7 Easy Strategies to Help Change Your Child's Misbehavior + VideoTransforming Behavior: 7 Fair & Kind Discipline Strategies

If you've been accused of spoiling your son or daughter and you know it's true, it's you who must change. Today you'll hear the story of an overindulged girl who felt contempt for her generous mother. You'll hear the daughter's insults and the mother's confusion. To avoid raising a spoiled child, consider using the 7 simple methods below.

The Mother Who Was Too Kind and Not Firm

As a child and family counselor, many caring parents brought in their self-absorbed children for me to "fix." The parents didn't know they needed to change first.

I remember a mom who smiled as she quietly said, "I don't know why she treats me so badly. Ever since she was little, I've tried to please her."

The daughter was 12 years-old.

After getting some background from her mother, I asked the child to come in.

When I saw the daughter's sneer, I wasn't surprised. With arrogance, the girl said, "I hate my mom. She's pathetic."

"Why?" I asked.

"I can make her do anything I want."

By being too kind, the mother wanted her child's love and to make her happy. Instead she received contempt. By being sassy and demanding, the daughter over-powered her parent and got what she wanted.

Don't let this happen to you.

7 Typical Insults from Selfish Children

1. You're so mean.
2. I'm not listening to you.
3. Leave me alone.
4. You can't make me.
5. I hate you.
6. Go away!
7. Why should I?

What can you do?

Make the choice between being too kind and not firm to becoming kind and firm. Let go of hoping your child will love you by giving her what she wants. It's time to become the parent she needs and take a stand.

Think with firmness not anger. Decide how you will react to your child's disrespect. No longer will you be the victim of her moods.

Pull back and see the bigger picture. If you remain too "easy," her behavior will worsen.

Tell yourself, "I won't keep putting up with her insults. I am going to change." She may rebel even more to get you back to being her doormat. When she realizes you've changed for good, she may too.

Kind and Firm Parenting

1. Stay calm and present a serious face.
2. Think before you speak. If you need time to think say, "I'll consider what you just said (or did) and get back to you." If a consequence is needed, think of 3 fair ways to handle the situation. Pick the best strategy.
3. When you return, focus on the behavior not the person. Say something like; "Because of your behavior…" tell the consequence you've chosen.
4. Follow through with the consequence even if it inconveniences you.
5. Realize that poor behavior and consequences are teaching moments.

7 Fair Discipline Strategies

1. If she breaks something out of anger, she pays for it.
2. If she texts a friend while you're talking to her, you take her cell phone for a time determined by you.
3. If she comes home late without your permission, she can't go to a friend's for the rest of the week.
4. If she insults you when you're chauffeuring her, drive her back home.
5. If she refuses to do her chores, keep her allowance.
6. If she turns the TV on louder while you're speaking to her, turn off the TV and take the controller.
7. If she's rude to you in front of her friends, tell the friends they'll need to leave.

Conclusion for Changing Your Approach to an Overindulged Child