Character Building from KidsDiscuss.com

3 Parenting Skills for Self-Esteem, Self-Discipline, and Social Competence

Jenice Clarke, a colleague, offers 3 parenting skills for building character in your kids. Read on.

3 Parenting Skills for Self-Esteem, Self-Discipline, and Social Competence:

1. Clear instructions
2. Praise
3. Modeling

These 3 parenting skills help communicate respect, build a sense of self, encourage our children to accept responsibility for their actions and build self-discipline. They also build social competence in my kids.

I am confident that research  substantiates my claim that children are better able to develop a healthy sense of self and respect, when they are raised with positive discipline.

Jenice says "My blog post on December 15, 2010, '3 Benefits of Using Positive Discipline shows how to enhance a child’s self-worth.  I recommend it for parents who are searching for a simple guaranteed method that gives positive results within 30 days of use."

Jenice Clarke
Raising Children with Positive Discipline
http://www.jeniceclarkepositivediscipline.blogspot.com/

What do you think?

Please comment in the comment link below. Don't forget to add your email so I can separately send you 10 Beautifully Crafted Love Notes for Your Kids in a separate email.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Expert Parenting Advice about Kids and Child Discipline

This parenting tip is from my friend, Beau. Beau is one of the kindest and most personable men I know. He and his wife, Rosalie, raised two fine sons. They have two granddaughters to dote on too.

Beau's Parenting Advice about Kids and  Child Discipline:

Create a United Front:

"If you disagree about how your partner is handling a discipline problem, talk with your partner later. Why? You need to have a united front so your child won't manipulate you."

Beau's parenting tip reminds me of numerous parents I've counseled. They'd be at odds with each other's stand on a parenting issue. Often one parent was too firm and the other was too easy. They'd argue in front of their children. There kids were all ears and soon realized who to manipulate.

What Do You Think?

I agree with Beau. Do you agree too? Why?

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Parenting Tip: Tell Your Kids You Love Them

Kids Love to be Loved

My friend, Mercy babysat my boys. Her firm discipline, loving manner, and sense of humor endear them to her to this day. Now Mercy and I get together twice a month and have fun with our grandsons. Like my boys, I love being with Mercy.

This Is Mercy's Tip

"Tell them you love them. When my boys were growing up, I didn't wait until they did something good to tell them I loved them. They heard  it often. Now they keep in touch every day. They love to tease me too.

By letting them know how much I loved them when they were growing up, I feel loved right back by them today."

Family life has always been a top priority with Mercy. Whether it was attending baseball games, parent-teacher conferences, or school events, Mercy was always there. Family dinners were a must with Mercy. You can be sure there was a lot of laughter around the table as each member tuned into each other's activities.

Mercy gave and still gives her boys what every child wants - attention, appreciation, and affection. No wonder they love being around her today. I have to say that Mercy and her husband, Chuck, have created one of the closest knit families I've ever seen.

What Do You Think?

Can you tell your kids, "I love you," too often? Should they just know you love them without telling them?  Please share your comments in the comment link below.

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Parenting Advice from a Dad~ Discipline with Firmness

Parenting Skills Blog for Character, Parenting, and Family Solutions from Jean Tracy, MSS

This parenting tip comes from my oldest son, Scott. He and Andrea have 2 daughters, Paula and Daniela. The girls are unique, fun, and hard working. They are going to spend the weekend. I can hardly wait.

Parenting Tip from Scott~Be Firm:

When it is time for your child to come out of Time Out, ask her why she was sent there. If she says, "I don't know," tell your child to go back until she does know. (This is providing you made it clear why she was sent there in the first place.) It may take three or four times before she admits her misbehavior and answers you. In the end your child will learn self control and to take responsibility for her own behavior."

Guess what? Scott was sent to Time Out many times as a child. It gave him time to think about his misbehavior. It helped him take responsibility for his misbehavior. It taught the self-discipline to delay immediate pleasure and strive for long term goals. I have to admit, though, he didn't like Time Out at the time.

It pleases me that Scott and Andrea use Time Out with their girls. They never hit their girls. Time Out is their way of being firm. I think their use of Time Out is what makes the girls so much fun to be with. I can take them anywhere and be proud of them. One more thing, I've noticed my my granddaughters talk a lot more than my boys ever did.

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What Do You Think?

There are parents who dislike Time Out. What do you think of Time Out? Why? Please comment in the comment box below.

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Parenting Tips for Raising Kids~How to Discipline Children without Spanking

Parenting Skills Blog for Character, Parenting, and Family Solutions from Jean Tracy, MSS

Parents, Discover What This Father and Psychologist Learned from Raising 3 Kids.

This parenting tip comes from my friend, Nick Wiltz. Nick is a child psychologist. He's worked with the most difficult cases and helped many families. He's the father of 3 children too. This is Nick's tip:

Discipline Wisely. "When Disciplining, Don't Talk, Act!"

Nick's tip reminds me of several of my own counseling cases. Keep reading to see what I mean.

Imagine telling your child she has 5 minutes to brush her teeth and get to bed. 10 minutes later, you call out, "Are you in bed yet?"

Your child answers from the bathroom, "Almost!" 10 minutes after that, you call out again, "Are you in bed yet?" Again, your child answers, "Almost!"

10 minutes later you call out, "Are you in bed yet?" For the third time her answer is, "Almost!"

You feel so angry that you start yelling, "If you don't get in bed right now, I'll come in there and spank you." Within 5 seconds your child is in bed.

What Just Happened with Your Discipline Skills?

You didn't follow Nick's advice, "Don't talk, act!"

Instead you spoke 3 times. When you raised you voice after the 3rd time, your child jumped in bed. Why? Your child knew you wouldn't act until you nagged 3 times. Nick suggests you follow through immediately when you want your child to do something.

How Can Parents Follow Through the First Time?

Following through might be as simple as standing silently by the bathroom sink with a serious look on your face.  Most kids will finish quickly and get to bed.  If you act rather than talk, you won't end up threatening or spanking.

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What Do You Think? 

Do you agree that disciplining wisely is one of the most important parenting skills or do you think something else is more important in raising kids? Please comment on the comment link below.

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Discipline Tips When Your Kids Tattle for Power

How do you discipline your child when he tattles for power? Do you give in to his demands?

In a former blog you saw your David bossing his little sister, Stacy. Because he's older, taller, and stronger he feels entitled to tell her what to do. When Stacy rebels, David tattles.

"Stacy didn't clean her room."

"Stacy spilled her milk."

"Stacy won't help me pull weeds."

When you give in to David's controlling ways, and tell Stacy to do what David demands, do you ever feel guilty? Are you sick of David's bossiness? How will you handle David?

Why David Tattles and What David Wants:

So what else does David want beside power? Let's chunk it down.

David tattles because he wants to be more important than Stacy. He wants you to side with him. He wants you to love and respect him by letting him take the lead.

How Can David Get What He Wants without Tattling?

You know that letting David boss Stacy isn't good for David. It isn't fair to Stacy either. David becomes a dominating ruler and Stacy a loser. This is not what you want for their futures either.

Confide in David. Discuss the tattling problem privately with him. Let David know how you worry about him becoming a bossy overbearing person. Tell him you'll feel more proud of him when he drops the tattling. Ask him to help and encourage his little sister.

Then tell David to come up with 3 ways he can help and encourage Stacy without tattling.

Discipline for Tattle Tales Who Want Power:

If David says, "I don't know," tell him to stay in his room until he comes up with the 3 ways to help and encourage his little sister. He'll need to share those positive ways with you too.

Notice when David encourages Stacy. Be consistent and praise David when he encourages her. You might create a chart with stars for David that says, "My goal is to help and encourage Stacy."

If you do, you'll be giving David the love and respect he wants. You'll be teaching him to become a positive leader. You'll be helping Stacy too.

Our future blogs will deal with tattling for revenge, and weakness. To make sure you get them, sign up at Parenting Skills Blog and receive them in your email.

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Discipline Problems ~ Why Your Kid Tattles and Drives You Crazy

Do you have this discipline problem? Is your tattle tale kid driving you crazy? Do you know why your child tattles? In this blog we'll look at four reasons why most kids tattle. In future blogs we'll discuss how to discipline your tattle tale.

You tell your child, "Don't tattle. "Tell me only when there is danger." But your child doesn't understand the difference between tattling and danger. Maybe your child doesn't care. He has different motives for being a tattle tale. Do any of these motives fit your tattle tale?

Four Tattle Tale Motives and Discipline:

1. Attention ~ Perhaps your Lori wants your attention. She tattles to prove to herself and her brother, Ralph, that she's your favorite. If you punish her brother, she'll know you love her best. First ask yourself, 'Is Lori tattling to get my attention? If so, don't jump in asking her brother, "Did you do that?" What could you do instead?
2. Power ~ You recognize that your David loves power. He tattles to prove he's the boss of his little sister. If he can get you to make his sister do what he wants, he'll be even more powerful. Ask yourself, "Is David tattling to make his sister do what he wants? Does he want power over his little sister? If your answer is "Yes," what could you do about David's tattling?
3. Revenge ~ Jackie doesn't like her younger brother, Bobby. She thinks he's your favorite. She won't talk to him. She tattles whenever he plays with her things. When you yell, "Bobby, give it back!" Jackie smiles. Before jumping in, ask yourself, "Is Jackie acting out of revenge? Does she like getting Bobby in trouble? If so, what will you do?
4. Weakness ~ Keagen's older brother, Kyle, call's him a "crybaby." Keagen cries to get what he wants from Kyle. If Kyle says, "No," Keagen runs to you to tattle. Because Keagen's younger, you remind Kyle to treat Keagen nicely. Inside are you sick of Keagen's whining, tattling, and crying? If so, ask yourself 2 things. "Is Keagen getting what he wants by acting weak? Am I being unfair with Kyle?"

In our next blog, we'll look at suggestions and solutions when your Lori tattles for your attention. In the meantime, share your own solutions for stopping Lori from tattling. Our future blogs will deal with the other tattle tales.

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Discipline ~ Is Your Child Fighting Cell Phone Rules?

Parents, do kids with cell phones drive you crazy? How do other parents discipline when cell phone rules are broken? Finally, what would you do if these children were yours?

1. Morgan, age 13, texts her friends when you're talking with her, during dinner, and when you're having family time. She also sends texts after midnight. Her phone bills are outrageous. You're afraid to cut off her phone usage because she'll stomp and scream to get her way. What will you do?
2. Twelve year-old Caleb has an iphone. His teacher caught him texting his friend during a test and took his phone away. The school rules that cell phones are not allowed. Parents must pick up the phones or the phones stay in the principal's office. Caleb is pressuring you to get it back. He wants you to insist that he needs his iphone to be safe, especially when he walks home from school. Will you insist that Caleb keep his cell phone at home or be able to use it for safety wherever he needs it?
3. Ten year-old Caitlin wants an iphone like her older sister's. "It isn't fair," she cries, "Everybody has them. I need to text my friends." Will you give it to her?

   Many homes have cell phone problems. Maybe yours does too. Take some time to think through your solutions. Leave your ideas below.

   Look for our suggestions and solutions to these parenting problems in our next blog.

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Discipline is Crucial When Kids Hit: 3 Problems Parents Must Solve

How do you stop your children from hitting? Time Out can be helpful. But are you looking for more solutions? Let's discover why some kids fight. Then let's start thinking about what to do:

You may realize your kids fight to get power, to get you involved, or to get revenge. Pretend the children below are yours. What's it like when you deal with these parenting problems?

How will you discipline?

1. Riley's little brother, Vance, gets most of your attention. Vance is the lightning rod for Riley's anger. When you're not looking, Riley shoves him. Vance falls. His loud shrieks call out for you. This happens almost every day. What's your first reaction?
2. Koen's report card is never as good as his little sister's. She gets the glory. Koen gets the lecture. He punches her upper arm whenever she brags and tells her, "You think you're so smart." You've seen the bruises. How will you handle it?
3. Kyler watches his favorite animal program. Then Sean arrives. He switches the channel to cartoons. The boys often switch channels on each other. That's when the hitting starts. It doesn't stop until you sort things out. You boil inside when they hit each other. You want the fighting to stop. What will you do?

Many homes have fighting kids. Maybe yours does too. Take some time to think through your solutions. Leave your ideas below.

Look for our suggestions and solutions to these parenting problems in our next blog.

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Discipline Tips: How to Get Your Child to Do Chores

In our last Parenting Skills Blog we met Adriana who ignored setting the table. She watched cartoons instead. We saw Justin avoid cleaning his room and run out to play. We heard Alex whine and drag his feet about walking the dog. The dog messed on the floor.

You thought of ways to get these kids to do their chores. Today we'll give you some of our suggestions too.

Remember, as the parent you have discipline choices. Consider the ones below:

3 Discipline Suggestions for Chores:

1. The next time Adriana ignores you and continues watching cartoons, hold your temper. Walk over to her. Stand between her and the TV. Stare into her eyes until she looks in yours. In a firm voice say one word, "Table." Stay in front of the TV until she moves. Don't react to her grumbles.

   When things are going well, ask her, "What are your ideas about solving the table setting problem?"

2. Call Justin to come inside. Say nothing. Use body language. Point to Justin's room. Stand at the doorway and watch him get started. Don't give directions. When he's well underway say, "When you're done, ask me to check it."

   When things are going well ask Justin, "How did you decide to play without cleaning your room? Listen to his answer. Then ask, "What will you do next time?"

3. Alex dragged his feet, instead of taking the dog for his walk. Now the dog's accident is on the floor. Say, "Come here Alex." Just hand him the cleaning materials without any more words. Point to the mess. Don't react to his gripes. Make sure he cleans it well. If he whines and says he doesn't know what to do, say, "I'm sure you can figure out a way." Avoid detailed coaching.

    Next give Alex the leash. Say, "Take Rover for his walk."

You may have other ideas. Please comment below and let me know what you think.

Don't miss our next blog on brothers and sisters who punch each other.

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