7 Leadership Skills Your Bossy Child Must Learn

Today, we'll learn about the 'Bossy Debate,' see why bossy kids aren't leaders, and why they get rejected. A brief checklist of bossy behaviors will help you decide if your child has a problem. Then we'll explore how to help your pushy child become the genuine leader that other kids like to follow. Finally, we'll conclude with a poem about bossiness to help your child make positive changes.

Of course, a child doesn't have to be over-controlling to become a true leader. Leadership skills can apply to any child who'd like to learn them.

The 'Bossy' Debate:

Some say the word 'bossy' is often used to describe girls and women leaders and that's why females shy away from leadership roles. So to be politically correct, we should ban the word 'bossy.'

But what if some boys and girls really are bossy? Rather than ban another word, why not help our bossy kids become likable leaders?

A Bossy Story

As a child counselor, I remember listening to a shy girl who had a bossy girlfriend. When they were quite young, the reserved child accepted orders from her friend. But as they grew older the quiet one became annoyed at being told what to play and what to do. She began to avoid her friend. The mother of the domineering girl wondered what happened to their daughters' friendship. A long story made short, the bossy child's self-esteem plummeted because she didn't know the 'soft skills' for making friends and how to become a true leader.

If you have a child dictator, you CAN help turn him or her into a likable leader. First, let's find out some behaviors any bossy kid might possess. Then you can determine if some of them fit your child.

7 Bossy Behaviors That Get Children Rejected

Of course, your child needn't have all these behaviors to be considered overbearing. A few is enough for you to decide to come to the rescue.

1. Controls conversations
2. Won't listen or compromise
3. Pushes hard to get their way
4. Brags about themselves a lot
5. Tells kids what they should do
6. Orders kids to play their games
7. Acts like poor sports when they don't get what they want

7 Leadership Skills Children Can Learn

You can teach these skills with loving conversations, role-playing activities, and charting your child's new leadership skills.

1. Listen actively – Prove it by repeating part of your friend's statement.
2. Cooperate with others – Pitch in and help. Play their games too.
3. Resolve conflict and negotiate – Ask your friend, "How can we both win?"
4. Show empathy and caring – Say, "I'm sorry that happened to you. How can I help?"
5. Be a brainstorm leader – Ask, "What fun things would you like to do?" Give your ideas too.
6. Help friends grow – See their good points and give them compliments.
7. Be kind – Avoid cruel talk and gross behavior.

Consider discussing, drawing, posting, and/or memorizing all or parts of the following poem:

Poem to Help Bossy Children Make Caring Count!

I told the kids just what to do, They yelled at me; their anger grew. "You're not the boss. You cannot lead! You've got your nerve!" they all decreed.

I did not know what I should do, I sat alone and cried, "Boo-hoo." My bossiness just gave me heck. My heart is broke. I've no respect.

It's time I change, that I knew, I didn't know what I should do. "Care for others," a birdie said. "Learn the wants inside each head."

"Tell me what YOU WANT to play," I asked the kids and heard them say, "Glad you asked. That's good to do. You're caring counts. We'll play with you."

Don't tell the kids what to play, Ask instead. You'll win that way. Like all the kids. They'll like you too. Make caring count like leaders do.

Summary for 7 Leadership Skills Your Bossy Child Needs to Learn