The Passive-Aggressive Child - 5 Practical Parenting Solutions

Boy Passive Agg 624
 
You Can Turn Your Passive-Aggressive Child into a
Pleasant Person
 

Passive-aggressiveness in children is like a fallen tree blocking the road to good communication. They can be unpleasant, demanding, and controlling.

They express negative emotions indirectly without:

  1. Saying what's bothering them.
  2. Sharing what they feel.
  3. Expressing what they want.

What cuts a path through this communication roadblock?

Parenting Solutions are Found in Our New Article 

You'll find 5 parenting tips with the exact information you need. The easy step-by-step instructions will help you:

  1. Determine where the passive-aggressiveness is coming from. 
  2. Decide what to say. 
  3. Get your child to reflect on better communication.
  4. Teach the Good Communication Formula.
  5. Use this this activity to practice the formula.

This Communication Formula Will Help If:

  • You're fed up with the smirks, the sass, and the snickering
  • You're feeling contradicted, confused, or controlled 
  • You're experiencing opposition, manipulation, or disrespect

Use the suggestions in this article. Get the respect you deserve. Connect with the child you love.

 

6876904_young-angry-woman-holding-her-head 900
 
Parents Who Accept Disrespect
Feel Like This

 

This Direct  Communication Formula Helps Your Child:

  1. Speak calmly and directly about the problem,
  2. Share his feelings honestly, 
  3. Express the solution he would like.

Cut through the passive-aggressive roadblock. Teach your child this communication formula. Create the loving relationship you want.  

Indian-father-and-son 530
 
Teach the Skills and Enjoy Your
Child

Get your answers here:

Parenting the Passive-Aggressive Child - 5 Practical Solutions

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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How Children Turn Out-of-Control Feelings into Calm Emotions

Emotional Kids
 
The Emotion Scale Works

 

Parenting kids with out-of-control emotions is difficult. If you’re frazzled and your emotions flare up, I have a solution for you and your children. 

Girls Fighting Best
 
Out-of-Control Tempers

 

Before I tell you more, here are 3 questions:

  1. Are you shouting at one another and feeling shame?
  2. Are you or your children sad or depressed?
  3. Are you anxious that your family will get the COVID-19 virus?

Did you answer “Yes” to any of the questions? If so, this slide share is just what you need. I suggest you practice it and experience how it works. Then teach it to your children.

Boy meditation 703
 
How the Emotion Scale Works

 

No one knows when the pandemic will end. This makes some people jumpy and anxious. Others are yearning to see family members. Many want our governors to open-up our schools. Children long to see their teachers and friends. Parents need to work, afford food, and pay rent.  Not knowing leads us to out-of-control feelings.

Emotions Scale 624
 
Make It a Habit!

 

With this simple parenting tool, quickly turn overwhelming emotions like, rage, anxiety, depression, and shame into more peaceful feelings. Use this Emotion Scale to decrease emotional stress and increase family harmony.

Get the Emotion Scale here:

The Emotion Scale

or

 https://kidsdiscuss.com/#/slide-share-detail/This-Emotional-Scale-Helps-Kids-Feel-Better-Quickly

Please write a comment and copy the transcript below it for your own use. 

 

Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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How Parents Raise Honest Children

Guilt 780
 
The Truth Sets Kids Free

 

Who can you trust? Who's telling the truth? Today the truth is hard to know.

You want your child to be honest, but how? 

First, go back to your childhood. Remember a time when you told a lie and felt guilty. Were you plagued by regret and fear? Did you worry that you'd be found out and get punished?

Lies can torment your child too.

I remember those feelings. I didn't know how to face up to what I'd done. This article will help you teach your child how to tell the truth and avoid guilt.

You CAN Help Your Child Choose Truth Over Guilt.

Today's article shares:

  • 8 painful results from lying
  • 7 positive effects for being truthful
  • 6 honesty strategies
  • 5 moral dilemmas to discuss
  • 10 self-talk rhymes to repeat

Feel free to choose the ones that are most helpful.

 

 

Boy discussing honest with mom 700x467
 
You Can Help Your Child Choose Honesty.

 

Your Parenting Tips Are Here:

Arrow curved down

The Honest Child - 35 Parenting Tips Teach Truthfulness

 

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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Stop the Tattling! 6 Positive Parenting Solutions - 7 Helpful Examples

Frustrated Mom 893
 
You Can't Plug Your Ears to Tattletales.

 

Frustrated parents dread tattling. The squeals from crying kids disturb peace, upset nerves, and demand attention.

You can’t plug your ears and hope it will go away. You must act. But how?

