If you're a stressed parent and fear your children are copying your emotional reactions, stop worrying. Our parenting skills expert, Lori Lite, author of Stress Free Kids, is here to help. Today she'll discuss how stress is contagious, ask you 3 important questions, and give you 2 relaxation techniques.

Lori’s Story

In her book Lori shares the overwhelming pressure she felt as a young mother. Raising both a hyperactive child who took hours to get to sleep and a daughter with night terrors exhausted her. Lori decided to make her life’s journey one of learning about stress, how to relieve it, and how to help others.

Is Stress Contagious?

“Yes,” says Lori Lite. When you feel strain, your child learns to copy your reactions. For instance, do you pack your days with too many responsibilities?

Let’s say your neighbor needs to talk, the sink is leaking, and your boss is calling about your overdue report. How do you react? Many parents feel so much pressure that they tense up inside, sleep less, and get sick more often.

The Stress Quiz

Lori provides you with 10 questions that are easy to answer and quite revealing. Here are 3:

1. Are you yelling at your kids more?

2. Do you cram way too much into your day?

3. Are you saying “Yes” to requests when you wish you said "No?"

If you do the above, don’t be surprised if you’re feeling stressed. I like Lori’s quiz because it shows you what you are doing and what needs to change.

2 Sample Techniques You Can Use Today

Both techniques show you and your child how to relax and deal with current stress.

1. Tell your child, “I am feeling too stressed right now. I am just going to take a minute for myself to sit down and do my breathing.”

Invite your child to sit next to you, identify the stress, and take it down a notch by breathing deeply together.

Can you see how this could benefit both you and your child? What a gift!

2. This skill is one you can use whenever you need it. Again you can do it with your child, in the shower, or when driving to an appointment.

Deeply inhale and exhale with a loud “AHA!” Feel free to do it several times in a row.

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Lori has filled her book with many stress reducing techniques. It’s like a delicious banquet where you can pick the ones that appeal best to you.

I highly recommend Stress Free Kids: A Parent's Guide to Helping Build Self-Esteem, Manage Stress, and Reduce Anxiety in Children for parents, teachers, counselors, and anyone who want to help kids.

Available at: Amazon.com

Please join me in THANKING Lori Lite for sharing her research and wealth of knowledge to help us and our children live healthy relaxed lifestyles.

          Lori Lite  

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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The Best Way to Build Your Child's Self-Esteem

 Building Self-Esteem on the Inside:

Many parents motivate their kids with stars, charts, and external rewards. That's good for outside motivation. But how do you get your child motivated to behave well, try, and become a team member on the inside?

Carole tells us to focus on 4 behaviors when making our positive remarks for motivating kids on the inside:

1. Effort

2. Cooperation

3. Progress

4. Strengths

She will offer a statement in quotes for each and I will add 2 more for each trait.

Comments that Encourage Effort:

1. "Joe, I can see that you are trying really hard, to find the right piece to fit the puzzle. Good for you."

2. Ethan you never gave up learning how to do cart wheels and now you do them skillfully.

3. Allyssa you put a lot of meaning and detail into your picture. You know how to give your best.

Remarks that Promote Cooperation

1. "Thanks for setting the table so nicely, Michelle."

2. George, when you played checkers with your little brother, you encouraged him.

3. You're ready for school each morning because you pack your school backpack  and set it by the front door each night.

Statements that Boost Progress:

1. "Greg, you've come a long way with your model car. You've glued 3 pieces together."

2. Mary, you've already put most of your outside toys away before it starts to rain.

3. Most of your science project is done, Joe. It's looking good.

Comments that Boost Strengths:

1. "Julie, your scrapbooking layout is beautiful. It's balanced and the colors go really well together."

2. You've made your body flexible while practicing your gymnastics, Jason.

3. By keeping your eye on the ball, Sarah, you're becoming a fine batter.

The behaviors to note and the quotes of Carole's are from Chapter 2, Promoting and Practicing Positivity.

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I especially appreciate Carole's 4 behaviors to focus on when we congratulate our children. When we catch them expanding their effort, cooperating, progressing, or developing their strengths, we need to compliment them. Our praise will increase their inner motivation and build their self-esteem.

Suggested Activity

I suggest posting Carole's 4 behaviors on a bathroom mirror or on the fridge to remind us what to commend when our children are exhibiting these behaviors. It's easy to post and fun for us when we share our admiration. One more thing, our kids will love what we say.

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Let's applaud Carole for writing, Easier Parenting. She has taken 8 parenting
principles and made them practical for us.

Carole Disseldorp

Pick up your copy of Easier Parenting: 8 Vital Principles to Guide Your Children's Behavior Successfully.

Available on Amazon.com 

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   Type Your Comment!

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Honestly Speaking

Parents often feel compelled to step in to ensure our children's success, trying to protect them from failure and a loss of self-esteem. You too? Check off those items that hold true for you and then read on for tips and quotes to keep you on the right path.

1. I sometimes praise my child for the very slightest reason.

2. I have, as least once, called my child's teacher to make excuses for my child's poor showing on a test or assignment.

3. At least once, I've requested that my child be retested to improve a grade.

4. I discourage my child's risk-taking. Why court disaster?

5. I'd do just about anything to help my child feel good about him/herself.

6. I've at least once typed a paper, done an assignment, or helped my child complete a project for a good grade.

7. I don't hesitate to question a teacher if my child has been disciplined. He/she is a good kid and not a behavior problem.

8. I'd consider calling a teacher and refuse to let my child serve detention. If my kid says he/she is blameless, that's enough for me.

9. I believe that teachers should offer extra credit and bonus points to bolster a child's grades.

Scoring:

Checking off more than even one or two of these items suggests that instead of bolstering self-esteem, you may actually be undermining it. Read on to find out why...

Not To Be Avoided!

You know that success is sweet--and it's what we want for our children! Yet, at the same time, we must understand that self-esteem comes from overcoming obstacles, hard work, and, yes, even failure. Protecting our children from consequences undermines effort, independent thinking, and the ability to cope. Here's why... (From pages 57-58)

Quotes for Parents from Experts

. "When we muffle our children in a haze of supportive words and blunt their experience of consequences, we could be making it harder for them to deal with the real world." ~ Melissa Fay Greene

. "I've noticed this trend a lot lately: adults refusing to let children fail at something. It's as if we grown-ups believe that kids are too fragile to handle defeat." ~ Suzanne Sievert

. "Parents get overly involved in the minutiae of their kids' lives, stage-managing successes and robbing kids of the opportunity to learn from their failures." ~ Pat Wingert and Barbara Kantrowitz

. "Help your kids see mistakes and failures as temporary setbacks instead of excuses to quit." ~ Michele Borba, Ed.D.

Reminder: Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times and hit 714 homeruns!!! (From page 58)

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If you failed the quiz, don't worry. Use the expert quotes to remind you that children must experience the pain of failure to know the sweet taste of success.

Carol Josel is the 'Parent's Expert.' As a long-time educator, she understands how parents want to protect their children. She also knows that over-protection won't turn kids from failure to success and self-esteem.

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Pick up Other-Wise and School-Wise: A Parent Guidebook to learn the best ways to help your child succeed.

Available at: Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Carol Josel for sharing her wisdom with us. She offers us the opportunity to be the best parents ever.

Carol Josel

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Our expert, Rick, tell us there is a part of the self that says, "Go for it!"

Kids like adults get engaged only to find life is like a bumper car. Some of our efforts succeed easily, some fail, and others are trials and errors we move past.

"Genius is still understood to be "an unusual gift or talent."

Many times our interests points to our talent. Find out what interests your child and you might discover his special talent. So what are the 3 ways to promote success and self-esteem?

1. Motivation that Encourages Self-Esteem

Rick Ackerly says motivation comes first. Our inner interest helps us to "Give it a try."

As the parent, you can encourage your child to try new activities. This exposure might lead to his talents because you provided the opportunities. When he tries, struggles, and senses the good feeling of motivation, his self-esteem gets a boost too.

2. Get Down to Work

Any genius can be naturally good at something but without the struggle of applying himself he won't go far. Discuss with your child the fact that to become good at anything takes practice.

Even if your child has a gift for music he must practice to be good at it. He might not like practicing. But his self-esteem may rise after he completes the practice, especially if he knows he improved.

3. Keep Focusing on the Strength

If you give positive, specific, and true (PST) praise when focusing on your child's strength, you will help your child unfold his inner genius.

For example, you might say to your child, "You practiced well and I followed the tune perfectly." Was this praise positive, specific, and (hopefully) true?

Parents who criticize, lecture, or yell may dampen the very genius they wish to promote.

To bring out the genius in your child remember these 3 keys: motivate, work, focus on strengths.

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These ideas flowed from reading pages 111- 112 in Rick Ackerly's book. I like Rick's definition of genius and how it relates to self-esteem. Do you agree that motivation, getting down to work, and focusing on your child's strengths can help bring out his genius?

Pick up Rick Ackerly's book, The Genius in Every Child: Encouraging Character, Curiosity, and Creativity in Children.

Available at Amazon.com

Let's HONOR Rick Ackerly, a nationally recognized educator and speaker with 45 years of working with children and teachers in schools.

******

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Train Your Child's Powerful Imagination

If you'd like to empower your child with joy and success, go inside to his imagination. Our parenting expert and author, Dr. Charlotte Reznick, tells you how in step-by-step detail. It's easy and rewarding. Here's an excerpt from her book, The Power of Your Child's Imagination.

"Six-year-old Alec couldn't go to bed alone. Every night, his mom sat with him until the anxious boy fell asleep. Then she would tiptoes out, hoping not to wake him. If she left sooner, he would tremble and beg her to stay.

When she asked about his fears, his response was surprisingly precocious. "I believe in ghosts and goblins," he said. "I think they come through walls. I think they're real, I'm a little kid, and I have a big imagination."

Mind and imagination are powerful forces, especially in a growing child. They are catalysts for so much more than bedtime fears. The stories a child tells herself, what she thinks and imagines, determine how she reacts to the events in her life and, essentially, who she becomes. Consider any problem you child is facing right now - struggles at school or with friends, sorrow over a loss, jealously over a new baby, physical illness-and you'll find much of her suffering stems from how she thinks about it.

For a child to thrive in the world, he must thrive inside. We spend so much time on the externals-how children behave, how they handle their bodies and interact with others-that we rarely address the inside places where personality and imagination, mind and heart, reside. The places where a Self is born. Yet the same skills adults use to improve creative and professional performance can help your child discover increased health, confidence, and self-esteem.

Like Alec, your child has a big imagination. We're going to make it an ally, tapping his inner knowledge to help him heal himself and realize his dreams. Simply discovering that he has his own wisdom will be empowering. Developing the habit of listening to it and trusting it will profoundly shape how he meets life's challenges.

"But he's just a boy," you might be thinking. "How much can...(Pages 3-4) To read more and learn the imagination exercises you can use to empower your child, pick up Dr. Charlotte Reznick's book,

The Power of Your Child's Imagination

Available at Amazon.com

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Let APPLAUD Dr. Reznick for writing such a practical book for helping our children harness the power of their imaginations. As parents you will learn to transform your child's stress and anxiety into joy and success. What could be better?

Dr. Charlotte Reznick

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With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Parent and Teacher with Mutual Contract

If you'd like a contract that puts parents and teachers on the right track for encouraging character, curiosity, and creativity in children, keep reading. Our expert parenting author, Rick Ackerly, is sharing a contract he and a sixth-grade teacher, Susan Porter, came up with years ago. Rick is an educator and speaker with 45 years’ experience working in schools. Let's take a look at that contract.

"Defining the Parent-Teacher Contract:

• .as the teacher, I can and will:
• care for your child and make sure she is safe
• praise him when he deserves it
• be on her case when it's necessary
• encourage him to find his strength and use it
• challenge her to use her weakness to improve it
• show him how to take charge of his learning
• be there for her when she needs extra help
• provide him with a side variety of ideas, subjects, and activities

I Cannot:

• love her as you do
• protect him for disappointment
• make sure she is happy
• make sure he is not bored
• .ensure she has friends
• make sure he gets good grades
• guarantee she will get into a good high school
• give him self-respect or self-confidence or high self-esteem

As the Parent, You Can:

• know your child for who she is
• appreciate your child for who he is, not for who you hope he [all be
• be there to console her when she needs it
• listen to him in such a way that he feels listened to
• in listening, help her fight her own battles
• enjoy him
• delight in her
• have fun with him
• give her unconditional love and trust even when you don't feel it's justified
• believe in him even when your feelings tell you otherwise

You Should Not:

• feel guilty for your child's disappointing achievement or "poor" performance
• feel inadequate that you cannot respond to her every need on short notice
• compare your child to other students
• fight his battles for him"  (from pages 17-18)

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To find out more about when you can do to raise your children with character, curiosity, and creativity pick up Rick Ackerly's amazing book,

The Genius in Every Child: Encouraging Character, Curiosity, and Creativity in Children

Available at Amazon.com

Let's APPLAUD Rick Ackerly for sharing his excellent knowledge as a teacher,
principal, and parent.        

              
 *******

Please share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the
tiny comment link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from
you.

 Type Your Comment!


With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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• 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
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****** If you liked
this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites
below.

 
Rock Climbing Builds Character, Confidence, and Self-Esteem

 Character, confidence and self-esteem are what we all want for all our kids. But I bet you didn’t think that rock climbing could be a key. Our guest blogger today, Jess Spate, is a former climbing instructor and a dedicated outdoor enthusiast. She knows what rock climbing can do for kids. Maybe she’ll convince you to put your kids on the wall.

What Physical Activity Suits Your Child?

Every parent wants their children to be fit and active but team sports aren't for everyone. Some kids love football, basketball, and baseball and others don't- sometimes it's very easy for less confident kids to feel out of place or pressured on sports teams. However, that doesn't mean they can't find a physical activity that suits them.

Why You Might Consider Rock Climbing

Indoor rock climbing is one of the fastest-growing sports in the world. Most major cities now have at least one climbing gym, and some have a dozen or more. Almost all welcome kids as young as five and offer expert instruction to beginners. Despite being a little scary at first, indoor climbing is actually a very safe sport. There is always a rope ready to support a beginner climber. They're incredibly strong (you could suspend a small car with a standard 10mm climbing rope) and a little bit stretchy so even the tiniest fall is cushioned.

How Rock Climbing Brings a Sense of Achievement

Indoor climbing can be more than just a healthy workout. When you start out, the improvement rate is terrific. But the end of their first session almost all beginners start to see that they are capable of things that seemed impossible just a couple of hours ago. Every climb brings a sense of achievement even if you only got a little higher than you did last time.

How Instructors Deal with Nervous Kids

Most qualified indoor climbing instructors are well used to dealing with nervous children (and nervous adults!). They won't pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do. Instead, you'll start off easy and low, and gradually expand your comfort zone.

How Beginner Rock Climbing Parents Encourage Their Children

Being afraid is part of the package but it's not such a bad thing. In fact, climbing with your kids gives you the chance to provide a fantastic example. They'll see that you're nervous but having a go anyway. If you can laugh at yourself when you don't succeed, have a rest, and try again, you'll be showing them something incredibly important.

How the Family Encourages Character, Confidence, and Self-Esteem

Climbing is also a great activity for families with kids of different ages. It's cool enough to get any teenager interested, and while one person climbs the rest of the family can encourage them on. For the young and shy there is nothing quite encouragement from older brothers and sisters, and it never takes long for the cheering to start in a family group. Older kids will see that doing things with their little siblings can be really exciting.

Let's give a BIG HAND to Jesse Spate for her great post. She writes for Appalachian Outdoors when not climbing either indoors or outside on real rock.

Appalachian Outdoors   for your sports equipment!

Parents, it's your turn to take the stage:

What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping your kids? Please answer in the comment link below.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my FREE Parenting Newsletter and receive 80 fun activities to share with your kids.

******If you liked this article, please send it to your social media sites below.

Parents, are you raising your kids to hire servants? Do your children have chores? If not, they'll lack the life skills they need. In her serious and amusing article Bring Back Home EC, let's see what our marriage expert, Claire Hatch, LICSW advises.

One of the many mysteries of my education in the Seattle Public Schools was eggs-a-la-goldenrod. The appeal of hard-cooked egg whites in white sauce, poured over toast, and garnished with a sprinkling of sieved egg yolks was difficult for me to grasp. However, my junior high home ec teacher assured us our future husbands would be delighted to be served such a breakfast.

In spite of the bizarre projects that no schoolchild escapes, I’m glad I learned the basics of meal planning, cooking and baking.

I’ve observed that many young people today grow up in a world that doesn’t contain such practical skills, but does have a lot of soccer, football, ballet and theater. It’s a lovely world, to be sure.

However, most kids do not grow up to be soccer players and ballerinas.

But they do grow up. And whatever they become, they have to contend with all the practical and often boring jobs that keep life humming. And many of them do not like it one little bit. How do I know?

Because they come to see me. They’re frustrated because their partners don’t help enough, or they’re frustrated because they can’t have enough fun, or they’re frustrated because life feels like a grind.

It’s not that their partners are slackers or that their burdens are especially heavy. O.K., sometimes they are. But a lot of times it’s just that life has delivered them a “cosmic 2 x 4,” as one of my clients put it recently.

Or as another said, “I guess this is just the way adult life is and it sucks.”

Of course, who doesn’t feel like responsibility sucks at some point?

But I think it sucks a lot more when you first make its acquaintance as an adult. Whether it’s at home or at school, everyone should learn life skills. I would be very grateful to have learned some shop skills like my brother did. Maybe I wouldn’t wander the aisles of Home Depot feeling dazed and confused.

Compared to past generations, both my brother and I got only a light sprinkling of life skills in school. Home ec and shop started falling out of favor in the 1970′s. In the past, the “ec” part had teeth in it and girls were taught how to budget and stretch a dollar. One textbook warns future housewives: “Watch out for the dangers of credit and ‘easy payments,’ and always do the math.” What an idea!

Of course, the most important teachers of Reality 101 are parents.

In the bustle of family life, there always seem to be good reasons not to teach kids how to do chores. They need to focus on getting into college. It’s easier just to do it myself. I want my kid to have an easier time than I did.

I know all about them. This morning I made scrambled eggs for a 15-year-old while she surfed on her laptop. That’s excellent preparation for adult life–if she’s going to have servants!

It’s good for kids’ mental health to do chores.

They might whine when they’re doing them, but being a contributor to the household is better for the self-esteem than being a passive recipient of services.

And it’s good for the parents’ mental health, too. I think over-coddling kids is one reason adults are so exhausted today, in spite of having more services, more devices and more money.

I tried to practice what I preach by asking my stepdaughter to clean the kitchen after breakfast. She wasn’t thrilled, of course. But I just told myself it means I’m doing my job. And I told her she’ll thank me some day, when she’s a competent, independent young woman.

Whether that fell on deaf ears or not, I know it’s true.

*****

Claire Hatch LICSW

Let's give Claire a giant THANK YOU for her excellent article. Please connect with Claire at:

Are you looking for more emotional connection in your marriage? Claire Hatch, LICSW is a marriage counselor near Seattle, WA. She specializes in simple tools that put an end to 'roommate syndrome.' Her Rock Solid Marriage Counseling Program is a step-by-step plan for turning troubled marriages around. To get the free Stop Arguments Before They Start Tool and more relationship advice, visit http://www.clairehatch.com/

Parents, it's your turn to take the stage: 

What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping your kids  learn life skills through chores? Please answer in the comment link below.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Newsletter at http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/ and receive 80 fun activities to play with your kids.

Building Character and Self-Esteem with Stories

If you’d like to build self-esteem and mind power in your kids use positive bedtime stories. Kids whose minds focus on positive thinking have better self-concepts.

Sit by your child’s bedside.

Create a big black imaginary balloon to represent negative thoughts.

Create an imaginary magic pin to pop the black balloon.

(Tell your child the pin is for popping negative thoughts now and during the day too.)

Begin by asking your child, “What mind power story should we create tonight?”

Pretend your child, Chris, says, “Mom, I don’t want to go to my cousin’s birthday party.”

Create that story together and include a:

positive picture - positive feeling - positive sentence

Sample Story for Building Self-Esteem and Optimism with Mind Power ~

Parent:  “A child named Chris feels uncomfortable going to a birthday party because…”

Child: “Chris doesn’t know the kids. Chris thinks the kids won’t play with him.” (Tell your child to pop that negative thought with the magic pin.)

Parent: (Make a loud “POP!”) “Chris uses his mind power and sees a positive picture. It is…”

Child: “Chris is smiling at the kids and laughing at their jokes. They like Chris.”

Parent: “The kids act friendly and Chris begins to feel…”

Child: “Comfortable. “I like this party,” thinks Chris.”

Parent: “Chris uses Mind Power and says…”

Child: “I am feeling comfortable at my cousin’s party.”

Instruct your child to see, sense, and say that last sentence right now. Tell him to see, sense, and say it in the morning too. Do this every night with different stories to help your child develop a powerful mind with a positive character.

Bonus Article: 5 Self-Esteem Questions for Better Parenting http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/feature_article.asp?fa_id=51

Parents, now it's your turn to share the spotlight.

What are your opinions and suggestions for raising optimistic children? Please answer in the comment link below.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Newsletter at http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/

You’ll receive 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids

Would you like to raise an optimistic child filled with self-esteem? Our expert blogger today is Dr. Wendy Nickerson. She is the President and founder of:

International Health Coaching Enterprises.

Let's find out the 2 top parenting tips she is offering today that build self-esteem and optimism in kids.

"Some psychologists say that optimism is a personality trait. I like to think of it as a reflection of a child's budding identity. It seems that if they have a sense of self-worth, importance, and self- understanding, that they tend to be more optimistic and hopeful. I have noticed that if a child has self-esteem, he is usually optimistic as well. Maybe this is a cyclical effect...?"

How to Raise an Optimistic Child with a Core Sense of Self-Esteem

"Whatever the case, a tip that I would suggest for helping children/adolescents be optimistic is to aid them in developing a core sense of self, and self-esteem. This is often done by finding out what their gifts and talents are, and helping them excel in that area. We all tend to have a sense of self-esteem when we are using our gifts. It puts us in a positive and optimistic mind set."

Connecting Them to a Spirit Greater Than Themselves

"Also, encouraging them to know that they are connected to something much greater than themselves....their spirit (regardless of religion) enhances optimism through an increased sense of self. This can be done through modeling behavior. For example, if they see you stopping to say a short silent player in the middle of a busy day.

It almost seems as though optimism and identity are one of the same, in many situations."

Let's give Dr. Wendy a big

"THANK-YOU"

for her brilliant tips.

You may connect with Dr. Wendy Nickerson at:

http://www.drwendynickerson.com/

Parents, now it's your turn to share the spotlight.

 What are your suggestions for helping your kids become optimistic? Please answer in the comment link below.

One more thing, to increase your child's gifts and talents, goal-setting helps.

This Goal Setting Pyramid Kit will teach them a positive strategy that's sure to raise their self-esteem.

With warm wishes,

Jean

Jean Tracy, MSS

 Sign up for my Newsletter at http://www.kidsdiscuss.com/

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