Kids Become the Way They Think 

As we enter the New Year, it's the perfect time to reflect on our parenting methods. Let's set positive intentions for our children's growth. One crucial aspect to consider is the development of thinking patterns. Just as a plant needs sunshine and water to survive, your child needs a positive mindset to bloom. Let's examine five toxic thinking habits and how we can help our children overcome them for a brighter future.

 

Turn Her "I Can'ts" into "I-Cans."

1. The 'I Can't' Dilemma: Is your child trapped in the grip of "I can't" thoughts? This self-limiting belief can slow her progress. She may resort to the easy way out when faced with challenges, saying, "It's too hard." 

The antidote? Encourage her to take small steps and celebrate each achievement. By fostering an “I Can” mindset, she'll realize that every effort contributes to success, no matter how small.

 

Teach Him that Failure is a Steppingstone to

Success.

2. The Mistake Magnifier: Does your child magnify mistakes and stop trying?  Giving up could seem easier. Perhaps he fears failure. The fear of failure can shrink growth. It’s important to emphasize that mistakes are stepping stones to success.

Mistakes help us. Mistakes tell us what doesn't work. They say, "Stop repeating my errors. Try something else." Help your child view errors as ways to learn and grow. Show him how to break down problems into easy steps. You'll be helping him overcome his fear of failure. By accepting his mistakes, he can try new ways. He can start on a journey of continuous growth.

 

Turn "I'll Never Understand This" into "I Am

Understanding This Page by Page."

3. The Generalizer: If your child uses sweeping words like "all," "every time," "always," and "never" in negative statements, she might be falling into the trap of generalization. Generalizations exaggerate and are rarely true. Challenge her exaggerated statements by asking her, "Is, 'I'll never understand this really true'?" or is it an exaggeration?" Help her recognize that using such words leads to discouragement.

Teach her to drop her sweeping statements. Then focus her attention on breaking problems into smaller bits. By encouraging clear language, you guide her toward a more positive and realistic view of herself, her problems, and the world.

 

Teach Him to Recognize the Truth in Your Compliments.

4. The Compliment Problem: When your child rejects compliments and turns them into personal criticism, it could be a sign of fuzzy thinking. Perhaps he's convinced himself he's not good enough.

Make sure your praise is specific and something he cannot deny. "Doug, I like how you wash your sheets and make your bed each week." Then teach him to accept your approval with a smile. You'll be turning his negative thoughts into honest beliefs about himself. His self-esteem will grow. He'll start to become a clear thinker too. 

 

Avoid Promoting Helplessness by

Doing Her Work for Her.

5. Mountain or Molehill: Does your child turn everyday chores into mountains? She may even try to prove she is helpless. She needs to face her tasks.

Empower her with honest praise whenever she completes a small responsibility. Use specific words to help her realize she can do things for herself. "I like how carefully you dried and put the dishes away." She will want more of your approval and rely more on her abilities. Keep teaching her more age-appropriate tasks and compliment her with specifics when she achieves them. 

Boosting Positive Mindsets: You are invaluable in shaping your child's attitude. Changing negative thinking into positive mindsets isn't an overnight process but it is worth the effort.  Don't give up.

Here are three puzzles for your child  to unscramble and discuss in fostering positivity this New Year:

1. Unscramble this word, KIMSATES, and discuss how it can help you grow.
2. Unscramble this word, SMTEIDNS, and discuss why a positive one is important.
3. Unscramble this word, LEBOPSRM, and discuss why these help you think.

 

Enter Code: POSITIVE at www.KidsDiscuss.com

Answers to the 3 Puzzles:

1. Mistakes
2. Mindsets
3. Problems

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Jean Tracy

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Why won't this daughter listen?

Parents, who cannot listen, are the worst communicators. They cannot teach effective communication because they don’t practice it. 

Hey there! Are you someone who argues instead of listening to your child? Many parents do. Yet, listening is your most important parenting tool. Don't worry, if you decide to, you can always improve it. There are some habits you might have to brush aside before becoming a good listener.

Today I will share:

5 listening mistakes to avoid

5 simple listening habits to increase

1 simple formula for being your child's best counselor

3 fun listening activities for your family. 

5 Harmful Listening Habits to Avoid as a Parent:

Do you ever:

1. Interrupt your child?
2. Discount your child's opinions?
3. Dismiss your child's feelings?
4. Criticize your child?
5. Lecture your child?

Don't be overly concerned because here are 5 easy listening habits that you can use right now. They'll quickly improve your listening skills.

5 Listening Habits to Learn, Practice, and Model:

 

Father and Son Communicating

1. Look your child in the eye.
2. Focus on what they are saying.
3. Remember the key points.
4. Repeat those points in your words.
5. Ask questions to better understand your child.

By practicing these skills, you'll become a better listener. You'll be teaching your child good communication skills too. 

