The Bullied Child - How Parents Can HelpWhen Your Child Is Bullied: Steps You Can Take

Bullying is a big deal. When a bullied child fills his mind with revenge, bad things can happen.

Or he thinks thoughts like:

1. Nobody likes me.
2. I'm so ugly.
3. I'm stupid.

How Your Bullied Child Is a Big Deal for You

Imagine your child, Samuel, hates school. You talk to his teacher. She says, “Your child is being bullied and he has no friends.”

You learn what kids yell at him and it breaks your heart because the name-calling happens over and over.

Now Sam avoids eye contact. He doesn't talk. He stays alone in his room. Lately, he pouts, grunts his answers, and often cries. His behavior hurts you because you love him so much.

What can you do?

1. Go to him. Hug and hold him gently. Say, “I know something is wrong.”
2. Tell Sam what you've noticed about his behavior that tells you he's unhappy.
3. Ask him, “What's going on, Sam?”

The Pillow Technique

If Sam cries or just grunts say, “Here's a way to let your feeling out. Take this pillow. Hit it as hard as you can. Do it over and over until you feel better. I'll be here if you need me.”

When Sam's done ask, “What was that all about?”

Listen without interruption. When he stops talking say, “Tell me more.”

The Drawing Technique

The painful picture:

Tell Sam to draw a picture of his feelings. The picture could be dark scribbles, a stick picture of himself, or something else. Say, “Tell me about your picture.”

Appreciate what your child told you. Say, “Thank you for sharing your pain with me.

The positive picture:

Ask Sam to:

1. “Draw a picture of how you would like things to be.”
2. “Brainstorm 3 good ideas to try for making your positive picture come true.”

Make a Bullying Plan with Your Child

Because bullying is a big deal, include your child in the plan. Make sure he will cooperate. Tell him, “No one deserves to be bullied and that means you.”

Here's what I will do:

1. I will listen when you tell me any future bullying.
2. I will find out your school's bully prevention program. I
3. I will find out your teacher's best advice for bullied children and share it with you.

Here's what you can do:

1. Tell me or a trusted teacher about any new bullying.
2. Avoid the bully by walking away with your head held high, your shoulders back, and your mouth shut.
3. Practice making friends. I'll help you.

Be Cautious for Your Child's Sake

The important part is getting your child to cooperate. He may not want the kids to see you're involved. He might be afraid that your presence would make the situation worse for him. If so, be careful.

Making Friends Is a Big Deal for Loners

Your bullied child is a lonely child. He needs to make friends. You can help him.

Many children don't have a clue about making friends. Your child may be one.

Be involved by playing games with him that he can play with kids. Consider board games, card games, Legos, walkie talkies, Croquet, Horseshoes etc. By playing these games with your child, he'll be able to play with other kids. He'll be fun to know.

Play Is a Big Important Deal

Kids become sociable and make friends through play. They laugh, fight and solve their differences. Play is fun. Play creates friendships. Loners see kids having fun. They would like to play too. Here's how can you help your bullied child have fun too.

How Parents Help Their Bullied Child Make Friends

I suggest helping your child create a few mottos, drawing a picture for each and acting them out with you. Suggest he practice them at school and in the neighborhood. For instance, a shy child may need to look directly at others and smile. Here's how:

Shy Mottos to fill in the blank:

1. My smile will show I'm friendly to __.
2. If I see a kid I know, I'll smile and say __.
3. I'll ask a kid to play, And hope it makes his __.
4. It's easy as pie to look eye to __.

Smiles have the power to make both your child and the other child feel good.

First week:

When your child is ready tell him, “Practice smiling at kids in the neighborhood and at school. Tell me what happened.”

Second week:

Next, tell your child to practice saying, “Hi!” with a smile. Tell me what happened.”

Third week:

Finally, tell your child to say, “Hi with a smile and ask, 'Do you want to come over for a barbecue?' Sometimes a younger child might be easier to ask.

He might not be ready to ask a kid to play.

Fourth week:

Ask him if knows someone who needs a friend and might be fun to know better. If he does, ask him if he's ready to ask him to play.

When he's ready suggest he says, “Do you want to play?”

Conclusion: