Kids Become the Way They Think 

As we enter the New Year, it's the perfect time to reflect on our parenting methods. Let's set positive intentions for our children's growth. One crucial aspect to consider is the development of thinking patterns. Just as a plant needs sunshine and water to survive, your child needs a positive mindset to bloom. Let's examine five toxic thinking habits and how we can help our children overcome them for a brighter future.

 

Turn Her "I Can'ts" into "I-Cans."

1. The 'I Can't' Dilemma: Is your child trapped in the grip of "I can't" thoughts? This self-limiting belief can slow her progress. She may resort to the easy way out when faced with challenges, saying, "It's too hard." 

The antidote? Encourage her to take small steps and celebrate each achievement. By fostering an “I Can” mindset, she'll realize that every effort contributes to success, no matter how small.

 

Teach Him that Failure is a Steppingstone to

Success.

2. The Mistake Magnifier: Does your child magnify mistakes and stop trying?  Giving up could seem easier. Perhaps he fears failure. The fear of failure can shrink growth. It’s important to emphasize that mistakes are stepping stones to success.

Mistakes help us. Mistakes tell us what doesn't work. They say, "Stop repeating my errors. Try something else." Help your child view errors as ways to learn and grow. Show him how to break down problems into easy steps. You'll be helping him overcome his fear of failure. By accepting his mistakes, he can try new ways. He can start on a journey of continuous growth.

 

Turn "I'll Never Understand This" into "I Am

Understanding This Page by Page."

3. The Generalizer: If your child uses sweeping words like "all," "every time," "always," and "never" in negative statements, she might be falling into the trap of generalization. Generalizations exaggerate and are rarely true. Challenge her exaggerated statements by asking her, "Is, 'I'll never understand this really true'?" or is it an exaggeration?" Help her recognize that using such words leads to discouragement.

Teach her to drop her sweeping statements. Then focus her attention on breaking problems into smaller bits. By encouraging clear language, you guide her toward a more positive and realistic view of herself, her problems, and the world.

 

Teach Him to Recognize the Truth in Your Compliments.

4. The Compliment Problem: When your child rejects compliments and turns them into personal criticism, it could be a sign of fuzzy thinking. Perhaps he's convinced himself he's not good enough.

Make sure your praise is specific and something he cannot deny. "Doug, I like how you wash your sheets and make your bed each week." Then teach him to accept your approval with a smile. You'll be turning his negative thoughts into honest beliefs about himself. His self-esteem will grow. He'll start to become a clear thinker too. 

 

Avoid Promoting Helplessness by

Doing Her Work for Her.

5. Mountain or Molehill: Does your child turn everyday chores into mountains? She may even try to prove she is helpless. She needs to face her tasks.

Empower her with honest praise whenever she completes a small responsibility. Use specific words to help her realize she can do things for herself. "I like how carefully you dried and put the dishes away." She will want more of your approval and rely more on her abilities. Keep teaching her more age-appropriate tasks and compliment her with specifics when she achieves them. 

Boosting Positive Mindsets: You are invaluable in shaping your child's attitude. Changing negative thinking into positive mindsets isn't an overnight process but it is worth the effort.  Don't give up.

Here are three puzzles for your child  to unscramble and discuss in fostering positivity this New Year:

1. Unscramble this word, KIMSATES, and discuss how it can help you grow.
2. Unscramble this word, SMTEIDNS, and discuss why a positive one is important.
3. Unscramble this word, LEBOPSRM, and discuss why these help you think.

 

Enter Code: POSITIVE at www.KidsDiscuss.com

Answers to the 3 Puzzles:

1. Mistakes
2. Mindsets
3. Problems

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy

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"You Always Blame Me."

IF YOUR CHILD OFTEN BLAMES OTHERS FOR HIS MISTAKES, he has a blaming problem. From today's article you can help him tell the truth and take responsibility for his actions.

You'll find out:

Why youngsters blame

7 typical blaming defenses kids use

9 blaming behaviors

5 excuses parents repeat

10 parenting tips you can use immediately

For example you'll find out how creating signals helps stop blaming, why discussing the phrase, mistake makers, is important, and how to use consequences that work.

Read more at:

Stop Kids From Blaming Others! 10 Best Parenting Tips 

Please let me know if this was helpful by commenting below:

Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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"She made me do it!"

IF YOUR CHILD AVOIDS TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS MISTAKES, don't let it become a habit.

In the video below you'll find 7 parenting solutions to stop the blaming.

