5 Ways Parents Turn Passive Aggressive Kids into Good Communicators

Passive aggressiveness is like a fallen tree blocking the road to good communication. It’s unpleasant, heavy, and controlling.

Direct communication cuts a path through the roadblock.

Here are 5 Ways Parents Can Help Passive-Aggressive Kids:

First, check if you or anyone else in the family is modeling this powerful pouty behavior.

Talk with that family member and share your concerns. Work on direct communication with that person. Don’t allow TV programs and video games that encourage hostile behavior.

Second, model kind, clear, and firm communication.

Direct communication is speaking in a calm, honest, and clear voice about what you think and feel. Adding a reasonable solution is the goal. This is also the path to becoming assertive.

Third, teach your child the value of communicating well.

1. Avoid arguing with your child when he’s disagreeable or irritable.
2. Pick a time when he’s open and is talking respectfully.
3. Ask him how moody behavior could hurt him.

Will your child think of these hurtful communication results?

1. Family members might find me cranky and avoid me.
2. I might develop a habit of grumpy behavior.
3. Friends might drop me.
4. Future co-workers and partners might view me as unlikable.
5. I might become an unhappy, negative person.

4. Ask him how speaking respectfully about his thoughts and feeling sand asking for what he wants could help him.

Will your child think of these positive communication results?

1. I would get more of what I want.
2. Our family life would improve.
3. My friends would like me better.
4. I would develop a friendly attitude.
5. My future would be happier.

Fourth, Teach This Direct Communication Formula:

This is a popular way to ask for what we want. It’s important to make it specific.

When you…

I feel…

I want…

• Mom, when you played a board game with Rachel but didn’t ask me to play,
• I felt sad and left out.
• I want you to include me too.

This is an easy formula, and it can be practiced often until it becomes an assertive habit.

Fifth, Activity: Practice the Formula with These Problems:

1. Randy’s sister, Becky, is riding his new bike without his permission.She won’t give it back. How can Randy use the formula with his sister? Randy is 12 and Becky is 14 years old.
2. Sarah and the neighborhood kids are playing tag. She’s upset withKathy because she argues every time she’s caught. Pretend you areSarah. What would you say to Kathy using the formula. Both Sarah and Kathy are 9 years old.
3. Sheila is yelling at Jonah for hogging the TV remote. He won’t change the channel to her favorite cartoon. Pretend you are Sheila and use the formula to tell Jonah what you want. Sheila is 11 andJonah is 13 years old.

Ask your youngsters to makeup some problems and practice using the formula them.

Request one of your kids to make a tent sign for your kitchen table with the formula on both sides. Use it as a reminder to practice it often.

How Passive-Aggressive Kids Become Good Communicators

Removing a fallen tree that’s blocking a road is not easy. Neither is turning a moody, hostile kid in a good communicator. But It Can Be Done!

Become a good communicator yourself. Help adults, who are passive-aggressive and who influence your kids, to change too. Work with your child when he’s in a good mood. Then see if you can get him to come up with results for not changing.

Practice the Direct Communication Formula with your family. If you do,you’ll be creating a happier family now and with a brighter future later.