Why won't this daughter listen?

Parents, who cannot listen, are the worst communicators. They cannot teach effective communication because they don’t practice it. 

Hey there! Are you someone who argues instead of listening to your child? Many parents do. Yet, listening is your most important parenting tool. Don't worry, if you decide to, you can always improve it. There are some habits you might have to brush aside before becoming a good listener.

Today I will share:

5 listening mistakes to avoid

5 simple listening habits to increase

1 simple formula for being your child's best counselor

3 fun listening activities for your family. 

5 Harmful Listening Habits to Avoid as a Parent:

Do you ever:

1. Interrupt your child?
2. Discount your child's opinions?
3. Dismiss your child's feelings?
4. Criticize your child?
5. Lecture your child?

Don't be overly concerned because here are 5 easy listening habits that you can use right now. They'll quickly improve your listening skills.

5 Listening Habits to Learn, Practice, and Model:

 

Father and Son Communicating

1. Look your child in the eye.
2. Focus on what they are saying.
3. Remember the key points.
4. Repeat those points in your words.
5. Ask questions to better understand your child.

By practicing these skills, you'll become a better listener. You'll be teaching your child good communication skills too. 

Become Your Child's Best Counselor:

Do you know why counselors are loved by their clients? It's because they are good listeners. They practice the 5 good habits. They also include the 70% Law of Communication, meaning, they listen 70% and speak 30%. As a parent, strive to speak less, listen more, and appreciate your child's thoughts and feelings. As you progress, notice how your relationship with your child strengthens. You'll become your child's best counselor too.

Here are 3 activities to make 'listening' a priority in your family: 

3 Activities for Family Listening:

1. Post a ‘Listening Habit of the Week’ on your refrigerator. Practice that habit in your home and outside your family. ‘Catch your children being good’ with a compliment when they listen well. 
2. The Morning Forecast: Tell your child, “Name something you’re looking forward to today.” The Evening Review: Ask, "What are some things you are grateful about today?"
3. Create free time each day and turn off technology. Use this time to discuss both your day and your child's day. Practice the 70% Law. 

Make 'Listening' a priority in your family. Listening Works!

Video - Short Clip - 1.11 minutes 

Sometimes pictures do speak 1,000 words. What do you think?

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Jean Tracy

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• 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

 

When Permissive Parents Bribe, Kids Are The Boss

Permissiveness, parenting without structure and guidance, and over-negotiating rules and chores hurt your authority. Your kids are injured too. 

How Permissive Parents Harm Kids

1. Without parental structure and direction, your kids won’t know the path to a successful life. They may follow a destructive trail and hurt themselves instead.
2. Without parental supervision about right and wrong expect your kids to experience trouble and pain.
3. Without responsible chores they will lack the life skills for future know-how and self-care.

How to Overcome Permissive Parenting and Take Back Your Authority

1. Visualize yourself as a kind and firm parent with your child. (See your child not yourself.)
2. Feel what it's like to be a kind and firm parent.
3. Tell yourself, “I am kind and firm with my child.”

Put all 3 into one magic moment so that you see, feel, and say them all at once.

Do this before you fall asleep at night and before you rise each morning. Do this for 21 days. If you do, you’ll regain your authority and become the parent you need to be. Make it a habit.

This Kind but Firm Video Helps You Be the Authority and Your Kids Do Their Chores:

You Might Also Like:

Raising Responsible Kids – How to Get Your Children To Do Their Chores  It includes a 4-Point Formula.

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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Overworked Moms Lose Their Tempers.

Tired moms come home to sprawling clutter, kids playing videos, and dinner to fix. No wonder they explode.

Mom: “Who left their dirty dishes in the sink?”

Kids don’t answer. They keep playing video games.

Mom: “You kids are so lazy! You expect me to do everything.”

Kids pout and sigh. But they keep playing.

Mom: “You turn that thing off and get out here.”

The kids turn off their games and slowly drag their feet.

They’ve heard it all before.

Every day after school kids drop their coats, books and boots on the floor, eat snacks, leave a mess, and relax with video games. When Mom comes home, the shouting begins.

4 Careless Behaviors That Trigger Moms' Anger:

1. Messy kids' bedrooms
2. Dirty dishes in sink
3. Filthy floor
4. Loud video games

Exhausted Moms and Guilt

 “This isn’t the picture I dreamed when I thought about having kids. I hate shouting at my kids. Now they're angry at me.”

 

This was my dream of raising kids

What to Do?

1. Don’t start cleaning up. It will just make you more upset.
2. Take care of yourself first. Calm down by taking a nap, a bubble bath, eating a snack, or doing something you enjoy.
3. Be thinking about ways to handle the situation without anger.
4. Plan a family meeting to discuss the problem.

What to Include in the Family Meeting:

1. Schedule it when everyone has calmed down - very important.
2. Avoid making it a complaint session.
3. Start with compliments for all.
4. Bring up the problem. Ask members, “How can we solve it?”
5. Write down solutions from each member.
6. Group picks the best solutions.
7. Each member makes a specific commitment to solve the problem.
8. Post the commitments on the fridge.
9. End with more compliments for each member and a dessert.

Make family meetings a regular event both to solve problems and to plan fun times together.

Conclusion for Tired Moms with Careless Kids:

Overworked moms and dads get upset with careless children. Yelling, lecturing, and put-downs follow. But they don’t motivate kids to help.

Family meetings, if they don’t become gripe sessions, can become positive events that solve problems. They teach kids listening and speaking skills. They train kids to work together within the family. Family meetings teach priceless life skills that build character too.

Related Video:

Frustrated Moms - 10 Temper Triggers with Solutions

You might also like:

33 Family Meetings Kids Love

https://www.kidsdiscuss.com/#/product/kdeb003

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Turning Pushy Parents into Motivators

ANGRY PARENTS CAN'T MOTIVATE KIDS TO STUDY. Why?  Because kids get discouraged, some cry. Others shrink with fear. Still others rebel. Their minds can't focus on schoolwork because painful emotions take over when parents are angry. 

Bribing kids to study only works if the bribe is big enough. Kids ask, "What will I get?" They miss the point.  Studying develops their learning, their minds, their inner discipline, and their inner satisfaction. Do these benefits sound too lofty ? They aren't and you'll see why.

How can you help your child learn without becoming an angry "PPP" (pushy, picky, parent)?

 

Motivated Kids Love to Learn

It's easy really. Have some special time with your child. A dinner out or a family dinner where everyone is relaxed is ideal. Bedtime discussions or long car rides are good too. Keep the mood positive and NO interrogating by asking:

1. Did you finish your homework?
2. Did you get it in on time?
3. When are you going to show it to me? 
4. Why didn't you get it done last week?
5. Why is it so sloppy?

There is a better approach. I call it "investigating."

You'll find it in my one-minute video on YouTube, which you can watch right here. Beneath the video on YouTube is the simple transcript with it's motivating attitude and questions. Feel free to copy it and add it to your 3-hold binder and use whenever you need it. 

Watch Now!

How Parents Motivate Children's Brain Power

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You Don't Have to Battle over Homework.

PARENTS CAN ADD FUEL TO HOMEWORK DIFFICULTIES. They don’t mean to. But they don’t know what else to do. Parents just want their child to succeed.

How parents might inflame homework battles?

In this one minute parenting video you find 3 ways parents promote schoolwork fights with kids by their:

• Words
• Facial expressions
• Tone of voice

You won’t want these descriptions to describe you. You won’t want your child to be filled with shame, anger at you, or rebellion because of your frustration.

What can a parent do to motivate kids to try?

1. For privacy use the bathroom mirror.
2. Take several breaths to calm yourself down.
3. Decide what you want to say, how you want to look, and your tone of voice.
4. Rehearse how you will approach the homework problems with your child. 
5. Consider using the 3 practical suggestions in the video to encourage your child to do his homework.

You CAN be a motivating parent.

Watch this YouTube video now. It only takes a minute.

Homework Motivation - Parenting Problems and Solutions

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Power Struggles with Your Strong-Willed Child

Can Be Solved!

THINK OF HANDLING STUBBORN CHILDREN LIKE METAL BEADS AND A MAGNET. Your child's stubborn behaviors are the metal beads. Your reactions are the magnet. Each stubborn behavior can cause a swift and powerful clash if you let yourself explode with emotion. This doesn't have to happen.

Consider Using Logic by Asking Yourself 3 Questions:

1. What are the consequences to our relationship if I consistently blow-up?

       When I continually react with anger, his stubbornness hardens even more. Respect dies.

2. What are better ways of reacting to his stubbornness?

         I can use a kind, firm, and self-controlled voice.  With time and repetition, mutual respect could grow.

3. Are there specific ways to be the respectful parent and turn his headstrong behaviors into cooperative ones?

        If you draw a blank, watch our 1 minute video below. You'll find 5 solutions you can start using today.

Please remember, no parent is perfect. We all get over-stressed and lose our tempers. Don't get down on yourself if this happens to you. Just reconfirm your commitment to be a respectful parent.

One more thing, you CAN make the magnetic pull between you and your child into a pleasant and positive relationship.

Click on: Have a Headstrong Child? 5 Solutions

 To subscribe to my YouTube Videos, click on my face at the end of this video. To see my longer video on stubbornness click on the video in the upper left-hand corner.
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 Jean Tracy, MSS

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Children Love to Give Their Opinions

MANY PARENTS ARE NOT BORN COMMUNICATORS. They love their children but don't know how to talk to their kids. Over-talking turns kids off. Interrupting, sarcasm, and being too busy create a distance between parents and children.

Simple meaty questions and listening well open the door to good conversations. You don't have to do much. If your kids sense you're truly interested in what they think, even if they know you disagree, they'll talk. This means arguing to get them to change their minds is out. But you can ask more questions to get them to think deeper about a subject. And when they're done, you can share some thoughts of your own.

Today's parenting gift includes conversation starters for family dinners, car rides, and bedside chats. Some examples of starters could include:

1. What makes a good person? Why?
2. Would you like to be famous? Why?
3. Should kids have chores? Why?

Listening well takes patience because you might not like what you hear. But if you cut in and correct, you risk not finding out how your child really thinks. Why? Because your child may shut down and not talk. Then how can you guide your child to better thoughts?

Feel free to cut today's parenting bonus into ten questions. Put them in an envelope and pull out when you'd like to have an interesting conversation with your child.

Click - 10 Conversation Starters for a Loving Family

https://www.kidsdiscuss.com/subscriber-gifts.asp

Insert Code Word: Conversation  and download gift.

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Sarcasm Hurts Children

If you’re a parent who ridicules your child, and your sarcasm is backfiring, you must change. Why? Because getting your friends to laugh at your youngster causes her pain. Don’t be surprised when your parent and child relationship suffers and your friends gossip behind your back.

Today we’ll share a video with a 1 minute parenting tip that shares a specific suggestion on how to change. We’ll even include the script.

Sarcastic Parents - Don't Push Your Child Away 

Transcript:

Don’t Push Your Child Away

A 60 Second Parenting Tip

Avoid Sarcasm.

You may be witty, a jokester, or very funny.

But it can be hurtful if your child is the object of your jokes.

When others laugh at her she could feel ashamed or ridiculous and foolish.

Stop! Sarcasm can backfire on you.

Your kids could avoid you now and, in the future, too.

Catch your child being good instead.

Tell him specifically what you like.

Use positive words and a pat on the back.

Keep your child close with honest compliments.

Please subscribe to my YouTube video by clicking on my face at the end of the video. 

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Listening Is Loving!

If you and your family are so busy with life that you don’t have time for each other, you might want to slow down. Remember the 10-10-10 Rule by Suzy Welch where you ask yourself 3 questions?

1. Will this (busyness) matter in 10 days?
2. Will it matter in 10 months?
3. Will it matter in 10 years?

In 10 years your 8-year old will be 18. The point is, we need to make room for our children if we want to enjoy a strong family bond. Family bonds can give each member a strong foundation for dealing with life, especially if it's a loving connection.

Today, our 1 minute parenting tip video features a simple solution you can start using today. Here is the video with the script below it:

Listening – the Key to Family Closeness

If You’re a Busy Parent AND YOU KEEP SAYING to your child, “I don’t’ have time to talk,” You could be sending him the message, “What I’m doing is more important than you are.” Of course, it’s not what you mean. What can you do? Tell your child when you can talk with him. “Give me 15 minutes. Then let’s talk.” Don’t forget!

If you haven't subscribed to my parenting videos on YouTube yet, you can do so by clicking on my face at the end of the video. I'd be honored by your subscription.

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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When parents interrupt by talking louder than children to make their point, kids feel angry, unheard, and closed down. If you've ever been interrupted, talked down to, or over-talked, remember how you felt. 

Listening doesn't mean you agree with what your child said. It just means you listened. Of course, if you disagree, don't charge into your child with loud disagreement. Calmly ask questions and listen some more. The better you understand the better your child may listen to you.

Arguing doesn't solves problems. It just cements each side's opinions. We see this in the news every day. I bet there have been times you turned it off. Who wants to hear people fight?

Today's parenting gift offers rhymes as reminders to listen. You'll find 10 altogether. Pick the one you may need and save the others in a 3-hole binder in case you need them in the future. Here are two more of the rhyming reminders:

To be attentive and wise, I look with both eyes.

Get all 10 Listening Reminders with Rhyming Solutions by using the code to download:

POEMS

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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