Many children think punishment is the worst thing in the world. Their young minds don't realize that everyone makes mistakes, especially them.

If parents are too harsh and not kind, kids' excuses will increase because they fear punishments. Parents can be balanced in helping children take responsibility. One of the parenting strategies in the video addresses this.

Allowing kids to blame others for their mistakes can also cause problems because it promotes a weak backbone and more blaming

The following brief video, How Parents Help Kids Stop Blaming Others will offer the 7 parenting tips you need to handle your child's blaming problems.

   "I did not make him do it. It's his fault."

How Parent Help Kids Stop Blaming Others

If this video was helpful, please comment and share because it will help spread the tips. 

Please Subscribe to Jean Tracy's YouTube Channel to be the first to get her latest parenting videos.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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How Money and Character Go Together

YOUR KIDS WANT MONEY! WILL GIVING YOUR HARD-EARNED CASH MATURE THEM OR HURT THEM?

Today you’ll find the true story about a “Sugar Daddy,” a mother who felt manipulated, and solutions you can start using right now.

You’ll also find my short video below about Money and Character.

Parents, you can give your youngsters money. You don’t need to expect anything in return. But there are consequences. The article for this blog will share 5 signs your kids could be takers.

Or you can choose a different way when your kids demand money. You'll find 3 suggestions for solving money problems with kids in the article too.

First watch the video.

Second read how to resolve the “Sugar Daddy” problem and what to do about the mom who was used by her daughter. In the end you’ll know how to boost family cooperation, take pride in raising hardworking kids, and joy in nurturing children who strive to make a positive difference in the world.

Subscribe to Jean Tracy's YouTube Channel.

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The Article ~

Get the full story and find out the importance of expectations when your kids want money: 

Cash, Kids, and Character: 5 Problems to Solve

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Pick up the Chore Chart Kit

 
Become your kids' teacher and guide not their slave.

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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DISRESPECT AND DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES go together like hand and glove. If you've ever heard a child yell at a parent, "I hate you!" or a teen sass his mom and call her the "B" word, you know it hurts. You also know there's something in the family that needs fixing.

Parents with disrespectful kids need to ask themselves, 'What can I do to turn my children from disrespect to respect?"

Today, I'll share a parenting skills article with:

1. 5 disrespectful behaviors to change

2. 7 easy ways to build respect in your children 

3. A brief YouTube video about turning disrespect into respect.

If your children are sassing and treating you poorly, there are things you can do.

First, Check your own behavior and look at what you can change.

Second, you need to decide what you will change.

Third, you need to make the change.

Changing Difficult Behaviors Can Include:

• Modeling what you want more of
  
• Becoming firmer
• Avoiding harsh words and deeds
• Choosing kindness
• Being consistent

Begin by watching the video,

"How Parents and Kids Respect Each Other."

Next, you'll be directed to the full article,

"Conflicted Families: Turning Disrespect into Respect"

Join Jean Tracy's YouTube Channel for More Parenting Tips

Here's the full Parenting Skills Article with:

• 5 Disrecpectful Behaviors
• 5 Healthy Character Traits
• 7 Ways to Build Respect

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Please click on the Comments link below. It will open up for you. We'd love to hear your thoughts.

 
With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

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Friendship Problems and How Teenagers Can Solve Them!

The Difficult Friendship Problem I asked my friend, Annie Fox, to discuss involves suicide. It's a tough subject to talk about but Annie said, "Yes."

I asked Annie because she is launching her new book, The Girls' Q & A Book on Friendship. I loved the format she used in her book and hoped she'd discuss my questions using the same format. She did.

Here Are My 5 Questions:

1. What advice would you give a girl who’s deeply affected by her friend’s recent suicide attempt?

Parents should be open to having conversations with their daughter about her feelings. She may not want to talk, but an encouraging, invitation to talk is important. Parents might say something like this, “We are upset about what happened. And of course, we see that you are too. We need to talk about it, as a family.” Obviously, parents can’t answer the question the girl might be focused on: “Why did she do it?” No one knows why. The friend herself may not exactly know why. And that frustration in not knowing, should acknowledged along with the fear behind this question: “What if she tries to do it again?” 

When Your Child Needs Help

Parents should be on the look-out for signs that their daughter is not bouncing back from this shock. Is she having trouble sleeping? Changing patterns of eating? Less interested in activities that usually give her joy and satisfaction?  Pushing away parents and friends? Shutting down conversation about how she’s feeling and/or acting? If the girl who is “deeply affected” by her friend’s troubled act, does not seem to be showing resilience in a week or so, she may need to speak with a counselor or a therapist. I always encourage parents who are concerned about the emotional well-being of their teens to seek professional help. The school counselor is a good place to start. If needed, he or she can probably provide some recommendations for family therapists in the community.

2. What can the girl do to help herself deal with the shock?

As I said above, the most important way of dealing with the shock is to have a safe place to talk about the shock and the residual feelings/thoughts in as much detail as needed. This is probably best accomplished with the support of a community-based psychologist or a licensed MFT (Marriage and Family Therapist). Choose someone who specializes in working with teens and depression. Not to infer that the girl is “depressed” but a therapist with this kind of experience is well-versed in helping people who are affected by a close friend or family member suffering from depression.

It's Not Your Fault.

3. How can the girl help her friend want to keep living?

That’s a tricky one! A girl, who is so troubled that she would attempt to take her own life, has deep problems that no friend, no matter how compassionate and encouraging, is equipped to handle. It’s important that the girl recognize this, otherwise she’s likely to think it is her job, as a bff, to help her friend want to keep living. And if, heaven forbid, the friend has another downward turn and again attempts suicide (which is often the case, especially with girls) well, some day she is likely to succeed in ending her life. If that happened, it would be an added tragedy for the girl to feel guilty or in any way to blame herself for her friend’s death. 

Hopefully, the friend is getting the ongoing treatment she needs to feel happier and healthier, and to minimize her risk of spiraling down. There are things, though, that the girl can do to help her friend in the aftermath of a suicide attempt. For example, she should continue being the wonderful, caring friend she’s always been. She may also take on the role of a “buffer” to help protect her friend from the comments of others. What often happens in these situations, after a suicide attempt (especially when word gets out) other people may be unkind or insensitive to the girl who attempted to kill herself. That’s not going to make things easy for her at school or online.

Be Caring. Be a Buffer. 

4.  What should the girl say to the kids at school who are curious about it?

It is not the girl’s job to be a spokesperson or a communications director for her friend. For anyone who approaches her for “comment”, the best response would be to say something like this, “She doing better and she doesn’t want to talk about it. I’m sure you can understand. I’m her friend and I respect that. You should respect that too. She just wants to be treated like normal. We can all do that, right?”

5. Is there anything the girl’s family can do for her friend’s family?

Teen suicide is the 3^rd cause of death in US teens (11%), after accidents (48%) and homicides (13%). Yet there is a strong social stigma on suicide plus the inference that  the victim’s parents are somehow to blame. This prevents parents (who are already confused, distraught and feeling isolated) from reaching out for support. It also makes friends and family reluctant to reach out. If the girl’s family is close to the friend’s family, then it would be a kind and compassionate act to pick up the phone and show your support. It may not be the easiest conversation to begin, but you might simply say, “I heard about what happened, and I just want you to know that I care about ____ and I’m thinking about you and your family.” Simple words that could have such a positive effect on the friend’s parents.

Reach Out to the Friend's Family.

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I hope you can see Annie's wisdom in her replies to my questions. You'll find the same thoughtful answers in the 50 questions real girls asked Annie. None of the questions are about suicide but they are about the many social challenges girls face when friends let them down.

Pick Up Annie's Brand New Book: 

The Girls' Q&A Book on Friendship: 50 Ways to Fix a Friendship Without the DRAMA

Available at: Amazon.com

Let's give SPECIAL THANKS to Annie Fox for answering the tough questions about friendship and suicide.

      Annie Fox

Please click on the Comments link below. It will open up for you. We'd love to hear your thoughts.

 
With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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IF YOU WANT YOUR FAMILY TO BE A TEAM for learning, fun, and chores, keep reading.

Today I'll share 3 reasons chore lists are good for kids, a short cartoon video, and 5 discussions questions to get your children thinking.

How Chore Lists Help Kids

1. Chores help kids become responsible.

Responsibility in children and adults makes them honored contributors to the family and society. Irresponsible people, on the other hand, are tough to respect.

2. Chores make children self-reliant.

Instead of waiting or hoping someone will do their work for them, kids will know how to take care of themselves. Cooking, folding clothes, making beds, mowing lawns, and washing dishes are a few chores that help them become self-reliant. Helpless people are rarely admired.      

3. Chores help youngsters become self-disciplined.

If they learn the motto, "First work then play," they'll accomplish much and create an important life skill. Undisciplined folks can't be trusted to follow through.

