Character Building from KidsDiscuss.com: Family Solutions

Would you like parenting tips for getting your kids to bed and teaching self-discipline too? Our counseling expert, Melissa Pazen, Parenting Coach at Inspired Coaching in the greater Chicago area, will show us how.

Melissa Pazen, MSW

"Self-discipline is among the trickiest for some of my clients. They frequently come to me with school age children who haven't developed any self-discipline.

I have found in working with soon-to-be and new parents that few of them know there are ways to help children develop their internal discipline!

Self-Discipline at Bedtime:

In 1984, my son Christopher at 17 months was old enough to climb out of his crib. AND, he'd had sleep patterns similar to adults from the time he was born. I remember Christmas night with this wee one toddling into the living room, where I was reading. He had the sweetest smile on his face! And it WAS Christmas and he simply was too excited (sugar high?) from his day to get to sleep.

I was in the living room reading a book. I'd already read a story to him as I finished his nighttime ritual. Hmmm... I wasn't sleepy either.

"Would you like to look at some of your books, instead of going to sleep right now?" "Yes!" he said as he nodded, wearing the little jammies that snap bottom and top together.

I took any book he could use by himself without destroying (the hard-board and cloth books) from his book case to his crib. I helped him back into the crib, already crowded with his stuffed friends. I turned on a soft light with a 40 watt bulb and he happily reviewed his books until he was drowsy.

Self-Discipline Results:

It wouldn't surprise me if my 29 year old son still reads himself to sleep. I know his 26 year old sister does. I do too.

AND, we all go to bed at a proper hour, get up on time and are relatively self-disciplined.

OK, I've given a lengthy example.

Dads and Moms,

What steps are you taking to help your children learn to discipline themselves?

Please comment in the comment link below.

Thanks, Melissa. Your example and story make it clear that self-discipline works at bedtime.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

Bonus Gift:

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids

Parents, are you afraid your kids lack self-discipline? How will your children cope if they lack accountability? Our parenting expert will share solutions and the Self-Discipline Formula.

Parenting Expert - Tara Kennedy-Kline

"My belief is self-discipline begins with accountability.

In Stop Raising Einstein, my Truth #2 is: "A child is responsible for how she or he reacts and the results that she or he creates."

Examples of Teaching Accountability:

Accountability one of my most passionate beliefs. We began teaching accountability (unbeknownst to us at the time) when our boys were toddlers.

We would ask them to pick up a toy and if they did not do it we would tell them "if you do not put your toy away, you will not be allowed to play with it for a while." If the second request was ignored, we would put it on top of the fridge.

If they asked for the toy while it was in time out, they were told, "you decided not to put it away when you were done with it, so now it is not an option for you for a while."

Teaching Accountability Early Taught My Boys 2 Things:

1. As parents we will follow through on our agreements and our word.

2. You can and do have choices...and you are responsible for the results of the choices you make.

These two lessons proved to be very helpful through the "blame game" years (4-9) where everything that went wrong was someone else's fault.

My husband and I were very quick to point out "You made the choice to ________...and that is what got you into this situation. I am happy to help you figure out what to do now, but blaming others is not an option."

In order to be able to hold our children accountable, we first must give them the guidelines for being accountable. For instance, we have a family policy, if you have something that needs to be signed, filled out or corrected...it must come to me before 9pm on the day before it's due. If you hand it to me in the morning before you run out the door...it will not be going with you. Period! If you get a bad grade or face discipline at the school...you caused that.

It may sound harsh, but I firmly believe that if I continued to do everything for them and not hold them accountable for anything, they would grow up with an unhealthy sense of entitlement and an irresponsibility that was completely unacceptable to me.

Now that my boys are 13 and 11, they have a very strong sense of "self" and great pride in their accomplishments. My oldest started middle school last year which means he must wake up nearly 2 hours earlier than he did in elementary school. ONE TIME he tried to blame me and dad for missing the bus...ONE TIME! Max has an alarm clock and fully functioning hearing...that was the last time he missed the bus.

And he was thrilled to be one of only a few students rewarded with a school trip to an amusement park as a result of his outstanding attendance record. Which HE earned!

Formula for Teaching Self-Discipline: Set the expectation then hold them accountable for their choices. Expectation + Accountability = Self Discipline.

Jean's Response:

Wow! Tara you are an awesome mother. Your advice is terrific!

Please connect with Tara at http://www.multilevelmom.com

Pick up her book, Stop Raising Einstein! on Amazon at:

http://goo.gl/STXXp

Now it's your turn. How do you teach self-discipline skills to your child? Please comment in the comment link below.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

Bonus Gift:

Sign up for this Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids