The entitled child believes everything should go his way. He acts like he’s the king of the universe. Justin was such a boy.
Whenever Justin’s younger brother, Seth, wouldn’t play Justin’s video games with him, he’d punch Seth and yell, “I hate you!” When his mom scolded Justin, he’d sass back, “You always take Seth’s side,” then slam his bedroom door.
If Justin was your son, would you want to hit him? Would you yell, “I’m sick and tired of your angry behavior!” and preach the same old lecture?
Consider having a conversation with Justin when both of you are calm.
Teaching the Entitled Child How to Be Realistic
Use yourself as an example. It might go something like this:
Mom: Remember when I arranged a birthday party for Grandpa?
Mom: I was frustrated because only three of our family members came. I really felt mad inside. I wanted to tell those who didn’t come what I thought of them.
Justin: Did you?
Mom: No, because I remembered something Grandpa taught me as a child. He’d say, “Sally, you’re not the Queen of the Universe. Things don’t have to go your way.”
Justin: How did that help you?
Mom: Can you guess?
Mom: Because if I was the queen, I could make everybody do what I want.
Justin: But you’re not the queen so you couldn't force everyone to come to Grandpa's party.
Mom: That’s right. How might that thought help you?
Justin: I’m not the King of the Universe so things don't have to go my way either.
Mom: Right. What about Seth not playing your video games?
Mom: How can we remind ourselves that we’re not the king or queen of the universe?
Justin: Let’s make 2 signs that say, “I’m Not the King,” and “I’m Not the Queen” and post them on the fridge.
Mom: And every time we stop ourselves from losing our tempers let’s make a tally mark on our signs.
Conclusion for Helping Entitled Kids Become Reasonable
Entitled kids need to know that life isn’t fair, doesn’t cater to what they want, and can be disappointing at times. You can teach them with reasonable self-talk how to be more rational about life. None of us is the king or queen of the universe. Things often don't go our way. Sometimes we need to be patient and accept that fact. And sometimes it becomes a challenge to creatively overcome the problem.
As the parent, you are the best one to teach him this lesson by being reasonable yourself and having good discussions with him. Start with a true story about when you were angry and irrational. He won't feel like you're pointing a finger at him and he'll like spending private time with you.
Broad-Minded Parents Help Kids Think Outside the Box.
It’s easier to unlock kid’s brains when parents are open to new ideas.
Today, we’ll look at 3 traps for close-minded parents and 3 advantages for being an open parent. We’ll also share 2 examples from your children’s lives that you can use immediately. They'll help your kids open their minds. At the end you'll find a new SlideShare with 7 open-minded discussion questions. I hope you'll use them with your children.
Narrow-Minded Parents Fall into 3 Traps When They:
Stop listening they end up turning their kids off.
Judge their children harshly when they don't agree.
Demand their kids think the same way they do.
When kids aren’t heard, feel judged, and experience mind control, they can:
Feel resentment toward parents.
Plug their ears.
Keep their real thoughts to themselves.
3 Advantages of Open-Minded Parents
They listen well which gives their children the attention and respect they want.
They receive respect from kids who may open their ears in return.
They find out what their kids really think and can better guide them.
How to Solve 2 Childhood Problems with Open Minds
Many Kids Engage in Bedtime Battles.
When parents are open to hearing their youngsters ideas, kids can look at bedtime decisions with fresh eyes.
Ask: “Should kids have the same bedtime on weekends as school nights?”
Let them share all their opinions, even if you don’t like them. Just listen.
Ask them to list all the reasons for the opposite side. Just listen.
Tell them to blend the best of both sides so both of you can accept them.
Now it’s your turn to share your opinions and the opposite side. Then blend the best of both.
Search for a compromise with your child. Take all the time you need.
Suggest you both try the new solution for a couple of weeks.
Signs that you both still need to compromise may be:
Your student doesn’t get up on time.
Your child yawns from tiredness at school and home.
Your child is cranky during the day because he’s tired.
Remember, when children get to participate in the rules, they are more likely to follow them.
Does Your Child Like Responsibilities?
Responsibilities restrict freedom. Yet to have a freedom, there is a matching responsibility. Here are some to consider:
Freedom to watch TV or play video games could mean completing homework first.
Freedom to eat a snack could mean cleaning the mess afterward.
Freedom to own a dog means feeding her and taking her for walks.
Discuss with your youngster more freedoms with related responsibilities.
Ask: “Is it important for kids to have responsibilities?”
Listen well as your child shares both pro and con ideas.
Ask questions that help your child think more deeply.
Give your ideas when your student is finished.
Ask, “Is there is a household responsibility you’d like to discuss?” If so, use the 2-sided method we used with the bedtime discussion.
Insist on respect throughtout.
Summary – How Parents Open Closed Minds
The advantages of being an open-minded parent are mutual listening, great discussions and acceptable solutions. Helping your kids see more than their point of view teaches them to become problem solvers and wise compromisers who think outside the box. Their brains won’t be chained to stubborn thinking either.
Open-Minded Discussions Promote Broad-Minded
Enjoy this SlideShare with additional questions for teaching open-mindedness with delightful discussions. The transcript is included. Feel free to copy it.
Narrow-minded kids might say, "It wasn't my fault."
Narrow-Minded Children Need Open-Minded Parents. Many kids naturally act to gain pleasure and avoid pain (punishment). Open-minded parents can model both calmness and reason. By doing so, they can help their children see both sides of a bigger picture.
In today’s post, we are sharing 3 dinner discussions. They don’t tell your children what to think. That’s not their purpose. The goal is to help your child slow down, think reasonably and see a side other than their own.
Use the dinner discussions to find out what your children really think. Don’t force your ideas. Listen well. Your mission is to open their minds by asking them to give advice to 3 narrow-minded kids.
“It Wasn’t My Fault”
12 year-old Josh had been told many times to pick up his things. Yesterday, his 5 year-old brother Tommy, while running down the hall to the bathroom, tripped on Josh’s bookbag. He sprained his wrist in the fall. Josh blurted out, “It wasn’t my fault.”
Did Josh have any responsibility for Tommy’s sprained wrist? Why?
How could Josh blame Tommy for spraining his own wrist?
By blaming Tommy, what could Josh avoid?
What advice would you give Josh?
If Josh followed your advice how might he have reacted differently?
Narrow-Minded Kids Might Say, "I Forgot."
Whenever 11 year-old Sheila’s mom asked her, “Do you need help with your math homework?” Sheila would answer, “No, it was easy. I did it in school.” Then she’d run out to play.
Sheila received a poor grade in math because she rarely handed-in her homework. When her mother saw the report, she said, “You’re supposed to ask for help when you need it. Why didn’t you?” Sheila said, “I forgot.”
Do you think Sheila was open to getting help? Why?
Did anything stop Sheila’s from doing her homework? If so, what?
If you were Sheila’s mom, would you accept, “I forgot,” for an answer? Why?
What advice would you give Sheila? Why?
If Sheila opened her mind and listened to you, what might she do?
Narrow-Minded Kids Might Tell a Parent,
"You're So Mean!"
“You’re So Mean.”
13 year-old Jerry begged his dad for an expensive new bike. His father asked, “Are you willing to work for it?”
“Do I have to?”, asked Jerry.
“If you really want a bike, you’ll need to keep your room clean, do your chores without complaining, and cut the grass every week this summer. Are you willing to do that?”
Jerry stared at his dad and yelled, “You’re so mean!”
Why did Jerry yell that his dad was mean?
What do you think stopped Jerry from working for a new bike?
If you were Jerry’s Dad, would you give him a bike without expecting anything in return? Why?
How open-minded do you think Jerry was about taking responsible?
Is manipulating others with insults a good strategy? Why?
If you gave Jerry advice, what would you suggest?
Getting children to think reasonably helps them see the bigger picture. Open-minded thinking can slow down their pleasure seeking and speed up accepting responsibility. They might even think before they act.
Becoming reasonable and open-minded won’t happen overnight. Using dinner discussions can start the process.
Childhood dilemmas help your kids think more deeply about choices. They can teach empathy too.
In this post, Carter is a math whiz. But he didn't study for his test and he couldn't remember how to solve some problems. He secretly pulled out his calculator and cheated.
Ask your child questions like:
1. Can you understand Carter's feelings? Please explain.
2. What thoughts might have helped Carter to avoid cheating?
3. Can you explain Carter's dilemma?
4. What advice would you give Carter? Why?
5. Have you ever faced a difficult dilemma where you had to make a quick choice?
6. Would you like to discuss it?
Having empathy for someone doesn't mean you agree with their behavior. Empathy can soften harsh judgments and can help the person deal with what they've done.
Understanding Others Is a Form of Empathy.
Meredith wanted to see an R rated movie, but her mother disapproved. Meredith's friends were going. So Mededith decided to take her mom's money from the cookie jar and sneak off with her friends. Her mother nabbed her in the act.
Ask your child:
1. Can you understand Meredith's feelings about seeing the movie with her friends?
2. How many solutions can you think of to help Meredith avoid stealing?
3. If Meredith's mom hadn't caught her, how might she have felt about taking the money?
4. What advice would you give Meredith?
5. Have you ever felt a strong desire to do something, but your parents disapproved?
6. If yes, can you talk about it?
Understanding others' problems can help your child forgive others when they've been wronged, enjoy a kinder heart, and accept herself when she makes her own errors in judgment.
When you chat with your child about childhood dilemmas, you teach character, understanding, and empathy for others.
Kids Love to Share Their Thoughts with Parents Who
When kids think through specific dilemmas, it helps them with decisions and choices because a similar problem may occur in their near future. Since they've already considered it in detail, they'll know better which choice to make.
Parents Can Teach Children to Disagree with Respect
Any parent can teach kids to be open and respectful. But it takes practice. Today we'll share:
9 simple rules for open-minded disagreements
1 practice example about a sleepover
A 90 second video with 5 reasons why children love confiding in you
9 Rules for Conducting Open-Minded Arguments
Have you and your child ever yelled at each other? Did you feel guilty and wish it hadn't happened? I know the feeling.
Respectful Disagreements Take Practice
If you're like most parents, you'll have many disagreements with your kids. Now you can turn them into opportunities for open-minded discussions. If you do, you'll be teaching your child an important life skill.
How to teach your child 9 simple rules for open-minded respectful disagreements:
Both speak in a calm voice.
Both hear and repeat each other's words or ideas.
Both take time to find the good points in each other's thoughts.
Discuss each other's good points.
Create a compromise in which each side wins. at least, a little.
Avoid arguing, yelling, walking away, or being sarcastic.
If either side is disrespectful, make a future date to discuss the issue.
Keep that date and stay calm.
Praise your child for her respectful openness during the argument.
Use This Sleepover Example to Role-play:
Your 12 year-old son, George, is begging you to stay overnight with a friend you've never met. He says he doesn't know his mom's name or number. You want to introduce yourself and checkout the sleepover with her.
Teach Your Child to Think Clearly and Stay Calm
Use the 9 rules for staying open-minded and come to a consensus. In the end, remember you are still the parent and have the responsibility to make sure your child is safe. The final decision is yours even if your child is unhappy.
ENVISION YOUR CHILD’S ACCOMPLISHMENTS HELPED BY 9 NEW MOTIVATING IDEAS. You can plant those ideas with 2 conversations about positive attitudes.
First Conversation - Your Child's Inner Self-Talk
Just like you, children everywhere have conversations in their heads. Their inner conversations can sow seeds of discouragement, “I never do anything right,” or sprout growth, “I love learning new things.” Let's find out how to turn their internal chats into positive mottoes.
Second Conversation - Your Parent/Child Discussions
Talk with your child about the power of positive thinking and the importance about being curious. Let her know that her outlook will greatly determine whether she succeeds or fails. Why? Because the thoughts in her head influence her feelings and become self-fulfilling prophecies. Discuss how she can become a successful thinker by sharing the 9 self-talk sayings in this parenting gift.
It's Never to Early to Talk about Attitudes
Ask your children which saying is best one for repeating often. Better yet see if they can create a self-fulfilling one-liner of their own. Rhymes are easier to remember. Post the one that fits best.
Great posting places include the fridge, a bulletin board, a bedroom door and a bathroom mirror.
Posting Positive Attitudes
Become Eye-Candy Reminders
Be sure to save these 9 curiosity mottoes in your 3-hole binder. Revisit them whenever you need to discuss motivation with your child.
ANGRY PARENTS CAN'T MOTIVATE KIDS TO STUDY. Why? Because kids get discouraged, some cry. Others shrink with fear. Still others rebel. Their minds can't focus on schoolwork because painful emotions take over when parents are angry.
Bribing kids to study only works if the bribe is big enough. Kids ask, "What will I get?" They miss the point. Studying develops their learning, their minds, their inner discipline, and their inner satisfaction. Do these benefits sound too lofty ? They aren't and you'll see why.
How can you help your child learn without becoming an angry "PPP" (pushy, picky, parent)?
Motivated Kids Love to Learn
It's easy really. Have some special time with your child. A dinner out or a family dinner where everyone is relaxed is ideal. Bedtime discussions or long car rides are good too. Keep the mood positive and NO interrogating by asking:
Did you finish your homework?
Did you get it in on time?
When are you going to show it to me?
Why didn't you get it done last week?
Why is it so sloppy?
There is a better approach. I call it "investigating."
You'll find it in my one-minute video on YouTube, which you can watch right here. Beneath the video on YouTube is the simple transcript with it's motivating attitude and questions. Feel free to copy it and add it to your 3-hold binder and use whenever you need it.