Character Building from KidsDiscuss.com: ADHD

Parents Want to Help Teens Deal with Grief

If your teenager is grieving with anger and guilt over the death of a loved one, keep reading. Our parenting experts authors Drs. Heidi and Gloria Horsley will discuss 2 of the big three emotions teenagers experience using words from the teens themselves.

Big Three Emotions

There are basically three emotions that may keep your grieving teenager in a state of suffering. The big three are: Anger, Guilt, and Shame.

Anger

Anger at losing a loved one is huge for a teenager. By dying, this person has really screwed up their life. Anger can stem from many places. Teens might be angry at the person for abandoning them, angry at God for allowing this to happen, angry at the world for not understanding how difficult it is for the teen. In addition, parents often become overly protective following a death.

Teenagers tell us that it is as if their parents have a magnifying glass on them at all times. Teens feel like their parents want them to account for every second in the day. Teens claim that parents are reluctant to turn the car keys over to the teenager, and they want almost constant check ins from the cell phone.

One teenager told us, "It's like I'm under house arrest. Why should I suffer" I didn't wreck the car. I have a valid driver's license. I took Drivers Ed."

Teenagers feel cheated and angry when they are treated differently than they were before the death. Their developmental task of becomeing more independent has been interrupted.

Guilt

Although your teenager may not really be able to translate feelings into words, the second cause for teenage suffering is guilt. Many teens have guilt and regret that they didn't spend more time with the deceased, or remorse that they didn't treat them better.

Here is one example of teen guilt from our Internet radio show, "Healing The Grieving Heart."

Darrel Scott, whose daughter Rachel was murdered in the Columbine High School massacre, discussed on our show the fact that Rachel's brother Craig was very withdrawn for about six months following Rachel's death.

Darrell said that he was sure there was something Craig, his son told him that he had had a fight with Rachel the morning of her death and they had left for school on bad terms. Craig felt that it should have been him. Darrell said that after the talk Craig started to show some marked improvement.

Craig's dad helped Craig to see that their argument was one of a normal response between siblings and that it did not change their love for one another. "It should have been me" or "I should have treated my sibling better" or "I should have prevented the death" are common responses that cause teenagers to suffer. Pages XIX-XX

To find about about the shame the surviving teenager feels, pick up Teen Grief Relief: Parenting with Understanding, Support and Guidance

It's available on Amazon.com

Let's give Heidi and Gloria Horsley and BIG THANK YOU for sharing their knowledge and experience about grieving teenagers.

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Sit back, relax, and share your opinions about this blog post. Please comment in the tiny comment link below. We want to hear from you.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Hyperactivity in Children Gets Attention!

If you have hyper active kids you'll want to read what our guest blogger has to say. It's from her article 10 Reasons Your Child is Always Hyper. Find out if your child is hyper so you can decide what to do about it.

Learn 10 Causes of Hyperactivity

Do you have hyperactive kids? Sometimes kids are just being kids and people are too quick to label them as hyper or having ADD or ADHD. There’s a lot more to the ADD and ADHD than being hyper. There are many reasons why kids can become hyper. Check out 10 reasons your child is always hyper.

1. Food dyes: There’s been a recent study in the UK where food dyes in drinks and snacks have been linked to a higher likelihood of hyperactivity. Specific dyes mentions were FD&C Blue 1 and 2, FD&C Green 3, Orange B, FD&C Red 3, FD&C Red 40, FD&C Yellow 5 and 6. Avoiding artificial colors in your child’s foods may decrease the occurrences of hyperactivity.

2. Preservatives: Food preservatives were looked at in combination with the artificial colors so studies say it’s hard to determine if preservatives alone cause hyperactivity in children, but recommendations have been made to reduce or try to eliminate preservatives from your child’s diet if they are always hyper.

3. Sugar: While studies cannot confirm a solid link between the consumption of sugar and hyperactivity the average teacher can. If kids are given sugary snacks in the morning to celebrate a birthday they are louder and less focused for the rest of the day. The body turns sugars into carbs which fuel the body and give us energy. Certain kids are more sensitive to the effects of sugar than others.

4. Overstimulation: In babies we know that overstimulation may cause them to cry inconsolably. In older children overstimulation comes out in tantrums, aggressive behavior toward others and hyperactivity. Hyperactive children tend to get into more fights with their peers and have trouble coping with situations on the playground.

5. Excessive television watching: It seems like television watching gets blamed for everything. Teens go on killing rampages because they watched too much violence on TV; we have a generation of overweight kids now because of too much television, etc. Now hyperactivity is also being linked. Watching TV is a sedentary activity and children that are prone to hyperactivity should have an active lifestyle in order to help get rid of their extra energy. Watching TV is not active and therefore should be limited to an hour a day according to experts for those children that are prone to hyperactivity.

6. High thyroid levels: The thyroid controls your metabolism by producing hormones. If you have hyperthyroidism that means your thyroid is producing too many of these hormones and your metabolism is going faster than it should. People with this condition often have trouble with being too thin. I’m sure many of us wish we had this problem, but it can be quite serious in children. One side effect of hyperthyroidism is hyperactivity.

7. Lead poisoning: The effects of lead on the brain have been studied for years. Lead poisoning is the leading environmental hazard threatening children today. Low levels of lead poisoning can cause hyperactivity, low IQ, learning disabilities and aggressive behavior.

8. Caffeine: Caffeine is a stimulant and can have the effect of making a child hyper or the opposite effect of making them sleepy. In kids with ADD caffeine has actually been shown to help calm the kids and make them more focused. However, if your child has not been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD the stimulants will likely result in a more energetic and squirmy child. It is important to note that caffeine does not affect some children at all.

9. Food allergies: Not all children respond to food allergies with hyperactivity, but some have been recorded. Food allergies that have been noted to cause hyperactivity are eggs, milk, wheat, soy and fish. To truly know, your child must be diagnosed by a professional, but hyperactivity may be a symptom of something as easy to solve as diet.

10. Stress: High stress situations for kids can cause them to freak out and want to move around. It’s a common response for kids. It’s kind of the fight or flight response to a stressful situation. They don’t know what to do to ease the stress and they just want to get away from it. They will get up and move around and fidget in their seats. These actions are indicative of a hyper child, but they are really triggered by stress. If you can determine what is stressing that student out and help them through it the hyper behavior should take care of itself without further treatment.

Let's give THANKS to Nanny Flower for researching and writing this helpful article. May it help you to understand if your child is hyper and what to do about it.

Please connect with Nanny Flower.

Parents, it's your turn to take the microphone:

What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping parents of hyperactive kids? Please answer in the comment link below.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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