Antibullying – Turning Cautious Kids into Courageous Helpers

10 Child Sayings
 
Self-Talk Influences Thoughts, Feelings,
and Behaviors

Bully prevention by playground kids takes bravery and positive thinking. This blog tells you how. You will find 3 discussion dilemmas and a gift of 10 positive slogans to help your child choose right over wrong. Your right-minded kid could become a playground hero.

Parents tell kids, “Don’t slump! Straighten up!” Sagging shoulders with head down look sad, weak and are targets for bullies.

 

Sad Boy (3) 600
 
Slumped Shoulders and
Head Down = Bully
Target

 Our body’s trunk, keeps our shoulders straight. A straight body with head up looks strong and confident. Practice standing with your child. Teach your youngster to keep trunk, head, and shoulders straight.

Your Child’s Mindset

You can teach your child to strengthen her mindset by teaching right from wrong. Mindsets include thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Kids who know the difference between right and wrong and choose what’s right have strong characters. Help your child think ahead and prepare to act. Problem dilemmas like these 3 bullying situations can do just that.

The Playground Bully 

Boy Bully 745
 
Playground Bully

John is big and strong. He wants kids to know it. Joey is little. His posture looks wimpy.

  1. Is it OK for John to physically shove and punch Joey? Why?
  2. How would you feel if you were Joey?
  3. Should you and other kids stand by and let John bully Joey? Why?
  4. Would you do this or something else that helps the victim?                             
Boy Pfotecting Girl 757
 
How Would You Help a Victim?

Determine if your child’s mindset is strong. Does he choose right over wrong? Unassertive kids might say, “I don’t know” or shrug their shoulders. Their parents have work to do.

Sarcastic Bully

Sarcastic Bully 513
 
Sarcastic Bully

 Gina has a big mouth. She’s funny and sarcastic. Tammy is shy and quiet. Her shoulders slump.

  1.  Is it OK for Gina to make fun of Tammy and put her down? Why?
  2. How would you feel if you were Tammy?
  3. Would you join the other kids and laugh at Tammy?
  4. What would you do?
  5. Is there a way to help Tammy? How?
    Asian tattling 450
     
    Would You Get Help from a Teacher?

If your child is clueless, you need to work on her mindset.

The Tormenting Bully

Bully Tormentor 450
 
Lucas Wants Gail's Attention

Lucas is your friend. Lucas pesters girls by teasing, pulling hair, and tripping.

Lucas has a crush on Gail and wants her attention. Gail has long braids. Lucas yanks them. Gail shouts, “Stop it!” At other times, Lucas says, “You’re so stuck up.” Gail walks away. When Lucas tripped Gail and she fell, he laughed.

  1. How would you feel if you were Gail?
  2. What would you like to tell Lucas?
  3. Would you keep him for a friend?
  4. Would you help Gail? How?
Black Boy Non-Bully SMALL
 
Would You Yell, "Lucas, Stop!"

 

Your child’s answers tell you a lot. Does he know the difference between right and wrong? Do you need to guide his mindset?

How to Teach Right and Wrong - 3 Keys

These three ways will help you coach your child:

  1. Ask him about his feelings regarding a troubling situation. Does he feel for the victim or the bully?
  2. Question his thinking about the bullying. 
  3. Probe about his behaviors. Would he help the bully or the victim?

Empathic kids with right-minded thoughts will rescue victims.

Thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are the three elements that create a weak or solid character. If your child chooses what is right, his/her mindset is solid.

If not, use friendly discussions by asking questions, listening well, and giving your opinion last. Don’t force your ideas, just express them. Otherwise, your child may rebel.

I invite you to use the above 3 discussion dilemmas.

Here are the 10 self-talk sayings to help your child deal with bully situations. You can also teach your child to make their own self-talk sayings.

Indian Boy Powerpt.
 
10 Free Slogans to Discuss with Your
Kids
Insert gift code
 SLOGANS and download your gift.

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Family Vacations - 15 Conversations for Carefree Travelers

 

Family

Conversation starters are perfect for vacations. Children get to speak, and you get to hear what they really think. Your kids get to hear what you think too.

Boy watch time
 
"One, Two, Three -GO!"

 

Time how long each person speaks. One minute is good for starters. 

Rule: No interrupting!

The first speaker picks his conversation from an envelope (see below). No peeking!

 

Boy 800
 
This child is thinking before he speaks.

 

                  
 

The timer starts only when the speaker starts. When the speaker is finished, the group may ask him questions or give their opinions.

He then chooses the next person to speak. (Make sure everyone has a turn.)

 

Girl

 
This girl is visualizing her answer first.

 

If a member wants their turn to be a previous person’s topic, time them for one minute. Then that person picks the next speaker.

 

Mom
 
Mom is thinking whether to answer this question or the
previous one.

 

Note. The group can use the same conversation opener for everyone. Otherwise, each member can pick their own conversation. .

 

Dad
 
Dad is smiling as he thinks.

Suggestion:

Put the Conversation Starters in an envelope, purse, or backpack. Make them easy to find.

Whether you're going on a trip, a car ride, or a fun night at home, use these conversation openers. They're a great way to feel warm and cozy as a family. Remember, if f your having fun, your doing it right.

Get all 15 conversations starters. Insert code: CAR and download at www.KidsDiscuss.com  - They're FREE!

 

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Content of Character - Teach Your Kids to Love Like This

Dr. MLK Love 800
 
"There's Something about Love that Builds Up and Is Creative."

Martin Luther King, Jr. wanted his four little children (and all people) judged by the "content of their character," not "the color of their skin." Dr. King believed in love not hate. Find out how character, judgment and love fit together in a way Dr. King might approve.

Effective parents teach children to judge. Not by skin color but by searching for the good.

Today, I’ll share how this love works through the story of Gabby, a family activity, and an activity that increases others’ self-esteem. It creates friendships too.

Practice it in your home. I guarantee it will boost your family’s love. Then watch it spread outward from your family to others.

Family Talk 1000
 
Dad, I like how you take the time to play UNO with me.

The Story of Gabby

(To protect privacy, all the names are changed because the people are real.)

Gabriella, 13 years-old, is taking a peer coaching class. She assists Mrs. Matlin, who teaches 10 special needs children, like:

  1. Daniel, who repeatedly runs around the room
  2. Lucas, who lets out blood curdling screams that make everyone jump.
  3. Olivia, who stutters and gets mad if asked questions she doesn’t want to answer.

 

  1. Bigstock-girl 25718705 500
     
    "I said, don't call on me.!"

 

Find out how Gabby's family activity influenced her with these special needs children. Then consider adopting their simple family ritual:

How Kids Judge Others by the "Content of Their Character"

Dr. King was right. "There is something about love that builds up and is creative." 

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Judging - Skin Color or Character? Teach Your Kids This

MLK leadership-g863c98947_900
 
How the Family Makes His Dream Come True

 

August 28, 1963, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech. He told the crowd he wanted his four little children to be judged by the “content of their character,” not by the color of their skin.  You can make his dream come true.

Today, my new video will share 2 simple activities to teach your children. It promotes judging others in a way, I believe, Dr. King would approve.

Family Talk Asian 830

Teaching Children To Find the Good in Each Member

 

First Character Building Activity

Gather your family together once a week. Pick a member's name from a special bowl. Each member tells the person with the name they picked an honest compliment. What's this got to do with judging character and Dr. Martin Luther King?  'Judging' includes the good qualities you see in each other. 

Gabby 777
 
"Gabby, I like how nicely we talk to each other. You're
the best sister ever."

 

Second Character Building Activity 

Each member looks for the good in friends, classmates, and teachers. You'll see in the video how simple it is. Your children pay forward what they learned within your family. Imagine them sharing their experiences at your next family dinner.

Diverse Boys 900
 
Toby, your speech about Dr. King was so interesting.

 

Hopefully friends, classmates and teachers will also spread the good they find in others. Why? Because to 'judge' by looking for the good in others makes both the giver the receiver feel great.

It all starts in the family.

Enjoy this video now.  How Children Promote Dr. Martin Luther King's Dream

                                    

 

Like this post? Please comment and share it with your friends on social media. https://youtu.be/A3uC3JS9yFk

Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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How to Turn Your Moody Kids into Happy Children

 

 

Moody
 
How Moody Kids Become Happy Children

 

Your sulking child won’t talk. You ask yourself:

  1. Is she mad at me for saying, ‘No.”
  2. Did her brother tease her about the pimple on her chin?
  3. Has her best friend dumped her for a new girlfriend?

