5 Parenting Tips: TV Time for Your Teenager

 

Bigstock-Teenage Boy TV-36471100
Is Your Teenager Living His Life Through TV?
Does your teenager spend too much time watching TV? If you'd like some easy parenting tips about TV time in your house, consider the expert advice from our parenting author, Dr. Parnell Donahue. The following excerpt is from his book about adolescents, Messengers in Denim.

 

Dr. Parnell loves to tell stories, like the one about Darrel and his dad. Darrel's dad, an UPS driver, brought his boy into see Dr. Parnell, a pediatrician, for a check-up. They began arguing about who watched more TV. It turns out the father watched 3-4 hours a night when he could have spent more time enjoying his family.

Dr. Parnell sees TV as an addiction because many children, as well as, adults spend too much time watching and not enough time living their own lives. He researched the American Academy of Pediatrics and presented their recommendations:

Here are 5 of 9 suggestions you can start today:

1. Keep TV sets out of your child's bedroom.

2. Record high quality TV programs to watch after homework is completed.

3. View programs with your child and discuss their thoughts during the commercials.

4. Allow no more than 1-2 hours of TV per day.

5. Encourage children to play, read, practice sports, and develop hobbies. (From page 184)

******

I appreciate the wisdom Dr. Parnell offers. His stories are real and insightful. You almost feel like you're sitting in on his conversations with teens. He also backs up his advice with research which gives you confidence that his ideas are valuable.

Let's THANK Dr. Parnell Donahue for his tireless work in helping parents understand their teenagers and his practical parenting advise.

Blog Optimistic Dr. Parnell Donahue
Dr. Parnell Donahue

Pick up Messengers in Denim

Cover Messengers in Denim

Available at Amazon.com  

******

Please support today's author and share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the COMMENTS link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock
   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my FREE Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

 Click on the icons or Share This right next to the Green Triangle below to open up your social media sites and send. Thank you so much.

 


Heroic Teenager Helps Family But Needs Advice

 

Smiling Girl with Braces
Does Your Family Include A Heroic Teenager?

Many families include a heroic teenager. News of them is often silent because they contribute out of necessity. Annie Fox, our parenting expert and author of the book, Teaching Kids To Be Good People, is here to share her advice to an overworked adolescent. First, Annie will share the teen's message and then her counsel.

 This Responsible Teen Needs Help

"Our family is going through some tough times. My mom's stressed and works from 4:30 a.m. - 8:00 p.m. My dad needs lots of help because he has cancer. My older sisters live far away and have their own families. So I'm in charge.

"I cook, clean, and help my parents. I'm not exactly complaining, but add all that to homework! (Our teachers are really piling it on.) Please help me with a system to get stuff done fast!" -15-year-old (From page 65)

Advice from Counselor, Annie Fox

After empathizing, Annie made the following suggestions for creating a system:

1. Let your teachers know what's going on at home and ask them to ease up at this time.

2. Make a list of your daily tasks at home that must be done.

3. Add the home responsibilities to the list that need to be done a few times a week.

4. Take care of your duties to your family and your schoolwork.

5. Give yourself 30-60 minutes every day to chill out as another way to help yourself. (From pages 212-213)

******

I like Annie's advice because she gives this girl much needed appreciation first. Annie knows she can't lift this child's burdens, but she can help her with a practical system. Her last piece of advice, to take time for herself, helps puts a little balance in this girl's life. What do you think?

******

Pick up Annie Fox's book, Teaching Kids To Be Good People: Progressive Parenting For The 21st Century

Cover Annie Fox Book Teaching Kids

Available at Amazon.com

Let's APPRECIATE Annie Fox for her gift in helping teenagers with their problems. Annie knows how to be specific and positive.

Author Annie Fox
    Annie Fox, M.Ed.

******

Please support today's author and share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the COMMENTS link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock
   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my FREE Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

 Click on the icons or Share This right next to the Green Triangle below to open up your social media sites and send. Thank you so much.

How to Get Your Out-of-Control Teenager to The Treatment Center

 Teenage girl angry

Getting Help for Your Out-of-Control Teenager

Do you have an out-of-control teen? Have you tried everything but nothing works? Sue Scheff, our parenting expert and author of the book, Wits End, will share some ideas on getting your teenager to the residential treatment center. She knows first-hand about the pitfalls and helps parents assess programs for choosing the best. Once you've chosen the program the next step is to get your teenager there.

 

Your Teenager's Sense of Betrayal and Your Feelings of Guilt

Sue Scheff agrees it's difficult to convince your out-of-control teen to agree to go to the residential treatment center. Most adolescents feel betrayed and no parent looks forward to the angry words and tantrums. In fact, Sue knows the guilt a parent feels since she had to face the same problem with her daughter.

Sue advises that a good treatment program will help with your teen's sense of betrayal and your guilt. A good program will get your teen to take responsibility for her behavior that brought her there. Most programs, says Sue, remove all privileges and your teenager must earn each reward. In this way, your teen begins to cooperate.

To calm your guilt, Sue counsels you to learn the details of the program, your teenager's day, and every aspect of your child's life in the facility. Then, she says, "Give yourself time to fight it (the guilt) off."

Getting Your Teenager to the Treatment Facility

Some fortunate parents convince their teens to go but not many in comparison to those who rebel. So what do you do? Here are two suggestions:

1. Be deceptive. Get your adolescent to the facility when she thinks you're taking her somewhere else.

2. "Ask the treatment facility for a list of recommended escort services that you can contact and interview to determine which one you desire to work with." Sue instructs parents to compare rates, availability, and procedures.

If you choose the second, the escort service may come before dawn while your child is sleeping and is taken off guard. It also assures your teen arrives during daylight hours. (From pages 117-123)

Sue Scheff has researched many resources for parents to consider. She is the founder of Parents' Universal Resource Experts, Inc. (P.U.R.E.). Since 2001 Sue has assisted families with valuable information and resources for their children and teens who are struggling with today's peer pressure, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and simply good kids starting to make bad choices. (From page 169)

******

Let's PRAISE Sue for her research into the best programs for your out-of-control teenagers. The story she shares about her daughter in Wits End will save you much grief if you follow Sue's advice.

******

Pick up Wit's End: Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen to get the information you need.

Cover Wits End
Available at Amazon.com

Author Sue Scheff
       Sue Scheff

*******

Please support today's author and share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the COMMENTS link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock
   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my FREE Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

 Click on the icons or Share This right next to the Green Triangle below to open up your social media sites and send. Thank you so much.

15 House Rules for a Great High School Prom Party

 

Boys and girls bigstock-Group-Of-Teenage-Friends-Dress-13901207
A Few Rules for Great Prom Parties

Does your student want to host a high school after prom party at your house. If so, listen to our parenting expert and author of Messengers in Denim, Dr. Par Donahue. His grandson created some rules that you are free to use.

 

With spring in the air, can high school proms be far behind? They will be here sooner than parents think, and  later than  most high school kids (girls especially) can wait.

Each spring I have posted Post-Prom Party rules developed by one of my high school grandsons. He is now a sophomore at Notre Dame and gave me permission to post them.

I am posting them again in hopes they will help parents and prom goers make their post-prom party happy, safe, and more fun! So, here goes.

Spring brings forth proms, and proms suggest post-prom parties, and post-prom parties cause major parental anxiety, or at least they should! But it doesn’t have to be that way!

A couple of years ago,  one of my grandsons wanted to host a post-prom party, so his parents asked him to decide what the rules of conduct would be. If the parents agreed with the rules, he would be allowed to have the party. With his permission and that of his parents I submit his guidelines for what turned out to be a great party.

He and his girlfriend, high school juniors, planned the party; they made up the following rules to govern conduct at the party and had them approved by his parents. (Which is the way I think house rules should be decided.) He and she also decided what the punishment would be for an infraction of the rules.

Lest you think he is a geek, let me assure you he is not. He has one of the top GPA’s in his class, plays in the marching band, is an Eagle Scout, has a black belt in karate, and is the kind of guy you would want your teens to have for a friend. I sure am proud of him! I have deleted his name and the names of his parents, but the party invitation below is exactly as he wrote it.

“Hey, guys, in case I haven’t told you yet, you’re invited to an after-prom party at my house! My mom just wants to make sure that everyone knows some ground rules. If you are to attend, please email her at XXXXXXXX.net with a confirmation that you understand and agree to these rules.

Rules and Regulations for the After-prom Party:

‘Because we care about you…”

1. All rules and regulations enumerated herein have been agreed upon by Mr. and Mrs. XXXXXXXX, and all attendees of the after-party must abide by the following or parents will be notified to collect the offending person(s).

2. No non-prescription drugs, stimulants, depressants, hallucinogens, alcohol, tobacco, club drugs,
inhalants, mushrooms, narcotics, etc. are allowed.

3. No friends of invitees permitted unless they were invited by the host couple (John Doe and Jane Doe).

4. After quiet time (2:50 a.m. ±) begins, girls are to be confined to the guest room and guys are to be confined to the upstairs level. Mr. and Mrs. XXXXXXXX will be sleeping in the hallway/staircase region to prevent “purple” rooms.

5. No intense intimate relations. Mr. XXXXXXXX defines intimate as “anything more than a chaste kiss. Leave room for the Holy Spirit.”

6. All guests must depart by 9:00 a.m. (to be changed?).

7. After the party, all guests must help to clean up (spills, trash, messes, etc.).

8. All guests must stay within the presence of others, and nobody/no small groups of people are allowed outside unless all are willing to go outside. House alarms will be set upon the group’s
arrival from prom.

9. Do not do anything that you do not want Mr. XXXXXXXX to put pictures of on Facebook.

10. Be nice, no drama please.

11. If you wish to bring a movie(s), it(they) must be rated G, PG, or PG-13. All other movies will be
confiscated.

12. If you wish to bring video games, they must be EC, E, E10+, or T. All other video games will be
confiscated. If one wishes to bring a video game system(s), that (those), too, is (are) allowed.

13. Music considered offensive by Mr. and Mrs. XXXXXXXX is not allowed either. If you would not go up to them and speak the lyrics to them conversationally, do not play that song.

14. Forbidden activities include Laptag, Spin the Bottle, Truth or Dare? etc. Other activities can be forbidden on the spot by Mr. and Mrs. XXXXXXXX

15. The 10 Commandments are in effect at all times. A list of these is posted in the kitchen to aid anyone who might not understand them completely.”

Some 12 or 14 couples came and I was told by my grandson that no one was asked to leave and everybody had a great time. If you are sorry your kids were not invited to a party of this kind, let
them plan their own party. Just copy my grandson’s rules and have a great time.

*******

Let's THANK Dr. Donahue for sharing his grandson's prom rules. They will make your teens safe and happy. 

Blog Optimistic Dr. Parnell Donahue
 Dr. Donahue

Pick up Messengers in Denim and find out the wonderful things Dr. Donahue, as a pediatrician, has learned from them.

Cover Messengers in Denim
Available at Amazon.com

*******

Please support today's author and share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the COMMENTS link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock
   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my FREE Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

 Click on the icons or Share This right next to the Green Triangle below to open up your social media sites and send. Thank you so much.

Behavior Problem: Counselor's Advice to Teen for Her Excuse about Stealing

 

Girl blamingbigstock-183931
Find Out WhyTeen Blames Parents

 If you’re the parent of a teenager who steals, how should you react to this problem? Find out what one parent did and what our counselor and parenting expert, Annie Fox, advised. The following are excerpts  from Annie's book, Teaching Kids to Be Good People.

What Would You Teach Here?

My parents give me allowance, but not enough. Since I go out with girls I need money. I also need money for my motorbike. My dad understands, but my mom doesn’t let him give me more money.

I earn extra cutting the grass for neighbors. But these little jobs aren’t enough for getting all the money I want.

I came to the extreme point of stealing from the supermarket but I was caught. Now my parents don’t give me any more money. My mom won’t talk to me. I am very sad. – 16-year-old. (Page 59)

Read Annie Fox’s Reply To:

“Why don’t my parents give me more money?”

It sounds like you are blaming your parents (just a little) for the fact that you were “desperate” enough to steal. Nothing your parents did caused you to steal. You knew it was wrong, and there was a chance you would get caught. And you chose to do it anyway. So please take responsibility for what you did. That is the only way that you can avoid making those kinds of choices.

OK, now…moving forward. Your mother is upset and disappointed. She may be angry and hurt as well.

You want more independence, and to get that you need to rebuild the trust that you’ve damaged. It’s going to take time and a “new history” to show your parents that you know how to make good choices.

The first step would be to apologize to them for the hurt you caused. That might help heal things between you. You should also be thinking about what you learned through all of this.

Hopefully you’ve learned something about choices and consequences, so the next time you feel “desperate” to get some money for going out with girls, etc., you will find ways to earn it and not ever steal again. When you figure out what you’ve learned, talk to your parents. Explain your new way of thinking to them. Consistently make healthier choices, and over time, you will help heal the relationship. (From pages 211-212)

******

Annie is a wise counselor. She did several great things in her reply:

1. She advised the girl to stop blaming her parents.

2. She reminded the girl that stealing was her choice.

3. She told the girl to take responsibility for her actions.

4. She acknowledged the girl want more independence.

5. She shared the process. Apologize and create a “new history,”

6. She asked the girl to think about what she learned about choices and consequences.

7. She told the girl to earn what she wants.

8. She advised her to explain her new way of thinking to her parent to help heal the relationship.

9. She told her to consistently make good choices over time.

If you have kids with behavior problems, you’ll find great advice from Annie Fox.

******

Pick up Teaching Kids To Be Good People: Progressive Parenting for the 21st Century.

Cover Annie Fox Book Teaching Kids

Available at Amazon.com

Let's HONOR Annie Fox for her unique book filled with letters from teens and her responses to them. We profit by her wisdom for kids and their behavior problems.

Author Annie Fox
 Annie Fox, M.Ed.

******

Please support today's author and share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the COMMENTS link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock
   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my FREE Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

 Click on the icons or Share This right next to the Green Triangle below to open up your social media sites and send. Thank you so much.

The Out-of-Control Teenager: Could a Boarding School Help?

 

Angry teenage girl bigstock-207930
Is Your Angry Teen Out-of-Control?

If your teenager is seriously out-of-control, have you considered a boarding school? Our parenting expert and author of the book Wits End, Sue Scheff, not only writes about the trouble with her daughter but also shares high quality parenting resources. In today's post Sue is discussing the Therapeutic Boarding School.

 

Therapeutic Boarding School (T.B.S.)

This place is set up to provide an environment for positive emotional growth, with an emphasis on behavior modification.

Is There a Difference between a Therapeutic Boarding School and a Residential Treatment Center?

The goal is pursued by a carefully designed and regulated daily life for each student. The program's overall structure mixes the practice of life skills with academics and therapy. The therapeutic aspect of a T.B.S., however, is not as intense as that of a Residential Treatment Center.

How Much Therapy Will Your Child Receive?

At a Therapeutic Boarding School, a child may only expect to participate in one-on-one therapy sessions as infrequently as once a week, or even biweekly. Group therapy is usually held every day, but positive social skills can also come from the atmosphere itself.

There may be a licensed therapist on staff, but not necessarily on site. Young people can be transported to the therapist for examinations or scheduled sessions, as needed.

What's the Working Philosophy of Good Therapeutic Boarding Schools?

A T.B.S. uses what I call an all-encompassing approach. It is a comprehensive program that integrates all aspects of emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. Their working philosophy is that a well-structured, positive, respectful, and disciplined living experience that is conducted over months at a time will be absorbed by the child as a natural process.

Is There Discipline in a Therapeutic Boarding School?

Because we are all creatures with a survival instinct, every human being can be counted on to move toward experiences that are rewarding and move away from those that are not. The enforced discipline at a T.B.S. keeps the child in a position to directly control how satisfactory his experience is in that place. Approval, comfort, the respect of others, and the respect of oneself combine to forge powerful exchanges. (From pages 106-107)

******

From Sue Scheff's description of the T.B.S. parents can be ready with questions when they're thinking of sending their teen to such a school. Questions like: 1. How often and what kind of therapy do you offer your students? What is your philosophy for helping students? How long does the average student stay? How do you discipline offending students? How much does it cost? These questions and more should help you decide your next step.

******

Pick up Wit's End: Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen

Cover Wits End

Available at Amazon.com

******

Let's give Sue Scheff a HAND for sharing the true story with her daughter and the nightmare of a facility she unwittingly sent her daughter to. Sue knows that parents with out-of-control teens would never knowingly send their child to such a place. That's why Sue has done the research and is the founder of Parents' Universal Resource Experts. She offers many different solutions and recommends the best facilities. 

Author Sue Scheff
      Sue Scheff

******

Please support today's author and share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the COMMENTS link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock
   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my FREE Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

 Click on the icons or Share This right next to the Green Triangle below to open up your social media sites and send. Thank you so much.

Homework and Friendships: How to Help Your Kids When Friends Get in the Way

 Girl Bigstock Homework.jpg 3046043

Do Friendships Distract Your Teen from Homework?

When friends are more important to your kids than schoolwork, how can you get them to do their homework? Neil McNerney, a school counselor, is here to help. Today he'll tell you 3 things not to say and why you should avoid the word, "but." He'll give you some solutions too.

Mr. McNerney is a father, a parenting expert, and author of the popular book, Homework: A Parents Guide. Let's listen as he shares an excerpt from his book.

Their Friendships Are More Important Than Their Schoolwork

It doesn't matter how many times we tell our kids that schoolwork should come first. They won't agree. For many kids, especially teenagers, friendships are much more important than schoolwork.

The Story of Andrea

"Andrea," 14, was in a constant struggle with her mother about the importance of friends vs. school. Andrea's grades would fluctuate with the ups and downs of her social life. The problem was that, whenever the friendships were going well--or really bad-- her grades would drop.

When she was feeling really good about her friendships, she would spend too much time with them, whether personally or online. Whenever things were going bad, she would be "too depressed to do homework." The only time when friendships weren't getting in the way was when things were "just OK" with her friends. Andrea could then focus on schoolwork.

A School Counselors Perspective

As a counselor, I see this issue quite a bit. The focus on friendships can be very important for many students. It's also necessary, in some respects. We are social beings. We are drawn to make connections with others and emotionally bond with them.

What Should We Do?

1. Don't say, "Schoolwork is more important than friendships." It won't work. Your kid won't believe you, and just saying these types of statements only creates more of a rift between you and your child. Ditto for these similar parent comments:

  • "Your friendship won't help you get into college. Studying will."
  • "I understand she hurt your feelings. But you'll feel better in a few days."
  • "Why don't you take your mind off it by studying?

2. Try being supportive and interested, without adding the "but" at the end of the sentence. For example: "I'm sorry it's going so bad with Julie. You must feel really bad."

Stop there. Do not add anything else. You will be tempted to say something like "But you know that your test is tomorrow." Any influence you gained by being empathic will be lost if you quickly add the "but."

3. Delay the advice until long after the empathy. After you have let her know you understand how bad she feels, wait a while until you remind her of homework. By waiting, you will have a much better chance of being influential. (From pages 98-99)

******

I like Neil McNerney's advice to go to your child's feelings first. If you don't show empathy for her feelings, she won't listen to you. She will be even more upset because you "never" understand. I also appreciate knowing the word "BUT" is a troublemaker. To your child it leaves a bad taste like a slug sandwich.

******

Pick up Homework: A Parents Guide to Helping Out without Freaking Out

Cover Homework

Available at Amazon.com

Let's HONOR Neil McNerney for sharing his expert advice about kids and homework. As a school counselor he's helped numerous parents help their kids achieve in school.

Neil McNerney
Neil McNerney, M.Ed., LPC

******

Please support today's author and share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the COMMENTS link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock
   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my FREE Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

 Click on the icons or Share This right next to the Green Triangle below to open up your social media sites and send. Thank you so much.

Power Struggles with Teens: How Parents Get Trapped

 Moms bigstock--8361631

Power Struggles Battle for Control

When you're in a power struggle with your teenager, do you always win? Our expert parenting authors Marney Studaker-Cordner and Kimberly Abraham warn that tug of wars give you rope burns. In today's excerpt from their book, The Whipped Parent, they explain the power dance. Do you recognize it?

The Power Dance

Adolescents are notorious for engaging parents in a power dance. You may be minding your own business, enjoying a rare peaceful moment, and your son walks in. He's bored, spiteful, or in the mood to feel powerful.

He plops down next to you and says casually, "I'm going to get my tongue pierced next week." (Translation: Would you like to dance?)

You look up, dismayed and fearful, thinking of how you'll explain this to friends and family. You reply, "Oh, no, you're not." (Translation: Sure, I'll dance with you.)

Your son cocks his head, physically puffs up, and says confidently, "Oh, yes, I am. I already saved the money." (Translation: Isn't this fun? I'm not bored anymore.)

The dance is in full swing now, as your son leads you across the floor, stepping on your toes all the way. Your face gets hot, and adrenalin pumps as you reply angrily, "Well, you're under eighteen, and I am NOT signing the permission slip. Besides, don't you know how dangerous that can be? Do you want to look like a freak?"

The two of you continue in the power dance until someone either get tired and gives up, gets angry and stomps off, or the situation escalates. More explosive subjects get brought up, things snowball and may even get violent.

A power struggle begins with a battle for control. It comes from the need to have the upper hand, the final say or to be the one who is right.

A difference in opinion can come down to,

"I'm right and you're wrong. There's only one way to do things in this situation, and it's my way"

Power struggles can be very destructive. If (your) Jack is spending all of his time trying to gain control, he won't learn how to think his actions through. He'll be too busy trying to win a tug of war. A parent can waste valuable time and emotional energy trying to hang on to that upper hand. (From pages 97-98)

*******

The authors gave us valuable insight but what can a parent do? In the next section of their valuable book they share several ways to avoid the power dance. You'll smile as you see how simple and sensible their advice is.

Pick up The Whipped Parent: Hope for Parents Raising an Out-of-Control Teen

The Whipped Parent
Available at Amazon.com

Let 's HONOR Marney Studaker-Cordner, MSW, CSW and Kimberly Abraham, MSW, CSW for sharing their knowledge and social work experience with difficult teenagers. Their wisdom is a guiding light for all of us.

Authors Marney and Kim
Kimberly Abraham & Marney Studaker-Cordner

******

Please support today's author and share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the COMMENTS link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock
   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my FREE Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

 Click on the icons or Share This right next to the Green Triangle below to open up your social media sites and send. Thank you so much.

Eating Disorders: How This Teenage Boy Asked for Help!

  Boys bigstock--23030081

Does Your Teenage Boy Have an Eating Disorder?

Eating Disorders can torment teenage boys as well as girls. Our parenting expert and author shares this story and solution in her excellent book, Teaching Kids to Be Good People. Listen as this student pours his heart out to Annie and how she responds.

Boys Get Eating Disorders Too!

What Would You Teach Here?

I know everyone thinks only girls get eating disorders, but I'm a guy and I think I have one and I need help. I eat half of a small energy bar before school, then I don't eat lunch. Then I eat the other half of the bar and some fruit. It's gotten to the point where I'm mad at myself if I even take a bite of food.

I get a lot of hate from people calling me fat and pointing out every flaw I know I already have. My mom says, "I don't think you eat enough." I pretend I don't hear.

People at school ask if I want some of their food and I say no thank you. I know they worry about me I don't feel welcome anywhere I go.

The Dean of Students saw me and asked if I wanted to talk, but I said everything was fine. I know teachers worry about me because they watch me just sit there during lunch and not eat. I don't know what to do. I feel really stuck. - 15-year-old (From pages 71-72)

Annie's Reply to This Teen's Eating Disorder

"I tell people I'm fine but I think I have an eating disorder."

Everything is obviously not "fine." Your mom is worried about you. People at school who offer you their food are worried about you. The Dean of Students is worried about you. And since you just wrote to me for help, I'd say it's safe to deduce that you are worried about you!

Anyone can develop an eating disorder, and it definitely sounds like you are severely restricting calories (possible to avoid being teased.) Now it sounds like you have gotten into a habit of not eating. I'm guessing that when you do eat you're not enjoying the food at all. (An energy bar is not a complete, ongoing source of the nutrients your body needs.)

I'm going to add myself to the list of people who care about you and are worried about you. You say, "I don't know what to do anymore." Here's what you need to do today: Talk to your mom. Tell her the truth.

Tell her what you told me...about not eating...about feeling depressed. Tell your mom that you don't want to feel this way anymore, and you want help. Tell her that you want to talk with the Dean of Students and /or a school counselor. (From page 213)

*******

Most of us don't think of boys as having eating disorders. How important that this boy trusted Annie enough to tell her about his problem. If he follows her good advice, he may find a good solution.

*******

Pick up Annie Fox's excellent book, Teaching Kids To Be Good People  and learn the many solutions she offers all of us.

Cover Annie Fox Book Teaching Kids
            Available at Amazon.com

Let's HONOR Annie for helping students and parents with her caring heart and outstanding advice.

Author Annie Fox
    Annie Fox, M.Ed.

*******

Please support today's author and share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the COMMENTS link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock
   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my FREE Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

 Click on the icons or Share This right next to the Green Triangle below to open up your social media sites and send. Thank you so much.

4 Body Image Tips: How Parents Can Help Young Teens

Girl Watching TV
A Parent's Criticism Has Power!

Many teens dislike their body image. Parents try to console them but it doesn't work. Today our expert parenting author, Madeline Levine, PhD, is sharing an excerpt from her book, Teach Your Children Well. She is sharing 4 concrete suggestions you can use with your adolescent.

Body dissatisfaction is the outcome of multiple factors:

. Cultural pressures

. Family dynamics

. Genetics

. Psychological vulnerablilities to depression and low self-esteem

None of these factors alone ensures that your young teen will develop an eating disorder.

But because body dissatisfaction is such a pervasive and potentially dangerous fact of life in middle school, here is a list of concrete suggestions that have been shown to protect young teens from falling victim to an unhealthy and unrealistic view of their bodies.

Body Dissatisfaction

1. Do not dwell on weight-yours, your child's or people you see on the street. Teach by your own actions that what you otice in others are things like kindness, character, enthusiasm, and attitude, not looks. Out in the world there are endless messages about how a particular appearance (and a particular product) guarantees happiness. Make your family life a sancturary from corporate brainwashing.

Weight Gain and Puberty

2. Normalize your child's weight gain in puberty. Acknowledge that your child is putting on weight as he or she enters puberty.

Weight gain is always part of early puberty. It does no good for you to say, "Oh homey, you look exactly the same to me."

That's just crazy-making. Better to acknowledge reality: "Yes your body is changing. You're moving into becaoming a man )or a woman). Your body needs those few extra pounds to make that transition.

Father's Role

3. Fathers play a particularly important role in limiting their young teen's body dissatisfaction. Girls in particular benefit from knowing that their fathers still find them attractive.

When your aduther is reaching for a piece of cake, this is not time for dad to say, "Summer's coming up soon, honey." This is an instance where dad's feedback can matter more than mom's.

Worthless Bromides

4. Listen. It is so easy to dismiss young teens concerns about their bodies with bromides about "growing up" and "it's just a stage." Perspective is always good, but don't' jump the gun. Remember, when you're in the middle of emotional turmoil, being told "it's just a state" is worse than useless. It makes kids feel trivialized and judged. (From pages 117-118)

******

I like Dr. Madeline's suggestions. The fathers' role popped out at me because of the young teens I've counseled over the years whose fathers' criticisized their bodies. Some  of the adolescents ended up with eating disorders. Sometimes the father's criticism seemed so minor but not to the teenager.

******

Pick up her book, Teach Your Children Well: Parenting for Authentic Success

Cover Teach Your Children Well
             Available at Amazon.com

Let's COMPLIMENT Dr. Madeline for giving so much good advice in her book. It's great to have an expert who can write on so many topics important to parents.

Dr. Madeline Levine

Dr. Madeline Levine

*******

Please support today's author and share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the COMMENTS link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

Couple Computer big stock
   Type Your Comment!

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:

  • 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
  • 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.

 Click on the icons or Share This right next to the Green Triangle below to open up your social media sites and send. Thank you so much.