Dear Parent!

Your heartfelt love creates an incredible journey with your child. It's filled with joy, laughter, and love. But let's face it, sometimes communicating with our children can be a challenge. We've all had those moments of not understanding their feelings and struggles.

Parenting Struggles:

We get it. Talking with your child can be tough. Balancing everyday life while staying tuned in to your child's world isn't always easy. Distractions, impatience, and finding the right balance between listening and guiding can hurt effective communication. But remember, you're not alone on this journey.

 

Parents Face Challenges.

 

But don't worry! This post is here to help you overcome those struggles and strengthen the deep connection with your child through the power of parenting with heart by 'listening with heart.' 

Practical Tips for Listening with Heart:

1. Be a Safe and Non-judgmental Parent:

Be a safe space where your child can freely express themselves. Here's how:

• Look them in the eye.
• Show open body language.
• Give them your undivided attention.
• Remember the 70/30 Rule: Listen 70%. Speak 30%.
• Be open-minded and caring.

This builds trust and encourages your child to share their thoughts and feelings.

2. Confirm and Empathize:

 

 Understand Your Child's Feelings

Support your child's feelings. Use phrases like:

• "I understand how you feel."
• "It's okay to feel that way."
• "I'm sorry that happened."
• "You seem happy."
• "What's making you smile?"

By speaking in these ways, you show care and understanding.

Quote from a Child Therapist:

Dr. Haim G. Ginott, a respected child psychologist, once said, "Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression." Your empathetic listening can leave a lasting positive impression on your child's emotional well-being.

3. Strike the Balance:

Listening with heart doesn't mean being a passive listener. Your child looks up to you for guidance and support. Find the right balance by setting clear boundaries and expectations. Here are three guidelines:

• Be Respectful: Listen without interruptions, giving each other time to express thoughts and expectations. Expect respect from your child too.
• Pay Attention: Show you value the conversation by giving your full attention and removing distractions.
• Encourage Positive Behavior: When children feel heard and confirmed, it encourages positive behavior. It helps them develop a powerful sense of self-worth. It also leads them to healthier relationships and decision-making.

Remember, offer gentle guidance without imposing solutions, and let your child explore their thoughts to find their answers.

 

"I Can Choose"

These guidelines empower children to engage in discussions, fostering understanding, respect, and effective communication. Follow these tips. Your children will share their thoughts and build a stronger relationship with you.

Remember, setting clear boundaries with children is an ongoing process that requires consistency, open communication, and understanding. It helps your child develop structure, responsibility, and respect for themselves and others.

Based on the content of this blog, here is a little quiz:

 Which of the following is NOT a practical tip for "listening with heart"?

1. a) Show open body language.
2. b) Use interruptions to guide the conversation.
3. c) Listen 70% and speak 30%.
4. d) Be open-minded and caring.

Answer: b) Use interruptions to guide the conversation.

Listening without interruptions is essential for "listening with heart." The other options (a, c, and d) are positive and effective strategies for connecting with your child.

Conclusion:

By acknowledging the struggles and challenges of parenting, you can take steps to overcome them. "Listening with heart" is the key to a deeper connection with your child.

Embrace the practical strategies we've shared, create a safe space, affirm their emotions, strike the balance between listening and guiding, and explore creative avenues for communication.

 

'Listening with Heart' Helps Her Bond with You

       Please listen - only 1 minute and 11 seconds.

Now, go and strengthen that special bond with your child through the magic of listening!

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy

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Why won't this daughter listen?

Parents, who cannot listen, are the worst communicators. They cannot teach effective communication because they don’t practice it. 

Hey there! Are you someone who argues instead of listening to your child? Many parents do. Yet, listening is your most important parenting tool. Don't worry, if you decide to, you can always improve it. There are some habits you might have to brush aside before becoming a good listener.

Today I will share:

5 listening mistakes to avoid

5 simple listening habits to increase

1 simple formula for being your child's best counselor

3 fun listening activities for your family. 

5 Harmful Listening Habits to Avoid as a Parent:

Do you ever:

1. Interrupt your child?
2. Discount your child's opinions?
3. Dismiss your child's feelings?
4. Criticize your child?
5. Lecture your child?

Don't be overly concerned because here are 5 easy listening habits that you can use right now. They'll quickly improve your listening skills.

5 Listening Habits to Learn, Practice, and Model:

 

Father and Son Communicating

1. Look your child in the eye.
2. Focus on what they are saying.
3. Remember the key points.
4. Repeat those points in your words.
5. Ask questions to better understand your child.

By practicing these skills, you'll become a better listener. You'll be teaching your child good communication skills too. 

Become Your Child's Best Counselor:

Do you know why counselors are loved by their clients? It's because they are good listeners. They practice the 5 good habits. They also include the 70% Law of Communication, meaning, they listen 70% and speak 30%. As a parent, strive to speak less, listen more, and appreciate your child's thoughts and feelings. As you progress, notice how your relationship with your child strengthens. You'll become your child's best counselor too.

Here are 3 activities to make 'listening' a priority in your family: 

3 Activities for Family Listening:

1. Post a ‘Listening Habit of the Week’ on your refrigerator. Practice that habit in your home and outside your family. ‘Catch your children being good’ with a compliment when they listen well. 
2. The Morning Forecast: Tell your child, “Name something you’re looking forward to today.” The Evening Review: Ask, "What are some things you are grateful about today?"
3. Create free time each day and turn off technology. Use this time to discuss both your day and your child's day. Practice the 70% Law. 

Make 'Listening' a priority in your family. Listening Works!

Video - Short Clip - 1.11 minutes 

Sometimes pictures do speak 1,000 words. What do you think?

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy

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• 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
• 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

 

Children CAN learn to control their self-talk.

Lou Tice, speaker, motivator and founder of the Pacific Institute, taught the 3 parts in goal-setting. He said that good goal-setting starts with the thought, then the picture, and then the emotions that go with them. When we put them altogether, they become our self-talk. He said  "Control your self-talk and you control your life."

 

Speaker and

Motivator

Many years ago, I viewed a film in which he taught goal-setting. Immediately, I saw its value. I knew I could teach this technique to adults and children in my counseling practice. The following is an example:

 

I can't.

Fearful Negative Self-Talk

1. The thought - “I can’t give my book report in front of the class.”
2. The picture – the class is making fun of me.
3. The emotion - fear

When we say, see, and sense it altogether and keep recycling it, it becomes our painful reality. As Lou Tice said, “We move toward our pictures (the pictures in our head).

We don’t have to think negatively. We can control our lives with positive self-talk. We can teach our children to set goals with positive self-talk too. But how? I'll show you soon.

Brave Positive Self-Talk

1. The thought - “I am giving my book report with confidence.” (Use “I am” as if it is happening now.)
2. The picture – The class is listening and smiling. (Look at what you would see, not yourself – see your class.)
3. The emotion - confidence.
4. Finally, put the positive thought, picture and emotion all together in one moment and do it each morning and night. This is the way to set goals, be successful and create a happier life.

We can control our destiny by controlling our self-talk. Let’s instruct our minds to create positive pictures with positive self-talk using this simple method.

This video shows you how:

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy

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Set Goal

Is this what you want your child to yell?

"I can't set goals!"

 

Parents, give up resolutions! They don’t work because something is missing. Neither you nor your children can reach your goals without it. Today, I will:

1. Show why resolutions are broken.
2. Apply what a great leader understood.
3. Share a 4 minute video showing you and your children the way to achieve goals.

It’s not that you don’t want to achieve your goals or that you’re not strong enough to make them happen.

5 Reasons Resolutions Are Broken:

1. Losing interest in the goal.
2. Forgetting about the resolution.
3. Breaking the goal once and then giving up.
4. Breaking it for a good reason.
5. Breaking it at a party or because of a teasing friend.

