How Your 'Listening Eyes' Connect You with Your Child.

The Parent-Child Bond - A New Revolutionary Approach:

Have you ever found yourself misunderstanding your child, especially when busy? I know I have, and it can be upsetting for children and parents. But there's a new way of thinking and I’ll share it with you today. I call it 'Listening Eyes.'

Words are just one part of the parent-child connection. Here’s the new approach:

Open your 'listening eyes' to notice your child's body language. You'll get a sense of what he's experiencing, thinking, and feeling. It’s a great way for you to enter into a deeper connection.

Today, I will share:

• 3 essential ways to 'Listen with Your Eyes,' using Michael's story.
• 3 benefits when you use this approach.
• 3 fun family activities to practice.

If you're ready to revolutionize your parenting from focusing on busy work to connecting with your child, keep reading.

3 Essential Actions for Your 'Listening Eyes': 

 

'Listening Eyes' Notice His Body

Language.

1. Observe your child's facial expressions, posture, mood, tears, smiles, and more.
2. Put down what you're doing and make eye contact.
3. Invite your child to share his feelings and show him understanding.

Michael's Story

Michael’s story is an example of how 'Listening Eyes' can help you.

Imagine your nine-year-old son, Michael, sitting on the sofa. You see his crossed arms, his tight lips, and his stiff posture.

You're busy paying bills at the dining room table. You wonder, ‘What’s bugging him?’ You say, "Michael, come here. Let's talk."  You put your arm around him and ask, "What happened, Michael?"

You remember the 70%Law. You listen 70% of the time and speak only 30%. As Michael tells you what happened, you listen attentively. When he finishes, you might do some of these things:

1. Ask questions to understand Michael better.
2. Repeat his main points.
3. Ask Michael if he has a solution.
4. Give him a suggestion if he's open.
5. Say, "Thank you for telling me, Michael." 

 Michael’s arms unfold. He breathes evenly, smiles, and says, "Can I help you wash the car today?" You end with a big hug.

 

Your 'Listening Eyes' Started a Deeper Connection.

Can you see how your ‘listening eyes’ helped you give Michael the support he needed? Can you feel how your connection strengthened too?

How Listening Eyes See the Bigger Picture

Are you wondering, "Did I go too far into Michael's personal space? Don’t worry. You aren’t mind-reading or invading Michael’s inner world. Observing his body language and inviting him to talk is a kind act. Michael tells you what he wants you to know. When you listen with your eyes, Michael shows you the bigger picture. 

'Listening Eyes' Offer 3 Communication Benefits: 

1. Closer Connections: When you truly engage and your child knows you care, trust grows.
2. Deeper Empathy: When you sense your child's feelings, closeness grows.
3. Better Understanding: When you see what's behind your child's behavior, your loving influence can grow.

3 Fun Family Activities to Practice "Listening with Your Eyes":

 

'Listening Eyes' Bring Families Together.

 

1. Play "I Spy" by describing an object's different qualities like color, pattern, outline, trim, and material. Pause and ask after each quality, "Who can guess what I see?” This will sharpen how each member's eyes can visualize.
2.  Take turns acting out a story without words. Use gestures, facial expressions, and actions of the characters. Find out how others interpreted your story.
3. Watch a TV ad without sound. Take turns guessing what the actors are saying.

Remember, 'Listening Eyes' are an essential key to better communication. They lessen misunderstandings and increase awareness of your child's inner world and emotions. They create an unbeatable bond of trust and love. The next time your child comes to you, use your 'listening eyes' and make that loving connection.

Make 'Listening' a priority in your family. Listening Works!

Video - Short Clip - 1.11 minutes 

Sometimes pictures do speak 1,000 words. What do you think?

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy

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WE CARE FOR EACH OTHER

Gossip and Looking for the Worst in Others

Meet Alexa and Tony. Both are gossipy 10 year-olds. They like bad-mouthing the kids in their 5^th grade. It helps them feel superior. 

 

"He thinks he's so cool." 

Alexa: Did you see Noah's glasses?

Tony: "So ugly!"

Alexa: “I agree.”

Tony: "Nobody likes him."

Alexa: "He thinks he so cool."

Tony: “Yah. He has the biggest house in town.”

Alexa: “They have 2 Teslas in their garage.”

Tony: "He’s so spoiled. He gets everything he wants."

Alexa: "Right! I hate hearing him brag about his video games."

Because Noah had more toys, the biggest house, and expensive cars, they felt envious. They told themselves, “I’m not spoiled like Noah. I’m better than him.” 

If looking for the worst in others become a habit, Alexa and Tony could become gossipy adults.

 Praise and Looking for the Best in Others

 

Calvin Complimenting Noah

Meet Calvin. He’s in the same 5^th grade as Alexa and Tony.

His easy laughter and friendly smiles draw kids to him. 

Noah asked Calvin to his birthday party. Noah didn’t invite Alexa and Tony. Calvin noticed that mostly adults and few classmates attended. 

“I like how you made your invitations, Noah, especially with your cat pawing the cake. Would you help me draw like you?" 

Later, Calvin asked if they could play video games.

When they finished, Calvin told Noah, “You're good at making those car racing decisions.” Everybody agreed. Noah felt like he was starting to fit in. He smiled at Calvin for helping him.

Calvin looks for the good and finds it. He shared it with Noah too.

Other students sense Calvin's positivity and want to be his friend.

If Calvin makes "looking for the good" a habit, he could become an effective leader today and in the future.

What Do You Think?

How did Alexa's and Tony’s mindsets differ from Calvin’s?

Who, in your judgment, had the better attitude?

If you chose Calvin’s attitude, check out the following Slide Share.

Dr. Martin Luther King's Dream - How Kids Pay It Forward

In this slide share you’ll find 3 ways to seek and share the good in others. And 3 ways to seek the good outside the family. My Family Compliment Weekend, a special technique, is waiting inside for you.

Watch Now!

Dr. King's Dream - How Kids Pay It Forward

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy

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• 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

 

How Moody Kids Become Happy Children

Your sulking child won’t talk. You ask yourself:

1. Is she mad at me for saying, ‘No.”
2. Did her brother tease her about the pimple on her chin?
3. Has her best friend dumped her for a new girlfriend?

You can torture yourself or not.

Choose to teach your child good communication skills instead. Skills that help her talk about her problems before painful thoughts grip her mind.

Recycling resentment, hurt, fear, blame, and sadness can become your child’s lifelong habit. Recycling negative thoughts hurts. Talking about problems and solving them feels good.

The following solutions are for both girls and boys.

3 Ways to Rescue Kids from Moodiness

 

Listening Helps Kids Share Their Feelings

      1.Listening

        Good listening by parents builds trust. When children trust parents will hear their problems without arguing or criticizing, they talk.

        It takes many talks to teach children the communication skills they need. By listening well, parents are teaching good communication. Kids will learn to listen in return.

        Find a sample parent/child conversation that’s easy to use at Listening Chats.

2. Repeating Motivational Sayings

 

Repeating Positive Sayings Motivates Kids

        Teach children through repetition. Use motivational thoughts for your child to absorb. Here are a few:

           “The most beautiful smile belongs to those who make others smile” Mahnoor Tahir

          “The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”  Mark Twain.         

          “The best sleeping pill is a clear conscience.” Dada J. P. Vaswani

Repeating upbeat motivational quotes helps your child remember them. They become her inner self-talk.

Get 5 more quotes that my mother used to motivate me. I passed them on to my children too. Family Sayings.

3. Creating a Fun Home-life

 

Family Music Night

•  Once a week have a ‘Family Compliment Night.’
•  Help kids ‘Write a Newsletter’ for your expanded family.
• Each night Discuss One Act of Kindness each member did that day.

Pick up 5 more fun events for your family at Bright Attitudes

Conclusion: How to Help Your Moody Child

1. Use conversations to teach good communication skills that solve problems.
2. Repeat motivational quotes for kids to absorb.
3. Put fun events into your family life.

For more in depth ideas go to:

How Parents Turn Dark Moods into Bright Attitudes

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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The Emotion Scale Works

Parenting kids with out-of-control emotions is difficult. If you’re frazzled and your emotions flare up, I have a solution for you and your children. 

 

Out-of-Control Tempers

Before I tell you more, here are 3 questions:

1. Are you shouting at one another and feeling shame?
2. Are you or your children sad or depressed?
3. Are you anxious that your family will get the COVID-19 virus?

Did you answer “Yes” to any of the questions? If so, this slide share is just what you need. I suggest you practice it and experience how it works. Then teach it to your children.

 

How the Emotion Scale Works

No one knows when the pandemic will end. This makes some people jumpy and anxious. Others are yearning to see family members. Many want our governors to open-up our schools. Children long to see their teachers and friends. Parents need to work, afford food, and pay rent.  Not knowing leads us to out-of-control feelings.

 

Make It a Habit!

With this simple parenting tool, quickly turn overwhelming emotions like, rage, anxiety, depression, and shame into more peaceful feelings. Use this Emotion Scale to decrease emotional stress and increase family harmony.

Get the Emotion Scale here:

The Emotion Scale

or

 https://kidsdiscuss.com/#/slide-share-detail/This-Emotional-Scale-Helps-Kids-Feel-Better-Quickly

Please write a comment and copy the transcript below it for your own use. 

Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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You Can't Plug Your Ears to Tattletales.

Frustrated parents dread tattling. The squeals from crying kids disturb peace, upset nerves, and demand attention.

You can’t plug your ears and hope it will go away. You must act. But how?

Today’s Slide Share Offers You:

• The best question to ask tattlers
• 6 tips parents can easily use
• 7 examples that teach kids the difference between tattling and telling

What Tattletale Kids Need to Know:

1. The purpose of tattling is to get someone in trouble.
2. The purpose of telling is to help someone in trouble.
3. Parents don't like tattling. They do like telling.
4. Kids can solve problems with the right assertiveness tools from parents. See video below.

How Parents Teach Kids The Difference Between Tattling and Telling:

You can give them discussion dilemmas and ask, “Is this tattling or telling?” Here are a few you can use right now.

 

Is This Tattling or Telling?

1. Logan’s not playing fair.
2. Harper got stung by a bee.
3. Mia’s making fun of me.
4. Aiden tore up my homework.
5. Sofia called me a name.
6. Luke was hit by a rock.
7. Zoey’s mocking me.
8. Jack called me a liar.
9. Sam stole money from grandma’s purse.

Discuss each situation. Find out how your child thinks. If he is wrong, tell him, “I need to know when someone is hurt, in danger, needs help, or did something serious like stealing.”

“But if it’s a squabble between you and the other person, do your best to solve it. Then come and tell me how you did it. I’d like to hear your solution."

You don’t have to plug your ears. You do need to act because your children need to learn the difference between tattling and telling. They need to learn how to solve their tattling problems too.

Your Tattling Slide Share Tips:

For the 6 parenting tips and 7 new examples of tattling or telling go to Stop The Tattling - 6 Positive Parenting Solutions The pictures will help your child decide. 

 

You CAN Stop the Tattling!

You might also like this video because it give kids tools for solving their squabbles:

How Parents Teach Assertiveness Skills to Kids

To refresh the 7 tips for listening to your child's solutions:

These 7 Tips Turn Tattletales into Problem-Solvers

 

Listen to Your Child's Solutions. It's Rewarding!

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Listening Is the Key to Stopping the Tattling

Parents yell, “Stop Tattling!”

Listening to tattling is like scratching a swollen mosquito bite. If you listen to it over and over, it will get worse. Tattling becomes your child’s  habit.  Screaming becomes your cure, but only for the moment.

There is a better way. Today we’ll show a video to stop the tattling. You’ll see within the video a father who asks his daughter,

“Are you trying to help or hurt your sister?”

If she’s tattling to get her sister in trouble, he tells her:

“Please try to solve the problem yourself. Then come back and tell me how you solved it.”

Two Parenting Goals for Problem-Solving

1. To increase problem-solving with your positive attention.
2. To decrease tattling.

 

Listening Is the Gift Your Child Wants

The Problem-Solving Gift

Imagine you’re the girl’s father. When she returns to share her solution, listen. Good listening is a hug without words. It is filled with your attention. It is peaceful and loving. It is your gift to her.

How Listening Shows Caring:

Good listening avoids judging or arguing. It really wants to know your child’s thoughts and feelings. If there is something you don’t understand, ask questions after she’s done speaking.

Here is what you might say when your child shares her solution:

1. Let’s talk about your solution.
2. What voice did you use and what did you say?
3. How did it end?
4. How did you feel after you solved it?
5. What do you need to do to avoid a conflict next time?
6. What do you think of your becoming a problem-solver?
7. Can you guess how proud I am of you?

In the end, you want your child to be able to say, “ You really listened. You really care about how I think.”

Listening is a gift that can be used over and over in many different situations, not just tattling. Why? Because listening with love is what your child wants.  It creates a bond with your child and harmony in your home. Yes, it takes more time and it is rewarding. It is a great way to teach problem-solving. 

This brief video shares more ways to stop the tattling: 

Tattletale Kids: 10 Tips for Frustrated Parents

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4Z3fh0VzRw

You might also like this article:

How Parents Stop Kids from Tattling on Sibs

https://www.kidsdiscuss.com/#/article/206

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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This Drawing Technique Helps Kids Overcome Fear

The coronavirus scares your child.

“Mom, are we safe?”

“What do you mean?”

“Will we get sick too?”

Disaster news is everywhere. TV, newspapers, social media and even billboard reminders are appearing in some places.

Children are home. Parents are home. Everyone is scared.

Today's 3 Practical Parenting Steps:

1. Review the 9 listening skills.
2. Learn the drawing technique by using it to calm yourself first.
3. Teach the drawing technique to your child. 

9 Listening Skills Effective Parents Need

Review the following listening tips:

1. Listen with direct eye contact, a caring smile and both ears.
2. Ask questions to be sure you understand.
3. Be patient. Give enough time for your child to form thoughts.
4. Repeat your child's ideas in your own words. Follow up with, “Is that correct?”
5. Encourage continued sharing by saying, “Tell me more.”
6. Walk in your child's shoes. With empathy try to feel what he’s feeling.
7. Avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Listen to the end.
8. Share your thoughts after your child's finished..
9. Begin by reflecting feelings. “It sounds like you’re (upset or sad or confused, etc.).”

You Are the Best Counselor for Your Kids

 

Kids Trust Parents to Help Them

As a counselor for many years, I’ve used the drawing strategy below with children and adults. It works. Why? Because it's a unique way of understanding feelings, especially fears. 

When you listen well, teach practical skills and show caring, your child trusts you and feels loved. Love and trust make you the most powerful counselor of all.

9 Ways Parents Can Calm Themselves and Their Children

1. Ask your boy or girl to, “Draw a picture of the fear.”
2. Probe Gently: “What does your picture mean to you?”
3. Say, “Tell me more,” several times until you hear all the anxious thoughts.
4. Say, “Draw how you would like to feel.” Then say, “Tell me about your new picture.”
5. Suggest, “Let's brainstorm what you could do to make your picture come true.” Wait patiently for your child’s ideas first.
6. Say, “Write down 3 small ways you can make your positive picture come true.
7. Say, “Pick one little step to try now." 
8. Instruct your child, "Visualize your new picture clearly. Feel it and give it a positive title. Then post it on the fridge." Give your child all the time he or she needs.
9.  Praise your child for calming his fear.

Discuss the second and third small steps in the following days to reinforce over time what has been learned.

Drawing an optimistic picture gives your child power over the fear. By visualizing it, feeling it and giving it a positive title, your child changes his scary mindset. Posting it on the fridge becomes a strong reminder to "stay calm and carry on." Use this technique as often as your child needs.

Consider applying it for any painful emotion your child may experience. You could even use it as a home schooling strategy.

You might like this video because it also reinforces the steps:

How Parents Help Anxious Kids Feel Confident

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Building Family Teams and Life Skills

Mothers meltdown when they’re stressed, overworked, and exhausted. When  patience flies out the window,  rage stomps through the door. The yelling begins.

1. “Who left their dirty dishes in the sink?”
2. “Who spilled juice all over the floor?”
3. “Who left their bike in the rain?”
4. “You kids are so lazy!”
5. “Get in here and clean this mess up!”

Who can blame frazzled moms? They’re out of patience, energy, and practical solutions. Yelling comes easy and it works when kids jump up to help.

But when rage happens too often, kids get used to it. They stop jumping up. They pout and fume inside. They blame the yeller.

Unless moms solve the problems with a practical plan, rage will stamp out good will and everyone will be angry. Home life becomes miserable.

Problem Solving Plan for Kids' Chores:

Write chores on separate cards for each child to complete before dinner. Lay the cards on the kitchen counter.  You can make chore cards for different days of the week or for regular daily chores. 

Lined 4" X 6" Chore Cards work well too. They  don't have to be fancy.

Sample Chores for Kids:

1. Clean sink and counter after snacks.
2. Do homework.
3. Make bed.
4. Put toys away.
5. Feed animals.

The chores you choose are up to you. Why not involve the kids in creating the list at a family meeting? When kids have input, they're more likely to cooperate.

You may even choose to create a chore card for after dinner cleanup.

1. Clear table.
2. Put leftovers away.
3. Scrape dishes.
4. Put dishes in dishwasher.
5. Empty Garbage.

Be Reasonable:

1. Don't add so many chores that kids can't relax or play. They need both.
2. Avoid discouraging your child by adding chores that are too difficult.
3. Let teachers know when their homework load is turning your child's love for learning into hate for school.

