Character Building from KidsDiscuss.com

Discipline Tips – Do Your Kids Tattle Like Victims?

How do you discipline when your kids tattle and act like victims? Do they cry, whine, and sob? Do their cries irritate you like fingernails scratching a blackboard? Would you like it to stop?

Imagine hearing your Cory fight with his older brother. When he sees you coming he starts to cry. As you come closer his cries turn into shrieks and sobs. Between the sobs he tattles on Joe. ‘Oh no,’ you think, ‘not again.’ You know Cory wants to get his older brother, 12 year-old Joe, in trouble.

But Cory is 11 years-old. It’s time to leave the tears behind and start using words.

You ask yourself, “What’s Cory getting by acting like a victim?” It’s true he wants to get Joe in trouble. But why does he whine and sob? This is what little kids do.

Could it be that Cory wants your sympathy, hugs, and soothing words? Does he want to prove he’s weak and can’t take care of himself? Does he want to avoid growing up so you’ll keep babying him? Does he want to avoid being responsible?

You don’t want Cory to see himself as a victim. You want him to stop crying and begin using words when he’s upset. You want him to enjoy becoming a responsible person. What can you do?

Discipline Tips for Kids Who Tattle Like Victims:

1. It’s time to teach Cory self-discipline. Go for a walk with Cory. Ask him if he’s tired of crying when he’s mad at Joe. Ask him if he’d like to handle conflicts better. Talk to him about the importance of using words without tears when he’s upset. Tell him how proud you’ll be when he talks out his problems without tears.
2. Role-play a frequent conflict with Joe. Have Cory pretend he’s Joe and you become Cory. Show Cory how you’d like him to act with Joe. Trade roles with Cory. Do this several times. Make it fun. Then discuss how you’d like him to talk instead of cry when he’s mad at Joe. Ask him if he’s willing to try.
3. Compliment when Cory uses words, acts like he’s growing up, and becoming more responsible when he’s upset with Joe. Do it often.

If you follow these suggestions Cory will cry less. His whining and tears won’t sound like fingernails on a blackboard. He’ll be more responsible too.

I invite you to pick up 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids when you sign up for our free newsletter at www.KidsDiscuss.com  Your Corys and Joes will love spending fun time with you.

 

 

Discipline Tips When Your Kids Tattle for Revenge

How do you discipline your child when she tattles out of revenge? If her tattling smells like jealousy, you know something ugly is cooking. Perhaps a boiling anger is bubbling within her.

Let's pretend your Jackie thinks little Bobby is your favorite. She whines, "You love Bobby more than me!"

Jackie won't play with Bobby. She won't talk to him either. She tattles whenever he plays with her things. You yell, "Let Bobby have it!" Jackie stomps off screaming, "You let him get away with everything." You've heard this more than once.

Why Jackie Tattles and What Jackie Wants:

To find out, ask yourself these 3 questions -

1. Is Jackie tattling out of revenge?
2. Does she want to get Bobby in trouble because she's jealous?
3. Do I show more love to Bobby than to Jackie?

The answers to these questions will help you understand Jackie's motives. Once you know, ask yourself, "How would I feel if I were Jackie?" Walk around in her skin for a while.

How Can Jackie Get What She Wants without Tattling?

Get down to Jackie's bottom line. Of course, she's jealous. Of course, she wants revenge. But what is it that Jackie really wants?

Jackie wants to feel like she fits inside your heart just as much or more than her little brother.

Discipline for Tattle Tales Who Want Revenge:

Don't give in to Jackie's tattles. Don't prove you love Bobby more either. Think before you handle Jackie's tattles. Realize that you're jumping in and scolding reinforces Jackie's tattling. Why? It proves to her that she's right. It proves you love Bobby more. It justifies her meanness to Bobby.

1. Be fair to Bobby and Jackie in what you say and do.
2. At pleasant times, go for a walk with Jackie. Ask her, "What do you really want by tattling on Bobby?" If she says, "I don't know." Ask her to guess. Get her to admit her jealously. Then discuss it.
3. Find ways to show Jackie you love her. Spend one-on-one time with her. Have fun. Let her know how special she is by often catching her being good. Don't be surprised if she treats Bobby better too.

If you follow these suggestions, you'll be giving Jackie what she really wants– your love.

Our next blog will deal with tattling kids who want to prove they're weak. To make sure you get it, sign up at Parenting Skills Blog and receive it by email.

I invite you to pick up 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids when you sign up for our free newsletter at www.KidsDiscuss.com Your Jackies and Bobbys will love spending fun time with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Discipline Tips When Your Tattle Tale Kid Wants Attention

How do you discipline your child when she tattles for attention? Do your shoulders sag? Is she driving you crazy? Perhaps it's time to slow down and ask yourself, "Why is she tattling so much? "What's she getting out of tattling that's positive?"

Why Lori Tattles and What She Wants:

In our last blog, you found out that your Lori tattled on her brother, Ralph, to get your attention. She wanted to prove to her brother and herself that you'd take her side. She wanted to prove you loved her best.

How can Lori Get What She Wants without Tattling?

You know giving Lori more attention than her brother isn't good. You know that loving Lori more than her brother isn't good either. Here are 4 questions that will lessen Lori's tattling and give her attention.

• "Why are you coming to me?"
• "Do you want to get Ralph in trouble?"
• "How will that help you?"
• "What are better ways to solve your problem with Ralph?

After Lori answers the above questions, give her the task below.

Discipline for Tattle Tales Who Want Attention:

Tell Lori to write out her solutions for solving her problems with Ralph. Tell her to bring those written solutions to you. If she's too young for writing, tell her to draw her solutions.

If the solutions are acceptable, ask Ralph to come. Tell Lori and Ralph to act out each solution. In this way, Lori will be solving her problems and getting your attention too.

At other times, catch each child being good when they play nicely together. Use compliments. They'll both feel loved by you.

In our next blog, we'll look at suggestions and solutions when your David tattles for power. In the meantime, share your solutions for stopping Lori from tattling in the comments section below.

Our future blogs will deal with tattling for power, revenge, and weakness. To make sure you get them, sign up at Parenting Skills Blog and receive them in your email.

I'm also inviting you to pick up 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids when you sign up for our free newsletter at www.KidsDiscuss.com