"She made me do it!"

IF YOUR CHILD AVOIDS TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS MISTAKES, don't let it become a habit.

In the video below you'll find 7 parenting solutions to stop the blaming.

Many children think punishment is the worst thing in the world. Their young minds don't realize that everyone makes mistakes, especially them.

If parents are too harsh and not kind, kids' excuses will increase because they fear punishments. Parents can be balanced in helping children take responsibility. One of the parenting strategies in the video addresses this.

Allowing kids to blame others for their mistakes can also cause problems because it promotes a weak backbone and more blaming

The following brief video, How Parents Help Kids Stop Blaming Others will offer the 7 parenting tips you need to handle your child's blaming problems.

   "I did not make him do it. It's his fault."

How Parent Help Kids Stop Blaming Others

If this video was helpful, please comment and share because it will help spread the tips. 

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Sass is dead if you say, "Stop sassing me!"              

Stop Sassing Me!

Then you must show you mean it by following  through with consequences. The trick is to catch your child being rude as soon as she starts becoming sarcastic. Don't let it become a habit because it will be more difficult to change. Not impossible but more difficult.

You'll also need to ask your child to think ahead and tell you how he will respond in the future to avoid the sass. Insist on an answer. If your child refuses, use a consequence. 

Reacting to Rudeness

Don't return the sarcasm by saying, “I see you're rolling your eyeballs again. Did you ever find a brain back there?” Sarcastic replies invite volleys of mean-spirited sass. You want to cut it off not rev it up.

Make your goal to model respectful behavior when reacting to your child's obnoxious retorts. Make sure you look and feel in control of yourself even if you need to let time pass before you respond.

Responding to Sassiness:

Our parenting gift offers 9 answers to sassy sarcasm that you can easily use. If your youngster needs a stronger consequence, consider not doing something he wants you to do or taking something away that fits his sarcasm.

Pick up your gift, 9 Best Parenting Responses to a Mouthy Child at:

  http://kidsdiscuss.com/subscriber-gifts.asp

  and insert the word, MOUTHY.

Please let me know if this was helpful by commenting below:

Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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You Can Help Your Child Overcome Sarcasm

SASSY SARCASTIC KIDS CAN TEST YOUR PARENTING SKILLS. When your feelings are trampled on by your child's cruel words, it's hard to feel like a loving parent.

What Is Sassy Behavior?

Today’s post shares 7 sarcastic expressions, 5 examples of rude behavior, 5 ways to hold your temper, and 9 action steps for you to take to stop the sass. You’ll get a clear picture of what child rudeness is like and what to do about it.

What Consequences Await a Sassy Child?

Stop the Sassy Behavior Now!

• Gulf between parents and child
• Loneliness and estrangement from friends
• Attitude of superiority that turns others off
• Sarcastic personality that offends others
• Guilt for his sarcastic behavior

All of these fail to teach children how successful living works. They make it difficult to make friends and become a happy person.

Loving Parents Can Stop Sarcasm

Not all love is warm and fuzzy. True love for your child may mean taking effective action. It’s important to keep your eye on the bigger picture for your youngster’s future. By not allowing sassiness to become a habit now, you’ll be building character and helping him become a likable person with a happier life.

Click on Your Sassy Child: How Parents Overcome Sarcasm and start using the 9 action-steps today. It's easier than you think. It's free too.

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Anger is a habit and it CAN be stopped!

ANGER AND PEACE ARE TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN. If anger is the side that dominates your focus and your feelings, your family is suffering.

Today, we'll share the story of a father whose temper cost him his family. It didn't have to happen.

Our article will share 7 parenting tips for moving from rage to calm. It takes effort and it CAN be done.

You'll also find my brief video. It includes one of the greatest methods for turning fury into patience.

Parents, you can keep your anger. You don't have to change anything. But realize anger has consequences both for you and your family.

If you want to change, these techniques may give you the help you need.

This article and video regard anger as a habit and like all habits it can be broken. It you choose to break the anger habit:

First, watch the video.

Second, read about the angry dad. Then find out the 7 ways you can conquer anger and restore peace.

Subscribe to Jean Tracy's YouTube Channel for all of my video Parenting Tips.

The Article ~

Get all the methods for reducing anger and increasing a sense of calm. Pick the ones that suit you best.

7 Anger solutions: How Irritated Parents Can Develop Patience

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Use the Chart within and watch your patience grow.

