Are your tattletales driving you batty? Do you want the tattling to stop? Check out the 5 discussions below. Then listen to the 37-second video for a simple solution.
Discussion about Tattling
Tattletale Trouble Maker
With your child, discuss the list below. Ask whether the tattler wants to get help for his sibling or get her in trouble. Then say, "Tell me more."
Mom, she ate all the ice cream.
Dad, he didn’t help me clean the garage.
Mom, her nose won’t stop bleeding.
Dad, he scratched your new car on purpose.
Mom, he poked his eye with a stick. Which tattle gave a motive for the other sibling’s behavior? Did you need more details about any of the tattles? What tattletale complaints frustrate you in your home? Discuss them too.
Lou Tice, speaker, motivator and founder of the Pacific Institute, taught the 3 parts in goal-setting. He said that good goal-setting starts with the thought, then the picture, and then the emotions that go with them. When we put them altogether, they become our self-talk. He said "Control your self-talk and you control your life."
Many years ago, I viewed a film in which he taught goal-setting. Immediately, I saw its value. I knew I could teach this technique to adults and children in my counseling practice. The following is an example:
Fearful Negative Self-Talk
The thought - “I can’t give my book report in front of the class.”
The picture – the class is making fun of me.
The emotion - fear
When we say, see, and sense it altogether and keep recycling it, it becomes our painful reality. As Lou Tice said, “We move toward our pictures (the pictures in our head).
We don’t have to think negatively. We can control our lives with positive self-talk. We can teach our children to set goals with positive self-talk too. But how? I'll show you soon.
Brave Positive Self-Talk
The thought - “I am giving my book report with confidence.” (Use “I am” as if it is happening now.)
The picture – The class is listening and smiling. (Look at what you would see, not yourself – see your class.)
The emotion - confidence.
Finally, put the positive thought, picture and emotion all together in one moment and do it each morning and night. This is the way to set goals, be successful and create a happier life.
We can control our destiny by controlling our self-talk. Let’s instruct our minds to create positive pictures with positive self-talk using this simple method.
This video shows you how:
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Disaster news is everywhere. TV, newspapers, social media and even billboard reminders are appearing in some places.
Children are home. Parents are home. Everyone is scared.
Today's 3 Practical Parenting Steps:
Review the 9 listening skills.
Learn the drawing technique by using it to calm yourself first.
Teach the drawing technique to your child.
9 Listening Skills Effective Parents Need
Review the following listening tips:
Listen with direct eye contact, a caring smile and both ears.
Ask questions to be sure you understand.
Be patient. Give enough time for your child to form thoughts.
Repeat your child's ideas in your own words. Follow up with, “Is that correct?”
Encourage continued sharing by saying, “Tell me more.”
Walk in your child's shoes. With empathy try to feel what he’s feeling.
Avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Listen to the end.
Share your thoughts after your child's finished..
Begin by reflecting feelings. “It sounds like you’re (upset or sad or confused, etc.).”
You Are the Best Counselor for Your Kids
Kids Trust Parents to Help Them
As a counselor for many years, I’ve used the drawing strategy below with children and adults. It works. Why? Because it's a unique way of understanding feelings, especially fears.
When you listen well, teach practical skills and show caring, your child trusts you and feels loved. Love and trust make you the most powerful counselor of all.
9 Ways Parents Can Calm Themselves and Their Children
Drawing Calms Your Kid's Anxiety
Ask your boy or girl to, “Draw a picture of the fear.”
Probe Gently: “What does your picture mean to you?”
Say, “Tell me more,” several times until you hear all the anxious thoughts.
Say, “Draw how you would like to feel.” Then say, “Tell me about your new picture.”
Suggest, “Let's brainstorm what you could do to make your picture come true.” Wait patiently for your child’s ideas first.
Say, “Write down 3 small ways you can make your positive picture come true.
Say, “Pick one little step to try now."
Instruct your child, "Visualize your new picture clearly. Feel it and give it a positive title. Then post it on the fridge." Give your child all the time he or she needs.
Praise your child for calming his fear.
Discuss the second and third small steps in the following days to reinforce over time what has been learned.
Drawing an optimistic picture gives your child power over the fear. By visualizing it, feeling it and giving it a positive title, your child changes his scary mindset. Posting it on the fridge becomes a strong reminder to "stay calm and carry on." Use this technique as often as your child needs.
Consider applying it for any painful emotion your child may experience. You could even use it as a home schooling strategy.
You might like this video because it also reinforces the steps:
How Parents Help Anxious Kids Feel Confident
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PARENTING HAPPY CHILDREN IS EASIER THAN YOU THINK. Today we've created a new 4-minute YouTube Video with 5 powerful ways to teach your child positive thinking. They include these simple fun activities. Share them with your children:
The Morning Forecast
The Gratitude Review
The Family Compliments
The Smile Experiment
The Bright Side Discussion
Why Is Raising a Positive Thinker Better than Raising a Negative Thinker?
Positive children attract friendships. Negative kids repel them.
Kids who are positive feel happier.
Children with happy mindsets tend to look for positive solutions.
Unhappy kids tend to pout and hold onto resentments.
Positive kids encourage others.
I bet you can think of even more reasons to raise children with cheerful attitudes.
Now is a great time to introduce these parent/child activities. If you do, your child might make new friends and enjoy this school year more than ever.
Watch this video. Copy the transcript below it. Start using these parenting strategies today.
CHILDREN WITH SOCIAL SKILLS AND CHARISMA AREN'T BORN THAT WAY. To be charismatic takes charm and you can teach it.
We're not talking about popularity, manipulation, or vanity. We're talking about the true inner charm that cares about others. It will help them grow socially too.
If you model charm to your children, they can learn it from you. There are 3 things all people want that come under the Umbrella of Attention. Give those to others and you'll have charisma.
Use Sincere Eyes, Smiles, and Words with:
Approval by looking for the good in your children and telling them what you see.
Appreciation for the good things they do. "Thank you for..." or "I like the fact that you..."
Affection using a touch, hug, pat on the back, kind word, kiss, or whatever is appropriate.
This is called the Triple A Formula. It is the best way to give what your child and others crave and that is, Attention.
Be a great listener. Hear what your children are saying. See how they're acting. Then try to understand how they're thinking and feeling.
Don't tell. Ask.
"How are you feeling?" Again be a great listener and repeat in your own words what they said. Here's why:
Charismatic listeners help others feel a real connection with them.
You want that with others and, especially, with your children.
Use these 3 tips, Approval, Appreciation, and Affection, as you ask your children the 6 parenting discussion topics in the following YouTube video. They will help your children develop the social skills they need to become the charismatic leaders of tomorrow.
KIDS NEED FRIENDS! Youngsters who boss, brag, gossip, or are shy prevent the friendships that could help them grow.
Parents can teach children how to make friends by using fun discussions. But teaching isn’t telling. Teaching is getting kids to think by asking thoughtful questions, listening well, and appreciating their good ideas.
This method helps your child know you care, opens them up to sharing their thoughts, and then listening to your good advice.
No criticism! It will shut your child down.
Today’s parenting video includes 6 meaty discussions to help kids see what goes into making friendships. Use one discussion idea a week. This will help them think more deeply about each topic.
Depending on your family schedule, you can have these chats at dinner, in the car, before bedtime, or whenever is good for everyone.
Think about the discussion idea ahead of time and develop your own friendly conversation questions.
Below the video you will see the script. Feel free to copy the discussion ideas and add them to a binder to use whenever you need them. Enjoy the family bond that comes from wholesome chats like these.
Praise or criticism, which motivates kids to do their best? Too much criticism often makes people bitter not better. Research advises us to give 3-6 compliments for every negative comment because kind remarks help lessen the sting from complaints.
If you must disapprove of your child’s behavior, there are 3 rules:
Do it privately.
Be brief, no lectures.
Suggest a positive behavior or solution.
Goal for Giving Praise
You don’t want your child to live for other people’s approval. A nickname for pure approval seekers is "Love Slob."No one wants to hear their child called a "Love Slob."
Your goal in using praise is to increase your child’s inner motivation which means they do their best because that’s their positive self-image. It’s who they know they are.
Use our gift today which includes the poem, “I Caught You Being Good Today,” by downloading, discussing, and getting your children to answer the 7 discussion questions.
If you do, you’ll find out:
How criticism feels to your children.
Whether they notice each others mistakes more than their good qualities.
What would motivate them the most, criticisms or compliments.
If they’d like to focus on the good in each other more often.
How they’d like to share with each member the good they see.
Many children use sassy behavior to get their way. If your child is rude to you and you want to stop it, watch our brief video, Sarcastic Behavior: 10 Positive Parenting Tips. Here’s one of the solutions:
Parenting Tip # 8
Tell your child exactly what to do to replace the sass.
“Repeat what you said but say it with respect.”
For instance, she could answer:
“I’m sorry for saying, ‘Do it yourself.’ I’ll set the table right now.”
“I'm sorry I rolled my eyes when you told me to do my homework. Next time I’ll ask, ‘May I do my homework after dinner?’”
“I shouldn’t have said, ‘Give me a break,’ when you asked me to carry in the groceries. I’ll get them now.”
Accept your youngster’s apology if you feel it is sincere. Otherwise, let her know that it still sounded rude and to try again.
If your child is younger, role-play the sass and then the better behavior. If she likes to draw, have her draw the sarcastic behavior and then the respectful conduct.
When she uses polite manners, be sure to compliment her. This may increase her politeness and decrease her disrespect.