You can torture yourself or not.

Choose to teach your child good communication skills instead. Skills that help her talk about her problems before painful thoughts grip her mind.

Recycling resentment, hurt, fear, blame, and sadness can become your child’s lifelong habit. Recycling negative thoughts hurts. Talking about problems and solving them feels good.

The following solutions are for both girls and boys.

3 Ways to Rescue Kids from Moodiness

Black Dad Discussing with son
 
Listening Helps Kids Share Their Feelings

 

      1.Listening

        Good listening by parents builds trust. When children trust parents will hear their problems without arguing or criticizing, they talk.

        It takes many talks to teach children the communication skills they need. By listening well, parents are teaching good communication. Kids will learn to listen in return.

        Find a sample parent/child conversation that’s easy to use at Listening Chats.

  1. Repeating Motivational Sayings
Asian Mom and Daughter
 
Repeating Positive Sayings Motivates Kids

 

        Teach children through repetition. Use motivational thoughts for your child to absorb. Here are a few:

           “The most beautiful smile belongs to those who make others smile” Mahnoor Tahir

          “The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”  Mark Twain.         

          “The best sleeping pill is a clear conscience.” Dada J. P. Vaswani

Repeating upbeat motivational quotes helps your child remember them. They become her inner self-talk.

Get 5 more quotes that my mother used to motivate me. I passed them on to my children too. Family Sayings.

  1. Creating a Fun Home-life
Dad and Son Guitar 624
 
Family Music Night

 

  •  Once a week have a ‘Family Compliment Night.’
  •  Help kids ‘Write a Newsletter’ for your expanded family.
  • Each night Discuss One Act of Kindness each member did that day.

Pick up 5 more fun events for your family at Bright Attitudes

Conclusion: How to Help Your Moody Child

  1. Use conversations to teach good communication skills that solve problems.
  2. Repeat motivational quotes for kids to absorb.
  3. Put fun events into your family life.

For more in depth ideas go to:

How Parents Turn Dark Moods into Bright Attitudes

 

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The Patience Plan - Don’t Go Crazy When Kids Are Lazy

Don't Get Angry 450
 
You CAN Become a Patient Effective Parent

 

“My kids won’t help. They make me mad. I blow my stack.” Do you feel the same way?

The Patience Plan for Parents

1. Go outside. Breathe fresh air.

    Tell yourself, “I’m breathing patience in and blowing anger out.” Do this until you feel calm.

2. Get rational. Realize your kids are lazy for their own reasons. 

    a.Consider this belief: people do things for positive reasons. Even when they do wrong it’s for reasons that  benefit them.

    It’s the same with kids. Ask yourself, “What are they getting out of not doing their chores?”

    b. Could it be any of these:

  • They might want more playtime with friends or video games.
  • They might want more cell phone time.
  • They might want to relax after an exhausting day at school.

The best way to find out is to ask them. Why? Because we can’t know exactly what anyone is thinking. And that goes for our children too.

 

Latina Mom 450
 
Ask, Don't Tell.

 

  1. Discuss the situation with your kids. Find out what they want. Tell them what you want. Ask them, “How can we both win?” Brainstorm solutions together.

Calm rational parents get more cooperation from their children. Why? Because they take the time to understand their kids. They teach them the concept of “win-win” too.

 

For 9 More Ways to Deal with Lazy Children:

Calm Parent
 
You CAN Handle Lazy Kids with Patience

 Go to: https://www.KidsDiscuss.com

 

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The Assertive Child - 5 Role-Plays for Your Dinner Discussions

Girl and Boy Smiling 450
 
How Do Assertive Children Express Themselves?

ARE ASSERTIVE KIDS AGGRESSIVE? Do they dominate conversations or do they speak-up with respect?

An assertive child learns to express himself respectfully because he shares the microphone. He speaks and listens. But what if he needs to defend himself against aggression?

In today’s gift you’ll learn the assertive formula. It includes 3 parts:

  1. Describe what offends you.  
  2. State your feeling.
  3. Suggest a solution.

When you use the formula, respectful communication grows. Teach it during dinner discussions. If you do, they’ll become the teaching moments all kids need.

Assertive Kids 450

In this gift your kids will role-play:  

  1. How Jimmy could respond to Lola when she rolls her eyes.
  2. How one brother shares his frustration when Bobby hogs the ice cream.
  3. How Suzy asks Tammy to quit messing up her room.
  4. How an older sister orders John to quit telling her secrets to his friends.
  5. How Mary tells Sara what she wants her to say instead of cussing.

It is important that children have a simple respectful blueprint for expressing their upsets.

As the parent, use the formula yourself whenever appropriate. Post it on the fridge. Point to it when kids fight. Tell them to cool down. Later, tell them to replay their argument using the formula.

Download the formula now at www.KidsDiscuss.com using the code word:

DISCUSS

Add it to your 3-hole binder to use whenever you need it.

You might also like: How Parents Teach Assertive Skills to Kids

 

 

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Parenting the Aggressive Entitled Child to Think Realistically

Boy Crown 800
 
You Can Raise a Kinder Reasonable Child

The entitled child believes everything should go his way. He acts like he’s the king of the universe. Justin was such a boy.

Whenever Justin’s younger brother, Seth, wouldn’t play Justin’s video games with him, he’d punch Seth and yell, “I hate you!” When his mom scolded Justin, he’d sass back, “You always take Seth’s side,” then slam his bedroom door.

If Justin was your son, would you want to hit him? Would you yell, “I’m sick and tired of your angry behavior!” and preach the same old lecture?

Consider having a conversation with Justin when both of you are calm.

Respectful Boy Justin 800
 
Teaching the Entitled Child How to Be Realistic

 

Use yourself as an example. It might go something like this:

Mom: Remember when I arranged a birthday party for Grandpa?

Justin: Yah.

Mom: I was frustrated because only three of our family members came. I really felt mad inside. I wanted to tell those who didn’t come what I thought of them.

Justin: Did you?

Mom: No, because I remembered something Grandpa taught me as a child. He’d say,  “Sally, you’re not the Queen of the Universe. Things don’t have to go your way.”

Justin: How did that help you?

Mom: Can you guess?

Justin: No.

Mom: Because if I was the queen, I could make everybody do what I want.

Justin: But you’re not the queen so you couldn't force everyone to come to Grandpa's party.

Mom: That’s right. How might that thought help you?

Justin: I’m not the King of the Universe so things don't have to go my way either.

Mom: Right. What about Seth not playing your video games?

Justin: Yah.

Mom: How can we remind ourselves that we’re not the king or queen of the universe?

Justin: Let’s make 2 signs that say, “I’m Not the King,” and “I’m Not the Queen” and post them on the fridge.

Mom: And every time we stop ourselves from losing our tempers let’s make a tally mark on our signs.

Conclusion for Helping Entitled Kids Become Reasonable

Entitled kids need to know that life isn’t fair, doesn’t cater to what they want, and can be disappointing at times. You can teach them with reasonable self-talk how to be more rational about life. None of us is the king or queen of the universe. Things often don't go our way. Sometimes we need to be patient and accept that fact. And sometimes it becomes a challenge to creatively overcome the problem.

As the parent, you are the best one to teach him this lesson by being reasonable yourself and having good discussions with him. Start with a true story about when you were angry and irrational. He won't feel like you're pointing a finger at him and he'll like spending private time with you.

A Gift for You:

Reasonable Child 800

Pick Up:

 10 Ways Successful Parents Handle Their Aggressive Child

Insert the code word: AGGRESSIVE and download your gift.

https://www.KidsDiscuss.com 

 

You might also like this brief YouTube video with it's simple technique to teach your child:

How Parents and Kids Discuss Emotions

 

 

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Open-Minded Kids – How Parents Open Closed Minds

Brain
 
Broad-Minded Parents Help Kids Think Outside the Box.

 

It’s easier to unlock kid’s brains when parents are open to new ideas.

Today, we’ll look at 3 traps for close-minded parents and 3 advantages for being an open parent. We’ll also share 2 examples from your children’s lives that you can use immediately. They'll help your kids open their minds. At the end you'll find a new SlideShare with 7 open-minded discussion questions. I hope you'll use them with your children.

Narrow-Minded Parents Fall into 3 Traps When They:

  1. Stop listening they end up turning their kids off.
  2. Judge their children harshly when they don't agree.
  3. Demand their kids think the same way they do.

When kids aren’t heard, feel judged, and experience mind control, they can:

  1. Feel resentment toward parents.
  2. Plug their ears.
  3. Keep their real thoughts to themselves.

3 Advantages of Open-Minded Parents

  1. They listen well which gives their children the attention and respect they want.
  2. They receive respect from kids who may open their ears in return.
  3. They find out what their kids really think and can better guide them.

How to Solve 2 Childhood Problems with Open Minds

 

Yawning Boy 800
 
Many Kids Engage in Bedtime Battles.

 

When parents are open to hearing their youngsters ideas, kids can look at bedtime decisions with fresh eyes.

Ask: “Should kids have the same bedtime on weekends as school nights?”

  1. Let them share all their opinions, even if you don’t like them. Just listen.
  2. Ask them to list all the reasons for the opposite side. Just listen.
  3. Tell them to blend the best of both sides so both of you can accept them.
  4. Now it’s your turn to share your opinions and the opposite side. Then blend the best of both.
  5. Search for a compromise with your child. Take all the time you need.

Suggest you both try the new solution for a couple of weeks.

Signs that you both still need to compromise may be:

  1. Your student doesn’t get up on time.
  2. Your child yawns from tiredness at school and home.
  3. Your child is cranky during the day because he’s tired.

Remember, when children get to participate in the rules, they are more likely to follow them.

 

Chores 800
 
Does Your Child Like Responsibilities?

 

Responsibilities restrict freedom. Yet to have a freedom, there is a matching responsibility. Here are some to consider:

  1. Freedom to watch TV or play video games could mean completing homework first.
  2. Freedom to eat a snack could mean cleaning the mess afterward.
  3. Freedom to own a dog means feeding her and taking her for walks.

Discuss with your youngster more freedoms with related responsibilities.

Ask: “Is it important for kids to have responsibilities?”

  1. Listen well as your child shares both pro and con ideas.
  2. Ask questions that help your child think more deeply.
  3. Give your ideas when your student is finished.
  4. Ask, “Is there is a household responsibility you’d like to discuss?” If so, use the 2-sided method we used with the bedtime discussion.
  5. Insist on respect throughtout.

Summary – How Parents Open Closed Minds

The advantages of being an open-minded parent are mutual listening, great discussions and acceptable solutions. Helping your kids see more than their point of view teaches them to become problem solvers and wise compromisers who think outside the box. Their brains won’t be chained to stubborn thinking either.

 

Smart Parents 800
 
Open-Minded Discussions Promote Broad-Minded
Children

 

Enjoy this SlideShare with additional questions for teaching open-mindedness with delightful discussions. The transcript is included. Feel free to copy it.

How Smart Parents Raise Open-Minded Kids

https://www.slideshare.net/JeanTracyMSS/how-smart-parents-raise-open-minded-kids

 

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3 Parenting Tips: How Kids Discuss Making Excuses

"It wasn't my fault."
 
Narrow-minded kids might say, "It wasn't my fault."

 

Narrow-Minded Children Need Open-Minded Parents. Many kids naturally act to gain pleasure and avoid pain (punishment). Open-minded parents can model both calmness and reason. By doing so, they can help their children see both sides of a bigger picture.

In today’s post, we are sharing 3 dinner discussions. They don’t tell your children what to think. That’s not their purpose. The goal is to help your child slow down, think reasonably and see a side other than their own.

Use the dinner discussions to find out what your children really think. Don’t force your ideas. Listen well. Your mission is to open their minds by asking them to give advice to 3 narrow-minded kids.

 

  1. “It Wasn’t My Fault”

12 year-old Josh had been told many times to pick up his things. Yesterday, his 5 year-old brother Tommy, while running down the hall to the bathroom, tripped on Josh’s bookbag. He sprained his wrist in the fall. Josh blurted out, “It wasn’t my fault.”

  1. Did Josh have any responsibility for Tommy’s sprained wrist? Why?
  2. How could Josh blame Tommy for spraining his own wrist?
  3. By blaming Tommy, what could Josh avoid?
  4. What advice would you give Josh?
  5. If Josh followed your advice how might he have reacted differently?

 

I forgot 1000
 
Narrow-Minded Kids Might Say, "I Forgot."

 

  1. “I Forgot”

Whenever 11 year-old Sheila’s mom asked her, “Do you need help with your math homework?” Sheila would answer, “No, it was easy. I did it in school.” Then she’d run out to play.

Sheila received a poor grade in math because she rarely handed-in her homework. When her mother saw the report, she said, “You’re supposed to ask for help when you need it. Why didn’t you?” Sheila said, “I forgot.”

  1. Do you think Sheila was open to getting help? Why?
  2. Did anything stop Sheila’s from doing her homework? If so, what?
  3. If you were Sheila’s mom, would you accept, “I forgot,” for an answer? Why?
  4. What advice would you give Sheila? Why?
  5. If Sheila opened her mind and listened to you, what might she do? 

 

You're so mean 1000
             
            Narrow-Minded Kids Might Tell a Parent,                   
"You're So Mean!"

 

  1. “You’re So Mean.”

13 year-old Jerry begged his dad for an expensive new bike. His father asked, “Are you willing to work for it?”

“Do I have to?”, asked Jerry.

“If you really want a bike, you’ll need to keep your room clean, do your chores without complaining, and cut the grass every week this summer. Are you willing to do that?”

Jerry stared at his dad and yelled, “You’re so mean!”

  1. Why did Jerry yell that his dad was mean?
  2. What do you think stopped Jerry from working for a new bike?
  3. If you were Jerry’s Dad, would you give him a bike without expecting anything in return? Why?
  4. How open-minded do you think Jerry was about taking responsible?
  5. Is manipulating others with insults a good strategy? Why? 
  6. If you gave Jerry advice, what would you suggest?

 

Getting children to think reasonably helps them see the bigger picture. Open-minded thinking can slow down their pleasure seeking and speed up accepting responsibility. They might even think before they act.

Becoming reasonable and open-minded won’t happen overnight. Using dinner discussions can start the process.

Here are similar posts you might find helpful:

Character Tips for Parents of Kids Who Whine

Parenting Skills - Turning Your Kids Into Independent Thinkers

 

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Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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Parenting - 2 Childhood Dilemmas for Teaching Kids Empathy

Boy Cheating
 
Teaching Empathy Through Dilemmas
       Can Be Done

 

Childhood dilemmas help your kids think more deeply about choices.  They can teach empathy too. 

In this post, Carter is a math whiz. But he didn't study for his test and he couldn't remember how to solve some problems. He secretly pulled out his calculator and cheated. 

Ask your child questions like:

1. Can you understand Carter's feelings? Please explain.

2. What thoughts might have helped Carter to avoid cheating?

3. Can you explain Carter's dilemma?

4. What advice would you give Carter? Why?

5. Have you ever faced a difficult dilemma where you had to make a quick choice?

6. Would you like to discuss it?

Having empathy for someone doesn't mean you agree with their behavior. Empathy can soften harsh judgments and can help the person deal with what they've done.

 

IStock_000009721676XSmall.jpg.girl.stealing.cookies
 
Understanding Others Is a Form of Empathy.
 

 

Meredith wanted to see an R rated movie, but her mother disapproved. Meredith's friends were going. So Mededith decided to take her mom's money from the cookie jar and sneak off with her friends. Her mother nabbed her in the act.

Ask your child:

1. Can you understand Meredith's feelings about seeing the movie with her friends?

2. How many solutions can you think of to help Meredith avoid stealing?

3. If Meredith's mom hadn't caught her, how might she have felt about taking the money?

4. What advice would you give Meredith?

5. Have you ever felt a strong desire to do something, but your parents disapproved?

6. If yes, can you talk about it?

Understanding others' problems can help your child forgive others when they've been wronged, enjoy a kinder heart, and accept herself when she makes her own errors in judgment.

When you chat with your child about childhood dilemmas, you teach character, understanding, and empathy for others. 

Father and Son 700
 
Kids Love to Share Their Thoughts with Parents Who
Listen.

 

When kids think through specific dilemmas, it helps them with decisions and choices because a similar problem may occur in their near future. Since they've already considered it in detail, they'll know better which choice to make.

 

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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