This sad boy talks to himself constantly. He tells himself self-pity thoughts. Find out how to help him. People talk to themselves a lot. Often, they’re not aware of what they tell themselves. When their thoughts are happy and healthy, they feel strong and positive. When their thoughts are sad and filled with self-pity, they feel weak and miserable.
You CAN help your child choose how to think.
How can you help your child become
a strong happy thinker? Here’s how:
Pick up your free Happy Thinker Exercise at https://www.KidsDiscuss.com Insert the code word - THINKER and download your gift.
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Bullying is a big deal. When a bullied child fills his mind with revenge, bad things can happen.
Or he thinks thoughts like:
Nobody likes me.
I’m so ugly.
I’m stupid.
His mind recycles many painful thoughts. He may turn his pain into self-shame.
In this post, I will share how a parent of elementary age children can counsel their bullied child with ideas that work.
How Your Bullied Child Is a Big Deal for the You
Raising a Bullied Child Hurts You Too
Imagine your child, Samuel, hates school. You talk to his teacher. She says, “Your child is being bullied and he has no friends.”
You learn what kids yell at him and it breaks your heart because the name-calling happens over and over.
Now Sam avoids eye contact. He doesn’t talk. He stays alone in his room. Lately, he pouts, grunts his answers, and often cries. His behavior hurts you because you love him so much.
Parents Comforting Bullied Son
What can you do?
Go to him. Hug and hold him gently. Say, “I know something is wrong.”
Tell Sam what you’ve noticed about his behavior that tells you he’s unhappy.
Ask him, “What’s going on, Sam?”
The Pillow Punching Technique
Teach the Pillow Punching Technique
If Sam cries or just grunts say, “Here’s a way to let your feelings out. Take this pillow. Punch it as hard as you can. Do it over and over until you feel better. I’ll be here if you need me.”
When Sam’s done ask, “What was that all about?”
Listen without interruption. When he stops talking say, “Tell me more.”
The Stress Drawing Technique
Guide with the Stress Drawing Technique
The painful picture:
Tell Sam to draw a picture of his feelings. The picture could be dark scribbles, a stick picture of himself, or something else. Say, “Tell me about your picture.”
Appreciate what your child told you. Say, “Thank you for sharing your pain with me.
The positive picture
Ask Sam to:
“Draw a picture of how you would like things to be.”
“Brainstorm 3 good ideas to try for making your positive picture come true.”
The Bullying Plan
Because bullying is a big deal, include your child in the plan. Make sure he will cooperate. Tell him, “No one deserves to be bullied and that means you.” Here's How:
Conversation starters are perfect for vacations. Children get to speak, and you get to hear what they really think. Your kids get to hear what you think too.
"One, Two, Three -GO!"
Time how long each person speaks. One minute is good for starters.
Rule: No interrupting!
The first speaker picks his conversation from an envelope (see below). No peeking!
This child is thinking before he speaks.
The timer starts only when the speaker starts. When the speaker is finished, the group may ask him questions or give their opinions.
He then chooses the next person to speak. (Make sure everyone has a turn.)
This girl is visualizing her answer first.
If a member wants their turn to be a previous person’s topic, time them for one minute. Then that person picks the next speaker.
Mom is thinking whether to answer this question or the
previous one.
Note. The group can use the same conversation opener for everyone. Otherwise, each member can pick their own conversation. .
Dad is smiling as he thinks.
Suggestion:
Put the Conversation Starters in an envelope, purse, or backpack. Make them easy to find.
Whether you're going on a trip, a car ride, or a fun night at home, use these conversation openers. They're a great way to feel warm and cozy as a family. Remember, if f your having fun, your doing it right.
August 28, 1963, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech. He told the crowd he wanted his four little children to be judged by the “content of their character,” not by the color of their skin. You can make his dream come true.
Today, my new video will share 2 simple activities to teach your children. It promotes judging others in a way, I believe, Dr. King would approve.
Teaching Children To Find the Good in Each Member
First Character Building Activity
Gather your family together once a week. Pick a member's name from a special bowl. Each member tells the person with the name they picked an honest compliment. What's this got to do with judging character and Dr. Martin Luther King? 'Judging' includes the good qualities you see in each other.
"Gabby, I like how nicely we talk to each other. You're
the best sister ever."
Second Character Building Activity
Each member looks for the good in friends, classmates, and teachers. You'll see in the video how simple it is. Your children pay forward what they learned within your family. Imagine them sharing their experiences at your next family dinner.
Toby, your speech about Dr. King was so interesting.
Hopefully friends, classmates and teachers will also spread the good they find in others. Why? Because to 'judge' by looking for the good in others makes both the giver the receiver feel great.
It all starts in the family.
Enjoy this video now. How Children Promote Dr. Martin Luther King's Dream
Our Melting Pot Culture is filled with racial and ethnic treasures. When we extend a hand in friendship to one another, opportunities flow-in. But it can be scary.
Cross Cultural Invitations
Extend a Hand with an Invite
Making friends can be risky.
Don’t be shy. Just be frisky,
Smile kindly big and bright.
Extend your hand with an invite,
That crosses cultures and you will see,
Your new friend is filled with glee.
Once that door is open, barriers can be overcome, friendships can begin, and appreciation for our sameness and differences can blossom.
Friendship Ice Breakers
Invite Friendships with Flowers
Everyone is responsible to extend a hand in friendship. There are fun and easy ways to break the ice with invitations like:
Listening to tattling is like scratching a swollen mosquito bite. If you listen to it over and over, it will get worse. Tattling becomes your child’s habit. Screaming becomes your cure, but only for the moment.
There is a better way. Today we’ll show a video to stop the tattling. You’ll see within the video a father who asks his daughter,
“Are you trying to help or hurt your sister?”
If she’s tattling to get her sister in trouble, he tells her:
“Please try to solve the problem yourself. Then come back and tell me how you solved it.”
Two Parenting Goals for Problem-Solving
To increase problem-solving with your positive attention.
To decrease tattling.
Listening Is the Gift Your Child Wants
The Problem-Solving Gift
Imagine you’re the girl’s father. When she returns to share her solution, listen. Good listening is a hug without words. It is filled with your attention. It is peaceful and loving. It is your gift to her.
How Listening Shows Caring:
Good listening avoids judging or arguing. It really wants to know your child’s thoughts and feelings. If there is something you don’t understand, ask questions after she’s done speaking.
Here is what you might say when your child shares her solution:
Let’s talk about your solution.
What voice did you use and what did you say?
How did it end?
How did you feel after you solved it?
What do you need to do to avoid a conflict next time?
What do you think of your becoming a problem-solver?
Can you guess how proud I am of you?
In the end, you want your child to be able to say, “ You really listened. You really care about how I think.”
Listening is a gift that can be used over and over in many different situations, not just tattling. Why? Because listening with love is what your child wants. It creates a bond with your child and harmony in your home. Yes, it takes more time and it is rewarding. It is a great way to teach problem-solving.
This brief video shares more ways to stop the tattling:
Disaster news is everywhere. TV, newspapers, social media and even billboard reminders are appearing in some places.
Children are home. Parents are home. Everyone is scared.
Today's 3 Practical Parenting Steps:
Review the 9 listening skills.
Learn the drawing technique by using it to calm yourself first.
Teach the drawing technique to your child.
9 Listening Skills Effective Parents Need
Review the following listening tips:
Listen with direct eye contact, a caring smile and both ears.
Ask questions to be sure you understand.
Be patient. Give enough time for your child to form thoughts.
Repeat your child's ideas in your own words. Follow up with, “Is that correct?”
Encourage continued sharing by saying, “Tell me more.”
Walk in your child's shoes. With empathy try to feel what he’s feeling.
Avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Listen to the end.
Share your thoughts after your child's finished..
Begin by reflecting feelings. “It sounds like you’re (upset or sad or confused, etc.).”
You Are the Best Counselor for Your Kids
Kids Trust Parents to Help Them
As a counselor for many years, I’ve used the drawing strategy below with children and adults. It works. Why? Because it's a unique way of understanding feelings, especially fears.
When you listen well, teach practical skills and show caring, your child trusts you and feels loved. Love and trust make you the most powerful counselor of all.
9 Ways Parents Can Calm Themselves and Their Children
Drawing Calms Your Kid's Anxiety
Ask your boy or girl to, “Draw a picture of the fear.”
Probe Gently: “What does your picture mean to you?”
Say, “Tell me more,” several times until you hear all the anxious thoughts.
Say, “Draw how you would like to feel.” Then say, “Tell me about your new picture.”
Suggest, “Let's brainstorm what you could do to make your picture come true.” Wait patiently for your child’s ideas first.
Say, “Write down 3 small ways you can make your positive picture come true.
Say, “Pick one little step to try now."
Instruct your child, "Visualize your new picture clearly. Feel it and give it a positive title. Then post it on the fridge." Give your child all the time he or she needs.
Praise your child for calming his fear.
Discuss the second and third small steps in the following days to reinforce over time what has been learned.
Drawing an optimistic picture gives your child power over the fear. By visualizing it, feeling it and giving it a positive title, your child changes his scary mindset. Posting it on the fridge becomes a strong reminder to "stay calm and carry on." Use this technique as often as your child needs.
Consider applying it for any painful emotion your child may experience. You could even use it as a home schooling strategy.
You might like this video because it also reinforces the steps:
How Parents Help Anxious Kids Feel Confident
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Timid kids feel pain. Parents watch and suffer. Loneliness wins.
Imagine your child sitting alone in the lunchroom thinking,
“No one will sit with me. Nobody likes me.”
What does she feel? Does she rush to the bathroom and hide until classes start again?
Bashful kids don’t have to be friendless. You can help. There is a 3-part blueprint that works.
Go slow. Keep the steps small. Why? Because shy kids are overwhelmed by fearful thoughts and feelings. Big leaps don’t work.
3 Don’ts for Overcoming Shyness
Don’t speak up for your children because they’ll lose the chance to speak up for themselves.
Don’t make excuses for your children because they’ll rely on those excuses and not try.
Don’t put your children down for being shy because your comments will add to their misery.
3 Do’s for Helping Shy Kids Make Friends
Do ask if they’d like to make friends because you want to know if they’ll cooperate.
Do ask, “What stops you from making friends?" because the answer is important and will help you guide them with the blueprint.
Do tell them that making friends is a skill they can learn because it will give them the hope they need.
A Few Friends Can Make a Big Difference.
Shy kids need your patience because impatience shuts them down. Remember, even tiny steps require taking risks. Your children may never become an outgoing extrovert or big talker. But, with your help, they can overcome loneliness and satisfy their need for a few close friends.
Pick up the Blueprint by inserting the code, SPEAK UP at:
ARE ASSERTIVE KIDS AGGRESSIVE? Do they dominate conversations or do they speak-up with respect?
An assertive child learns to express himself respectfully because he shares the microphone. He speaks and listens. But what if he needs to defend himself against aggression?
In today’s gift you’ll learn the assertive formula. It includes 3 parts:
Describe what offends you.
State your feeling.
Suggest a solution.
When you use the formula, respectful communication grows. Teach it during dinner discussions. If you do, they’ll become the teaching moments all kids need.
In this gift your kids will role-play:
How Jimmy could respond to Lola when she rolls her eyes.
How one brother shares his frustration when Bobby hogs the ice cream.
How Suzy asks Tammy to quit messing up her room.
How an older sister orders John to quit telling her secrets to his friends.
How Mary tells Sara what she wants her to say instead of cussing.
It is important that children have a simple respectful blueprint for expressing their upsets.
As the parent, use the formula yourself whenever appropriate. Post it on the fridge. Point to it when kids fight. Tell them to cool down. Later, tell them to replay their argument using the formula.
The entitled child believes everything should go his way. He acts like he’s the king of the universe. Justin was such a boy.
Whenever Justin’s younger brother, Seth, wouldn’t play Justin’s video games with him, he’d punch Seth and yell, “I hate you!” When his mom scolded Justin, he’d sass back, “You always take Seth’s side,” then slam his bedroom door.
If Justin was your son, would you want to hit him? Would you yell, “I’m sick and tired of your angry behavior!” and preach the same old lecture?
Consider having a conversation with Justin when both of you are calm.
Teaching the Entitled Child How to Be Realistic
Use yourself as an example. It might go something like this:
Mom: Remember when I arranged a birthday party for Grandpa?
Justin: Yah.
Mom: I was frustrated because only three of our family members came. I really felt mad inside. I wanted to tell those who didn’t come what I thought of them.
Justin: Did you?
Mom: No, because I remembered something Grandpa taught me as a child. He’d say, “Sally, you’re not the Queen of the Universe. Things don’t have to go your way.”
Justin: How did that help you?
Mom: Can you guess?
Justin: No.
Mom: Because if I was the queen, I could make everybody do what I want.
Justin: But you’re not the queen so you couldn't force everyone to come to Grandpa's party.
Mom: That’s right. How might that thought help you?
Justin: I’m not the King of the Universe so things don't have to go my way either.
Mom: Right. What about Seth not playing your video games?
Justin: Yah.
Mom: How can we remind ourselves that we’re not the king or queen of the universe?
Justin: Let’s make 2 signs that say, “I’m Not the King,” and “I’m Not the Queen” and post them on the fridge.
Mom: And every time we stop ourselves from losing our tempers let’s make a tally mark on our signs.
Conclusion for Helping Entitled Kids Become Reasonable
Entitled kids need to know that life isn’t fair, doesn’t cater to what they want, and can be disappointing at times. You can teach them with reasonable self-talk how to be more rational about life. None of us is the king or queen of the universe. Things often don't go our way. Sometimes we need to be patient and accept that fact. And sometimes it becomes a challenge to creatively overcome the problem.
As the parent, you are the best one to teach him this lesson by being reasonable yourself and having good discussions with him. Start with a true story about when you were angry and irrational. He won't feel like you're pointing a finger at him and he'll like spending private time with you.