Today’s Slide Share Offers You:

  • The best question to ask tattlers
  • 6 tips parents can easily use
  • 7 examples that teach kids the difference between tattling and telling

What Tattletale Kids Need to Know:

  1. The purpose of tattling is to get someone in trouble.
  2. The purpose of telling is to help someone in trouble.
  3. Parents don't like tattling. They do like telling.
  4. Kids can solve problems with the right assertiveness tools from parents. See video below.

How Parents Teach Kids The Difference Between Tattling and Telling:

You can give them discussion dilemmas and ask, “Is this tattling or telling?” Here are a few you can use right now.

 

Boy Student
 
Is This Tattling or Telling?

 

  1. Logan’s not playing fair.
  2. Harper got stung by a bee.
  3. Mia’s making fun of me.
  4. Aiden tore up my homework.
  5. Sofia called me a name.
  6. Luke was hit by a rock.
  7. Zoey’s mocking me.
  8. Jack called me a liar.
  9. Sam stole money from grandma’s purse.

Discuss each situation. Find out how your child thinks. If he is wrong, tell him, “I need to know when someone is hurt, in danger, needs help, or did something serious like stealing.”

“But if it’s a squabble between you and the other person, do your best to solve it. Then come and tell me how you did it. I’d like to hear your solution."

You don’t have to plug your ears. You do need to act because your children need to learn the difference between tattling and telling. They need to learn how to solve their tattling problems too.

Your Tattling Slide Share Tips:

For the 6 parenting tips and 7 new examples of tattling or telling go to Stop The Tattling - 6 Positive Parenting Solutions The pictures will help your child decide. 

 

 

Frustrated Mom SlideShare
 
You CAN Stop the Tattling!

 

 

You might also like this video because it give kids tools for solving their squabbles:

How Parents Teach Assertiveness Skills to Kids

 

 

To refresh the 7 tips for listening to your child's solutions:

These 7 Tips Turn Tattletales into Problem-Solvers

 

Listening 800 H
 
Listen to Your Child's Solutions. It's Rewarding!

 

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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These 7 Parenting Questions Turn Tattletales into Problem-Solvers - Video Included

Listening 800 H
 
Listening Is the Key to Stopping the Tattling

 

Parents yell, “Stop Tattling!”

Listening to tattling is like scratching a swollen mosquito bite. If you listen to it over and over, it will get worse. Tattling becomes your child’s  habit.  Screaming becomes your cure, but only for the moment.

There is a better way. Today we’ll show a video to stop the tattling. You’ll see within the video a father who asks his daughter,

“Are you trying to help or hurt your sister?”

If she’s tattling to get her sister in trouble, he tells her:

“Please try to solve the problem yourself. Then come back and tell me how you solved it.”

Two Parenting Goals for Problem-Solving

  1. To increase problem-solving with your positive attention.
  2. To decrease tattling.
Daughter Listening 900
 
Listening Is the Gift Your Child Wants

 

The Problem-Solving Gift

Imagine you’re the girl’s father. When she returns to share her solution, listen. Good listening is a hug without words. It is filled with your attention. It is peaceful and loving. It is your gift to her.

How Listening Shows Caring:

Good listening avoids judging or arguing. It really wants to know your child’s thoughts and feelings. If there is something you don’t understand, ask questions after she’s done speaking.

Here is what you might say when your child shares her solution:

  1. Let’s talk about your solution.
  2. What voice did you use and what did you say?
  3. How did it end?
  4. How did you feel after you solved it?
  5. What do you need to do to avoid a conflict next time?
  6. What do you think of your becoming a problem-solver?
  7. Can you guess how proud I am of you?

In the end, you want your child to be able to say, “ You really listened. You really care about how I think.”

Listening is a gift that can be used over and over in many different situations, not just tattling. Why? Because listening with love is what your child wants.  It creates a bond with your child and harmony in your home. Yes, it takes more time and it is rewarding. It is a great way to teach problem-solving. 

This brief video shares more ways to stop the tattling: 

Tattletale Kids: 10 Tips for Frustrated Parents

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4Z3fh0VzRw

 

 

You might also like this article:

How Parents Stop Kids from Tattling on Sibs

https://www.kidsdiscuss.com/#/article/206

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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How Parents and Kids Conquer Fear - a Powerful Technique

Emotion Meter 800
 
Conquers Fear in Parents and Children

Imagine fear invading your mind like a virus. It infects your mind with thoughts. It’s all you can think about.

  1. Will I get sick?
  2. Will my kids get sick?
  3. What about my job?

So many thoughts recycling over and over that you:

  1. Forget what you’re about to do.
  2. Talk harshly.
  3. Make mistakes.
  4. Feel tight inside.
  5. Forget to breathe.

Now imagine your child watching you. He’s seen the news. He’s aware that things are bad and wonders:

Self-pity Asian Boy
 
Kids worry too.

 

  1. Am I safe?
  2. Will my parents protect me?
  3. What will happen to my family?

Fear has infected him too.

How Parents Are Mentally Stronger than Children:

You’ve battled difficult situations and painful feelings many times in your life. You are a mind warrior because somehow, you’ve come through.

Your child is much less experienced than you and lacks the mental weapons you possess, even if you don’t know you possess them.

Remember this. It’s the frightful thoughts that wage war in your mind and cause your fear. You’ve battled them before. How will you deal with them now?

Today I’ll share the Emotion Meter (Sometimes called the Mood Meter) to use personally and then with your child. Use it as often as needed. Be a warrior again and teach your child to be a warrior too.

Girl Closed Eyes
 
The Emotion Meter Uses
Your Child's Powerful
Mind.

 

Read more

 

 

 

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The Virus - How Parents Calm Children in 9 Easy Steps

Scientist 800
 
This Drawing Technique Helps Kids Overcome Fear

 

The coronavirus scares your child.

“Mom, are we safe?”

“What do you mean?”

“Will we get sick too?”

Disaster news is everywhere. TV, newspapers, social media and even billboard reminders are appearing in some places.

Children are home. Parents are home. Everyone is scared.

Today's 3 Practical Parenting Steps:

  1. Review the 9 listening skills.
  2. Learn the drawing technique by using it to calm yourself first.
  3. Teach the drawing technique to your child. 

 

9 Listening Skills Effective Parents Need

Review the following listening tips:

  1. Listen with direct eye contact, a caring smile and both ears.
  2. Ask questions to be sure you understand.
  3. Be patient. Give enough time for your child to form thoughts.
  4. Repeat your child's ideas in your own words. Follow up with, “Is that correct?”
  5. Encourage continued sharing by saying, “Tell me more.”
  6. Walk in your child's shoes. With empathy try to feel what he’s feeling.
  7. Avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Listen to the end.
  8. Share your thoughts after your child's finished..
  9. Begin by reflecting feelings. “It sounds like you’re (upset or sad or confused, etc.).”

You Are the Best Counselor for Your Kids

Asian Mom and Daughter
 
Kids Trust Parents to Help Them

 

As a counselor for many years, I’ve used the drawing strategy below with children and adults. It works. Why? Because it's a unique way of understanding feelings, especially fears. 

When you listen well, teach practical skills and show caring, your child trusts you and feels loved. Love and trust make you the most powerful counselor of all.

9 Ways Parents Can Calm Themselves and Their Children

Dad and Son Drawing 865
 
Drawing Calms Your Kid's Anxiety

 

  1. Ask your boy or girl to, “Draw a picture of the fear.”
  2. Probe Gently: “What does your picture mean to you?”
  3. Say, “Tell me more,” several times until you hear all the anxious thoughts.
  4. Say, “Draw how you would like to feel.” Then say, “Tell me about your new picture.”
  5. Suggest, “Let's brainstorm what you could do to make your picture come true.” Wait patiently for your child’s ideas first.
  6. Say, “Write down 3 small ways you can make your positive picture come true.
  7. Say, “Pick one little step to try now." 
  8. Instruct your child, "Visualize your new picture clearly. Feel it and give it a positive title. Then post it on the fridge." Give your child all the time he or she needs.
  9.  Praise your child for calming his fear.

Discuss the second and third small steps in the following days to reinforce over time what has been learned.

Drawing an optimistic picture gives your child power over the fear. By visualizing it, feeling it and giving it a positive title, your child changes his scary mindset. Posting it on the fridge becomes a strong reminder to "stay calm and carry on." Use this technique as often as your child needs.

Consider applying it for any painful emotion your child may experience. You could even use it as a home schooling strategy.

You might like this video because it also reinforces the steps:

How Parents Help Anxious Kids Feel Confident

 

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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The Patience Plan - Don’t Go Crazy When Kids Are Lazy

Don't Get Angry 450
 
You CAN Become a Patient Effective Parent

 

“My kids won’t help. They make me mad. I blow my stack.” Do you feel the same way?

The Patience Plan for Parents

1. Go outside. Breathe fresh air.

    Tell yourself, “I’m breathing patience in and blowing anger out.” Do this until you feel calm.

2. Get rational. Realize your kids are lazy for their own reasons. 

    a.Consider this belief: people do things for positive reasons. Even when they do wrong it’s for reasons that  benefit them.

    It’s the same with kids. Ask yourself, “What are they getting out of not doing their chores?”

    b. Could it be any of these:

  • They might want more playtime with friends or video games.
  • They might want more cell phone time.
  • They might want to relax after an exhausting day at school.

The best way to find out is to ask them. Why? Because we can’t know exactly what anyone is thinking. And that goes for our children too.

 

Latina Mom 450
 
Ask, Don't Tell.

 

  1. Discuss the situation with your kids. Find out what they want. Tell them what you want. Ask them, “How can we both win?” Brainstorm solutions together.

Calm rational parents get more cooperation from their children. Why? Because they take the time to understand their kids. They teach them the concept of “win-win” too.

 

For 9 More Ways to Deal with Lazy Children:

Calm Parent
 
You CAN Handle Lazy Kids with Patience

 Go to: https://www.KidsDiscuss.com

 

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The Assertive Child - 5 Role-Plays for Your Dinner Discussions

Girl and Boy Smiling 450
 
How Do Assertive Children Express Themselves?

ARE ASSERTIVE KIDS AGGRESSIVE? Do they dominate conversations or do they speak-up with respect?

An assertive child learns to express himself respectfully because he shares the microphone. He speaks and listens. But what if he needs to defend himself against aggression?

In today’s gift you’ll learn the assertive formula. It includes 3 parts:

  1. Describe what offends you.  
  2. State your feeling.
  3. Suggest a solution.

When you use the formula, respectful communication grows. Teach it during dinner discussions. If you do, they’ll become the teaching moments all kids need.

Assertive Kids 450

In this gift your kids will role-play:  

  1. How Jimmy could respond to Lola when she rolls her eyes.
  2. How one brother shares his frustration when Bobby hogs the ice cream.
  3. How Suzy asks Tammy to quit messing up her room.
  4. How an older sister orders John to quit telling her secrets to his friends.
  5. How Mary tells Sara what she wants her to say instead of cussing.

It is important that children have a simple respectful blueprint for expressing their upsets.

As the parent, use the formula yourself whenever appropriate. Post it on the fridge. Point to it when kids fight. Tell them to cool down. Later, tell them to replay their argument using the formula.

Download the formula now at www.KidsDiscuss.com using the code word:

DISCUSS

Add it to your 3-hole binder to use whenever you need it.

You might also like: How Parents Teach Assertive Skills to Kids

 

 

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How Smart Parents Teach Assertive Skills and Stop the Fights - Video

Sister and Brother Fighting 650
 
"Stop Blaming Me!" "Stop Taking My Stuff!"
             Sound Familiar?

 

Do your kids bicker? Is it grating on your nerves? Some quarreling is normal. But if your kids continually fight, it’s a telling sign to “Detour! Danger Ahead!”

My brother and I fought so much that years later my mother told me, “I thought you were going to kill each other.” A slight exaggeration but we did yell, wrestle, and throw some punches. Underneath it all, I really did love him and if anyone criticized him, I ached inside.

When we fought our mother would yell, “Stop!” She’d complain. She’d even lecture. But she had been an only child and never experienced sibling rivalry. She didn’t have a clue how to help us be civil and neither did we.

Assertive Role-Playing

Confused Mom 1000
 
How Do I Teach My Kids Assertive Skills?

 

Assertive role-playing can be taught using “Instant Replay.” This parenting technique is assertive because kids must come up with their own answers and then act them out. It uses Time Out.

I remember being sent to bed after many a fight. It often lasted the whole afternoon, but it didn’t work. I just took long naps.

With Instant Replay you separate your kids and send them to different boring places within your home. They come back to you after each child brainstorms 3 good ways they could have handled their disagreement without fighting. Then you tell them, “Act out the best one. When done, they shake hands and are free to go off to play.

I like this strategy because you’re no longer the judge and jury. You don’t choose who’s right and who’s wrong. You don’t even come up with solutions. Your children solve their own problems.

The Assertive Formula

Brother and Sister Assertive 1000
 
The Assertive Formula Works

 

This formula includes 5 parts:

  1. The Assertive Voice
  2. The Assertive Face
  3. The Assertive Posture
  4. The Assertive Words
  5. The Assertive Role-Play

The video below shows parents and children several simple suggestions to practice within each part.

Before teaching this formula, I suggest practicing it with your partner first. Why? Because your example is the most powerful way for kids to learn.

Watch Now: How Parents Teach Assertiveness Skills




 
Practice One Sibling Solution Per Dinner Discussion

 

 

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