If you'd like to build your child's self-esteem, listen to our parenting skills expert and author, Carole Disseldorp. Her book, Easier Parenting, is full of practical parenting tips and good advice. Today Carole will share the 4 most important behaviors to encourage and the best remarks to inspire them. I will offer extra examples when commenting on the qualities to promote and suggest a special activity.
The Best Way to Build Your Child's Self-Esteem
Building Self-Esteem on the Inside:
Many parents motivate their kids with stars, charts, and external rewards. That's good for outside motivation. But how do you get your child motivated to behave well, try, and become a team member on the inside?
Carole tells us to focus on 4 behaviors when making our positive remarks for motivating kids on the inside:
She will offer a statement in quotes for each and I will add 2 more for each trait.
Comments that Encourage Effort:
1. "Joe, I can see that you are trying really hard, to find the right piece to fit the puzzle. Good for you."
2. Ethan you never gave up learning how to do cart wheels and now you do them skillfully.
3. Allyssa you put a lot of meaning and detail into your picture. You know how to give your best.
Remarks that Promote Cooperation
1. "Thanks for setting the table so nicely, Michelle."
2. George, when you played checkers with your little brother, you encouraged him.
3. You're ready for school each morning because you pack your school backpack and set it by the front door each night.
Statements that Boost Progress:
1. "Greg, you've come a long way with your model car. You've glued 3 pieces together."
2. Mary, you've already put most of your outside toys away before it starts to rain.
3. Most of your science project is done, Joe. It's looking good.
Comments that Boost Strengths:
1. "Julie, your scrapbooking layout is beautiful. It's balanced and the colors go really well together."
2. You've made your body flexible while practicing your gymnastics, Jason.
3. By keeping your eye on the ball, Sarah, you're becoming a fine batter.
The behaviors to note and the quotes of Carole's are from Chapter 2, Promoting and Practicing Positivity.
I especially appreciate Carole's 4 behaviors to focus on when we congratulate our children. When we catch them expanding their effort, cooperating, progressing, or developing their strengths, we need to compliment them. Our praise will increase their inner motivation and build their self-esteem.
I suggest posting Carole's 4 behaviors on a bathroom mirror or on the fridge to remind us what to commend when our children are exhibiting these behaviors. It's easy to post and fun for us when we share our admiration. One more thing, our kids will love what we say.
Let's applaud Carole for writing, Easier Parenting. She has taken 8 parenting
principles and made them practical for us.
Pick up your copy of Easier Parenting: 8 Vital Principles to Guide Your Children's Behavior Successfully.
Available on Amazon.com
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With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
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