As you discuss the questions below the video with your kids, listen more than talk. If you don't care for what your children are saying, don't shut them down. By listening well, they'll feel heard and you'll have more power to influence better thinking.

Here's the YouTube Video, Building Character: How Parents and Kids Discuss Chores, to Watch with Your Kids:

Your children might not come up with 3 ideas. That's OK. The purpose of the video is to set the stage for discussing chores with kids.

5 Problems with Chores:

Most parents and children don't 'jump for joy' doing household jobs.

Here are 5 questions to ask your children:

1. What could happen if the whole family decided not to do household chores?

2. How much fun would it be to live in a messy disorganized home? Why?

3. How easy would it be to find what you need? Describe what could happen?

4. Would you like to bring friends into your dirty home? Why?

5. If each member pitched in with the chores without grumbling, how would it feel to live in your home? Why?

Along the side of this blog, you'll find 5 more questions to ask either now or later at a family dinner. Enjoy the discussions.

Children are more likely to cooperate with chores if they can share their own solutions.

If you'd like more help to achieve cooperation with household duties, here's my

Chore Chart Kit

It Includes:

• More Tips and Advice
• A List of Age-Appropriate Chores
• A Chore Chart to Copy again and again
• 80 No-Cost Rewards to Create Family Fun and Bonding

Pick it up at www.KidsDiscuss.com

Please click on the Comments link below. It will open up for you. We'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas for teaching kids to do their chores.

 
With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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If you’re looking for discipline advice with a spiritual outlook, you’re in the right place. Our parenting skills expert, Gigi Schweikert, is here to share 5 solid principles suited to any parent’s beliefs. She is the author of There’s a Perfect Little Angel in Every Child.

First, Gigi will share what ‘little angels’ really look like, how to view their misbehavior, and reveal 5 solid discipline practices.

Does Your Perfect Child Look Like This?

Gigi says “Yes” even when their haloes appear a bit crooked.

1. Kids leave the cupboards wide open.

2. They splash in puddles with their green frog-eyed boots.

3. They forget to do their homework.

4. They cover their faces with mommy’s make-up.

5. Their hands are filthy from digging earthworms.

6. They leave cookie crumbs on the kitchen counter.

7. Their coloring marathons leave marks everywhere.

How to Find the Angel in Your Child

Because children are always learning by exploring, experimenting, and testing your limits, Gigi tells us to:

1. Remember your children’s beauty when they’re asleep.

2. See them through the eyes of wonder.

3. Appreciate their limitless energy.

4. Admire their creativity.

5. Smile at their constant testing behavior.

As parents we have the privilege to guide these wonderful children to be the best they can be. That means turning off our super critical eye to their manners, behavior, or odd wardrobe colors and turn on our positive discipline skills.

Why Parents Must Discipline:

• To help children develop good behaviors
• To guide them  in understanding the differences between right and wrong
• To encourage them to make positive choices

If children learn these things when they're young, they’ll more likely choose well  when they’re adults.

Gigi says, “Discipline is not negative; it’s not mean; it’s not punishment. Rather, discipline is everything we do, say, and teach our children in order to grow them up to be wise, caring, and socially responsible adults. Discipline is, quite simply, raising our children.” (From page 9)

5 Solid Discipline Practices

1. Time Out – one minute for each of your child’s years.

2. Use a loud voice like ‘STOP!’ to prevent danger.

3. Pull over and stop the car when they’re fighting.

4. Get your child’s attention by looking at them at eye-level.

5. Stop what you’re doing when they misbehave. Go to them with a serious look and stance.

These are just a few of the multitude of ideas Gigi shares for guiding your child.

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I believe Gigi helps us see the bigger picture. We want our children to become loving responsible people. If we look at them through the eyes of love, work on our patience, and discipline wisely, we'll be good parents and they'll become the fine adults they were meant to be.

Pick up

There's a Perfect Little Angel in Every Child: How to Discipline Your Child with Love and Patience

Available at

Amazon.com

Gigi Schweikert presents workshops at the local, state, and national levels to parents, teachers and corporations. Let's THANK Gigi for sharing her knowledge with us today as a leader in the early childhood education field.

    Gigi Schweikert

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Don't Get Caught in the Blame Game with Your Teenager!

 How Parents and Adolescents Play 'The Blame Game'

Our authors tell us 'The Blame Game' is like rolling the dice. Your teen picks up the dice and makes a blaming comment. Then you pick up the dice and return a quip. Back and forth each of you keeps pushing each other's buttons. Here's an example from their book:

"I missed school today because you didn't wake me up."

"I did too wake you up. You wouldn't get out of bed."

"Uh-uh. I fell back asleep and you never came back in."

"I did too. I tried to get you up three times today. It's not my fault you missed school."

If this sounds like some of your arguments, don't give up. You have choices:

Three Choices for Parents

1. You can play and lose.

2. You can refuse to pick up the dice by not responding in the first place.

3. You can respond with, "I'm sorry you had a hard time making it to school today. Do you have any ideas on how tomorrow could be different?"

When Parents Hold a Blaming Attitude

Sometimes adults don't recognize how their own blaming attitudes put them in opposition to their teens. Here are some examples:

1. "I'm an alcoholic...But my nerves are so shot that I'm ready to drink again...he needs to know what he's driving me to do."

2. "I can't believe he swore at me. He has no respect for me or anyone else."

3. "That's it. He never swore at me until he started hanging around that one friend of his."

Can you guess why these blaming statements aren't helpful? If you said number one is wrong because your child is not responsible for your emotional state, you're correct. In this case the parent could choose to take responsibility and go to a support group or therapy.

Number two and three are still looking to blame someone. Our authors tell us that holding our adolescent responsible for his behaviors is good. Blaming is not. Why? The Blame Game offers no solutions. No one wins. (From Pages 119-122.)

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Blaming Mistakes to Avoid

Your voice, your body language, and your words have the power to teach. Some parents teach the following mistakes. Don't let these errors be yours:

1. Argue with a loud angry voice. The child learns to argue the same way because parents modeled the voice.

2. Stand with stiff body language, pointing finger, and furious face. The child learns to mimic the same stance because the parents illustrated it.

3. Yell, name call, and use blaming words. The child repeats the language because the parents taught it.

Solutions for Blaming to Consider

1. Ignore the blame game. Don't pick up the dice.

2. Form a relaxed body image.

3. Comment kindly and firmly while keeping the responsibility for the bad behavior on your teenager.

4. Model respect and character.

5. Listen well and speak well.

Yes, this takes strength when you're fired up. Take a time out. Cool down. Practice the face, body language, and words that say what needs to be said and no more. When both of you are calm then be the parent, the teacher, and the model.

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I like the examples Marney and Kimberly shared. They showed us how badly the Blame Game can go. The analogy to rolling the dice made sense. They showed us that blaming doesn't work. They gave us three choices. When you read their book, you'll find even more helpful information in the, 'The Blame Game' chapter.

Let's APPRECIATE Marney and Kimberly for sharing their expertise from working with difficult teenagers.

         Marney Studaker-Cordner, MSW, CSW 

               Kimberly Abraham, MSW, CSW

Pick up your copy of their book, The Whipped Parent: Hope for Parents Raising an Out-of-Control Teen and get the help you need.

Available on Amazon.com

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Does Your Family Include A Heroic Teenager?

 This Responsible Teen Needs Help

"Our family is going through some tough times. My mom's stressed and works from 4:30 a.m. - 8:00 p.m. My dad needs lots of help because he has cancer. My older sisters live far away and have their own families. So I'm in charge.

"I cook, clean, and help my parents. I'm not exactly complaining, but add all that to homework! (Our teachers are really piling it on.) Please help me with a system to get stuff done fast!" -15-year-old (From page 65)

Advice from Counselor, Annie Fox

After empathizing, Annie made the following suggestions for creating a system:

1. Let your teachers know what's going on at home and ask them to ease up at this time.

2. Make a list of your daily tasks at home that must be done.

3. Add the home responsibilities to the list that need to be done a few times a week.

4. Take care of your duties to your family and your schoolwork.

5. Give yourself 30-60 minutes every day to chill out as another way to help yourself. (From pages 212-213)

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I like Annie's advice because she gives this girl much needed appreciation first. Annie knows she can't lift this child's burdens, but she can help her with a practical system. Her last piece of advice, to take time for herself, helps puts a little balance in this girl's life. What do you think?

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Pick up Annie Fox's book, Teaching Kids To Be Good People: Progressive Parenting For The 21st Century

Available at Amazon.com

Let's APPRECIATE Annie Fox for her gift in helping teenagers with their problems. Annie knows how to be specific and positive.

    Annie Fox, M.Ed.

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   Type Your Comment!

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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