How Parents Stop Kids from Tattling on "Sibs"

Is your tattletale kid driving you crazy? Do you know why your child tattles? Today, we will share 4 big reasons kids snitch, 3 important questions to ask, and simple ways to stop the tattling and keep your sanity

Some Reasons Why Siblings Tattle

1. Attention
2. Power
3. Revenge
4. Pity

Three Tattletale Questions for Parents to Ask Themselves:

1. Does my child want attention, power, revenge, or pity by tattling?
2. How can he gain something positive without tattling?
3. How can I get him to discuss and solve the tattling problem?

The Formula That Helps Kids Thrive

All kids including those who tattle want you to be a PAL:

1. Praise their good efforts.
2. Attention – listen with kind ears
3. Love with smiles, kisses, and hugs

Notice how the following discussions and suggestions use PAL.

Parenting Tattletale Kids Who Want Attention

Lori sees you cuddling her brother, Ralph, and bragging to others about his artwork, neat handwriting, and sense of humor. She feels left out and hurt.

Why Lori Tattles and What She Wants

Lori tattles on her brother, Ralph, for three reasons. She wants you to:

1. Give her attention.
2. Take her side.
3. Love her too.

How can Lori Get Some of What She Wants without Tattling?

You do love Lori, but her tattling is so annoying.

Take Lori aside and kindly tell her, “Before you come to me, ask yourself, ‘Am I trying to help Ralph or hurt him?’” If he is not in danger or hurt, please try to solve the problem by yourself. Then come and tell me how you solved the problem.”

Catch each child being good when they play nicely together. By using compliments, they will both feel loved by you.

Make sure you brag to others about Lori’s good qualities. Give her lots of cuddles too.

Parenting Tattletale Kids Who Want Power

David bosses his little sister, Suzy, because he is older, smarter, and stronger. He feels entitled to tell her what to do. When Suzy rebels, David tattles.

1. “Mom, Suzy didn’t clean her room.”
2. “Dad, Suzy won’t help clear the dinner table.”
3. “Mom, Suzy spilled her milk.”

Why David Tattles and What He Wants

He wants you to:

1. Take his side.
2. Give him power over Suzy.
3. Make him feel important.

How Can David Get Some of What He Wants without Tattling?

You know that letting David boss Suzy is not good for David. It is not fair to Suzy either.

Discuss the tattling problem privately with David. Tell him, “If Suzy’s in danger, I do want to know. If you want to get her in trouble, please ask yourself first, “Is this important enough to complain about? Otherwise, let me deal with Suzy when I notice problems.”

Ask him, “Please discuss 3 ways to help and encourage Suzy.” Listen, discuss, and urge David to be the kind of big brother every child would want.

End with a hug and say, “Let me know when you help her. It will be fun for me to hear.

Notice when David is kind to Suzy. Be consistent and praise David whenever he helps or encourages her.

If you do, you will be taking David’s side for positive reasons. You will be helping Suzy too.

Parenting Tattletale Kids Who Want Revenge

Jackie will not play with Bobby. She will not talk to him either. She tattles whenever he plays with her things. You yell, “Let Bobby have it!” Jackie stomps off screaming, “You let him get away with everything!”

Why Jackie Tattles and What She Wants

Jackie wants:

1. You to love Jackie as much as Bobby.
2. Revenge by being mean to Bobby.
3. You to take her side.

Once you know why Jackie tattles, ask yourself, “How would I feel if I were Jackie?” Walk around in her shoes for a while.

How Can Jackie Get What She Wants without Tattling?

Jackie wants to feel like she fits inside your heart too.

1. At pleasant times, go for a walk with Jackie. Ask her, “What could you do to create fun times with Bobby?” Listen well and discuss. Instead of yelling at Bobby, suggest she do one fun activity with him a day.
2. Notice and praise her for being good to Bobby.
3. Find ways to show Jackie your love. Spend more one-on-one time with her. Have fun.
4. If you follow these suggestions, you will be giving Jackie what she really wants – your love.

Parenting Tattletale Kids Who Want Pity

Cory teases his older brother and ends up crying, whining, and tattling on Joe. ‘Oh no,’ you think, ‘not again.’

Why Cory Tattles and What He Wants

Cory wants you to:

1. Feel sorry for him.
2. Cuddle him.
3. Punish Joe.

How Can Cory Get Some of What He Wants without Tattling?

At bedtime ask Cory to close his eyes and separately visualize:

1. Solving his conflicts with Joe in a clear voice without tears. Discuss.
2. Having fun with his brother. Discuss.

Ask him, “If you did both those things, how would you feel about yourself?”

1. Tell him to fall asleep each night using his imagination to do both.
2. Kiss him goodnight.
3. Compliment Cory each time you see him acting more mature.

Conclusion for Dealing with Tattletale Kids

Tattletales snitch for many reasons like, attention, power, revenge and to prove they are victims. Tattling starts young and is hard for kids to break. If your child tattles, figure out what he wants to gain. He may not even know. By using PAL and asking good questions, holding caring discussions, and helping him choose better behaviors, he can overcome tattling. With your praise he will feel good about himself and you will keep your sanity.