Practice 5 Communication Skills to Prevent This!

COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS BETWEEN PARENTS CAN BE EXPENSIVE! According to the law offices of William 3. Neary, the average cost of divorce is $15,000-30,000. Child Custody Evaluations are $2,000-$10,000 and then there are moving expenses, health insurance, child custody expenses plus a whole lot more. That’s just the monetary side.

Emotionally, divorce puts the whole family through turmoil. Counseling is often recommended for parents and children.

Today’s gift shares 7 communication difficulties many parents experience and 5 communication skills to practice.

Fighting Couples Need to Make 2 Choices:

1. The decision to overcome communication breakdowns.

2. The determination to practice good communication with each other.

To download your free parenting gift, click on Subscriber Gifts.

Then insert the code word OVERCOME.

Give your family a brighter future. Practice the skills that increase love, respect, and keep your together.

Add this gift to your notebook or binder to use whenever you need it.

To get more couple help pick up Parents in Love to make your romance sizzle.

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Please let me know. Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Listening Builds Love and Trust

If you’d like your kids to confide in you, conversations are essential. Our parenting skills expert, Carole Disseldorp, is here to show us how. Carole is a parent educator, counselor, and the author of, Easier Parenting.

Today she’ll share 5 listening tips, the best type of questions to ask, and good times for creating the kind of talks that children trust. Let’s find out her advice.

How to Listen When Your Kids Are Talking:

1. Turn toward them.

2. Look eye-to-eye.

3. Ask questions to help them share more.

4. Reflect back their meaning or feelings to show you understand.

5. Avoid interrupting or arguing.

Carole says, “If we can show interest, resist interrogating, and abstain from being judgmental, our children will be more likely to share their experiences, feelings, and thoughts.”

Open-Ended Questions Move the Conversation Forward:

Open-ended questions can’t be answered with:

• Grunts
• Yes
• No

These questions help kids share their observations, feelings, and thoughts. For example, “What do you think about…?”

Where to Enjoy Great Conversations with Kids:

• Mealtimes
• Driving times (Keep your eyes on the road.)
  
• Screen-free times

Carole warns, “If we criticize our children when they open up to us, they are less likely to confide in us in the future.” (From pages 11-14)

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Jean’s Impressions:

If we follow Carole’s advice, it will make parenting easier. Her tips for listening and asking questions are crucial. When children trust that we will listen with interest and kindness, they’ll share their deeper thoughts.

Parents who interrupt, criticize, and argue shut down their power to influence. Why? Because these behaviors hurt feelings and break the trusting bond with their kids.

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Be sure to pick up Easier Parenting: 8 Vital Principles fo Guide Your Children's Behavior Successfully

Available at: Amazon.com

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Let's THANK Carole for her clear and common sense approach to raising kids. She makes parenting easier for all of us.

   Carole Disseldorp

Please support today's author and share your opinions about this blog post. Click on the Comments link below. It will open up for you. We'd love to hear from you.

 
With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Is Your Teenager Living His Life Through TV?

Dr. Parnell loves to tell stories, like the one about Darrel and his dad. Darrel's dad, an UPS driver, brought his boy into see Dr. Parnell, a pediatrician, for a check-up. They began arguing about who watched more TV. It turns out the father watched 3-4 hours a night when he could have spent more time enjoying his family.

Dr. Parnell sees TV as an addiction because many children, as well as, adults spend too much time watching and not enough time living their own lives. He researched the American Academy of Pediatrics and presented their recommendations:

Here are 5 of 9 suggestions you can start today:

1. Keep TV sets out of your child's bedroom.

2. Record high quality TV programs to watch after homework is completed.

3. View programs with your child and discuss their thoughts during the commercials.

4. Allow no more than 1-2 hours of TV per day.

5. Encourage children to play, read, practice sports, and develop hobbies. (From page 184)

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I appreciate the wisdom Dr. Parnell offers. His stories are real and insightful. You almost feel like you're sitting in on his conversations with teens. He also backs up his advice with research which gives you confidence that his ideas are valuable.

Let's THANK Dr. Parnell Donahue for his tireless work in helping parents understand their teenagers and his practical parenting advise.

Dr. Parnell Donahue

Pick up Messengers in Denim

Available at Amazon.com  

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Real World Assignment: Integrity

When kids get the message that their best isn't good enough unless they take home the gold, how can we be surprised when they break the rules to get what they want (including our approval)?

Fuel for Thought

Where did you learn your values regarding personal integrity? When a cashier or waitperson makes a mistake in your favor, how do you typically respond? Would you respond differently if your child were with you? Think about a recent time when your integrity was tested? What happened? What did you learn?

Conversations That Count

Discuss the concept of "personal integrity" (adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty). To make the concept real, share examples with each other of when you stuck with your principles as well as instances when you let your principles slip. Discuss what you learned when you did and did not live up to your own standards. Together, explore the connection between integrity and trust and what can happen when we find out someone we trusted hasn't been trustworthy.

