Character Building from KidsDiscuss.com

Your Child's Conscience: 7 Signs and Symptoms

 

How Strong Is Your Child's Conscience?

 Are you concerned about your child's conscience? To learn the signs and symptoms of an underdeveloped conscience, our parenting expert and author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, Dr. Michele Borba, is here to help. Let's listen to an excerpt from her book.

Signs and Symptoms

Assuming that your child is developmentally capable of understanding right from wrong, the following are some signs of a weak or underdeveloped conscience:

1. Won't accept blame:

Has trouble admitting mistakes or saying he's sorry when wrong; refuses to make amends or see the need to do so when he causes physical or emotional injury; tries to attribute his error to others.

2. Has trouble deciphering right from wrong:

Has difficulty identifying wrong behavior or understanding why it was wrong; needs admonitions or reminders as to how to act right; doesn't know how to turn a wrong action into a right one.

3. Is dishonest:

Lies and is frequently untrustworthy despite his understanding of honest and his developmental maturity; can't be counted on to keep his word.

4. Fails to see consequences:

Fails to recognize consequences of improper behavior, makes unwise choices without thinking through the outcome.

5. Is frequently in trouble:

Knows how to act right but continues to behave inappropriately.

6. Lacks guilt:

Lacks a feeling of shame or guilt about wrongdoing.

7. Is easily swayed:

Knows the right way to act but is easily pressured by others not to act right. (From page 193)

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Dr. Michele gives us a thorough look at right and wrong in her chapter on Character. On page 191 she shares exactly how to get the best answers from kids to help them think right about wrong. On page 195 you'll love the solution a mother shares in turning her child from a low self-opinion to one of self-respect. In fact, her solution is so practical many parents could easily use it.

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Pick up Dr. Michele Borba's excellent book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries

Available at Amazon.com

Let's HONOR Dr. Michele for expertise in helping us with her 101 solutions to our parenting challenges and worries.

Michele Borba, Ed.D.

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Teen Suicide Risk: How Parents Can Assess Their Grieving Children

 

Assessing Grief

If your child or teenager is overcome by grief, how serious is it? Our parenting experts and authors, Drs. Heidi and Gloria Horsley, have important ways to assess the signs. Here is an excerpt from their excellent book, Teen Grief Relief.

Let's look at a few questions that could help you sort out a person's real risk for ending his or her life.

Assess their risk levels - and yours  -  by honestly answering the following questions:

1. Have I thought about or mentioned suicide?

(There are references to teens' stories from previous pages.)

Admad's response of wishing he'd been with his father doesn't necessarily put him at high risk for suicide. It's not unusual for people who have suffered losses to say that they wish it had been them or that they don't want to live.

However, wishing you had gone with your loved one and having thoughts of killing yourself, like Jay, are very different thoughts.

2. Do I have a plan?

Jay has a loose plan. He could drive his car off a cliff or into a tree. If your answer is "yes," you need to tall someone now.

Tell a parent, a teacher, a therapist, a minister or a friend, or pick up the phone and ask information to give you the suicide-prevention hot line. You may even be put through to one especially for teens.

3. Do I have what I need to carry out the plan?

Jay has access to a car, so he does have the means to carry out the plan. If you do, get rid of it.

Flush the pills, toss the rope, turn in the gun, give up the car keys. Don't do anything spontaneously right now. Call someone whom you know can help you, or call the suicide hot line.

WARNING SIGNS

Feeling

. Hopeless

. Helpless

. Worthless

Thinking or Saying Things Like

. I wish I was never born.

. I wish I was dead.

. Nobody cares if I'm alive or dead.

. Everyone (or certain people) will be better off if I'm dead.

. If I kill myself, nobody will have to worry about me anymore.

Doing Things Like

. Skipping school and getting poor grades.

. Giving away your clothes, jewelry, sports equipment, books, CDs and other personal things.

. Eating and /or sleeping a lot more or a lot less than you used to eat or sleep.

. No longer caring about personal hygiene.

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To find out more risky behaviors and how to create a safety net go to page 40 of Teen Grief Relief: Parenting with Understanding, Support and Guidance.

             Available at Amazon.com

This is such a serious subject and parents need to know how to assess their teens' suicide risk. Let's give Drs. Heidi and Gloria Horsley our DEEPEST THANKS for their help.

 

Drs. Heidi and Gloria Horsley

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 Please support today's authors and share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the tiny comment link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Parenting: The Back Talk Problem - 5 Signs, Symptoms, and Solutions

 

Is Back Talk Ruining Your Family Tone!

Is back talk a problem in your family?  Dr. Michele Borba, our parenting expert and author, is sharing an excerpt from her superb book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. In this post you'll learn 5 signs and symptoms of back talk, some solutions, and why it's so important to stop it NOW!

THE PROBLEM

Red Flags

The Change to Parent For:

Your child curbs her back talk and flippant manners and learns to voice her concerns and needs in a respectful and appropriate manner.

Question: "Our sweet daughter has suddenly become smart-mouthed. If somebody heard her speak to me with her sassy tone I'd die. What's the best way to stop back talk?"

Answer:

The best quick fix to ending back talk is simply not to allow it the very next time your child uses it. Calmly say, "Please use a polite tone. And then do not respond to what the child says until she can talk to you in a respectful tone.

You may need to leave the room, but don't back down or compromise-not just the first time, but each and every time your child uses a flippant, disrespectful tone. Your reaction must be consistent and persistent. I don't care if your child wants to tell you something important or desperately needs your help; you must make her realize that back talk is intolerable and will no longer be indulged. This approach goes for little kids and big kids, too.

Why Change?

Consider these scenarios, you politely say to your son, "Robby, remember I want you home by four," and your sweet little darling in a flippant tone retorts, "Get real." Or you calmly ask your daughter, "Can you please make your bed?" and your prized offspring retorts, "Make it yourself!" Do these responses sound at all familiar?

Back talk and sass are on the rise, and these behaviors seem to bother every adult-and rightly so. The behavior usually starts at about four years of age, but if you allow back talk to continue, negative results can spread like wildfire. Believe me: no teacher, coach, scout leader, or other child's parent appreciates a disrespectful kid.

Luckily, disrespectful behaviors such as whining, back talk, and sassiness are some of the easiest inappropriate behaviors to get rid of. In a survey quoted in Child magazine, only 12 percent of the two thousand adults polled felt that kids commonly treat others with respect; most described them as "rude," "irresponsible," and "lacking in discipline." That's all the more reason we need to nip this behavior in the bud ASAP.

Signs and Symptoms

"Back talk" is any comment delivered in a flippant, sassy, smart-alecky, and disrespectful tone. Although it is normal for any child to use back talk a few times, here are five signs that it is time for a more intense parenting plan to change this unbecoming behavior:

1. Your child does not stop using the behavior at your simple request.

2. The back talk is increasing in frequency and intensity.

3. The back talk is ruining your family tone or your relationship with your child.

4. Children or adults are complaining or are concerned about your child's rude behavior.

5. Your child is using the behavior with other adults and children outside your home. (Pages 54-55)

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To learn more of Dr. Borba's excellent solutions you'll find them on pages 55 - 59 in her simple and brilliant book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries.

 

Available on Amazon.com

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Let's give THANKS to Dr. Borba for outstanding work in bringing us the best parenting signs, symptoms and solutions for stopping the back talk problem.

Dr. Michelle Borba

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Please share your opinions about this blog post. Just click on the tiny comment link below. It will open up for you. We want to hear from you.

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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You might also like my family discussion e-book with puzzles, cartoon characters, and fun questions that teach your children your values. Character Building on Back Talk Street

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Parenting Strategies: Helping Your Child Tame The Test Anxiety Monster

 

Now You Can Help Your Child Tame Test Anxiety!

If your child experiences anxiety when taking tests, you can help change that fear. Our parenting expert and author, Katherine Gordy Levine, has just published her kindle book entitled, Tame the Text Anxiety Monster. From her many years as a foster mother for over 400 children and as a therapist, she is sharing in step-by-step detail exactly what you can do. Here are some of tips you'll find:

 

10 Anxiety Descriptions and 7 Troubling Signs

Katherine gives us 10 easy to understand descriptions of anxiety and 7 signs when it is troublesome. She takes us from night terrors to anxiety during school tests. She calls the latter the Test Anxiety Monster.

2 Jars that Matter Most

I loved her kindness jar and her forgiveness jar for helping families focus on what matters most. Her eight statements parents can say to their kids when they do poorly on tests make so much sense.

The Anxiety Thermometer

Developing a personal feeling thermometer is just one of Katherine’s great techniques. Her downward scale is easy to use starting with a cute sunshine face to a very sad face. Kids will understand the pictures and the words from 10 to down to 1. She also developed an anxiety thermometer that’s so clear any parent can draw it and any child will understand it.

8 Anxiety Discussion Topics

To help your child, Katherine provides 8 anxiety signs that you can discuss with your child. She tells you to post them on the fridge and ask your child for their feeling temperature 3 times a day.

4 Self-Soothing Strategies for Overcoming Anxiety

Next Katherine gives you 4 self-soothing strategies to teach your anxious child. She also gives great advice on how to rehearse successful test taking. She even gives you a game plan to use with your child.

For parents of children who may have learning disabilities, Katherine gives 10 special parenting tips. Follow them because they are priceless.

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If you’re wondering whether to pick up this excellent kindle book, wonder no more. It will help you and your child. When kids aren’t anxious about school and tests, they are happier, confident, and more successful. With Katherine’s help, you can give this gift to your child.

Pick up Katherine's book, Tame the Test Anxiety Monster:

 

Available at Amazon.com

Let's give Katherine our special thanks for authoring this timely book. She is a truly gifted author and therapist.

Katherine Gordy Levine, MSS

   

Thank you, Katherine

        

 

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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10 Signs: Does Your Child Have a Learning Disorder?

 
 Could Your Child Having a Learning Disorder?

Parents, if your child has a learning disorder, you need to recognize the signs. Expert blogger, Carol Watson, is sharing 10 Early Signs Your Child May Have a Learning Disorder. Does your child display these signs?

"In most cases learning disabilities won’t be identified in children until after they’ve been attending school for several years. Even then, the indications aren’t always obvious and consequently don’t present themselves clearly apart from formal training. Nevertheless there are some signs that parents can look for if they suspect that their child does indeed suffer from a learning disorder. Here is a list of ten such signs:

1. Family History – For starters, a parent can identify risk based on heredity. Has there been a history of learning disabilities or congenital diseases which can lead or contribute to a learning disability?
2. Substance Abuse by Parents – If either of the parents has had in the past or currently has a substance abuse problem, there is a higher risk of a learning disability in the child, particularly if the mother’s abuse continued through her pregnancy.
3. Motor Skills – If a child shows slow development of gross motor skills (such as walking or standing), or small motor skills (like toes or fingers), this can be a precursor to a learning disability. Watch for these indicators during the first 6 months, particularly in combination with other developmental delays such as …
4. Cognitive Skills – A child’s ability to recognize faces and retain information, such as repeating a phrase that he or she may have learned once already. An inability to learn skills typical for the child’s age may suggest an LD.
5. Speech/Language – A child may display some difficulty expressing herself, or have a hard time understanding or recognizing letters or numbers. A doctor exam can isolate many of these cognitive difficulties and eliminate other possibilities such as hearing or vision problems.
6. Poor Concentration – Although it is a separate issue entirely, ADD often is accompanied by a learning disorder and must be diagnosed separately. Yet a child who is dealing with a learning disability will frequently become distracted out of frustration.
7. Delayed Speech – On the one hand, the child may begin speaking at a later age than should be expected; then there is delayed or faltering speech, in which the child struggles with correct pronunciation and the ability to express a thought clearly.
8. Poor Retention – The child, for instance, may be able to follow along with a bedtime fairy tale reading quite well, but then not be able to discuss it in much depth afterward. Inability to recall information that was recently taught or shared is another potential warning sign.
9. Difficulty Following Direction – A child with an LD might not be able to take simple instructions to complete a task. Bear in mind that most children with an LD have average or above average IQ’s, but simply lack the ability to readily apply it for some reason.
10. Reading Comprehension– It is often difficult for a child with a learning disability to discern words, characters or be able to read effectively. Depending on the age of the child and the amount of schooling he’s received, reading ability can be a determining sign of an LD.

It’s important to point out that no one indicator is definitive proof that a child is suffering from a learning disorder. There are any number of other possibilities to consider as well. Only through careful observation and professional examination can a child be accurately diagnosed with a learning disability."

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We appreciate Carol Watson for bringing us this post. Connect with her at: National Nannies.

What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for understanding  whether children have learning disorders? Please answer in the comment link below. We want to hear from you.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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Character Problems: 10 Signs Your Kids Are Poor Sports

 Help Your Poor Sport Become a  Good Sport!

If your child is a poor loser, this could be a signal that he's developing a character problem you'll need to turn around.  You'll know for sure when you read what Abby Nelson, our expert blogger, says in the post, 10 Ways to Tell Your Child Is a Poor Loser. Let's find out what she lists.

10 Signs Your Child Is a Poor Sport

Part of growing up is learning how to deal with adversity. It happens and, like it or not, we can’t always give out trophies to each of life’s participants. How a child handles losing is related to how they view competition, themselves and their peers. When too much emphasis is placed on winning, and self-esteem is too closely linked to whether they win or lose, a child can have difficulty accepting defeat.

The following are ten ways to tell if your child is a poor loser:

1. Sulking: She will sulk or storm off if things don’t go her way. Losing is not something that she handles in stride. She may stay upset or sulky the rest of the day, or even longer. Giving into this behavior is the first step to a spoiled child.
 

2. No winners: As a form of the old taking-my-marbles-and going-home pattern, he will leave when losing, taking the ball (or other key game object) with him. The message here is “If I can’t win, then no one else can either”.

3. Fits: Your child cries or throws tantrums when faced with losing. Up to a certain age, it’s understandable for a toddler to express disappointment in such ways; but if it goes on too long, Houston, we’ve got a problem.

4. Avoid: The child has a general tendency to avoid admitting mistakes. It may be that she’s gotten the message that being wrong, or failing, means being a failure. It is important for children to learn how to learn from their mistakes, not deny that they make any.

5. Cheat: A child for whom losing is not a viable option may be willing to cheat in order to avoid it. Going out of turn, changing the rules mid-game, etc. If the child continues to play unfairly, they will soon be playing alone.

6. Excuses: Excuse making is another trait common among children who can’t accept failure. Claims of unfairness or favoritism are often part of the mix. Children should be taught not to blame others for failure.

7. Gloating: Gloating or ridiculing others when she wins is often the flip side of poor losing skills. Winning with aplomb is as important as losing gracefully. Remind the child to treat others as they would want to be treated.

8. Shame: Another manifestation of poor losing is shame. When a child believes that their worth as a person is determined by whether they win or lose, then losing means having less worth. Assure your children that losing doesn’t change how you, or others, feel about them.

9. Anger: Aggressive behavior, even outright violence, is exhibited by children who can’t deal with losing. A win-at-all-costs mentality drives the child to extreme behavior. Make sure the child knows that this is unacceptable and teach them more constructive ways of dealing with failure.

10. Change: A child might repetitively switch activities, ostensibly in search of some recreational pursuit in which they can claim victory every time; or conversely, they may shy from all competitive pursuits, to avoid the trauma of losing altogether.

No matter what tactic the child chooses, they need to be taught how to deal with failure just as much as they are taught how to deal with success. No one is perfect, and we all fail at times. Learning from your mistakes is one of the cornerstones of maturity. Help children realize that failure is just another learning experience.

Let's THANK Abby Nelson for bringing this information to us. If kids grow up being poor losers, they may develop a character problem that's difficult to turn around. That's why parents must work with children to make positive changes.

Connect with Abby Nelson 

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Parents, it's your turn to take the microphone:

What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping parents deal with kids who are poor losers? Please answer in the comment link below.

With warm wishes,

Jean Tracy, MSS

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