Become Your Child's Best Counselor:

Do you know why counselors are loved by their clients? It's because they are good listeners. They practice the 5 good habits. They also include the 70% Law of Communication, meaning, they listen 70% and speak 30%. As a parent, strive to speak less, listen more, and appreciate your child's thoughts and feelings. As you progress, notice how your relationship with your child strengthens. You'll become your child's best counselor too.

Here are 3 activities to make 'listening' a priority in your family: 

3 Activities for Family Listening:

1. Post a ‘Listening Habit of the Week’ on your refrigerator. Practice that habit in your home and outside your family. ‘Catch your children being good’ with a compliment when they listen well. 
2. The Morning Forecast: Tell your child, “Name something you’re looking forward to today.” The Evening Review: Ask, "What are some things you are grateful about today?"
3. Create free time each day and turn off technology. Use this time to discuss both your day and your child's day. Practice the 70% Law. 

Make 'Listening' a priority in your family. Listening Works!

Video - Short Clip - 1.11 minutes 

Sometimes pictures do speak 1,000 words. What do you think?

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Jean Tracy

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You Can Help Your Bullied Child

The Bullied Child - How Parents Can Help

Bullying is a big deal. When a bullied child fills his mind with revenge, bad things can happen.

Or he thinks thoughts like:

1. Nobody likes me.
2. I’m so ugly.
3. I’m stupid.

His mind recycles many painful thoughts. He may turn his pain into self-shame.

In this post, I will share how a parent of elementary age children can counsel their bullied child with ideas that work.

How Your Bullied Child Is a Big Deal for the You

 

Raising a Bullied Child Hurts You Too

Imagine your child, Samuel, hates school. You talk to his teacher. She says, “Your child is being bullied and he has no friends.”

You learn what kids yell at him and it breaks your heart because the name-calling happens over and over.

Now Sam avoids eye contact. He doesn’t talk. He stays alone in his room. Lately, he pouts, grunts his answers, and often cries. His behavior hurts you because you love him so much.

 

Parents Comforting Bullied Son

What can you do?

1. Go to him. Hug and hold him gently. Say, “I know something is wrong.”
2. Tell Sam what you’ve noticed about his behavior that tells you he’s unhappy.
3. Ask him, “What’s going on, Sam?”

The Pillow Punching Technique

 

Teach the Pillow Punching Technique

If Sam cries or just grunts say, “Here’s a way to let your feelings out. Take this pillow. Punch it as hard as you can. Do it over and over until you feel better. I’ll be here if you need me.”

When Sam’s done ask, “What was that all about?”

Listen without interruption. When he stops talking say, “Tell me more.”

The Stress Drawing Technique

 

Guide with the Stress Drawing Technique

The painful picture:

Tell Sam to draw a picture of his feelings. The picture could be dark scribbles, a stick picture of himself, or something else. Say, “Tell me about your picture.”

Appreciate what your child told you. Say, “Thank you for sharing your pain with me.

The positive picture

Ask Sam to:

1. “Draw a picture of how you would like things to be.”
2. “Brainstorm 3 good ideas to try for making your positive picture come true.”

The Bullying Plan

Because bullying is a big deal, include your child in the plan. Make sure he will cooperate. Tell him, “No one deserves to be bullied and that means you.” Here's How:

Make a Bullying Plan with Your Child  - Read How

In this article you'll also find important tips to help your bullied child make friends.

Watch this short video together. 

Bullying – How Parents Help Kids Choose Kindness 

Related Product: Social Skills Kit for Kids

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Jean Tracy

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Help Your Child Become an "I Can" Kid.

I can’t kids feel sad, weak, and fearful. They don’t want to try. They fear failure. They say:

1. I can’t
2. It’s too hard.
3. I don’t know how.
4. I don’t want to.
5. You can’t make me.

 

"I Can't" Boy with Negative

Mindset.

I can’t kids have a losing mindset. They protect themselves from failure. They lose opportunities to succeed.

Today’s article shows you how to turn self-defeating words into a positive mindset.

This method uses two little words. Instead of future failure they promote present success. So simple.

 

"I Can" Kids with Positive Mindsets.

Find out here:

Goal Setting for Kids – These 2 Little Words Work

Help your kids feel happy and succeed.

How do you help your kids think positive? Please share your tips below.

Please comment and share it with your friends on social media.

Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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How Moody Kids Become Happy Children

Your sulking child won’t talk. You ask yourself:

1. Is she mad at me for saying, ‘No.”
2. Did her brother tease her about the pimple on her chin?
3. Has her best friend dumped her for a new girlfriend?

You can torture yourself or not.

Choose to teach your child good communication skills instead. Skills that help her talk about her problems before painful thoughts grip her mind.

Recycling resentment, hurt, fear, blame, and sadness can become your child’s lifelong habit. Recycling negative thoughts hurts. Talking about problems and solving them feels good.

The following solutions are for both girls and boys.

3 Ways to Rescue Kids from Moodiness

 

Listening Helps Kids Share Their Feelings

      1.Listening

        Good listening by parents builds trust. When children trust parents will hear their problems without arguing or criticizing, they talk.

        It takes many talks to teach children the communication skills they need. By listening well, parents are teaching good communication. Kids will learn to listen in return.

        Find a sample parent/child conversation that’s easy to use at Listening Chats.

2. Repeating Motivational Sayings

 

Repeating Positive Sayings Motivates Kids

        Teach children through repetition. Use motivational thoughts for your child to absorb. Here are a few:

           “The most beautiful smile belongs to those who make others smile” Mahnoor Tahir

          “The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”  Mark Twain.         

          “The best sleeping pill is a clear conscience.” Dada J. P. Vaswani

Repeating upbeat motivational quotes helps your child remember them. They become her inner self-talk.

Get 5 more quotes that my mother used to motivate me. I passed them on to my children too. Family Sayings.

3. Creating a Fun Home-life

 

Family Music Night

•  Once a week have a ‘Family Compliment Night.’
•  Help kids ‘Write a Newsletter’ for your expanded family.
• Each night Discuss One Act of Kindness each member did that day.

Pick up 5 more fun events for your family at Bright Attitudes

Conclusion: How to Help Your Moody Child

1. Use conversations to teach good communication skills that solve problems.
2. Repeat motivational quotes for kids to absorb.
3. Put fun events into your family life.

For more in depth ideas go to:

How Parents Turn Dark Moods into Bright Attitudes

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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The Emotion Scale Works

Parenting kids with out-of-control emotions is difficult. If you’re frazzled and your emotions flare up, I have a solution for you and your children. 

 

Out-of-Control Tempers

Before I tell you more, here are 3 questions:

1. Are you shouting at one another and feeling shame?
2. Are you or your children sad or depressed?
3. Are you anxious that your family will get the COVID-19 virus?

Did you answer “Yes” to any of the questions? If so, this slide share is just what you need. I suggest you practice it and experience how it works. Then teach it to your children.

 

How the Emotion Scale Works

No one knows when the pandemic will end. This makes some people jumpy and anxious. Others are yearning to see family members. Many want our governors to open-up our schools. Children long to see their teachers and friends. Parents need to work, afford food, and pay rent.  Not knowing leads us to out-of-control feelings.

 

Make It a Habit!

With this simple parenting tool, quickly turn overwhelming emotions like, rage, anxiety, depression, and shame into more peaceful feelings. Use this Emotion Scale to decrease emotional stress and increase family harmony.

Get the Emotion Scale here:

The Emotion Scale

or

 https://kidsdiscuss.com/#/slide-share-detail/This-Emotional-Scale-Helps-Kids-Feel-Better-Quickly

Please write a comment and copy the transcript below it for your own use. 

Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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Listening Is the Key to Stopping the Tattling

Parents yell, “Stop Tattling!”

Listening to tattling is like scratching a swollen mosquito bite. If you listen to it over and over, it will get worse. Tattling becomes your child’s  habit.  Screaming becomes your cure, but only for the moment.

There is a better way. Today we’ll show a video to stop the tattling. You’ll see within the video a father who asks his daughter,

“Are you trying to help or hurt your sister?”

If she’s tattling to get her sister in trouble, he tells her:

“Please try to solve the problem yourself. Then come back and tell me how you solved it.”

Two Parenting Goals for Problem-Solving

1. To increase problem-solving with your positive attention.
2. To decrease tattling.

 

Listening Is the Gift Your Child Wants

The Problem-Solving Gift

Imagine you’re the girl’s father. When she returns to share her solution, listen. Good listening is a hug without words. It is filled with your attention. It is peaceful and loving. It is your gift to her.

How Listening Shows Caring:

Good listening avoids judging or arguing. It really wants to know your child’s thoughts and feelings. If there is something you don’t understand, ask questions after she’s done speaking.

Here is what you might say when your child shares her solution:

1. Let’s talk about your solution.
2. What voice did you use and what did you say?
3. How did it end?
4. How did you feel after you solved it?
5. What do you need to do to avoid a conflict next time?
6. What do you think of your becoming a problem-solver?
7. Can you guess how proud I am of you?

In the end, you want your child to be able to say, “ You really listened. You really care about how I think.”

Listening is a gift that can be used over and over in many different situations, not just tattling. Why? Because listening with love is what your child wants.  It creates a bond with your child and harmony in your home. Yes, it takes more time and it is rewarding. It is a great way to teach problem-solving. 

This brief video shares more ways to stop the tattling: 

Tattletale Kids: 10 Tips for Frustrated Parents

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4Z3fh0VzRw

You might also like this article:

How Parents Stop Kids from Tattling on Sibs

https://www.kidsdiscuss.com/#/article/206

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Conquers Fear in Parents and Children

Imagine fear invading your mind like a virus. It infects your mind with thoughts. It’s all you can think about.

1. Will I get sick?
2. Will my kids get sick?
3. What about my job?

So many thoughts recycling over and over that you:

1. Forget what you’re about to do.
2. Talk harshly.
3. Make mistakes.
4. Feel tight inside.
5. Forget to breathe.

Now imagine your child watching you. He’s seen the news. He’s aware that things are bad and wonders:

 

Kids worry too.

1. Am I safe?
2. Will my parents protect me?
3. What will happen to my family?

Fear has infected him too.

How Parents Are Mentally Stronger than Children:

You’ve battled difficult situations and painful feelings many times in your life. You are a mind warrior because somehow, you’ve come through.

Your child is much less experienced than you and lacks the mental weapons you possess, even if you don’t know you possess them.

Remember this. It’s the frightful thoughts that wage war in your mind and cause your fear. You’ve battled them before. How will you deal with them now?

Today I’ll share the Emotion Meter (Sometimes called the Mood Meter) to use personally and then with your child. Use it as often as needed. Be a warrior again and teach your child to be a warrior too.

 

The Emotion Meter Uses

Your Child's Powerful

Mind.

Read more

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When Permissive Parents Bribe, Kids Are The Boss

Permissiveness, parenting without structure and guidance, and over-negotiating rules and chores hurt your authority. Your kids are injured too. 

How Permissive Parents Harm Kids

1. Without parental structure and direction, your kids won’t know the path to a successful life. They may follow a destructive trail and hurt themselves instead.
2. Without parental supervision about right and wrong expect your kids to experience trouble and pain.
3. Without responsible chores they will lack the life skills for future know-how and self-care.

How to Overcome Permissive Parenting and Take Back Your Authority

1. Visualize yourself as a kind and firm parent with your child. (See your child not yourself.)
2. Feel what it's like to be a kind and firm parent.
3. Tell yourself, “I am kind and firm with my child.”

Put all 3 into one magic moment so that you see, feel, and say them all at once.

Do this before you fall asleep at night and before you rise each morning. Do this for 21 days. If you do, you’ll regain your authority and become the parent you need to be. Make it a habit.

This Kind but Firm Video Helps You Be the Authority and Your Kids Do Their Chores:

You Might Also Like:

Raising Responsible Kids – How to Get Your Children To Do Their Chores  It includes a 4-Point Formula.

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Overworked Moms Lose Their Tempers.

Tired moms come home to sprawling clutter, kids playing videos, and dinner to fix. No wonder they explode.

Mom: “Who left their dirty dishes in the sink?”

Kids don’t answer. They keep playing video games.

Mom: “You kids are so lazy! You expect me to do everything.”

Kids pout and sigh. But they keep playing.

Mom: “You turn that thing off and get out here.”

The kids turn off their games and slowly drag their feet.

They’ve heard it all before.

Every day after school kids drop their coats, books and boots on the floor, eat snacks, leave a mess, and relax with video games. When Mom comes home, the shouting begins.

4 Careless Behaviors That Trigger Moms' Anger:

1. Messy kids' bedrooms
2. Dirty dishes in sink
3. Filthy floor
4. Loud video games

Exhausted Moms and Guilt

 “This isn’t the picture I dreamed when I thought about having kids. I hate shouting at my kids. Now they're angry at me.”

 

This was my dream of raising kids

What to Do?

1. Don’t start cleaning up. It will just make you more upset.
2. Take care of yourself first. Calm down by taking a nap, a bubble bath, eating a snack, or doing something you enjoy.
3. Be thinking about ways to handle the situation without anger.
4. Plan a family meeting to discuss the problem.

What to Include in the Family Meeting:

1. Schedule it when everyone has calmed down - very important.
2. Avoid making it a complaint session.
3. Start with compliments for all.
4. Bring up the problem. Ask members, “How can we solve it?”
5. Write down solutions from each member.
6. Group picks the best solutions.
7. Each member makes a specific commitment to solve the problem.
8. Post the commitments on the fridge.
9. End with more compliments for each member and a dessert.

Make family meetings a regular event both to solve problems and to plan fun times together.

Conclusion for Tired Moms with Careless Kids:

Overworked moms and dads get upset with careless children. Yelling, lecturing, and put-downs follow. But they don’t motivate kids to help.

Family meetings, if they don’t become gripe sessions, can become positive events that solve problems. They teach kids listening and speaking skills. They train kids to work together within the family. Family meetings teach priceless life skills that build character too.

Related Video:

Frustrated Moms - 10 Temper Triggers with Solutions

You might also like:

33 Family Meetings Kids Love

https://www.kidsdiscuss.com/#/product/kdeb003

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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