Teach

Check in regularly with your child about tests of his/her personal integrity at school and online. Creating a safe place to talk about ethical challenges helps kids gain confidence in processing options and doing the right thing.

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Annie Fox encourages us to really talk with our children about issues in their lives. She tells us to make our homes a safe place to share their moral dilemmas and concerns. You'll find top-notch advice in her book with real life problems and solutions. She is a nationally respected character educator with 30+ years of experience.

Pick up Annie Fox's book, Teaching Kids To Be Good People, Progressive Parenting for the 21st Century

Available at Amazon.com

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Let's give our heartfelt THANKS to Annie Fox for giving us the information we need to build character in our children.

       Annie Fox, M.ED.

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 Please share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the tiny comment link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Family Dinner Conversations Promote Vocabulary in Kids

You can increase your parenting skills with family dinner conversations. Better yet you'll be increasing your children's vocabulary and literacy too. Our parenting expert and author, Ellen Galinsky, shares the research of Catherine Snow in Ellen's book, Mind in the Making. Let's find out the truth behind Snow's research. 

The Research about Children's Literacy

In the research 80 low-income families with three-year-old children were visited when the kids were three, four, and five. The children were tested on their literacy skills too. The parents taped their dinner conversations.

Parents Use a Sophisticated Vocabulary, Snow Says:

In these dinner table conversations, of course, there's always a lot of talk about "Eat your peas" and "Keep your elbows off the table" and Pass the noodles," but in some of the families, in addition, there's wonderfully interesting conversation about what proposals the governor just suggested for the new budget, or how the construction of the expressway is going to influence the neighborhood.

And these conversations are full of wonderful words like budget and governor and proposal and neighborhood-words that children might not use and probably don't understand fully. We found that families that used words like that in their dinner table conversations had children with much larger vocabularies two years later.

So part of vocabulary acquisition is learning the words that are going to be important in school, the words that second-grade teachers think when a child uses them,

"Oh, wow, that was a good word; that's a smart kid."

Those words are signals about the sophistication of the child's thinking. And of course they are also tools for thinking.

The difference between knowing three thousand words and knowing fifteen thousand words when you arrive at kindergarten is enormous. The child who knows three thousand words know words like shoes and milk and jump. The child who knows fifteen thousand words knows words like choice and possibility-words that index a more complex array of possibilities for dealing with the world.

Parenting Skills

Parent-talk does not mean baby talk, talking down to preschool-aged children, or a constant flood of words. Using meaningful, grown-up words with children as they enter the toddler and pre-school years helps them learn and appreciate new words."

An Exercise:  What Do Your Dinnertime Conversations Sound Like?

Listen to your mealtime conversations as if you are a researcher. What did you learn? (from pages 126-129)

I liked the common sense way Catherine Snow conducted the research. The results show the importance of family dinner conversations. The next time our family gets together with the grandkids, I plan on doing the suggested exercise. How about you?

Pick up Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs 

 
Available at Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Ellen Galinsky for bringing Catherine Snow's research to us and for sharing a practical tip on how to increase our children's vocabulary at the dinner table.

              

       Ellen Galinsky

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Sit back, relax, and share your opinions about this blog post. Please comment in the tiny comment link below. We want to hear from you.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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You might also like:

 Character Building: Problem Stories for Family Discussions

Building Character, Potential, and Flexable Thinking in Kids

If you'd like to build character in your kids and develop their potential too, keep reading. Our parenting expert, Kendra Delano, has taught children to think flexibly and positively, communicate effectively, overcome adversity, and make great choices throughout her 17 year career as an international educator. Let's listen to her advice.

Top 10 Tips for Developing Character, Potential, and Flexible Thinking:

First ~Teach Your Children to Observe:

Whenever someone enters a new setting, he or she should learn to watch how the people are behaving before making any attempt to interact. Are they having quiet or boisterous conversations? Are there children running around or are most people sitting down? This is the most important element in learning to adapt to a new environment.

Second ~ Venture Out ~ Travel:

You don’t have to leave the country. If you live in the suburbs go into a rural area or the city. Most urban areas have ethnic sections such as China Town, Greek Town, etc. Realize that the first people to approach you are usually in some form of sales and marketing. Quietly walk on. After that soak in every flavor, sound and interaction!

Third ~  Encourage Reading: Children learn vicariously from strong characters. Authors usually plant valuable insights and lessons into their stories. Voracious readers tend to be wise people.

Fourth: Show Children that You Withhold Judgment:

Avoid labeling any person or situation as good or bad. I have an example. A friend’s teenage daughter was telling about a girl with a poor reputation. I asked WHY she thought that girl went with so many different boys. After a pause she replied, “Because her dad left home a long time ago. She doesn’t see him so maybe she needs more attention from boys.” Bingo. Encourage children to understand and think below the surface.

Fifth ~ Never Confuse a Child’s Behavior with Their Worth:

I NEVER use the expression, “You are a bad boy or girl.” It hurts me just to write it. Everyone is valuable and intrinsically good. There are only good people who CHOOSE to behave badly. Behaviors can be modified.

Sixth ~ Encourage Children to Label Their Feelings (develop self-awareness):

Stick to the basic ones: mad, sad, glad, hurt, ashamed, afraid, and lonely.

Seventh ~  Keep a Journal:

In addition to making diary entries have children label the choices they make each day and the outcomes of those choices. Encourage children to find a correlation between the words and behaviors chosen and how their days are unfolding.

Eighth ~ Encourage Children to Consider New Possibilities:

As a teacher I used to read the story of Chicken Little to my first graders. After the story I asked, “How is Chicken Little the same as a child who shouts, “He stole my pencil!?” I asked the children to brainstorm how a pencil could have found its way into a classmate’s desk. They answered that it could have fallen on the floor and been picked up, that it could have rolled over to the desk, that the same brand of pencil could have been purchased by two different students, etc.

Ninth ~ Encourage Children to Problem Solve:

So many well-intentioned parents jump in to solve their children’s problems. Wait. See how resourceful and ingenious your child can be. Remember the person who tried to help a butterfly break out of its cocoon. The butterfly died because it needed to do the work itself!

Tenth ~ Show Your Children That You Sometimes Change Your Mind:

Show them that after considering new information you have changed your position. Wise people take their time in making a decision and are never afraid to admit they were wrong.

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Connect with Kendra and get her book, 'Showtime' at:  www.SameDayDifferentChoices.com

  'Showtime'

Let's give Kendra a GRATEFUL HAND for her outstanding tips. She has the knowledge and the ability to communicate well.

Kendra Delano

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Bonus Article:

How Discussions, Quotes, and Compliments Build Character in Kids

at:  http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/feature_article.asp?fa_id=119

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Parents, it's your turn to take the stage:

What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping your kids? Please answer in the comment link below.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Newsletter at http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/ and receive 80 fun activities to play with your kids.

******If you liked this article, please send it to your social media sites below.

Games like 20 Questions can lead to great family conversations says our guest blogger, Catherine Mason, a Wellness Consultant. Here's Catherine's advice.

Catherine Mason

"Another "fun" way to initiate meaningful family discussions is with games. 20 Questions is a favorite in our household and it always seems to spur dialogue about definitions, preferences, expectations, assumptions and much more.

One of our rules is that every participant must be able to successfully guess the answer, which makes the game challenging yet age appropriate. And a great learning experience for everyone!"

Thank you, Catherine, many of us love family games. "20 Questions" enlivens dinners, car trips, family nights and more. You don't need paper, pencils, or board games.

You can connect with Catherine at http://www.mydietribe.com/

How to Play the Game "20 Questions:"

Goal: Try to answer the questioner with 20 questions or less.

The Questioner can start by asking, "Can you guess what I'm thinking of?"

4 Rules:

1.Participants must only ask questions that require a yes or no.

2. The questioner in charge must only answer yes, no, I don't know, or I can't answer that.

3. Members listen to the answers and build on what they hear.

4. The Questioner starts by asking: "Can you guess what I'm thinking of?"

Examples of Beginning Questions from the Members:

The first question from the members can be "Is it Animal, Vegetable, or Mineral? The questioner can answer that one.

Then the participants can ask questions like the following that can only be answered with yes or no:

Is it red?
Is it bigger than a house?
Is is round?
Have I ever seen one?
Is it found in water?

Members each take a turn to ask the questioner with a question of their own. The members keep taking turns until they've reached 20 questions.

If the participants don't get the answer with 20 questions or less, the questioner can tell them what it was and take another turn.

Who ever gets it right can start a new round with, "Can you guess what I'm thinking of?"

And the game goes on.

One more thing: If your family is having fun, you're doing it right.

What Ideas do you have about conversations with kids?

Please comment in the comment link below. Don't forget to add your email so I can separately email you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

 With warm wishes,

 Jean Tracy, MSS  website at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

Another Gift:

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Family Conversations can reveal secrets if you're willing to have an 'Amnesty Evening.' Jeanette Kasper, a Conflict Expert, will share how her "Amnesty Evening" was created.

Jeanette Kasper

"When the kids were young at dinner we would ask each person:

1. What was the best thing about your day?

2. What was the worst thing about your day?'

Each person got to talk until he/she was done. We always encouraged discussion.

My kids are 23, 19 and 16 now and discussions simply flow. We had an interesting discussion at my birthday dinner.

My oldest was relating all of his exploits and I asked the younger ones about their exploits.

They were reluctant to share until the oldest suggested we declare 'Amnesty Evening' -- nobody could get into trouble for sharing anything during the evening. I learned a lot about my kids and we had some great discussions.

Creating and encouraging discussions when they are young, giving them the time and respect to talk about themselves and their days, and as they grow, they continue to share and discuss."

Connect with Jeanette at http://angerisnotanemotion.com/ 

Thank you, Jeanette.

'Anmesty Evening' invites parents to know what happened in the past or what's happening now. We've had similar revelations at our Sunday breakfasts. My kids loved sharing how they fooled their dad and me like riding bikes down a long steep hill without hands. They were kids then.

I learned that they could fool me even when I thought things were fine. Hopefully, lots of parents will have an 'Amnesty Free' Conversation with their children. Who knows what they'll learn.

Jeanette, you also made a great point about sharing and discussing when kids are young. As they grow up, they continue sharing and discussing. What a gift to teach our kids.

What Ideas do you have about conversations with kids?

Please comment in the comment link below. Don't forget to add your email so I can separately email you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

 With warm wishes,

 Jean Tracy, MSS  website at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

One More Thing:

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com  and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids

Connecting with kids at dinner creates a family bond that's hard to beat. Today we have two experts who discovered how to have great conversations with their kids. Let's hear their parenting tips.

Linda Appleman Shapiro, a psychotherapist for over 25 years

"For starters, conversations depend on the age of your children. However, in general, I think that family dinners are very important times to share one's thoughts, feelings and experiences - and what better time than at dinner for parents to model the importance of communicating.

One of the best strategies I've found over the years (and I'm now a grandmother as well as a mother) is to open up conversation by sharing something about MY day. It's amazing how much easier it makes it for kids to open up once you've opened the door by doing so yourself.

And, I suppose, the kindest way to respond to whatever is shared in return is to meet the child where the child's at without lecturing, without judgment. Just use good, old-fashioned unconditional love and advice when asked for it."

Thank you, Linda.

Linda's  Parenting Tips for You Includes:

• Modeling good communication.
• Sharing parent's day first to encourage kids to share their day next
  
• Starting the conversation according to our kids' age levels.
• Avoiding judgmental talk and lectures with what kids share.
• Giving unconditional love.

To connect with Linda go to http://www.applemanshapiro.com/

Founder and Owner of Masterful Kids.

"I think that is so important to have interesting topics to talk with children about over a meal. I am a parent of three, and have found that asking about a child's particular passion helps.

My son loves history and is a member of the National U.N. in 10th grade. He loves when I ask him about this club and the topics they discuss.  Ask children what they learned in school."

Thank you, Robin.

Robin's parenting tips for you includes:

• Create interesting topics to discuss.
• Talk about children's passions and interests.
• Discuss what your kids learned in school.
  

To contact Robin click on http://www.masterfulkids.com  

 What Ideas do you have about dinner conversations with kids?

Please comment in the comment link below. Don't forget to add your email so I can separately email you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

 With warm wishes,

 Jean Tracy, MSS  website at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

One More Thing:

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com  and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids

How can kids journaling help family conversations? Our guest blogger, Tara Kennedy-Kline knows because she invented this unique idea. Keep reading to find out what she did.

Tara Kennedy-Kline

"Several years ago, I began a process of journaling with my children each night at bedtime. I have always been an avid journal keeper myself and when I noticed the level of conversation between me and my boys breaking down, I figured that might be a great way to spark some new topics.

I bought them each their own journal and every night I would write a question at the top of the page. We started out with simple things like "What are 5 things I am grateful for today" or "What was the best part of my day." I would listen to them tell me their answers and then I would share my answer to the same question.

As months went on, we came up with some really great topics like "What are three acts of kindness I witnessed today" and "What is something that went wrong that I would change if I could."

We continued this evening journaling through an entire summer and at the beginning of school the following year, my youngest son's LIT (Learning intervention team) called me in for a meeting to discuss his progress...they told me that he was so far advanced in his IEP goals that they felt they could close it...but they hadn't done anything differently!

That's when we started talking about our questions and our journaling. Together, we realized that simple (yet profound) conversation had transformed not only our parent/child relationship...but it had helped my son to develop into a stronger, more confident student as well!

That's when my book Stop Raising Einstein; Discover the Unique Brilliance in Your Child and You! was born. Every one of our lessons from Accountability to Gratitude to Creating a quiet space, as well as the stories and daily questions to go with them are detailed in this daily journal/workbook for parents and children to experience together.

My DREAM is for every family to create a space for meaningful, open, loving conversations where everyone is celebrated for their Unique Brilliance."

Contact Tara Kennedy-Kline at www.multilevelmom.com

What a wonderful idea! Thanks Tara.

What Do You Think?

Please comment in the comment link below. Don't forget to add your email so I can separately email you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

One More Thing:

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com  and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids