This Mom Can't Listen - 5 Harmful Mistakes, 5 Easy Solutions

1 mom and daughter
 
Why won't this daughter listen?

Parents, who cannot listen, are the worst communicators. They cannot teach effective communication because they don’t practice it. 

Hey there! Are you someone who argues instead of listening to your child? Many parents do. Yet, listening is your most important parenting tool. Don't worry, if you decide to, you can always improve it. There are some habits you might have to brush aside before becoming a good listener.

Today I will share:

5 listening mistakes to avoid

5 simple listening habits to increase

1 simple formula for being your child's best counselor

3 fun listening activities for your family. 

5 Harmful Listening Habits to Avoid as a Parent:

Mom asking us to be quiet

Do you ever:

  1. Interrupt your child?
  2. Discount your child's opinions?
  3. Dismiss your child's feelings?
  4. Criticize your child?
  5. Lecture your child?

Don't be overly concerned because here are 5 easy listening habits that you can use right now. They'll quickly improve your listening skills.

5 Listening Habits to Learn, Practice, and Model:

Black Dad Discussing
 
Father and Son Communicating

 

  1. Look your child in the eye.
  2. Focus on what they are saying.
  3. Remember the key points.
  4. Repeat those points in your words.
  5. Ask questions to better understand your child.

By practicing these skills, you'll become a better listener. You'll be teaching your child good communication skills too. 

Become Your Child's Best Counselor:

Do you know why counselors are loved by their clients? It's because they are good listeners. They practice the 5 good habits. They also include the 70% Law of Communication, meaning, they listen 70% and speak 30%. As a parent, strive to speak less, listen more, and appreciate your child's thoughts and feelings. As you progress, notice how your relationship with your child strengthens. You'll become your child's best counselor too.

Here are 3 activities to make 'listening' a priority in your family: 

3 Activities for Family Listening:

  1. Post a ‘Listening Habit of the Week’ on your refrigerator. Practice that habit in your home and outside your family. ‘Catch your children being good’ with a compliment when they listen well. 
  2. The Morning Forecast: Tell your child, “Name something you’re looking forward to today.” The Evening Review: Ask, "What are some things you are grateful about today?"
  3. Create free time each day and turn off technology. Use this time to discuss both your day and your child's day. Practice the 70% Law. 

Make 'Listening' a priority in your family. Listening Works!

 

Video - Short Clip - 1.11 minutes 

Sometimes pictures do speak 1,000 words. What do you think?

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Jean Tracy

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Parenting Tip List - Teaching Kids to Judge Character

Mother and Daughter Discussion 2

Mother and Daughter Discussing Character

Judging character is easy to teach. Coach your child to see how a person acts and hear what she says. Is the other kind, honest, and respectful? Or is she rude, unkind, and dishonest?

Training Your Child to Look for the Good 

Good Character is about being honest and having strong moral values. You can trust an honest person. But a dishonest person signals the red alert, "He lies. I can't trust him." The following questions open your child's eyes to finding good character in others.

Parenting Tip List - How to Ask about Character: 

Consider using these discussions around the kitchen table, in the car, or at bedtime.

1. Reject fault-finding in classmates.

  • How can the habit of finding fault in others hurt you?
  • How could fault-finding lead to gossip?
  • What do you think about gossiping?

 
How Could Gossip Hurt Him?
Indian Boy Sad 450

  1. Explore the Qualities of Character:
  • How would you describe someone with a weak character?
  • What are signs of a good character?
  • How would you recognize the good character in others?

   3. Help Your Child Make Friends with Kids of Good Character:

  • How can you be friendly?
  • How can you have fun?
  • How can you be appreciative?
  1. Practice Praising a Classmate's Good Character:

 

Boy and Girl Praising 450
 
Girl Enjoying a Compliment

 

  • Pick a classmate to praise.
  • What would you say? Let’s practice. 
  • Share it with your classmate and tell me what happened.
  • Who will you praise next?

Help your child listen to a classmate's words and see how she acts. He'll be assessing the 'content of her character.' It can influence him about who to avoid and who to choose as a friend. 

Guide your child to 'look for the good' in others. He will find it because you opened his eyes to see and his ears to hear.

