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Parenting Your Child's Genius: 3 Top Ways to Promote Success

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How Parents Promote Their Child's Talent

If you're a parent, please recognize there's a genius in your child. Our parenting expert and author of the book, The Genius in Every Child, Rick Ackerly, will share how self-esteem is a function of enthusiastic struggle. In this struggle you'll find the 3 top ways to promote your child's success. I'll share my ideas too.

Our expert, Rick, tell us there is a part of the self that says, "Go for it!"

Kids like adults get engaged only to find life is like a bumper car. Some of our efforts succeed easily, some fail, and others are trials and errors we move past.

"Genius is still understood to be "an unusual gift or talent."

Many times our interests points to our talent. Find out what interests your child and you might discover his special talent. So what are the 3 ways to promote success and self-esteem?

1. Motivation that Encourages Self-Esteem

Rick Ackerly says motivation comes first. Our inner interest helps us to "Give it a try."

As the parent, you can encourage your child to try new activities. This exposure might lead to his talents because you provided the opportunities. When he tries, struggles, and senses the good feeling of motivation, his self-esteem gets a boost too.

2. Get Down to Work

Any genius can be naturally good at something but without the struggle of applying himself he won't go far. Discuss with your child the fact that to become good at anything takes practice.

Even if your child has a gift for music he must practice to be good at it. He might not like practicing. But his self-esteem may rise after he completes the practice, especially if he knows he improved.

3. Keep Focusing on the Strength

If you give positive, specific, and true (PST) praise when focusing on your child's strength, you will help your child unfold his inner genius.

For example, you might say to your child, "You practiced well and I followed the tune perfectly." Was this praise positive, specific, and (hopefully) true?

Parents who criticize, lecture, or yell may dampen the very genius they wish to promote.

To bring out the genius in your child remember these 3 keys: motivate, work, focus on strengths.

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These ideas flowed from reading pages 111- 112 in Rick Ackerly's book. I like Rick's definition of genius and how it relates to self-esteem. Do you agree that motivation, getting down to work, and focusing on your child's strengths can help bring out his genius?

Pick up Rick Ackerly's book, The Genius in Every Child: Encouraging Character, Curiosity, and Creativity in Children.
Cover The Genius in Every Child

Available at Amazon.com

Let's HONOR Rick Ackerly, a nationally recognized educator and speaker with 45 years of working with children and teachers in schools.

Blog Potential Rick Ackerly educator
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The Out-of-Control Teenager: Could a Boarding School Help?

 

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Is Your Angry Teen Out-of-Control?

If your teenager is seriously out-of-control, have you considered a boarding school? Our parenting expert and author of the book Wits End, Sue Scheff, not only writes about the trouble with her daughter but also shares high quality parenting resources. In today's post Sue is discussing the Therapeutic Boarding School.

 

Therapeutic Boarding School (T.B.S.)

This place is set up to provide an environment for positive emotional growth, with an emphasis on behavior modification.

Is There a Difference between a Therapeutic Boarding School and a Residential Treatment Center?

The goal is pursued by a carefully designed and regulated daily life for each student. The program's overall structure mixes the practice of life skills with academics and therapy. The therapeutic aspect of a T.B.S., however, is not as intense as that of a Residential Treatment Center.

How Much Therapy Will Your Child Receive?

At a Therapeutic Boarding School, a child may only expect to participate in one-on-one therapy sessions as infrequently as once a week, or even biweekly. Group therapy is usually held every day, but positive social skills can also come from the atmosphere itself.

There may be a licensed therapist on staff, but not necessarily on site. Young people can be transported to the therapist for examinations or scheduled sessions, as needed.

What's the Working Philosophy of Good Therapeutic Boarding Schools?

A T.B.S. uses what I call an all-encompassing approach. It is a comprehensive program that integrates all aspects of emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. Their working philosophy is that a well-structured, positive, respectful, and disciplined living experience that is conducted over months at a time will be absorbed by the child as a natural process.

Is There Discipline in a Therapeutic Boarding School?

Because we are all creatures with a survival instinct, every human being can be counted on to move toward experiences that are rewarding and move away from those that are not. The enforced discipline at a T.B.S. keeps the child in a position to directly control how satisfactory his experience is in that place. Approval, comfort, the respect of others, and the respect of oneself combine to forge powerful exchanges. (From pages 106-107)

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From Sue Scheff's description of the T.B.S. parents can be ready with questions when they're thinking of sending their teen to such a school. Questions like: 1. How often and what kind of therapy do you offer your students? What is your philosophy for helping students? How long does the average student stay? How do you discipline offending students? How much does it cost? These questions and more should help you decide your next step.

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Pick up Wit's End: Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen

Cover Wits End

Available at Amazon.com

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Let's give Sue Scheff a HAND for sharing the true story with her daughter and the nightmare of a facility she unwittingly sent her daughter to. Sue knows that parents with out-of-control teens would never knowingly send their child to such a place. That's why Sue has done the research and is the founder of Parents' Universal Resource Experts. She offers many different solutions and recommends the best facilities. 

Author Sue Scheff
      Sue Scheff

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Homework and Friendships: How to Help Your Kids When Friends Get in the Way

 Girl Bigstock Homework.jpg 3046043

Do Friendships Distract Your Teen from Homework?

When friends are more important to your kids than schoolwork, how can you get them to do their homework? Neil McNerney, a school counselor, is here to help. Today he'll tell you 3 things not to say and why you should avoid the word, "but." He'll give you some solutions too.

Mr. McNerney is a father, a parenting expert, and author of the popular book, Homework: A Parents Guide. Let's listen as he shares an excerpt from his book.

Their Friendships Are More Important Than Their Schoolwork

It doesn't matter how many times we tell our kids that schoolwork should come first. They won't agree. For many kids, especially teenagers, friendships are much more important than schoolwork.

The Story of Andrea

"Andrea," 14, was in a constant struggle with her mother about the importance of friends vs. school. Andrea's grades would fluctuate with the ups and downs of her social life. The problem was that, whenever the friendships were going well--or really bad-- her grades would drop.

When she was feeling really good about her friendships, she would spend too much time with them, whether personally or online. Whenever things were going bad, she would be "too depressed to do homework." The only time when friendships weren't getting in the way was when things were "just OK" with her friends. Andrea could then focus on schoolwork.

A School Counselors Perspective

As a counselor, I see this issue quite a bit. The focus on friendships can be very important for many students. It's also necessary, in some respects. We are social beings. We are drawn to make connections with others and emotionally bond with them.

What Should We Do?

1. Don't say, "Schoolwork is more important than friendships." It won't work. Your kid won't believe you, and just saying these types of statements only creates more of a rift between you and your child. Ditto for these similar parent comments:

  • "Your friendship won't help you get into college. Studying will."
  • "I understand she hurt your feelings. But you'll feel better in a few days."
  • "Why don't you take your mind off it by studying?

2. Try being supportive and interested, without adding the "but" at the end of the sentence. For example: "I'm sorry it's going so bad with Julie. You must feel really bad."

Stop there. Do not add anything else. You will be tempted to say something like "But you know that your test is tomorrow." Any influence you gained by being empathic will be lost if you quickly add the "but."

3. Delay the advice until long after the empathy. After you have let her know you understand how bad she feels, wait a while until you remind her of homework. By waiting, you will have a much better chance of being influential. (From pages 98-99)

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I like Neil McNerney's advice to go to your child's feelings first. If you don't show empathy for her feelings, she won't listen to you. She will be even more upset because you "never" understand. I also appreciate knowing the word "BUT" is a troublemaker. To your child it leaves a bad taste like a slug sandwich.

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Pick up Homework: A Parents Guide to Helping Out without Freaking Out

Cover Homework

Available at Amazon.com

Let's HONOR Neil McNerney for sharing his expert advice about kids and homework. As a school counselor he's helped numerous parents help their kids achieve in school.

Neil McNerney
Neil McNerney, M.Ed., LPC

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Your Child's Conscience: 7 Signs and Symptoms

 Boy thinking

How Strong Is Your Child's Conscience?

 Are you concerned about your child's conscience? To learn the signs and symptoms of an underdeveloped conscience, our parenting expert and author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, Dr. Michele Borba, is here to help. Let's listen to an excerpt from her book.

Signs and Symptoms

Assuming that your child is developmentally capable of understanding right from wrong, the following are some signs of a weak or underdeveloped conscience:

1. Won't accept blame:

Has trouble admitting mistakes or saying he's sorry when wrong; refuses to make amends or see the need to do so when he causes physical or emotional injury; tries to attribute his error to others.

2. Has trouble deciphering right from wrong:

Has difficulty identifying wrong behavior or understanding why it was wrong; needs admonitions or reminders as to how to act right; doesn't know how to turn a wrong action into a right one.

3. Is dishonest:

Lies and is frequently untrustworthy despite his understanding of honest and his developmental maturity; can't be counted on to keep his word.

4. Fails to see consequences:

Fails to recognize consequences of improper behavior, makes unwise choices without thinking through the outcome.

5. Is frequently in trouble:

Knows how to act right but continues to behave inappropriately.

6. Lacks guilt:

Lacks a feeling of shame or guilt about wrongdoing.

7. Is easily swayed:

Knows the right way to act but is easily pressured by others not to act right. (From page 193)

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Dr. Michele gives us a thorough look at right and wrong in her chapter on Character. On page 191 she shares exactly how to get the best answers from kids to help them think right about wrong. On page 195 you'll love the solution a mother shares in turning her child from a low self-opinion to one of self-respect. In fact, her solution is so practical many parents could easily use it.

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Pick up Dr. Michele Borba's excellent book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries

Cover The Big Book of Parenting Solutions
Available at Amazon.com

Let's HONOR Dr. Michele for expertise in helping us with her 101 solutions to our parenting challenges and worries.

Dr. Michele Borba
Michele Borba, Ed.D.

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Your Colicky Baby: 10 Top Ways to Survive the Crying

 

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How to Survive the Crying of a Colicky Baby!

If you have a colicky baby, you may feel frantic with all the crying. Our parenting expert and author, Katherine Gordy Levine, in her book, Parents are People Too is sharing 10 ways to survive the crying. Let's hear her wise advice.

 

Dealing with a Crying Baby

1. Wear ear plugs.

2. Learn lots of self-soothing exercises. (Many are found in this book.)

3. Don't blame the baby; she can't help it.

4. Don't blame yourself; you are doing the best you can.

5. Don't blame anyone. Well, take a few pot shots at Mom and Pop Nature.

6. Sleep whenever you can. Sleep deprivation is a recognized form of torture. Priorities at this stage of the game should be feeding yourself, feeding your baby, changing her, and sleeping. Any damage done by not attending to other "duties" can be undone once you can get back on a schedule.

7. When your baby cannot be comforted, and you have done all the things parents do to comfort babies, put her in her crib, let her cry, and go as far away from the sound of her screams as you can after making sure she is safe. Take a shower; play music.

8. Arrange time away from the baby. Hire help if you can afford it. Ask for and use all available help to set this up.

Call your parents. Call your friends. Swap whatever you can swap in terms of chores; do their ironing. If they have a baby, take care of their baby one day and then have them take care of yours the next. (Every neighborhood should have a drop-in and drop-off center for parents of babies who are being pushed over the edge.

Twelve hours of sleep works wonders; twenty-four hours alone works minor miracles. (If no one else can help, go to the local child welfare agency. Even temporary foster care is better than abuse.)

9. If you are being pushed toward becoming abusive, double the efforts described above. If you are alone and friendless, go to a neighborhood church or synagogue. Ask their women's group to help.

10. Don't worry that your baby will hate you, blame you, or be damaged because you can't comfort her. She won't remember. All she really needs during these first six months of life is to be kept clean, warm, fed regularly, held when fed, carried, and played with occasionally. (Pages 97-98)

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Having had a colicky baby, I know the frustration mother's feel. I like the ear plugs, the self-soothing exercises, the showers, and the asking for help that Katherine offers.

I remember when my husband came home from graduate school, I couldn't even greet him. I just left the apartment and went for a long long walk. Only then could I come home with a sense of equilibrium.

Katherine actually gives much more hope and advice for parents of colicky babies in her book. To find out more:

Pick up, Parents Are People Too: An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents

Cover Parents Are People Too_

Available at Amazon.com

Let's give PRAISE to Katherine Gordy Levine, MSS for her understanding book with its many ways to help parents survive and feel emotionally fit.

Katherine Gordy Levine
Katherine Gordy Levine, MSS

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Parenting Anxious Kids: How Imagination Conquered This Boy's Fears

 

Boy Meditating bigstock-19537784
Child Using Imagination to Meditate

Are you the parent with an anxious child? If so, today's excerpt will show you how to use your child's imagination like a brain scan. Our parenting expert and author, Charlotte Reznick, PhD, wrote The Power of Your Child's Imagination. Dr. Charlotte is sharing Paulo's fear of the unknown.

 

Paulo's Fear: What Will Happen Tomorrow?

Eight-year-old Paulo was an intuitive and wild little guy-a mix of contradictions in a small, neat package. He was the sort of kid who would fearlessly fly through the air with the latest snowboarding technique yet tremble in the dark. His fear? The unknown. Paulo's sensitivity to change caused his stomach to crimp into wire-thin knots of pain.

Fear of the unknown can come in many guises: the dark, being alone, or change. Paulo was afraid of them all. Although the unknown can be a breeding ground for fears, it is also a fact of life.

We all have to face it, and so do our kids. But children, unlike adults, lack the experience of surviving new situations, and they often feel helpless to handle them. This kind of fear is a perfect opportunity to stretch and grow, as Paulo did.

Do a Different Kind of Brain Scan:

Like many children, Paulo was fascinated with the brain. So we decided to see what was happening inside his. No scary MRIs for us; this kind of imaging-through his imagination-was much more personal.

Paulo described and drew a "guy looking in to see how I feel." There was a lot going on. Buttons in various colors of red, blue, green, and yellow controlled different feelings.

One little "helper man" announced: "He's mad!"

In another part of his brain, a second helper noted whatever had been upsetting Paolo "...is back!" And still another reported some sort of explosion and circuit breaking in the lower part of his brain.

Ask for Help:

The following week I asked Paulo to focus on his Balloon Breath and turn inward. After a few quiet minutes, he received a clear message: "The way to work the controls is through meditation. It makes the little brain cells feel better, and they make me feel better."

That Paulo connected the Balloon Breath with meditation didn't surprise me; I knew his parents were regular meditators, and he had probably seen them do something like it.

His own wise counsel, however, was much more effective than any suggestion from them or me. In fact, he went on to receive further instruction on managing his worries: "In the middle of being upset, it's good to do the Balloon Breath and focus on the love in your Heart." (From pages 136-137)

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Dr. Charlotte shows children and parents how to use the treasure inside our skulls, our brains. If you want your child to use his imagination effectively, listen to Dr. Charlotte Reznick. Her book is filled with wonderful imaginative exercises to help you and your children best use our priceless treasure.

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Pick up The Power of Your Child's Imagination: How to Transform Stress and Anxiety into Joy and Success

Cover The Power of Your Child's Imagination

Available on Amazon.com

Let's give Dr. Charlotte Reznick our APPRECIATION for sharing so many creative ways to help our children use their brain's imagination. What wonderful ways to scan the brain and get the needed help within. Such awesome power! Now you can share it with your children.

Author  Dr. charlotte_reznick
Dr. Charlotte Reznick

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Character Building Problems and Facts: Help My Child Loves TV!

Cute boy with apple
Does Your Child Love TV?

If you're concerned about building character in your children, does television help? Physician, expert parenting author, and medical researcher, Dr. Parnell Donahue has answers. Listen as he shares an excerpt from his book, Messengers in Denim. He'll tell you the truth about Television.

 

The Truth about TV

A lot of today's parents were raised with television--cable television to boot. They think, "Well, look at me. I turned out all right. All this worry about TV viewing is just a bunch of hysteria from experts who don't have anything else to get worked up about."

Like other parents, they want what is best for their kids; they believe kids, even infants, can learn by watching TV. But research has documented that even "educational" shows and videos, while they may teach catchy rhymes or even the ABC's, have an overall negative effect on learning.

Let's Look at the Facts

In reviewing medical literature the past few months, I made a list of some of the possible harmful effects associated with watching too much television:

. Delayed vocabulary acquisition in children ages 8 through 16 months

. Shortened attention span

. Increased risk of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

. Sleep problems--trouble going to sleep, increased waking during the night and increased tiredness during the day, difficulty waking in the morning

. Increased consumption of caffeine

. Increased consumption of snack foods

. Increased fat in diet

. Decreased physical activity

. Obesity

. Increased risk of smoking

. Increased risk of using pot or other drugs

. Increased use of alcohol

. Younger age of initiating sexual activity

. Increased aggressive behavior

. Increased delinquency

Before we go any further, let me point out that it is often very difficult to assign causality just because two things occurred together. However, the above evidence is enough to make parents and doctors concerned that TV viewing contributes to many, if not all, of the above. And, what harm can come from not watching TV? (From pages 182 - 183.)

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Did you like Dr. Parnell's rational approach to the truth about television? First, he took time to read medical literature, and then he summarized with bullets what he found. He also mentioned the difference between two things occurring together and causality. Finally he asks, "What harm can come from not watching TV?

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American Academy of Pediatrics Recommends 

To find out the nine positive recommendations regarding children and television go to pages 184-185 in

Messengers in Denim: The Amazing Things Parents Can Learn from Teens

Cover Messengers in Denim
Available at Amazon.com

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Let's give Dr. Parnell Donahue our GRATITUDE for helping us with character building and television. His work may help many parents make wiser decisions about what their children watch.

Blog Optimistic Dr. Parnell Donahue
Doctor Donahue

Hopefully, we'll be more careful regarding the power of TV to influence the young minds of our children. And one more thing, do you think that bad actions are glorified on TV or that your young watcher is often persuaded to be on the side of the offender?

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Advice for Parents in Love: Never Compromise Your Values!

 Couple_c

Couples in Love Respect Each Other

If you're a parent in love and feel uncomfortable about your partner's values, keep reading. Our expert author of Love Like a Black Belt,  Dr. Jackie Black, is here to discuss 5 basic rules of conduct. Let's find out what they are and why you should not violate them.

 

1. Effort

2. Etiquette

3. Sincerity

4. Character

5. Self-Control

The fact is that everyone identifies with core values that give life direction, meaning and purpose. Without these core values, you're a rudderless boat with no way to steer through rough weather.

When two people enter a relationship, whether it's an intimate relationship, friendship or a business relationship, the word "compromise" often enters the discussion. Should you make compromises to foster a stronger relationship?

Be very careful about compromise. It is one thing to accommodate another person's schedule or lay aside personal preference when picking the color of a set of drapes. It's quite another when the relationship challenges your core values and beliefs.

Each of them is intimately linked to the value and ideal of respect.

1. Effort: This is quality of your expression of life.

Putting in a great effort certainly shows respect (caring) for yourself, but ultimately demonstrates respect and appreciation for the people who teach, mentor and coach you to the highest levels of performance.

2. Etiquette: This is how we demonstrate respect for one another.

Just think about the lack of etiquette and formal protocol in today's society and you'll understand what happens when we let this value slip. In a relationship, this is how you show tangibly that you respect your partner.

3. Sincerity: Deeper than honesty, though you can certainly apply that word as well.

Sincerity is being honest to you. This is the most authentic expression of self-respect and is essential if you are to have the capability of expressing respect to others.

4. Character: Character is who you are and how you project yourself to others.

Character shows respect for your community and the people you live and work with. If you are of good character, you are a leader by example. People of character are a valuable resource for others.

5. Self-Control: Most of all, self-control is a demonstration of respect for your place in nature.

Acting with reasonable restraint is an expression of caring for your environment and shows appreciation for the abundance you have access to. In a relationship, self-control is a vital expression of respect for one's partner when there is conflict, and there will be conflict.

Some of these values may resonate with you; you may have others. The important thing to recognize is: Under what circumstances, if any, would you be willing to compromise your core values? (From pages 11-12)

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Dr. Jackie Black has highlighted respect as the value flowing through all 5 core values. Without respect it's difficult to value oneself or one's partner. She grounds us in what's important for our relationships that thrive.

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Pick up Love Like a Black Belt: Cracking the Code to Being a Happy Couple

Cover Love Is Like a Black Belt
Available at Amazon.com

Let's THANK Dr. Jackie Black for helping us lay the groundwork of values for becoming parents in love. Her book is full of treasures for deepening love.

Author Dr. Jackie
Dr. Jackie Black

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