Healthy character building teachers children to choose their thoughts. Your kids can choose their feelings too. Inside you’ll find 2 ways to help your children choose winning feelings and build character too.
Building Character in Kids that DeveloptheFeelings of Joy and Enthusiasm:
"When we accept tough jobs as a challenge. . . and wade into them with joy and enthusiasm, miracles can happen." - Arland Gilbert
Your child becomes a winner when he approaches life with joy and enthusiasm. But when your child’s spirits are down, he won't want to try. Goal setting offers him a way to learn the magic of optimism. Here are two ways you can help him feel the magic.
Why Brad Chooses to Try
2 Parenting Tips – How Brad Creates a Winning Spirit
Let's say your Brad loves soccer but he's an average player. His last practice was a disaster. He's told you that he'll be standing on the sidelines this season. Now he mopes around the house. Your heart goes out to him. You ask him if he'd like a way to create winning feelings. He nods. Here's what to do:
Our Melting Pot Culture is filled with racial and ethnic treasures. When we extend a hand in friendship to one another, opportunities flow-in. But it can be scary.
Cross Cultural Invitations
Extend a Hand with an Invite
Making friends can be risky.
Don’t be shy. Just be frisky,
Smile kindly big and bright.
Extend your hand with an invite,
That crosses cultures and you will see,
Your new friend is filled with glee.
Once that door is open, barriers can be overcome, friendships can begin, and appreciation for our sameness and differences can blossom.
Friendship Ice Breakers
Invite Friendships with Flowers
Everyone is responsible to extend a hand in friendship. There are fun and easy ways to break the ice with invitations like:
Who can you trust? Who's telling the truth? Today the truth is hard to know.
You want your child to be honest, but how?
First, go back to your childhood. Remember a time when you told a lie and felt guilty. Were you plagued by regret and fear? Did you worry that you'd be found out and get punished?
Lies can torment your child too.
I remember those feelings. I didn't know how to face up to what I'd done. This article will help you teach your child how to tell the truth and avoid guilt.
You CAN Help Your Child Choose Truth Over Guilt.
Today's article shares:
8 painful results from lying
7 positive effects for being truthful
6 honesty strategies
5 moral dilemmas to discuss
10 self-talk rhymes to repeat
Feel free to choose the ones that are most helpful.
Listening to tattling is like scratching a swollen mosquito bite. If you listen to it over and over, it will get worse. Tattling becomes your child’s habit. Screaming becomes your cure, but only for the moment.
There is a better way. Today we’ll show a video to stop the tattling. You’ll see within the video a father who asks his daughter,
“Are you trying to help or hurt your sister?”
If she’s tattling to get her sister in trouble, he tells her:
“Please try to solve the problem yourself. Then come back and tell me how you solved it.”
Two Parenting Goals for Problem-Solving
To increase problem-solving with your positive attention.
To decrease tattling.
Listening Is the Gift Your Child Wants
The Problem-Solving Gift
Imagine you’re the girl’s father. When she returns to share her solution, listen. Good listening is a hug without words. It is filled with your attention. It is peaceful and loving. It is your gift to her.
How Listening Shows Caring:
Good listening avoids judging or arguing. It really wants to know your child’s thoughts and feelings. If there is something you don’t understand, ask questions after she’s done speaking.
Here is what you might say when your child shares her solution:
Let’s talk about your solution.
What voice did you use and what did you say?
How did it end?
How did you feel after you solved it?
What do you need to do to avoid a conflict next time?
What do you think of your becoming a problem-solver?
Can you guess how proud I am of you?
In the end, you want your child to be able to say, “ You really listened. You really care about how I think.”
Listening is a gift that can be used over and over in many different situations, not just tattling. Why? Because listening with love is what your child wants. It creates a bond with your child and harmony in your home. Yes, it takes more time and it is rewarding. It is a great way to teach problem-solving.
This brief video shares more ways to stop the tattling:
Imagine fear invading your mind like a virus. It infects your mind with thoughts. It’s all you can think about.
Will I get sick?
Will my kids get sick?
What about my job?
So many thoughts recycling over and over that you:
Forget what you’re about to do.
Talk harshly.
Make mistakes.
Feel tight inside.
Forget to breathe.
Now imagine your child watching you. He’s seen the news. He’s aware that things are bad and wonders:
Kids worry too.
Am I safe?
Will my parents protect me?
What will happen to my family?
Fear has infected him too.
How Parents Are Mentally Stronger than Children:
You’ve battled difficult situations and painful feelings many times in your life. You are a mind warrior because somehow, you’ve come through.
Your child is much less experienced than you and lacks the mental weapons you possess, even if you don’t know you possess them.
Remember this. It’s the frightful thoughts that wage war in your mind and cause your fear. You’ve battled them before. How will you deal with them now?
Today I’ll share the Emotion Meter (Sometimes called the Mood Meter) to use personally and then with your child. Use it as often as needed. Be a warrior again and teach your child to be a warrior too.
Permissiveness, parenting without structure and guidance, and over-negotiating rules and chores hurt your authority. Your kids are injured too.
How Permissive Parents Harm Kids
Without parental structure and direction, your kids won’t know the path to a successful life. They may follow a destructive trail and hurt themselves instead.
Without parental supervision about right and wrong expect your kids to experience trouble and pain.
Without responsible chores they will lack the life skills for future know-how and self-care.
How to Overcome Permissive Parenting and Take Back Your Authority
Bribing Doesn't Work. Your Mind Power Does.
Visualize yourself as a kind and firm parent with your child. (See your child not yourself.)
Feel what it's like to be a kind and firm parent.
Tell yourself, “I am kind and firm with my child.”
Put all 3 into one magic moment so that you see, feel, and say them all at once.
Do this before you fall asleep at night and before you rise each morning. Do this for 21 days. If you do, you’ll regain your authority and become the parent you need to be. Make it a habit.
This Kind but Firm Video Helps You Be the Authority and Your Kids Do Their Chores:
Mothers meltdown when they’re stressed, overworked, and exhausted. When patience flies out the window, rage stomps through the door. The yelling begins.
“Who left their dirty dishes in the sink?”
“Who spilled juice all over the floor?”
“Who left their bike in the rain?”
“You kids are so lazy!”
“Get in here and clean this mess up!”
Who can blame frazzled moms? They’re out of patience, energy, and practical solutions. Yelling comes easy and it works when kids jump up to help.
But when rage happens too often, kids get used to it. They stop jumping up. They pout and fume inside. They blame the yeller.
Unless moms solve the problems with a practical plan, rage will stamp out good will and everyone will be angry. Home life becomes miserable.
Problem Solving Plan for Kids' Chores:
Write chores on separate cards for each child to complete before dinner. Lay the cards on the kitchen counter. You can make chore cards for different days of the week or for regular daily chores.
Chore Cards Name Each Child's Task
Lined 4" X 6" Chore Cards work well too. They don't have to be fancy.
Sample Chores for Kids:
Clean sink and counter after snacks.
Do homework.
Make bed.
Put toys away.
Feed animals.
The chores you choose are up to you. Why not involve the kids in creating the list at a family meeting? When kids have input, they're more likely to cooperate.
You may even choose to create a chore card for after dinner cleanup.
Clear table.
Put leftovers away.
Scrape dishes.
Put dishes in dishwasher.
Empty Garbage.
Be Reasonable:
Don't add so many chores that kids can't relax or play. They need both.
Avoid discouraging your child by adding chores that are too difficult.
Let teachers know when their homework load is turning your child's love for learning into hate for school.
Advantages of Chore Cards:
The beauty of Chore Cards is parents don't need to remind kids what to do. Kids just look at the cards and complete the tasks on their own time.
Chore Cards are an easy way to build a family team and teach kids the skills they need for life.
The entitled child believes everything should go his way. He acts like he’s the king of the universe. Justin was such a boy.
Whenever Justin’s younger brother, Seth, wouldn’t play Justin’s video games with him, he’d punch Seth and yell, “I hate you!” When his mom scolded Justin, he’d sass back, “You always take Seth’s side,” then slam his bedroom door.
If Justin was your son, would you want to hit him? Would you yell, “I’m sick and tired of your angry behavior!” and preach the same old lecture?
Consider having a conversation with Justin when both of you are calm.
Teaching the Entitled Child How to Be Realistic
Use yourself as an example. It might go something like this:
Mom: Remember when I arranged a birthday party for Grandpa?
Justin: Yah.
Mom: I was frustrated because only three of our family members came. I really felt mad inside. I wanted to tell those who didn’t come what I thought of them.
Justin: Did you?
Mom: No, because I remembered something Grandpa taught me as a child. He’d say, “Sally, you’re not the Queen of the Universe. Things don’t have to go your way.”
Justin: How did that help you?
Mom: Can you guess?
Justin: No.
Mom: Because if I was the queen, I could make everybody do what I want.
Justin: But you’re not the queen so you couldn't force everyone to come to Grandpa's party.
Mom: That’s right. How might that thought help you?
Justin: I’m not the King of the Universe so things don't have to go my way either.
Mom: Right. What about Seth not playing your video games?
Justin: Yah.
Mom: How can we remind ourselves that we’re not the king or queen of the universe?
Justin: Let’s make 2 signs that say, “I’m Not the King,” and “I’m Not the Queen” and post them on the fridge.
Mom: And every time we stop ourselves from losing our tempers let’s make a tally mark on our signs.
Conclusion for Helping Entitled Kids Become Reasonable
Entitled kids need to know that life isn’t fair, doesn’t cater to what they want, and can be disappointing at times. You can teach them with reasonable self-talk how to be more rational about life. None of us is the king or queen of the universe. Things often don't go our way. Sometimes we need to be patient and accept that fact. And sometimes it becomes a challenge to creatively overcome the problem.
As the parent, you are the best one to teach him this lesson by being reasonable yourself and having good discussions with him. Start with a true story about when you were angry and irrational. He won't feel like you're pointing a finger at him and he'll like spending private time with you.