William James, (1842-1910), the founder of American Psychology, stated:

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.”

 

William James, 1842-1910

A good resolution includes altering attitudes. Positive attitudes are the foundation for good resolutions. They include clear vision, emotions and the words that describe them.

For example, envision these attitudes:

1. To embrace exercise rather than dread it -

“I am exercising with vim and vigor.”

2. To choose healthy foods over unhealthy foods -

“I am eating delicious fruits and vegetables.”

3. To focus on math rather than give up -

“I am seeing how to problem solve and multiplying with ease.”

4. To become outgoing rather than shy -

“I am smiling and acting friendly at school.”

5. To choose patience over impatience -

 “I am looking at my child with loving eyes.”

 

Resolution: "I am looking at my child with loving eyes."

William James also said:

“It’s our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task that will determine its success.”

Resolutions can be challenging tasks. Otherwise, we wouldn’t need them to improve our lives. Attitudes are the missing piece at the beginning of solid resolutions.

Don’t give up resolutions! They can work.

Today’s simple method gives you and your children an effective way to develop the attitudes to make your goals come true.

Watch this video now:

How Parents Teach Children to Set Smart Goals

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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How Families Conquer Loneliness and Create Hope

Like a ghost, the unseen virus threatens everyone. It isolates kids from their friends. Parents sense the deep loneliness invading their children. They feel it too.

The news exposes violence in the streets. Riots divide us. Can anything bring all peoples together when the pandemic is over?

Today’s post shouts, “Yes!”

 

How Families Connect

In a simple video you will find a cure for loneliness, disconnectedness, and hatred. You’ll find how:

1. Parents can influence children.
2. Adults can expand their comfort zones.
3. Individuals can overcome loneliness.
4. People can learn to connect.
5. Everyone can belong.

The solutions within this video are different. They are not one-sided. Everyone is responsible and it’s easy. It comes down to one word and it doesn’t start with “L.”

Hope: Families Brainstorm Specific Plans

We are about to conquer the virus. Vaccines are multiplying. Hope is in the air. It’s time to plan.

Let this 3 minute  video help you. Then brainstorm what you and your family can do. Start making specific plans and when the time comes, enjoy making friends.

Watch now:

5 Ways Diverse Families Become Friends

https://youtu.be/jSwhNRbTRXQ

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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This Drawing Technique Helps Kids Overcome Fear

The coronavirus scares your child.

“Mom, are we safe?”

“What do you mean?”

“Will we get sick too?”

Disaster news is everywhere. TV, newspapers, social media and even billboard reminders are appearing in some places.

Children are home. Parents are home. Everyone is scared.

Today's 3 Practical Parenting Steps:

1. Review the 9 listening skills.
2. Learn the drawing technique by using it to calm yourself first.
3. Teach the drawing technique to your child. 

9 Listening Skills Effective Parents Need

Review the following listening tips:

1. Listen with direct eye contact, a caring smile and both ears.
2. Ask questions to be sure you understand.
3. Be patient. Give enough time for your child to form thoughts.
4. Repeat your child's ideas in your own words. Follow up with, “Is that correct?”
5. Encourage continued sharing by saying, “Tell me more.”
6. Walk in your child's shoes. With empathy try to feel what he’s feeling.
7. Avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Listen to the end.
8. Share your thoughts after your child's finished..
9. Begin by reflecting feelings. “It sounds like you’re (upset or sad or confused, etc.).”

You Are the Best Counselor for Your Kids

 

Kids Trust Parents to Help Them

As a counselor for many years, I’ve used the drawing strategy below with children and adults. It works. Why? Because it's a unique way of understanding feelings, especially fears. 

When you listen well, teach practical skills and show caring, your child trusts you and feels loved. Love and trust make you the most powerful counselor of all.

9 Ways Parents Can Calm Themselves and Their Children

1. Ask your boy or girl to, “Draw a picture of the fear.”
2. Probe Gently: “What does your picture mean to you?”
3. Say, “Tell me more,” several times until you hear all the anxious thoughts.
4. Say, “Draw how you would like to feel.” Then say, “Tell me about your new picture.”
5. Suggest, “Let's brainstorm what you could do to make your picture come true.” Wait patiently for your child’s ideas first.
6. Say, “Write down 3 small ways you can make your positive picture come true.
7. Say, “Pick one little step to try now." 
8. Instruct your child, "Visualize your new picture clearly. Feel it and give it a positive title. Then post it on the fridge." Give your child all the time he or she needs.
9.  Praise your child for calming his fear.

Discuss the second and third small steps in the following days to reinforce over time what has been learned.

Drawing an optimistic picture gives your child power over the fear. By visualizing it, feeling it and giving it a positive title, your child changes his scary mindset. Posting it on the fridge becomes a strong reminder to "stay calm and carry on." Use this technique as often as your child needs.

Consider applying it for any painful emotion your child may experience. You could even use it as a home schooling strategy.

You might like this video because it also reinforces the steps:

How Parents Help Anxious Kids Feel Confident

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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When Permissive Parents Bribe, Kids Are The Boss

Permissiveness, parenting without structure and guidance, and over-negotiating rules and chores hurt your authority. Your kids are injured too. 

How Permissive Parents Harm Kids

1. Without parental structure and direction, your kids won’t know the path to a successful life. They may follow a destructive trail and hurt themselves instead.
2. Without parental supervision about right and wrong expect your kids to experience trouble and pain.
3. Without responsible chores they will lack the life skills for future know-how and self-care.

How to Overcome Permissive Parenting and Take Back Your Authority

1. Visualize yourself as a kind and firm parent with your child. (See your child not yourself.)
2. Feel what it's like to be a kind and firm parent.
3. Tell yourself, “I am kind and firm with my child.”

Put all 3 into one magic moment so that you see, feel, and say them all at once.

Do this before you fall asleep at night and before you rise each morning. Do this for 21 days. If you do, you’ll regain your authority and become the parent you need to be. Make it a habit.

This Kind but Firm Video Helps You Be the Authority and Your Kids Do Their Chores:

You Might Also Like:

Raising Responsible Kids – How to Get Your Children To Do Their Chores  It includes a 4-Point Formula.

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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Overworked Moms Lose Their Tempers.

Tired moms come home to sprawling clutter, kids playing videos, and dinner to fix. No wonder they explode.

Mom: “Who left their dirty dishes in the sink?”

Kids don’t answer. They keep playing video games.

Mom: “You kids are so lazy! You expect me to do everything.”

Kids pout and sigh. But they keep playing.

Mom: “You turn that thing off and get out here.”

The kids turn off their games and slowly drag their feet.

They’ve heard it all before.

Every day after school kids drop their coats, books and boots on the floor, eat snacks, leave a mess, and relax with video games. When Mom comes home, the shouting begins.

4 Careless Behaviors That Trigger Moms' Anger:

1. Messy kids' bedrooms
2. Dirty dishes in sink
3. Filthy floor
4. Loud video games

Exhausted Moms and Guilt

 “This isn’t the picture I dreamed when I thought about having kids. I hate shouting at my kids. Now they're angry at me.”

 

This was my dream of raising kids

What to Do?

1. Don’t start cleaning up. It will just make you more upset.
2. Take care of yourself first. Calm down by taking a nap, a bubble bath, eating a snack, or doing something you enjoy.
3. Be thinking about ways to handle the situation without anger.
4. Plan a family meeting to discuss the problem.

What to Include in the Family Meeting:

1. Schedule it when everyone has calmed down - very important.
2. Avoid making it a complaint session.
3. Start with compliments for all.
4. Bring up the problem. Ask members, “How can we solve it?”
5. Write down solutions from each member.
6. Group picks the best solutions.
7. Each member makes a specific commitment to solve the problem.
8. Post the commitments on the fridge.
9. End with more compliments for each member and a dessert.

Make family meetings a regular event both to solve problems and to plan fun times together.

Conclusion for Tired Moms with Careless Kids:

Overworked moms and dads get upset with careless children. Yelling, lecturing, and put-downs follow. But they don’t motivate kids to help.

Family meetings, if they don’t become gripe sessions, can become positive events that solve problems. They teach kids listening and speaking skills. They train kids to work together within the family. Family meetings teach priceless life skills that build character too.

Related Video:

Frustrated Moms - 10 Temper Triggers with Solutions

You might also like:

33 Family Meetings Kids Love

https://www.kidsdiscuss.com/#/product/kdeb003

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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How Do Assertive Children Express Themselves?

ARE ASSERTIVE KIDS AGGRESSIVE? Do they dominate conversations or do they speak-up with respect?

An assertive child learns to express himself respectfully because he shares the microphone. He speaks and listens. But what if he needs to defend himself against aggression?

In today’s gift you’ll learn the assertive formula. It includes 3 parts:

1. Describe what offends you.  
2. State your feeling.
3. Suggest a solution.

When you use the formula, respectful communication grows. Teach it during dinner discussions. If you do, they’ll become the teaching moments all kids need.

In this gift your kids will role-play:  

1. How Jimmy could respond to Lola when she rolls her eyes.
2. How one brother shares his frustration when Bobby hogs the ice cream.
3. How Suzy asks Tammy to quit messing up her room.
4. How an older sister orders John to quit telling her secrets to his friends.
5. How Mary tells Sara what she wants her to say instead of cussing.

It is important that children have a simple respectful blueprint for expressing their upsets.

As the parent, use the formula yourself whenever appropriate. Post it on the fridge. Point to it when kids fight. Tell them to cool down. Later, tell them to replay their argument using the formula.

Download the formula now at www.KidsDiscuss.com using the code word:

DISCUSS

Add it to your 3-hole binder to use whenever you need it.

You might also like: How Parents Teach Assertive Skills to Kids

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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The Aggressive Child Lacks Friends

 

Aggressive kids, like Joey aren't liked. He hated waiting in line at the water fountain. He'd shove the kids lined up ahead of him. They'd fall forward like dominoes. The first child always hit his face while drinking. Joey laughed. I visited his parents and had a glimpse into Joey's life at home. 

The father put his wife down several times during our conversation. She looked straight into my eyes but said nothing. Tears ran down her face.

When parents model meanness, children pick it up. Joey was mean. He didn't know how to relate to others.

I found out that Joey's dad was too busy to spend time with Joey. Joey didn't feel important. He didn't feel love from his dad. As we ended the meeting, Joey's father promised to spend time with him. He and his wife decided to work on their relationship too.

Teaching children how to assert themselves, speak up with respect, and be friendly starts at home. Parents must model how to communicate well. If they don't know how, they can learn. The following article will show how.

 Assertive Children  - How Parents Raise Great Communicators

You'll find:

1. An empowering formula for teaching kids assertiveness skills

2. 5 assertive role-plays to practice at the dinner table

3. A fun family activity 

4. An assertive poem for kids

How Joey Became Assertive

Joey told me with a big smile that his dad playfully put shaving cream on his face and let him shave it off with an empty razor. It made a real difference. Joey, over a matter of weeks, stopped shoving kids and started making friends. A greater respect developed between Joey's parents. Soon they were ready to learn the Assertiveness Formula within this article:

Assertive Children  - How Parents Raise Great Communicators

 

Loving Parents Empower Kids

You can raise assertive children by practicing the formula within your family. Advise your kids to use it with others too. If you do, they'll learn to speak up for themselves, make friends, and become respectful communicators too.

Watch our brief video on assertiveness:

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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• 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
• 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate