Parenting Tips: How to Help Your Child Deal with Rejection + Video

Parents can teach children to handle rejection in 3 steps:

1. compassion
2. insight
3. self-talk

Find out how these strategies can lessen the pain and help your child bounce back.

Jesse, my best friend, won't play with me. He said he likes Tim better.

My class laughed at me when I gave the wrong answer.

The neighborhood kids won't play monopoly with me. They said I'm not smart enough.

You know their pain. You want to help. Now you can.

First Step – The Compassion Tip:

The best way to show compassion is to listen with a sympathetic ear and say,

It hurt when Jesse chose Tim, didn't it? Tell me about it.

How did it feel when the class laughed at your answer?

Let her talk it out.

You're upset that the kids don't think you know how to play monopoly. What else are you feeling?

Give your boy or girl all the time they need. Don't offer them answers or tell them what to think. A word of caution, this step can be difficult for parents who want to solve problems quickly and make their children feel better faster. Listening well first paves the way for insight.

Second Step – The Insight Tip:

To help your child avoid sinking into the quicksand of dark thoughts, lift him up with the truths about his real self. How? Discuss and list some honest facts about his inner goodness.

Start by asking your child if the following questions fit him. Then ask him to name a few specific situations when he acted that way. Finally, ask him to write down those that are true. If he can't spell yet, he can either copy your printing or draw a picture of them or both.

An insight example

Are you a good person? Tell me about some times when you acted well.

Make sure he tells you events that are completely good. No 'buts' like, "I let my sister ride my bike but I pulled her off when she wouldn't give it back to me."

When he gives you his positive evidence, ask him to write, "I am a good person," on his list.

Continue with the following questions and ask for his examples:

1. Are you a good person?
2. Do you help others?
3. Do you try to do your best?
4. Are you kind to animals?
5. Are you a loving person?
6. Do you forgive others?
7. Do you choose to think kind thoughts?

When you're done, his list could look like:

1. I am a good person.
2. I help others.
3. I do my best.
4. I am kind to animals.
5. I am a loving person.
6. I forgive others.
7. I choose to think kind thoughts.

Third Step – The Self-Talk Tip:

End by helping him breathe in self-love. This will remind him that others may reject him but their actions can't hurt his inner core of goodness. After he reads his list at night, advise him to take 3 deep inhales while breathing in love.

Conclusion for Helping Your Child Deal with Rejection

Help your son or daughter to express their hurt about the snubs, slights, and insults they receive. Guide them with compassion. Lead them with insight. End with loving self-talk. In this way, they'll fill their minds and hearts with the truth about their real goodness. Rejections will lose their power. And their characters will strengthen.