Why won't this daughter listen?

Parents, who cannot listen, are the worst communicators. They cannot teach effective communication because they don’t practice it. 

Hey there! Are you someone who argues instead of listening to your child? Many parents do. Yet, listening is your most important parenting tool. Don't worry, if you decide to, you can always improve it. There are some habits you might have to brush aside before becoming a good listener.

Today I will share:

5 listening mistakes to avoid

5 simple listening habits to increase

1 simple formula for being your child's best counselor

3 fun listening activities for your family. 

5 Harmful Listening Habits to Avoid as a Parent:

Do you ever:

1. Interrupt your child?
2. Discount your child's opinions?
3. Dismiss your child's feelings?
4. Criticize your child?
5. Lecture your child?

Don't be overly concerned because here are 5 easy listening habits that you can use right now. They'll quickly improve your listening skills.

5 Listening Habits to Learn, Practice, and Model:

 

Father and Son Communicating

1. Look your child in the eye.
2. Focus on what they are saying.
3. Remember the key points.
4. Repeat those points in your words.
5. Ask questions to better understand your child.

By practicing these skills, you'll become a better listener. You'll be teaching your child good communication skills too. 

Become Your Child's Best Counselor:

Do you know why counselors are loved by their clients? It's because they are good listeners. They practice the 5 good habits. They also include the 70% Law of Communication, meaning, they listen 70% and speak 30%. As a parent, strive to speak less, listen more, and appreciate your child's thoughts and feelings. As you progress, notice how your relationship with your child strengthens. You'll become your child's best counselor too.

Here are 3 activities to make 'listening' a priority in your family: 

3 Activities for Family Listening:

1. Post a ‘Listening Habit of the Week’ on your refrigerator. Practice that habit in your home and outside your family. ‘Catch your children being good’ with a compliment when they listen well. 
2. The Morning Forecast: Tell your child, “Name something you’re looking forward to today.” The Evening Review: Ask, "What are some things you are grateful about today?"
3. Create free time each day and turn off technology. Use this time to discuss both your day and your child's day. Practice the 70% Law. 

Make 'Listening' a priority in your family. Listening Works!

Video - Short Clip - 1.11 minutes 

Sometimes pictures do speak 1,000 words. What do you think?

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Jean Tracy

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Set Goal

Is this what you want your child to yell?

"I can't set goals!"

 

Parents, give up resolutions! They don’t work because something is missing. Neither you nor your children can reach your goals without it. Today, I will:

1. Show why resolutions are broken.
2. Apply what a great leader understood.
3. Share a 4 minute video showing you and your children the way to achieve goals.

It’s not that you don’t want to achieve your goals or that you’re not strong enough to make them happen.

5 Reasons Resolutions Are Broken:

1. Losing interest in the goal.
2. Forgetting about the resolution.
3. Breaking the goal once and then giving up.
4. Breaking it for a good reason.
5. Breaking it at a party or because of a teasing friend.

William James, (1842-1910), the founder of American Psychology, stated:

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.”

 

William James, 1842-1910

A good resolution includes altering attitudes. Positive attitudes are the foundation for good resolutions. They include clear vision, emotions and the words that describe them.

For example, envision these attitudes:

1. To embrace exercise rather than dread it -

“I am exercising with vim and vigor.”

2. To choose healthy foods over unhealthy foods -

“I am eating delicious fruits and vegetables.”

3. To focus on math rather than give up -

“I am seeing how to problem solve and multiplying with ease.”

4. To become outgoing rather than shy -

“I am smiling and acting friendly at school.”

5. To choose patience over impatience -

 “I am looking at my child with loving eyes.”

 

Resolution: "I am looking at my child with loving eyes."

William James also said:

“It’s our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task that will determine its success.”

Resolutions can be challenging tasks. Otherwise, we wouldn’t need them to improve our lives. Attitudes are the missing piece at the beginning of solid resolutions.

Don’t give up resolutions! They can work.

Today’s simple method gives you and your children an effective way to develop the attitudes to make your goals come true.

Watch this video now:

How Parents Teach Children to Set Smart Goals

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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The Emotion Scale Works

Parenting kids with out-of-control emotions is difficult. If you’re frazzled and your emotions flare up, I have a solution for you and your children. 

 

Out-of-Control Tempers

Before I tell you more, here are 3 questions:

1. Are you shouting at one another and feeling shame?
2. Are you or your children sad or depressed?
3. Are you anxious that your family will get the COVID-19 virus?

Did you answer “Yes” to any of the questions? If so, this slide share is just what you need. I suggest you practice it and experience how it works. Then teach it to your children.

 

How the Emotion Scale Works

No one knows when the pandemic will end. This makes some people jumpy and anxious. Others are yearning to see family members. Many want our governors to open-up our schools. Children long to see their teachers and friends. Parents need to work, afford food, and pay rent.  Not knowing leads us to out-of-control feelings.

 

Make It a Habit!

With this simple parenting tool, quickly turn overwhelming emotions like, rage, anxiety, depression, and shame into more peaceful feelings. Use this Emotion Scale to decrease emotional stress and increase family harmony.

Get the Emotion Scale here:

The Emotion Scale

or

 https://kidsdiscuss.com/#/slide-share-detail/This-Emotional-Scale-Helps-Kids-Feel-Better-Quickly

Please write a comment and copy the transcript below it for your own use. 

Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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The Truth Sets Kids Free

Who can you trust? Who's telling the truth? Today the truth is hard to know.

You want your child to be honest, but how? 

First, go back to your childhood. Remember a time when you told a lie and felt guilty. Were you plagued by regret and fear? Did you worry that you'd be found out and get punished?

Lies can torment your child too.

I remember those feelings. I didn't know how to face up to what I'd done. This article will help you teach your child how to tell the truth and avoid guilt.

You CAN Help Your Child Choose Truth Over Guilt.

Today's article shares:

• 8 painful results from lying
• 7 positive effects for being truthful
• 6 honesty strategies
• 5 moral dilemmas to discuss
• 10 self-talk rhymes to repeat

Feel free to choose the ones that are most helpful.

 

 

You Can Help Your Child Choose Honesty.

Your Parenting Tips Are Here:

The Honest Child - 35 Parenting Tips Teach Truthfulness

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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You Can't Plug Your Ears to Tattletales.

Frustrated parents dread tattling. The squeals from crying kids disturb peace, upset nerves, and demand attention.

You can’t plug your ears and hope it will go away. You must act. But how?

Today’s Slide Share Offers You:

• The best question to ask tattlers
• 6 tips parents can easily use
• 7 examples that teach kids the difference between tattling and telling

What Tattletale Kids Need to Know:

1. The purpose of tattling is to get someone in trouble.
2. The purpose of telling is to help someone in trouble.
3. Parents don't like tattling. They do like telling.
4. Kids can solve problems with the right assertiveness tools from parents. See video below.

How Parents Teach Kids The Difference Between Tattling and Telling:

You can give them discussion dilemmas and ask, “Is this tattling or telling?” Here are a few you can use right now.

 

Is This Tattling or Telling?

1. Logan’s not playing fair.
2. Harper got stung by a bee.
3. Mia’s making fun of me.
4. Aiden tore up my homework.
5. Sofia called me a name.
6. Luke was hit by a rock.
7. Zoey’s mocking me.
8. Jack called me a liar.
9. Sam stole money from grandma’s purse.

Discuss each situation. Find out how your child thinks. If he is wrong, tell him, “I need to know when someone is hurt, in danger, needs help, or did something serious like stealing.”

“But if it’s a squabble between you and the other person, do your best to solve it. Then come and tell me how you did it. I’d like to hear your solution."

You don’t have to plug your ears. You do need to act because your children need to learn the difference between tattling and telling. They need to learn how to solve their tattling problems too.

Your Tattling Slide Share Tips:

For the 6 parenting tips and 7 new examples of tattling or telling go to Stop The Tattling - 6 Positive Parenting Solutions The pictures will help your child decide. 

 

You CAN Stop the Tattling!

You might also like this video because it give kids tools for solving their squabbles:

How Parents Teach Assertiveness Skills to Kids

To refresh the 7 tips for listening to your child's solutions:

These 7 Tips Turn Tattletales into Problem-Solvers

 

Listen to Your Child's Solutions. It's Rewarding!

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Listening Is the Key to Stopping the Tattling

Parents yell, “Stop Tattling!”

Listening to tattling is like scratching a swollen mosquito bite. If you listen to it over and over, it will get worse. Tattling becomes your child’s  habit.  Screaming becomes your cure, but only for the moment.

There is a better way. Today we’ll show a video to stop the tattling. You’ll see within the video a father who asks his daughter,

“Are you trying to help or hurt your sister?”

If she’s tattling to get her sister in trouble, he tells her:

“Please try to solve the problem yourself. Then come back and tell me how you solved it.”

Two Parenting Goals for Problem-Solving

1. To increase problem-solving with your positive attention.
2. To decrease tattling.

 

Listening Is the Gift Your Child Wants

The Problem-Solving Gift

Imagine you’re the girl’s father. When she returns to share her solution, listen. Good listening is a hug without words. It is filled with your attention. It is peaceful and loving. It is your gift to her.

How Listening Shows Caring:

Good listening avoids judging or arguing. It really wants to know your child’s thoughts and feelings. If there is something you don’t understand, ask questions after she’s done speaking.

Here is what you might say when your child shares her solution:

1. Let’s talk about your solution.
2. What voice did you use and what did you say?
3. How did it end?
4. How did you feel after you solved it?
5. What do you need to do to avoid a conflict next time?
6. What do you think of your becoming a problem-solver?
7. Can you guess how proud I am of you?

In the end, you want your child to be able to say, “ You really listened. You really care about how I think.”

Listening is a gift that can be used over and over in many different situations, not just tattling. Why? Because listening with love is what your child wants.  It creates a bond with your child and harmony in your home. Yes, it takes more time and it is rewarding. It is a great way to teach problem-solving. 

This brief video shares more ways to stop the tattling: 

Tattletale Kids: 10 Tips for Frustrated Parents

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4Z3fh0VzRw

You might also like this article:

How Parents Stop Kids from Tattling on Sibs

https://www.kidsdiscuss.com/#/article/206

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Conquers Fear in Parents and Children

Imagine fear invading your mind like a virus. It infects your mind with thoughts. It’s all you can think about.

1. Will I get sick?
2. Will my kids get sick?
3. What about my job?

So many thoughts recycling over and over that you:

1. Forget what you’re about to do.
2. Talk harshly.
3. Make mistakes.
4. Feel tight inside.
5. Forget to breathe.

Now imagine your child watching you. He’s seen the news. He’s aware that things are bad and wonders:

 

Kids worry too.

1. Am I safe?
2. Will my parents protect me?
3. What will happen to my family?

Fear has infected him too.

How Parents Are Mentally Stronger than Children:

You’ve battled difficult situations and painful feelings many times in your life. You are a mind warrior because somehow, you’ve come through.

Your child is much less experienced than you and lacks the mental weapons you possess, even if you don’t know you possess them.

Remember this. It’s the frightful thoughts that wage war in your mind and cause your fear. You’ve battled them before. How will you deal with them now?

Today I’ll share the Emotion Meter (Sometimes called the Mood Meter) to use personally and then with your child. Use it as often as needed. Be a warrior again and teach your child to be a warrior too.

 

The Emotion Meter Uses

Your Child's Powerful

Mind.

Read more

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This Drawing Technique Helps Kids Overcome Fear

The coronavirus scares your child.

“Mom, are we safe?”

“What do you mean?”

“Will we get sick too?”

Disaster news is everywhere. TV, newspapers, social media and even billboard reminders are appearing in some places.

Children are home. Parents are home. Everyone is scared.

Today's 3 Practical Parenting Steps:

1. Review the 9 listening skills.
2. Learn the drawing technique by using it to calm yourself first.
3. Teach the drawing technique to your child. 

9 Listening Skills Effective Parents Need

Review the following listening tips:

1. Listen with direct eye contact, a caring smile and both ears.
2. Ask questions to be sure you understand.
3. Be patient. Give enough time for your child to form thoughts.
4. Repeat your child's ideas in your own words. Follow up with, “Is that correct?”
5. Encourage continued sharing by saying, “Tell me more.”
6. Walk in your child's shoes. With empathy try to feel what he’s feeling.
7. Avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Listen to the end.
8. Share your thoughts after your child's finished..
9. Begin by reflecting feelings. “It sounds like you’re (upset or sad or confused, etc.).”

You Are the Best Counselor for Your Kids

 

Kids Trust Parents to Help Them

As a counselor for many years, I’ve used the drawing strategy below with children and adults. It works. Why? Because it's a unique way of understanding feelings, especially fears. 

When you listen well, teach practical skills and show caring, your child trusts you and feels loved. Love and trust make you the most powerful counselor of all.

9 Ways Parents Can Calm Themselves and Their Children

1. Ask your boy or girl to, “Draw a picture of the fear.”
2. Probe Gently: “What does your picture mean to you?”
3. Say, “Tell me more,” several times until you hear all the anxious thoughts.
4. Say, “Draw how you would like to feel.” Then say, “Tell me about your new picture.”
5. Suggest, “Let's brainstorm what you could do to make your picture come true.” Wait patiently for your child’s ideas first.
6. Say, “Write down 3 small ways you can make your positive picture come true.
7. Say, “Pick one little step to try now." 
8. Instruct your child, "Visualize your new picture clearly. Feel it and give it a positive title. Then post it on the fridge." Give your child all the time he or she needs.
9.  Praise your child for calming his fear.

Discuss the second and third small steps in the following days to reinforce over time what has been learned.

Drawing an optimistic picture gives your child power over the fear. By visualizing it, feeling it and giving it a positive title, your child changes his scary mindset. Posting it on the fridge becomes a strong reminder to "stay calm and carry on." Use this technique as often as your child needs.

Consider applying it for any painful emotion your child may experience. You could even use it as a home schooling strategy.

You might like this video because it also reinforces the steps:

How Parents Help Anxious Kids Feel Confident

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You CAN Become a Patient Effective Parent

“My kids won’t help. They make me mad. I blow my stack.” Do you feel the same way?

The Patience Plan for Parents

1. Go outside. Breathe fresh air.

    Tell yourself, “I’m breathing patience in and blowing anger out.” Do this until you feel calm.

2. Get rational. Realize your kids are lazy for their own reasons. 

    a.Consider this belief: people do things for positive reasons. Even when they do wrong it’s for reasons that  benefit them.

    It’s the same with kids. Ask yourself, “What are they getting out of not doing their chores?”

    b. Could it be any of these:

• They might want more playtime with friends or video games.
• They might want more cell phone time.
• They might want to relax after an exhausting day at school.

The best way to find out is to ask them. Why? Because we can’t know exactly what anyone is thinking. And that goes for our children too.

 

Ask, Don't Tell.

3. Discuss the situation with your kids. Find out what they want. Tell them what you want. Ask them, “How can we both win?” Brainstorm solutions together.

Calm rational parents get more cooperation from their children. Why? Because they take the time to understand their kids. They teach them the concept of “win-win” too.

For 9 More Ways to Deal with Lazy Children:

 

You CAN Handle Lazy Kids with Patience

 Go to: https://www.KidsDiscuss.com

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How Do Assertive Children Express Themselves?

ARE ASSERTIVE KIDS AGGRESSIVE? Do they dominate conversations or do they speak-up with respect?

An assertive child learns to express himself respectfully because he shares the microphone. He speaks and listens. But what if he needs to defend himself against aggression?

In today’s gift you’ll learn the assertive formula. It includes 3 parts:

1. Describe what offends you.  
2. State your feeling.
3. Suggest a solution.

When you use the formula, respectful communication grows. Teach it during dinner discussions. If you do, they’ll become the teaching moments all kids need.

In this gift your kids will role-play:  

1. How Jimmy could respond to Lola when she rolls her eyes.
2. How one brother shares his frustration when Bobby hogs the ice cream.
3. How Suzy asks Tammy to quit messing up her room.
4. How an older sister orders John to quit telling her secrets to his friends.
5. How Mary tells Sara what she wants her to say instead of cussing.

It is important that children have a simple respectful blueprint for expressing their upsets.

As the parent, use the formula yourself whenever appropriate. Post it on the fridge. Point to it when kids fight. Tell them to cool down. Later, tell them to replay their argument using the formula.

Download the formula now at www.KidsDiscuss.com using the code word:

DISCUSS

Add it to your 3-hole binder to use whenever you need it.

You might also like: How Parents Teach Assertive Skills to Kids

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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