5 Top Divorce Questions Your Children Might Ask + Video
By Jean Tracy, MSS
When parents divorce, it's tough on everyone, especially kids. If you're considering divorce, there are questions kids need answered. Keep reading to find out what they are and how to answer them.
Why Parents Divorce:
- To escape domestic abuse
- To flee an addicted partner
- To protect the children
- To let go of an unfaithful partner
- To find romance with someone new
9 Parenting Behaviors for Answering Your Child's Questions about the Divorce
Prepare for your parent/child discussion by considering these questions your child might ask by
- Thinking about what to answer
- Breathing deeply and calm yourself
- Promising yourself to be kind, firm, and patient when dealing with your youngster's emotions
- Picking a quiet place without interruptions for talking about the divorce
- Saying, "Tell me more," after he shares his feelings
- Letting him ask what he wants to know
- Being truthful according to his age and avoid telling him what he isn't ready to know
- Talking respectfully about your ex-partner because not doing so will hurt your child's feelings.
- Being open and giving him permission to ask any future questions about the divorce
5 Divorce Questions Your Kids Might Ask You
Divorce shatters a child's world. She knows she's not ready to care for herself. Her defenselessness causes her much worry. She needs to trust that you can and will take care of her. That's why you must prepare and think carefully before you answer her questions. Calm many of her anxieties when she asks:
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Where will I live?
Most children don't want their parents to divorce. They can't picture what will happen to them. They don't have the experience to know. Will they live with you, your ex, or someone else? Calm their nerves with your best answer.
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Why Don't You Love Each Other Anymore?
Your kids love both of you. So why don't you love each other? Divorcing doesn't make sense to children. Avoid tearing down your ex. Why? If you put down your ex-partner, it could backfire on you. Kids might disrespect you and your unkind words. They could begin to imagine their other parent as the super parent.
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Will You Stop Loving Me Too?
It's a sensible question. If you can stop loving your spouse, then you can stop loving them too. Whether they ask this question or not, assure them that you will always love them.
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Did I Cause the Divorce?
If only I behaved better. If only I had stopped complaining, whining, or did my chores without being asked, maybe my parents wouldn't divorce,' think many children. Make clear that the divorce is between you both as parents and has nothing to do with them.
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When Will I See You?
Most children know kids whose parents are already divorced. They know children whose parents never come to their sports or music events. They know classmates who only see one parent.
How you and your ex-spouse answer this can go far to raising or lowering their fears.