen like studying, practicing your book report, smiling and saying “Hi!”

Enjoy using this mojo mindset to help your child achieve his goals. You can use it too.

My special gift to you:

Download this gift to use whenever it's needed by inserting the code word, MOJO at: 

KidsDiscuss.com

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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You can teach your child how to choose winning

feelings.

Building Character in Kids that Develop the Feelings of Joy and Enthusiasm:

"When we accept tough jobs as a challenge. . . and wade into them with joy and enthusiasm, miracles can happen." - Arland Gilbert

Your child becomes a winner when he approaches life with joy and enthusiasm. But when your child’s spirits are down, he won't want to try. Goal setting offers him a way to learn the magic of optimism. Here are two ways you can help him feel the magic.

 

Why Brad Chooses to Try

2 Parenting Tips – How Brad Creates a Winning Spirit

Let's say your Brad loves soccer but he's an average player. His last practice was a disaster. He's told you that he'll be standing on the sidelines this season. Now he mopes around the house. Your heart goes out to him. You ask him if he'd like a way to create winning feelings. He nods. Here's what to do:

Goals - 2 Ways Kids Create Winning Feelings 

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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