Advantages of Chore Cards:

The beauty of Chore Cards is parents don't need to remind kids what to do. Kids just look at the cards and complete the tasks on their own time. 

Chore Cards are an easy way to build a family team and teach kids the skills they need for life. 

Learning Tools You May Like:

Frustrated Moms - 10 Temper Triggers with Solutions

Chore Chart Kit

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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How Do Assertive Children Express Themselves?

ARE ASSERTIVE KIDS AGGRESSIVE? Do they dominate conversations or do they speak-up with respect?

An assertive child learns to express himself respectfully because he shares the microphone. He speaks and listens. But what if he needs to defend himself against aggression?

In today’s gift you’ll learn the assertive formula. It includes 3 parts:

1. Describe what offends you.  
2. State your feeling.
3. Suggest a solution.

When you use the formula, respectful communication grows. Teach it during dinner discussions. If you do, they’ll become the teaching moments all kids need.

In this gift your kids will role-play:  

1. How Jimmy could respond to Lola when she rolls her eyes.
2. How one brother shares his frustration when Bobby hogs the ice cream.
3. How Suzy asks Tammy to quit messing up her room.
4. How an older sister orders John to quit telling her secrets to his friends.
5. How Mary tells Sara what she wants her to say instead of cussing.

It is important that children have a simple respectful blueprint for expressing their upsets.

As the parent, use the formula yourself whenever appropriate. Post it on the fridge. Point to it when kids fight. Tell them to cool down. Later, tell them to replay their argument using the formula.

Download the formula now at www.KidsDiscuss.com using the code word:

DISCUSS

Add it to your 3-hole binder to use whenever you need it.

You might also like: How Parents Teach Assertive Skills to Kids

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You Can Raise a Kinder Reasonable Child

The entitled child believes everything should go his way. He acts like he’s the king of the universe. Justin was such a boy.

Whenever Justin’s younger brother, Seth, wouldn’t play Justin’s video games with him, he’d punch Seth and yell, “I hate you!” When his mom scolded Justin, he’d sass back, “You always take Seth’s side,” then slam his bedroom door.

If Justin was your son, would you want to hit him? Would you yell, “I’m sick and tired of your angry behavior!” and preach the same old lecture?

Consider having a conversation with Justin when both of you are calm.

 

Teaching the Entitled Child How to Be Realistic

Use yourself as an example. It might go something like this:

Mom: Remember when I arranged a birthday party for Grandpa?

Justin: Yah.

Mom: I was frustrated because only three of our family members came. I really felt mad inside. I wanted to tell those who didn’t come what I thought of them.

Justin: Did you?

Mom: No, because I remembered something Grandpa taught me as a child. He’d say,  “Sally, you’re not the Queen of the Universe. Things don’t have to go your way.”

Justin: How did that help you?

Mom: Can you guess?

Justin: No.

Mom: Because if I was the queen, I could make everybody do what I want.

Justin: But you’re not the queen so you couldn't force everyone to come to Grandpa's party.

Mom: That’s right. How might that thought help you?

Justin: I’m not the King of the Universe so things don't have to go my way either.

Mom: Right. What about Seth not playing your video games?

Justin: Yah.

Mom: How can we remind ourselves that we’re not the king or queen of the universe?

Justin: Let’s make 2 signs that say, “I’m Not the King,” and “I’m Not the Queen” and post them on the fridge.

Mom: And every time we stop ourselves from losing our tempers let’s make a tally mark on our signs.

Conclusion for Helping Entitled Kids Become Reasonable

Entitled kids need to know that life isn’t fair, doesn’t cater to what they want, and can be disappointing at times. You can teach them with reasonable self-talk how to be more rational about life. None of us is the king or queen of the universe. Things often don't go our way. Sometimes we need to be patient and accept that fact. And sometimes it becomes a challenge to creatively overcome the problem.

As the parent, you are the best one to teach him this lesson by being reasonable yourself and having good discussions with him. Start with a true story about when you were angry and irrational. He won't feel like you're pointing a finger at him and he'll like spending private time with you.

A Gift for You:

Pick Up:

 10 Ways Successful Parents Handle Their Aggressive Child

Insert the code word: AGGRESSIVE and download your gift.

https://www.KidsDiscuss.com 

You might also like this brief YouTube video with it's simple technique to teach your child:

How Parents and Kids Discuss Emotions

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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