The entitled child believes everything should go his way. He acts like he’s the king of the universe. Justin was such a boy.
Whenever Justin’s younger brother, Seth, wouldn’t play Justin’s video games with him, he’d punch Seth and yell, “I hate you!” When his mom scolded Justin, he’d sass back, “You always take Seth’s side,” then slam his bedroom door.
If Justin was your son, would you want to hit him? Would you yell, “I’m sick and tired of your angry behavior!” and preach the same old lecture?
Consider having a conversation with Justin when both of you are calm.
Teaching the Entitled Child How to Be Realistic
Use yourself as an example. It might go something like this:
Mom: Remember when I arranged a birthday party for Grandpa?
Mom: I was frustrated because only three of our family members came. I really felt mad inside. I wanted to tell those who didn’t come what I thought of them.
Justin: Did you?
Mom: No, because I remembered something Grandpa taught me as a child. He’d say, “Sally, you’re not the Queen of the Universe. Things don’t have to go your way.”
Justin: How did that help you?
Mom: Can you guess?
Mom: Because if I was the queen, I could make everybody do what I want.
Justin: But you’re not the queen so you couldn't force everyone to come to Grandpa's party.
Mom: That’s right. How might that thought help you?
Justin: I’m not the King of the Universe so things don't have to go my way either.
Mom: Right. What about Seth not playing your video games?
Mom: How can we remind ourselves that we’re not the king or queen of the universe?
Justin: Let’s make 2 signs that say, “I’m Not the King,” and “I’m Not the Queen” and post them on the fridge.
Mom: And every time we stop ourselves from losing our tempers let’s make a tally mark on our signs.
Conclusion for Helping Entitled Kids Become Reasonable
Entitled kids need to know that life isn’t fair, doesn’t cater to what they want, and can be disappointing at times. You can teach them with reasonable self-talk how to be more rational about life. None of us is the king or queen of the universe. Things often don't go our way. Sometimes we need to be patient and accept that fact. And sometimes it becomes a challenge to creatively overcome the problem.
As the parent, you are the best one to teach him this lesson by being reasonable yourself and having good discussions with him. Start with a true story about when you were angry and irrational. He won't feel like you're pointing a finger at him and he'll like spending private time with you.
Aggressive kids, like Joey aren't liked. He hated waiting in line at the water fountain. He'd shove the kids lined up ahead of him. They'd fall forward like dominoes. The first child always hit his face while drinking. Joey laughed. I visited his parents and had a glimpse into Joey's life at home.
The father put his wife down several times during our conversation. She looked straight into my eyes but said nothing. Tears ran down her face.
When parents model meanness, children pick it up. Joey was mean. He didn't know how to relate to others.
I found out that Joey's dad was too busy to spend time with Joey. Joey didn't feel important. He didn't feel love from his dad. As we ended the meeting, Joey's father promised to spend time with him. He and his wife decided to work on their relationship too.
Parents Must Model How Children Can Assert Themselves
Teaching children how to assert themselves, speak up with respect, and be friendly starts at home. Parents must model how to communicate well. If they don't know how, they can learn. The following article will show how.
1. An empowering formula for teaching kids assertiveness skills
2. 5 assertive role-plays to practice at the dinner table
3. A fun family activity
4. An assertive poem for kids
How Joey Became Assertive
Joey told me with a big smile that his dad playfully put shaving cream on his face and let him shave it off with an empty razor. It made a real difference. Joey, over a matter of weeks, stopped shoving kids and started making friends. A greater respect developed between Joey's parents. Soon they were ready to learn the Assertiveness Formula within this article:
You can raise assertive children by practicing the formula within your family. Advise your kids to use it with others too. If you do, they'll learn to speak up for themselves, make friends, and become respectful communicators too.
Watch our brief video on assertiveness:
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OPEN-MINDED KIDS ARE SKILLED THINKERS. They learn to see more than one side of issues, problems, and discussions. They think bigger than one-sided kids.
How Sophie Opened Her Mind
I spoke with a 4th grade girl, named Sophie, (Identity concealed) who told me how she changed her mind. Her teacher asked, “Should school be year-round?” Sophie said a loud, “No!”
But the teacher told the class to study both sides. Sophie did her research. This is what she found that could happen if school was year-round:
The school day would be shorter.
There would be more but shorter vacations.
There would be fun after-school programs.
Daycare wouldn’t cost parents so much because of the after-school programs. The 3-month summer vacation would be eliminated so no need for daycare then either.
Teachers wouldn’t need to waste time reviewing what the children forgot due to the summer vacations.
Sophie opened her mind to these new ideas. She decided “Yes,” school should be year-round.
Sophie had an open-minded teacher who asked open-minded questions. She taught kids to see issues from both sides. Each child was free to come up with their own conclusions.
The Difference between Open Minds and Closed Minds
Close-Minded Thinkers Won't Listen to New Ideas
Open-minded children don’t try to win arguments. They avoid stubbornly sticking to their own viewpoint. They are willing to change their opinions with new information.
Closed-minded kids won’t listen to others’ ideas. They believe they already know what’s best.
How Parents Raise Kids with Open-Minded Discussions
Sample Question: Should Parents Make Kids Try
Be the parent who uses discussions to open your kids’ minds. Discuss topics that interest them. Get them to consider both the side they favor and the one they disagree with. When they have enough information, ask them what they favor now and why. If you do, they'll become BIGGER thinkers.
For more parenting strategies and stories to raise your children's consciousness, read full article at:
Kids with curious mindsets are bound to enjoy interesting lives. As parents you can nurture wonder and a thirst for knowledge in your youngsters. In today's parenting gift you will receive a checklist of 10 ways to boost your child's intellectual curiosity.
You Will Find Out What To:
Say when your child asks about a topic.
Answer when you want to promote his questions.
Do to encourage his enthusiasm.
Curious Learners Search for Answers
Some parents do to much to help. Others show little or no interest. Being balanced in your words and actions is the key. It's fun too.
Pick up your parenting checklist by inserting the code word:
THINK OF HANDLING STUBBORN CHILDREN LIKE METAL BEADS AND A MAGNET. Your child's stubborn behaviors are the metal beads. Your reactions are the magnet. Each stubborn behavior can cause a swift and powerful clash if you let yourself explode with emotion. This doesn't have to happen.
Consider Using Logic by Asking Yourself 3 Questions:
1. What are the consequences to our relationship if I consistently blow-up?
When I continually react with anger, his stubbornness hardens even more. Respect dies.
2. What are better ways of reacting to his stubbornness?
I can use a kind, firm, and self-controlled voice. With time and repetition, mutual respect could grow.
3. Are there specific ways to be the respectful parent and turn his headstrong behaviors into cooperative ones?
If you draw a blank, watch our 1 minute video below. You'll find 5 solutions you can start using today.
Please remember, no parent is perfect. We all get over-stressed and lose our tempers. Don't get down on yourself if this happens to you. Just reconfirm your commitment to be a respectful parent.
One more thing, you CAN make the magnetic pull between you and your child into a pleasant and positive relationship.
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MANY PARENTS ARE NOT BORN COMMUNICATORS. They love their children but don't know how to talk to their kids. Over-talking turns kids off. Interrupting, sarcasm, and being too busy create a distance between parents and children.
Simple meaty questions and listening well open the door to good conversations. You don't have to do much. If your kids sense you're truly interested in what they think, even if they know you disagree, they'll talk. This means arguing to get them to change their minds is out. But you can ask more questions to get them to think deeper about a subject. And when they're done, you can share some thoughts of your own.
Today's parenting gift includes conversation starters for family dinners, car rides, and bedside chats. Some examples of starters could include:
What makes a good person? Why?
Would you like to be famous? Why?
Should kids have chores? Why?
Listening well takes patience because you might not like what you hear. But if you cut in and correct, you risk not finding out how your child really thinks. Why? Because your child may shut down and not talk. Then how can you guide your child to better thoughts?
Feel free to cut today's parenting bonus into ten questions. Put them in an envelope and pull out when you'd like to have an interesting conversation with your child.
If you’re a parent who ridicules your child, and your sarcasm is backfiring, you must change. Why? Because getting your friends to laugh at your youngster causes her pain. Don’t be surprised when your parent and child relationship suffers and your friends gossip behind your back.
Today we’ll share a video with a 1 minute parenting tip that shares a specific suggestion on how to change. We’ll even include the script.
If you and your family are so busy with life that you don’t have time for each other, you might want to slow down. Remember the 10-10-10 Rule by Suzy Welch where you ask yourself 3 questions?
Will this (busyness) matter in 10 days?
Will it matter in 10 months?
Will it matter in 10 years?
In 10 years your 8-year old will be 18. The point is, we need to make room for our children if we want to enjoy a strong family bond. Family bonds can give each member a strong foundation for dealing with life, especially if it's a loving connection.
Today, our 1 minute parenting tip video features a simple solution you can start using today. Here is the video with the script below it:
If You’re a Busy Parent AND YOU KEEP SAYING to your child, “I don’t’ have time to talk,” You could be sending him the message, “What I’m doing is more important than you are.” Of course, it’s not what you mean. What can you do? Tell your child when you can talk with him. “Give me 15 minutes. Then let’s talk.” Don’t forget!
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Listening Is the Parenting Skill that Brings Kids Close
When parents interrupt by talking louder than children to make their point, kids feel angry, unheard, and closed down. If you've ever been interrupted, talked down to, or over-talked, remember how you felt.
Listening doesn't mean you agree with what your child said. It just means you listened. Of course, if you disagree, don't charge into your child with loud disagreement. Calmly ask questions and listen some more. The better you understand the better your child may listen to you.
Arguing doesn't solves problems. It just cements each side's opinions. We see this in the news every day. I bet there have been times you turned it off. Who wants to hear people fight?
Today's parenting gift offers rhymes as reminders to listen. You'll find 10 altogether. Pick the one you may need and save the others in a 3-hole binder in case you need them in the future. Here are two more of the rhyming reminders: