DISRESPECT AND DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES go together like hand and glove. If you've ever heard a child yell at a parent, "I hate you!" or a teen sass his mom and call her the "B" word, you know it hurts. You also know there's something in the family that needs fixing.

Parents with disrespectful kids need to ask themselves, 'What can I do to turn my children from disrespect to respect?"

Today, I'll share a parenting skills article with:

1. 5 disrespectful behaviors to change

2. 7 easy ways to build respect in your children 

3. A brief YouTube video about turning disrespect into respect.

If your children are sassing and treating you poorly, there are things you can do.

First, Check your own behavior and look at what you can change.

Second, you need to decide what you will change.

Third, you need to make the change.

Changing Difficult Behaviors Can Include:

• Modeling what you want more of
  
• Becoming firmer
• Avoiding harsh words and deeds
• Choosing kindness
• Being consistent

Begin by watching the video,

"How Parents and Kids Respect Each Other."

Next, you'll be directed to the full article,

"Conflicted Families: Turning Disrespect into Respect"

Join Jean Tracy's YouTube Channel for More Parenting Tips

Here's the full Parenting Skills Article with:

• 5 Disrecpectful Behaviors
• 5 Healthy Character Traits
• 7 Ways to Build Respect

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Please click on the Comments link below. It will open up for you. We'd love to hear your thoughts.

 
With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my FREE Parenting Newsletter and receive:

 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids

101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

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When Parents Listen Well, Kids Will Talk

GETTING YOUR KIDS TO TALK IS EASY when you read our parenting tips and watch the short video below. It doesn't take an expert to figure out why some kids won't talk. It does take watching, thinking, and trying new behaviors. Today I'll share:

• 3 reasons why parents need their children to speak up
• 3 reasons why kids won't talk
• 4 ways to get your youngsters to talk

When families move faster than the speed of life to get things done and fall asleep exhausted, they don't have time to enjoy each other. To form a bond that includes warm conversations, families must decrease their load, drop out of some activities, and slow down. Why?

Parents Want the Best for Their Kids

But how will they know what's best if kids don't talk? Being a stranger to your children is being in the dark with the people you love most.

3 Reasons Why Parents Need to Get Their Kids to Talk

1. They need to know how their youngsters think.

2. They need to know what their kids feel.

3. When parents know how they think and feel; they will be able to guide them.

Children don't like being told HOW they think or feel. If you've ever had someone tell you how you feel, and that person was wrong, you can imagine how mistaken a parent can be if their kids don't tell them.

3 Reasons Why Kids Won't Talk

Of course, some children are affected by traumas. But we're talking about ordinary children who keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves. Here are 3 things that keep them quiet.

1. Parents who put them down, use sarcasm, or keep interrupting.

2. Parents with short fuses who get angry and make them nervous.

3. Parents who don't take time to listen because they're too busy or not interested.

In these situations kids turn inward with their thoughts and feelings. Sometimes they talk to unwise companions but not to their parents. So what do parents need to get their youngsters to talk? They need the 4-Point-Plan.

How the 4-Point-Plan Helps Kids Speak Up

1. Children will talk if parents PROBE gently with caring questions.

2. Kids will talk if parents slow down and LISTEN with interest.

3. Youngsters will talk if parents APPRECIATE what their kids say.

4. They will talk if parents remember, "NO CRITICISM."

To Remember How to Get Kids to Talk Just Post the PLAN:

Probe

Listen

Appreciate

No criticism

Post the 4-Point- PLAN where you can easily see it. Let me know the results.

For more help in getting your kids to talk, pick up:

Character Building: Problem Stories for Family Discussions

Also available on Amazon.com

The YouTube Video: How to Get Your Kids to Talk

For more parenting tips, subscribe to my YouTube Channel

Please share your opinions about this blog post. Click on the Comments link below. It will open up for you. We'd love to hear from you.

 
With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my FREE Parenting News and receive:

• 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
• 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

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Please “Like" this blog article and click on the icons to share with your social media sites. Thank you so much.

Does Your Family Include A Heroic Teenager?

 This Responsible Teen Needs Help

"Our family is going through some tough times. My mom's stressed and works from 4:30 a.m. - 8:00 p.m. My dad needs lots of help because he has cancer. My older sisters live far away and have their own families. So I'm in charge.

"I cook, clean, and help my parents. I'm not exactly complaining, but add all that to homework! (Our teachers are really piling it on.) Please help me with a system to get stuff done fast!" -15-year-old (From page 65)

Advice from Counselor, Annie Fox

After empathizing, Annie made the following suggestions for creating a system:

1. Let your teachers know what's going on at home and ask them to ease up at this time.

2. Make a list of your daily tasks at home that must be done.

3. Add the home responsibilities to the list that need to be done a few times a week.

4. Take care of your duties to your family and your schoolwork.

5. Give yourself 30-60 minutes every day to chill out as another way to help yourself. (From pages 212-213)

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I like Annie's advice because she gives this girl much needed appreciation first. Annie knows she can't lift this child's burdens, but she can help her with a practical system. Her last piece of advice, to take time for herself, helps puts a little balance in this girl's life. What do you think?

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Pick up Annie Fox's book, Teaching Kids To Be Good People: Progressive Parenting For The 21st Century

Available at Amazon.com

Let's APPRECIATE Annie Fox for her gift in helping teenagers with their problems. Annie knows how to be specific and positive.

    Annie Fox, M.Ed.

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   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my FREE Parenting Newsletter and receive:

• 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
• 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

Family Dinner Conversations Promote Vocabulary in Kids

You can increase your parenting skills with family dinner conversations. Better yet you'll be increasing your children's vocabulary and literacy too. Our parenting expert and author, Ellen Galinsky, shares the research of Catherine Snow in Ellen's book, Mind in the Making. Let's find out the truth behind Snow's research. 

The Research about Children's Literacy

In the research 80 low-income families with three-year-old children were visited when the kids were three, four, and five. The children were tested on their literacy skills too. The parents taped their dinner conversations.

Parents Use a Sophisticated Vocabulary, Snow Says:

In these dinner table conversations, of course, there's always a lot of talk about "Eat your peas" and "Keep your elbows off the table" and Pass the noodles," but in some of the families, in addition, there's wonderfully interesting conversation about what proposals the governor just suggested for the new budget, or how the construction of the expressway is going to influence the neighborhood.

And these conversations are full of wonderful words like budget and governor and proposal and neighborhood-words that children might not use and probably don't understand fully. We found that families that used words like that in their dinner table conversations had children with much larger vocabularies two years later.

So part of vocabulary acquisition is learning the words that are going to be important in school, the words that second-grade teachers think when a child uses them,

"Oh, wow, that was a good word; that's a smart kid."

Those words are signals about the sophistication of the child's thinking. And of course they are also tools for thinking.

The difference between knowing three thousand words and knowing fifteen thousand words when you arrive at kindergarten is enormous. The child who knows three thousand words know words like shoes and milk and jump. The child who knows fifteen thousand words knows words like choice and possibility-words that index a more complex array of possibilities for dealing with the world.

Parenting Skills

Parent-talk does not mean baby talk, talking down to preschool-aged children, or a constant flood of words. Using meaningful, grown-up words with children as they enter the toddler and pre-school years helps them learn and appreciate new words."

An Exercise:  What Do Your Dinnertime Conversations Sound Like?

Listen to your mealtime conversations as if you are a researcher. What did you learn? (from pages 126-129)

I liked the common sense way Catherine Snow conducted the research. The results show the importance of family dinner conversations. The next time our family gets together with the grandkids, I plan on doing the suggested exercise. How about you?

Pick up Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs 

 
Available at Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Ellen Galinsky for bringing Catherine Snow's research to us and for sharing a practical tip on how to increase our children's vocabulary at the dinner table.

              

       Ellen Galinsky

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Sit back, relax, and share your opinions about this blog post. Please comment in the tiny comment link below. We want to hear from you.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:

• 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
• 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

You might also like:

 Character Building: Problem Stories for Family Discussions

Parents, today you'll receive the best character tips for getting cooperation from your kids. Kathy Slattengren, our parenting expert, will share 7 commands to avoid and 7 ways to get cooperation. This is an excerpt from her amazon book, Priceless Parenting Guidebook: Ideas for Handling Everyday Parenting Challenges. 

Character Tips for Parents

"Setting a Positive Tone ~

Parents play a lead role in setting the overall tone in their families. Parents whose overall tone tends to be negative often have homes filled with  stress and tension. On the other hand parents who use a more positive approach create calmer, happier homes.

Sometimes parents get in the habil of interacting with their children using negative statements and commands. Read the following statements one dad made to his children and think about how you would feel if you were a child hearing these remarks.

How Not to Build Character and  How to Lose Cooperation

1. "You aren't going outside until you put your sunscreen on."

2. "Stop messing around with that!"

3. "If you don't hurry up and put your shoes on, I'm not taking you."

4. "You've already watched too much TV. You should not have turned it on again. Now turn it off."

5. "You're not eating dinner until you wash your hands."

6. "You are dawdling and we're going to be late."

7. "Stop bugging your sister!"

How do you feel reading these statements? Let's look at how these same ideas could be expressed more positively.

7 Positive Character Tips for Getting Kids' Cooperation

1. "Feel free to go outside as soon as you put sunscreen on."

2. "That could break so play with this instead."

3. "I'm leaving in 2 minutes. I'd be happy to take you if you have your shoes on."

4. "Your time for TV is up for today. Would you like to turn the TV off, or would you like me to turn it off?"

5. "Please wash your hands, then join us for dinner."

6. "Were leaving in 5 minutes. Do you plan to be dressed or are you taking your clothes in a bag?"

7. "Your sister wants to be left alone right now. Do you want to play a game with me or go outside?"

How do you feel now? The words we use make a huge difference. When we use more positive statements the words we use demonstrate an unspoken belief that our children are capable and are likely to choose appropriate behavior."

"The words we choose create the tone they hear!" pages 11-12.

Kathy is an expert in setting the right tone for getting kids cooperation. I like how she asks us to see how we would feel if we were commanded with a negative tone.

Lets give Kathy a BIG HAND for setting a positive tone.

Kathy Slattengren 

If you're looking for solid parenting advice, pick up Kathy's book: Priceless Parenting Guidebook: Ideas for Handling Everyday Parenting Challenges  

         Available on Amazon now!

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What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for creating a positive tone with your children? Please answer in the comment link below.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:

• 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
• 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

Why don't family conversations and virtual reality connect? Our two quest bloggers will discuss their opinions. Dr. Parnell will get the conversation started and Cindy  Rzasa-Bess, Ph.D. with give you the specifics.

Dr. Parnell Donahue

"Best way is to start when they are very young. Turn off the TV, cell phones, newspapers at every meal and start talking with them just like you would with your friends. My wife and I raised 4 kids (all in their 40s now, and our question was how do you get them to stop talking?)

I was a pediatrician for almost 40 years and the plan worked with patient's families too.  Especially let kids know you are looking forward to the teen years because you know what great teenagers they will be! Positive anticipation works wonders."

To contact Dr Parnell Donahue go to http://www.messengersindenim.com or find the

President game for teens at http://www.messengersindenim.org

Cindy Rzsasa-Bess, Ph.D

"I agree with Dr. Parnell, but I would go one step further. I would remind all parents to respect your children by turning off the cell phone, Ipod, Ipad, Iphone, handheld video game, X-box, Wii, DVD player, TV and Kindle when they are present.

We can only receive respect when we teach respect. We respect others when we give them our attention, eye contact and time.

When we focus on our tech toys rather than our children we are saying, you are not worth my time and attention. When we hand our children headphones and flip on the DVD player in the car to "Keep them quiet," we are squelching their time to talk with us and sending an indirect message that devalues them.

As a Developmental Psychologist, I fully realize that communication is more than just words. We speak to our children verbally and non-verbally. In fact, only 7% of our communication is verbal... the rest is our body language, facial expression, gestures and tone of voice. Children need these social cues to learn and subsequently be able to effectively communicate with others.

Texting, e-mails and techno-communication do not have the non-verbal communication components that provide those social cues humans implictly understand and use when forming a response. We lose our humanity when we change the nature of communication from face to face conversation to typed messaging. We are becoming too virtual.

We need to re-establish face to face time with our children! Thus, we must model this by turning off our own distractions, sitting down, talking and listening. In this high-tech world, it might not be the norm, but for all our sake we need to remember and champion in our homes - human reality first; virtual reality second."

Contact Cindy at:  http://www.thebesschoice.com/

What Do You Think?

Please comment in the comment link below. Don't forget to add your email so I can separately email you 101 Jokes from Kids and for Kids. Imagine the laughter and friends your kids will make with their fun sense of humor. Use these jokes at dinner time too.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

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