How Fighting Parents Can Stop Modeling Anger + VideoWhen Parents Fight: How You Can Show Calm Instead of Anger

FIGHTING COUPLES OFTEN BROADCAST THEIR ANGRY BEHAVIOR.

I remember a pair who came to the office for help with their battling children. I could see why their kids fought. The husband and wife, like attack dogs, argued about each others parenting skills.

What children see, children do. If children witness their parents fighting, they often copy the same aggressive tactics on their siblings and classmates. These kids did. The school threatened to expel the boy. His sister wasn't far behind.

One thing both kids heard was the "D" word. Both parents threatened, "I'm sick of this. I'm getting a divorce." Secretly, this scared the youngsters. The whole family needed better communication skills.

If you don't know how to fight fair and are brawling in front of your kids, keep reading. You are your children's teacher and guide and real change starts with you.

Communication Problems for Parents to Overcome:

• Insisting you are right and your partner is wrong
• Giving in to your angry feelings
• Yelling to get your way
• Over talking – not giving your partner time to speak
• Interrupting when your partner's speaking
• Thinking about your next point without listening to your partner
• Walking out

Two Important Discussions for Fighting Parents

1. Make the decision to settle arguments with good communication skills. Decide to solve problems respectfully. Discuss what you both have to give up, like belittling your mate, defending yourself, name calling, and the passion to win at all costs. So how can you do this and fight fair?
2. Believe that you can change. Realize that temper tactics are just bad habits. You can break them. Ask yourselves, "What would respectful problem-solving look like? How would it sound and how would it feel?" Make your answers your goal. Then take the following steps to get there.

Becoming Respectful Problem Solvers

15 simple conflict-solving steps for parents:

1. Make a date once a week.
2. Bring a notebook for jotting down your commitments.
3. Toss a coin to see who opens the discussion.
4. Solve only one problem at each meeting.
5. Be brief when you speak. Use a timer.
6. No shaming or blaming.
7. Concentrate on what the speaker is saying.
8. Look directly into your partner's face so your partner knows you are listening.
9. Avoid interrupting.
10. Repeat what the speaker said in your own words.
11. Ask questions to make sure you understood what your partner said.
12. Take turns sharing your thoughts.
13. When you've both solved the problem, write down the solutions.
14. Both parties state and write down what each is going to do to make the relationship better.
15. Start the next meeting by reviewing your last commitments.

Conclusion for Fighting Parents