 

 

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Jean Tracy

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"Stop Tattling!" - 5 Parenting Tips with Video

Tattletale mom frustrated
 
Tattletale Frustration

Are your tattletales driving you batty? Do you want the tattling to stop? Check out the 5 discussions below. Then listen to the 37-second video for a simple solution.

 

Discussion about Tattling

Tattletale smile
 
Tattletale Trouble Maker

With your child, discuss the list below. Ask whether the tattler wants to get help for his sibling or get her in trouble. Then say, "Tell me more."

  1. Mom, she ate all the ice cream.
  2. Dad, he didn’t help me clean the garage.
  3. Mom, her nose won’t stop bleeding.
  4. Dad, he scratched your new car on purpose.
  5. Mom, he poked his eye with a stick.                                      Which tattle gave a motive for the other sibling’s behavior? Did you need more details about any of the tattles? What tattletale complaints frustrate you in your home? Discuss them too.
 
IStock_000002491462Xfamily singing
 
This Tip Gets Kids Thinking

 

Best Parenting Tip for Tattles

This short video clip gives parents one excellent parenting tip for dealing with tattletales. Discuss its solution.

Use the solution whenever one of your children tattles. Be consistent. Let me know the outcome.

If you want more in-depth help - How Parents Stop Kids From Tattling on Sibs.

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Turn Your Sad Child into a Happy Thinker – 5 Easy Steps

Frustrated boy SMALL
 
"Nobody likes me."

 

This sad boy talks to himself constantly. He tells himself self-pity thoughts. Find out how to help him.
People talk to themselves a lot. Often, they’re not aware of what they tell themselves.
When their thoughts are happy and healthy, they feel strong and positive.
When their thoughts are sad and filled with self-pity, they feel weak and miserable.

Girl laughing
 
You CAN help your child choose how to think.

 

How can you help your child become

a strong happy thinker? Here’s how:


Pick up your free Happy Thinker Exercise at https://www.KidsDiscuss.com  Insert the code word - THINKER and download your gift.



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Family Vacations - 15 Conversations for Carefree Travelers

 

Family

Conversation starters are perfect for vacations. Children get to speak, and you get to hear what they really think. Your kids get to hear what you think too.

Boy watch time
 
"One, Two, Three -GO!"

 

Time how long each person speaks. One minute is good for starters. 

Rule: No interrupting!

The first speaker picks his conversation from an envelope (see below). No peeking!

 

Boy 800
 
This child is thinking before he speaks.

 

                  
 

The timer starts only when the speaker starts. When the speaker is finished, the group may ask him questions or give their opinions.

He then chooses the next person to speak. (Make sure everyone has a turn.)

 

Girl

 
This girl is visualizing her answer first.

 

If a member wants their turn to be a previous person’s topic, time them for one minute. Then that person picks the next speaker.

 

Mom
 
Mom is thinking whether to answer this question or the
previous one.

 

Note. The group can use the same conversation opener for everyone. Otherwise, each member can pick their own conversation. .

 

Dad
 
Dad is smiling as he thinks.

Suggestion:

Put the Conversation Starters in an envelope, purse, or backpack. Make them easy to find.

Whether you're going on a trip, a car ride, or a fun night at home, use these conversation openers. They're a great way to feel warm and cozy as a family. Remember, if f your having fun, your doing it right.

Get all 15 conversations starters. Insert code: CAR and download at www.KidsDiscuss.com  - They're FREE!

 

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Dr. King's Dream - How Kids Choose Praise Over Gossip

 
 
Typepad Kids 624
WE CARE FOR EACH OTHER

 

Gossip and Looking for the Worst in Others

Meet Alexa and Tony. Both are gossipy 10 year-olds. They like bad-mouthing the kids in their 5th grade. It helps them feel superior. 

Gossip 713
 
"He thinks he's so cool." 

 

Alexa: Did you see Noah's glasses?

Tony: "So ugly!"

Alexa: “I agree.”

Tony: "Nobody likes him."

Alexa: "He thinks he so cool."

Tony: “Yah. He has the biggest house in town.”

Alexa: “They have 2 Teslas in their garage.”

Tony: "He’s so spoiled. He gets everything he wants."

Alexa: "Right! I hate hearing him brag about his video games."

Because Noah had more toys, the biggest house, and expensive cars, they felt envious. They told themselves, “I’m not spoiled like Noah. I’m better than him.” 

If looking for the worst in others become a habit, Alexa and Tony could become gossipy adults.

 

 Praise and Looking for the Best in Others

Diverse Boys Computer 725
 
Calvin Complimenting Noah

 

Meet Calvin. He’s in the same 5th grade as Alexa and Tony.

His easy laughter and friendly smiles draw kids to him. 

Noah asked Calvin to his birthday party. Noah didn’t invite Alexa and Tony. Calvin noticed that mostly adults and few classmates attended. 

“I like how you made your invitations, Noah, especially with your cat pawing the cake. Would you help me draw like you?" 

Later, Calvin asked if they could play video games.

Calvin Choosing Praise Over Gossip

When they finished, Calvin told Noah, “You're good at making those car racing decisions.” Everybody agreed. Noah felt like he was starting to fit in. He smiled at Calvin for helping him.

Calvin looks for the good and finds it. He shared it with Noah too.

Other students sense Calvin's positivity and want to be his friend.

If Calvin makes "looking for the good" a habit, he could become an effective leader today and in the future.

 

What Do You Think?

How did Alexa's and Tony’s mindsets differ from Calvin’s?

Who, in your judgment, had the better attitude?

If you chose Calvin’s attitude, check out the following Slide Share.

 

Dr. Martin Luther King's Dream - How Kids Pay It Forward

In this slide share you’ll find 3 ways to seek and share the good in others. And 3 ways to seek the good outside the family. My Family Compliment Weekend, a special technique, is waiting inside for you.

Watch Now!

 

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Content of Character - Teach Your Kids to Love Like This

Dr. MLK Love 800
 
"There's Something about Love that Builds Up and Is Creative."

Martin Luther King, Jr. wanted his four little children (and all people) judged by the "content of their character," not "the color of their skin." Dr. King believed in love not hate. Find out how character, judgment and love fit together in a way Dr. King might approve.

Effective parents teach children to judge. Not by skin color but by searching for the good.

Today, I’ll share how this love works through the story of Gabby, a family activity, and an activity that increases others’ self-esteem. It creates friendships too.

Practice it in your home. I guarantee it will boost your family’s love. Then watch it spread outward from your family to others.

Family Talk 1000
 
Dad, I like how you take the time to play UNO with me.

The Story of Gabby

(To protect privacy, all the names are changed because the people are real.)

Gabriella, 13 years-old, is taking a peer coaching class. She assists Mrs. Matlin, who teaches 10 special needs children, like:

  1. Daniel, who repeatedly runs around the room
  2. Lucas, who lets out blood curdling screams that make everyone jump.
  3. Olivia, who stutters and gets mad if asked questions she doesn’t want to answer.

 

  1. Bigstock-girl 25718705 500
     
    "I said, don't call on me.!"

 

Find out how Gabby's family activity influenced her with these special needs children. Then consider adopting their simple family ritual:

How Kids Judge Others by the "Content of Their Character"

Dr. King was right. "There is something about love that builds up and is creative." 

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Judging - Skin Color or Character? Teach Your Kids This

MLK leadership-g863c98947_900
 
How the Family Makes His Dream Come True

 

August 28, 1963, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech. He told the crowd he wanted his four little children to be judged by the “content of their character,” not by the color of their skin.  You can make his dream come true.

Today, my new video will share 2 simple activities to teach your children. It promotes judging others in a way, I believe, Dr. King would approve.

Family Talk Asian 830

Teaching Children To Find the Good in Each Member

 

First Character Building Activity

Gather your family together once a week. Pick a member's name from a special bowl. Each member tells the person with the name they picked an honest compliment. What's this got to do with judging character and Dr. Martin Luther King?  'Judging' includes the good qualities you see in each other. 

Gabby 777
 
"Gabby, I like how nicely we talk to each other. You're
the best sister ever."

 

Second Character Building Activity 

Each member looks for the good in friends, classmates, and teachers. You'll see in the video how simple it is. Your children pay forward what they learned within your family. Imagine them sharing their experiences at your next family dinner.

Diverse Boys 900
 
Toby, your speech about Dr. King was so interesting.

 

Hopefully friends, classmates and teachers will also spread the good they find in others. Why? Because to 'judge' by looking for the good in others makes both the giver the receiver feel great.

It all starts in the family.

Enjoy this video now.  How Children Promote Dr. Martin Luther King's Dream

                                    

 

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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How Children Learn Goal-Setting with Positive Self-Talk

Self-Talk 624
 
Children CAN learn to control their self-talk.

Lou Tice, speaker, motivator and founder of the Pacific Institute, taught the 3 parts in goal-setting. He said that good goal-setting starts with the thought, then the picture, and then the emotions that go with them. When we put them altogether, they become our self-talk. He said  "Control your self-talk and you control your life."

Lou Tice 451
 
Speaker and
Motivator

Many years ago, I viewed a film in which he taught goal-setting. Immediately, I saw its value. I knew I could teach this technique to adults and children in my counseling practice. The following is an example:

Frustrated boy SMALL
 
I can't.

Fearful Negative Self-Talk

  1. The thought - “I can’t give my book report in front of the class.”
  2. The picture – the class is making fun of me.
  3. The emotion - fear

When we say, see, and sense it altogether and keep recycling it, it becomes our painful reality. As Lou Tice said, “We move toward our pictures (the pictures in our head).

We don’t have to think negatively. We can control our lives with positive self-talk. We can teach our children to set goals with positive self-talk too. But how? I'll show you soon.

Brave Positive Self-Talk

  1. The thought - “I am giving my book report with confidence.” (Use “I am” as if it is happening now.)
  2. The picture – The class is listening and smiling. (Look at what you would see, not yourself – see your class.)
  3. The emotion - confidence.
  4. Finally, put the positive thought, picture and emotion all together in one moment and do it each morning and night. This is the way to set goals, be successful and create a happier life.

Class 450

 

We can control our destiny by controlling our self-talk. Let’s instruct our minds to create positive pictures with positive self-talk using this simple method.

This video shows you how:

 

                                                        

 

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Goal-Setting - How Parents Teach Kids Successful Attitudes

Set Goal Girl Homework 900
Is this what you want your child to yell?
"I can't set goals!"
 

Parents, give up resolutions! They don’t work because something is missing. Neither you nor your children can reach your goals without it. Today, I will:

  1. Show why resolutions are broken.
  2. Apply what a great leader understood.
  3. Share a 4 minute video showing you and your children the way to achieve goals.

It’s not that you don’t want to achieve your goals or that you’re not strong enough to make them happen.

5 Reasons Resolutions Are Broken:

  1. Losing interest in the goal.
  2. Forgetting about the resolution.
  3. Breaking the goal once and then giving up.
  4. Breaking it for a good reason.
  5. Breaking it at a party or because of a teasing friend.

William James, (1842-1910), the founder of American Psychology, stated:

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.”

 

William James 700
 
William James, 1842-1910

A good resolution includes altering attitudes. Positive attitudes are the foundation for good resolutions. They include clear vision, emotions and the words that describe them.

For example, envision these attitudes:

  1. To embrace exercise rather than dread it -

“I am exercising with vim and vigor.”

  1. To choose healthy foods over unhealthy foods -

“I am eating delicious fruits and vegetables.”

  1. To focus on math rather than give up -

“I am seeing how to problem solve and multiplying with ease.”

  1. To become outgoing rather than shy -

“I am smiling and acting friendly at school.”

  1. To choose patience over impatience -

 “I am looking at my child with loving eyes.”

 

Mother and Daughter
 
Resolution: "I am looking at my child with loving eyes."

 

William James also said:

“It’s our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task that will determine its success.”

Resolutions can be challenging tasks. Otherwise, we wouldn’t need them to improve our lives. Attitudes are the missing piece at the beginning of solid resolutions.

Don’t give up resolutions! They can work.

Today’s simple method gives you and your children an effective way to develop the attitudes to make your goals come true.

Watch this video now:

How Parents Teach Children to Set Smart Goals



Parents CAN Teach Children to Set Goals

 

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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