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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How to Choose a Consequence

Things to consider when choosing a responsive consequence:

1. Are you responding to your adolescent while you're emotional?

If you're feeling angry, hurt or frustrated, wait until later to choose the consequence. You can let your adolescent know by saying,

"I'm upset right now and need time to determine how I'm going to respond to your behavior. I'll let you know when I've decided what I'm going to do."

2. Is the consequence fair?

Does it fit the severity of the behavior? You may want to come back to this question after reading Chapter Thirteen on exaggerating and minimizing.

3. Has your adolescent already received a consequence?

It may be unnecessary for him to be given a second consequence. For example, if your child swore at the teacher, he probably already experienced a natural consequence, like school detention. Is it necessary to provide a responsive consequence yourself?

4. Have you developed a fail-proof consequence?

When developing a fail-proof consequence, it may be helpful to think about what your teen likes,or things he wants and asks for. Fail-proof consequences are very difficult to come up with when you deal with someone like Jack (He's mentioned in earlier chapters.). You might be able to find only one or two effective consequences. If that's all you have, use it carefully and consistently.

How to Develop a Fail-Proof Consequence

1. Start by selecting a consequence you think may be fail-proof.

Be specific. What is the exact length of time the consequence will be given for? When will it start and end?

2. Now, check it, to see if it is fail-proof.

List the possible reactions your adolescent may have to this consequence. List all you can think of, covering as many scenarios as possible. If you choose to respond to his behavior of breaking curfew by not giving him rides anywhere for the week, what might he do in response? Hitchhike? Steal your car and drive himself? Steal someone else's car? Walk?

3. Do you still have control over the consequence?

After each of your adolescent's possible reactions ask yourself if you still have control over this consequence. Remember, you can control only your own behavior, so if the consequence depends on your adolescent going along with it, it isn't fail-proof... (to read more advice on consequences go to page 94.)

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I like Kimberly's advice about consequences. As parents we need to really think through the consequences we choose because out-of-control teens will do everything in their power to get you to give up the consequence. It takes a consistent courage to stick to your word.

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Pick up The Whipped Parent: How for Parents Raising an Out-of-Control Teen 

Available at Amazon.com  

Let's APPLAUD Marney Studaker-Cordner, MSW, CSW, Kimberly Abraham, MSW, CSW, with Kathryn O'Dea for writing a book so many parents with out-of-control teens can turn to for advice. A book where the authors understand the problems and offer wise solutions is a treasure indeed.

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Please support today's author and share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the COMMENTS link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Helping Kids Change Bossines to Friendships

 If you're a parent and you have a bossy child, you'll want to use these solutions. Our parenting expert and author, Dr. Michele Borba, is sharing 5 problems with answers you can start using today. Let's find out her advice from her popular book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.

"Teach Simple Solutions to Curb Bossiness

Don't assume that your child knows how to change her domineering ways; instead show her a new response. Here are a few examples of solutions for bossiness to help you get started. Then watch your child a bit more carefully to identify the problem and then provide a solution. 

1. Problem: Doesn't share.

    Solution: Explain taking turns to your child, why it's important, and then remind her of the expected behavior. "Remember, I expect you to share. If there's anything you really don't want to share, put it away before your friend comes. Otherwise you must let her have a turn."

2. Problem: Dictates the game plan.

    Solution: Your new house rule is "the guest chooses the first activity"; from then on, choices are alternated.

3. Problem: Doesn't realize she sounds bossy.

    Solution: Show her how to turn a bossy comment into a more tactful statement. Bossy: We're going to shoot baskets." Tamer: What would you like to play? "Bossy: "We're doing it my way." Tamer: "How about if we try it my way?"

4. Problem: Unaware she's being bossy with a peer.

    Solution: Develop a private signal (pulling on your ear or touching your nose) so that the moment her bossiness kicks in, you signal to her to turn down her dictator mode.

5. Problem: Doesn't consider the other person's view.

    Solution: Turn the experience into a teachable moment: "Kara never got a turn. How do you think she felt?" "You never asked Bill what he wanted to do. How do you think he felt?" "What do you think you can do next time so your friend has a say?" What will you do to make sure Paul has a better time?"

Set a Consequence If Dictating Continues

Your child needs to know you are serious about curbing her bossy streak. So if despite your efforts your child continues to be a dictator around peers, it's time to set a consequence. "Unless you can be less bossy, you won't be able to have Matt come over. Let's work on ways you can treat him more fairly." from pages 67-68.

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To find out a lot more about changing bossy behavior and one parent's excellent solution, read the full chapter entitled Bossy  on pages 64-70 in The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries

 Available at Amazon.com

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Let's give a BIG HAND to Dr. Michele Borba for her solutions to bossiness.

Michele Borba, Ed.D.

Please share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the tiny comment link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

   Type Your Comment!

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Can Parents Rescue This Out-of-Control Teen?

"If you know parents who rescue their out-of-control teens from consequences, ask yourself, "Do those teens behave better?" 

Our expert authors actually work with teens and see the kids who don't. From their book, The Whipped Parent, I'll share how natural consequences can be great learning experiences for out-of-control teenagers and why rescuing often doesn't work.

Natural Consequences

The first type of consequences your adolescent will experience are natural consequences. Natural consequences happen as a direct result of your child's behavior and may have nothing to do with you.

Slug refused to go to school, and he failed some of his classes. Brandy had sex with many different boys and caught a sexually transmitted disease. Top Dog got into fights and ended up with stitches and scars on his face. Target got caught shoplifting and was arrested.

Natural consequences are very important. They will occur throughout your child's life, into adulthood. As a child or teenager, Jack may experience a consequence you've developed. He will experience natural consequences forever. It's what will help him think through his behavior. Natural consequences will influence the choices Jack makes, long after he's moved out of your home.

Parents are sometimes in the position to keep natural consequences from happening for their children. Top Dog's mom spent years "saving" her son from some natural consequences of drinking and fighting. When he was thirteen years old, a peer pressed assault charges.

Top Dog's mom went to court and convinced the judge to let her son attend therapy instead of being put on probation. When Top Dog couldn't get up for school because of a hangover, his mother called to excuse him. "I had to help him," she would say. "He's my son, and he's already been through so much.

After she began attending Al-Anon meetings, Top Dog's mother realized she wasn't truly "helping" her son. She was simply rescuing him from the natural consequences that went along with his choices.

Once she stopped rescuing him, Top Dog started to put more thought into his decisions. Often times he still decided to drink and fight, but at least he thought about what could happen."

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It's hard to avoid rescuing kids from their own bad behaviors. We love them and we fear they'll be hurt. The authors have presented us with situations where resuing has made things worse. What are your experiences with rescuing?

Let's give a BIG HAND to Kimberly Abraham, Marney Studaker-Cordner, and                 
KathrynO'Dea for their outstanding book and for choosing to be counselors helping teens and parents. You'll find helpful solutions in their book.

The Whipped Parent is available on Amazon.com

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 Sit back, relax, and then share your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping out-of-control teens? Please answer in the comment link below. We want to hear from you.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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****** If you liked this blog post, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

Everyone Needs a Conscience  

If you're concerned about your child's conscience, you'll find good advice from Brenda Nixon, our parenting expert. Brenda is an author, writer, and radio host. She is sharing her post, "The Development of Conscience."

"When a child experiences the results - or consequences - of his behavior, he develops an inner voice. What does that voice say? It tells him that what is "right" brings satisfaction (or pleasure) and what is "wrong" brings dissatisfaction (or pain). The inner voice becomes a moral compass.

Why Some People Fail to Develop a Conscience

Why do some high profile celebs or politicians misbehave? I believe it's because they know they can get away with it. Someone else cleans up their mess, covers up their lies, replaces the money they took or things they've broken. Unfortunately, they've never experienced the consequences of their personal behavior. And the consequence is . . . they have no conscience.

How Parents Help Children Develop a Conscience

We want educators, politicians, and others held accountable for any inappropriate behavior, right? Then we, as parents, must teach our children about accountability by allowing them to face the results of their behavior - to "own up to" their behavior.

2 Parenting Tips: Consistent Boundaries and Clear Consequences

Today, I encourage you to be effective in parenting by providing 1. consistent boundaries and 2. clear consequences for your children's behavior. Then. . . allow consequences to happen.”

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Don't cheat yourself; join Brenda and others for an hour of empowerment every Tuesday morning, 10-11 am (EST), on The Parent's Plate Internet radio show. If you miss a live broadcast, listen to any episode, at your convenience, on podcast or iTunes.

Connect with Brenda at Parenting Expert Brenda Nixon 

Brenda Nixon

Let’s give a GRAND HAND to Brenda Nixon for being clear and concise in helping us help kids develop a conscience.

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Bonus Article:

Social Conscience: How to Use Moral Dilemmas Effectively with Kids

Parents, it's your turn to take the stage:

What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping your kids? Please answer in the comment link below.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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 Choice or Consequence - Ready for School?

Could you use choices and consequences to help your kids become responsible? If so, our parenting expert, Ken Resnick, has 4 tips to share with you. He is an educational psychologist at Kensway. Let's see what he has to say.

How Raising Kids with Consequences Gives Them Choices

Remember that everything your child does is a choice, but what are the consequences? Here are few examples how kids can learn to own their own problems. Always allow them to make a choice but let them know the consequences of their choices:

First Choice and Consequence

Pre-empting is vital. Let your child know beforehand the rules and the consequences. e.g. If he asks for a yoghurt, let him know that he can have it but that he has to finish it, throw the lid and container away and clean up any mess. If he chooses not to then this means that he's chosen not to watch TV that night.

Second Choice and Consequense 

Other examples: Your child lets you know that he doesn't want to put on his safety belt. You reply by telling him that unfortunately he'll have to ask a traffic cop if that's ok. Carry this through if they challenge you but make sure he asks the cop. Stay calm.

Third Choice and Consequence

Your child doesn't want to go to school one morning. Let him know that you don't mind if he doesn't go but he'll have to ask his teacher. If the teacher says he doesn't have to come to school, you'll bring him home.

Fourth Choice and Consequence 

Your child doesn't want to get dressed for school. Let him know that this means he's choosing to go in his pajamas. Pack his clothes and take him to school in his PJ's.

By allowing your child to make choices on the clear understanding of what his choices mean allows you to stay calm.

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Let's give Ken Resnick and big THANK YOU for his choices and consequences.

Please connect with Ken at http://www.kensway.co.za/

Bonus Article:

3 Parenting Solutions for Beating Stress Not Kids

at:  http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/feature_article.asp?fa_id=104

Parents, it's your turn to take the stage: 

What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping your kids  learn effective choices and consequences? Please answer in the comment link below.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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10 Secrets to Implementing Timeouts at Home

This blog comes from Suzanne Cullen at Au Pair.org.

The purpose of a timeout is to remove a child from an enjoyable experience, when they have misbehaved, and have them placed in an area free from distraction in order to calm down and reflect on their behavior. Listed below are ten secrets to implementing timeouts at home.

1. Correct Age. Children under the age of two, really do not grasp the concept of timeouts. However, even though starting between the ages of two and three is more appropriate you need to understand each child and his or her abilities.

2. Length. Small children are unable to be still for a long length of time. Make sure that the length of the timeout is appropriate for the child’s age. A good rule of thumb is one minute for each year of age.

3. Be Consistent. Try to use the same spot each time for a timeout. Whether you choose a chair, bottom step or a corner of a wall doesn’t matter, as long as it is the same place each time. Make sure that everyone else in the home is implementing the same procedure.

4. Set a Timer. This will help if you tend to forget about the time, so your child will not be stuck in a timeout for too long. It also helps the child to pay attention and keep quiet until the timer goes off, so that they are not constantly asking when they can get out.

5. Communication. In addition to using a timeout, you want to make sure that you speak with the child both before and after the timeout. First, make sure that they understand why they are receiving a consequence. This should be a brief one sentence statement of what they did wrong. Then once it is over you can discuss how their behavior affects others.

6. Be Firm. A timeout should be a time for reflection. Do not let the child move around or mumble and grumble. This is also not a time for a lecture. Not only should the child be silent, but you shouldn’t be interacting with them either.

7. Start Over. If the child is not obeying the timeout by trying to leave the timeout area or starting to talk during the timeout, then it should start all over, and the timer should be reset.

8. Follow Through. If you tell a child that you are going to put them in a timeout if they do not behave, be prepared to follow through and do it. As with any threats of punishment to a child, you need to be able to enact the consequence, or they will not take you seriously in the future.

9. Immediate. Timeouts need to be implemented immediately after the offense. If they are acting up at dinner time, you need to take them to a timeout right away and not wait until the meal is over.

10. Simplistic. Do not try to use this time to reason with a child. All they need to hear is ‘we don’t hit’. They do not need a ten minute lecture.

Timeouts can be a very effective diversion from inappropriate behavior. If you follow the tips listed above, you should see some successful timeouts.

A big Thank You to Suzanne Cullen at:

http://www.aupair.org/blog/10-secrets-to-implementing-timeouts-at-home/

Parents, now it's your turn. What are your suggestions for preparing your kids for school success? Please answer in the comment link below.

Warmly,

Jean Tracy, MSS

http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

One more thing ~

Pick up Jean's Parenting Skills Kit at:

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Quit fighting with your kids! Learn how to draw the line. Become the parent you always wanted to be and create peace in your home. Get your Parenting Skills Kit today!