How Smart Parents Teach Assertive Skills and Stop the Fights - Video

Sister and Brother Fighting 650
 
"Stop Blaming Me!" "Stop Taking My Stuff!"
             Sound Familiar?

 

Do your kids bicker? Is it grating on your nerves? Some quarreling is normal. But if your kids continually fight, it’s a telling sign to “Detour! Danger Ahead!”

My brother and I fought so much that years later my mother told me, “I thought you were going to kill each other.” A slight exaggeration but we did yell, wrestle, and throw some punches. Underneath it all, I really did love him and if anyone criticized him, I ached inside.

When we fought our mother would yell, “Stop!” She’d complain. She’d even lecture. But she had been an only child and never experienced sibling rivalry. She didn’t have a clue how to help us be civil and neither did we.

Assertive Role-Playing

Confused Mom 1000
 
How Do I Teach My Kids Assertive Skills?

 

Assertive role-playing can be taught using “Instant Replay.” This parenting technique is assertive because kids must come up with their own answers and then act them out. It uses Time Out.

I remember being sent to bed after many a fight. It often lasted the whole afternoon, but it didn’t work. I just took long naps.

With Instant Replay you separate your kids and send them to different boring places within your home. They come back to you after each child brainstorms 3 good ways they could have handled their disagreement without fighting. Then you tell them, “Act out the best one. When done, they shake hands and are free to go off to play.

I like this strategy because you’re no longer the judge and jury. You don’t choose who’s right and who’s wrong. You don’t even come up with solutions. Your children solve their own problems.

The Assertive Formula

Brother and Sister Assertive 1000
 
The Assertive Formula Works

 

This formula includes 5 parts:

  1. The Assertive Voice
  2. The Assertive Face
  3. The Assertive Posture
  4. The Assertive Words
  5. The Assertive Role-Play

The video below shows parents and children several simple suggestions to practice within each part.

Before teaching this formula, I suggest practicing it with your partner first. Why? Because your example is the most powerful way for kids to learn.

Watch Now: How Parents Teach Assertiveness Skills




 
Practice One Sibling Solution Per Dinner Discussion

 

 

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Open-Minded Kids – How Parents Open Closed Minds

Brain
 
Broad-Minded Parents Help Kids Think Outside the Box.

 

It’s easier to unlock kid’s brains when parents are open to new ideas.

Today, we’ll look at 3 traps for close-minded parents and 3 advantages for being an open parent. We’ll also share 2 examples from your children’s lives that you can use immediately. They'll help your kids open their minds. At the end you'll find a new SlideShare with 7 open-minded discussion questions. I hope you'll use them with your children.

Narrow-Minded Parents Fall into 3 Traps When They:

  1. Stop listening they end up turning their kids off.
  2. Judge their children harshly when they don't agree.
  3. Demand their kids think the same way they do.

When kids aren’t heard, feel judged, and experience mind control, they can:

  1. Feel resentment toward parents.
  2. Plug their ears.
  3. Keep their real thoughts to themselves.

3 Advantages of Open-Minded Parents

  1. They listen well which gives their children the attention and respect they want.
  2. They receive respect from kids who may open their ears in return.
  3. They find out what their kids really think and can better guide them.

How to Solve 2 Childhood Problems with Open Minds

 

Yawning Boy 800
 
Many Kids Engage in Bedtime Battles.

 

When parents are open to hearing their youngsters ideas, kids can look at bedtime decisions with fresh eyes.

Ask: “Should kids have the same bedtime on weekends as school nights?”

  1. Let them share all their opinions, even if you don’t like them. Just listen.
  2. Ask them to list all the reasons for the opposite side. Just listen.
  3. Tell them to blend the best of both sides so both of you can accept them.
  4. Now it’s your turn to share your opinions and the opposite side. Then blend the best of both.
  5. Search for a compromise with your child. Take all the time you need.

Suggest you both try the new solution for a couple of weeks.

Signs that you both still need to compromise may be:

  1. Your student doesn’t get up on time.
  2. Your child yawns from tiredness at school and home.
  3. Your child is cranky during the day because he’s tired.

Remember, when children get to participate in the rules, they are more likely to follow them.

 

Chores 800
 
Does Your Child Like Responsibilities?

 

Responsibilities restrict freedom. Yet to have a freedom, there is a matching responsibility. Here are some to consider:

  1. Freedom to watch TV or play video games could mean completing homework first.
  2. Freedom to eat a snack could mean cleaning the mess afterward.
  3. Freedom to own a dog means feeding her and taking her for walks.

Discuss with your youngster more freedoms with related responsibilities.

Ask: “Is it important for kids to have responsibilities?”

  1. Listen well as your child shares both pro and con ideas.
  2. Ask questions that help your child think more deeply.
  3. Give your ideas when your student is finished.
  4. Ask, “Is there is a household responsibility you’d like to discuss?” If so, use the 2-sided method we used with the bedtime discussion.
  5. Insist on respect throughtout.

Summary – How Parents Open Closed Minds

The advantages of being an open-minded parent are mutual listening, great discussions and acceptable solutions. Helping your kids see more than their point of view teaches them to become problem solvers and wise compromisers who think outside the box. Their brains won’t be chained to stubborn thinking either.

 

Smart Parents 800
 
Open-Minded Discussions Promote Broad-Minded
Children

 

Enjoy this SlideShare with additional questions for teaching open-mindedness with delightful discussions. The transcript is included. Feel free to copy it.

How Smart Parents Raise Open-Minded Kids

https://www.slideshare.net/JeanTracyMSS/how-smart-parents-raise-open-minded-kids

 

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3 Parenting Tips: How Kids Discuss Making Excuses

"It wasn't my fault."
 
Narrow-minded kids might say, "It wasn't my fault."

 

Narrow-Minded Children Need Open-Minded Parents. Many kids naturally act to gain pleasure and avoid pain (punishment). Open-minded parents can model both calmness and reason. By doing so, they can help their children see both sides of a bigger picture.

In today’s post, we are sharing 3 dinner discussions. They don’t tell your children what to think. That’s not their purpose. The goal is to help your child slow down, think reasonably and see a side other than their own.

Use the dinner discussions to find out what your children really think. Don’t force your ideas. Listen well. Your mission is to open their minds by asking them to give advice to 3 narrow-minded kids.

 

  1. “It Wasn’t My Fault”

12 year-old Josh had been told many times to pick up his things. Yesterday, his 5 year-old brother Tommy, while running down the hall to the bathroom, tripped on Josh’s bookbag. He sprained his wrist in the fall. Josh blurted out, “It wasn’t my fault.”

  1. Did Josh have any responsibility for Tommy’s sprained wrist? Why?
  2. How could Josh blame Tommy for spraining his own wrist?
  3. By blaming Tommy, what could Josh avoid?
  4. What advice would you give Josh?
  5. If Josh followed your advice how might he have reacted differently?

 

I forgot 1000
 
Narrow-Minded Kids Might Say, "I Forgot."

 

  1. “I Forgot”

Whenever 11 year-old Sheila’s mom asked her, “Do you need help with your math homework?” Sheila would answer, “No, it was easy. I did it in school.” Then she’d run out to play.

Sheila received a poor grade in math because she rarely handed-in her homework. When her mother saw the report, she said, “You’re supposed to ask for help when you need it. Why didn’t you?” Sheila said, “I forgot.”

  1. Do you think Sheila was open to getting help? Why?
  2. Did anything stop Sheila’s from doing her homework? If so, what?
  3. If you were Sheila’s mom, would you accept, “I forgot,” for an answer? Why?
  4. What advice would you give Sheila? Why?
  5. If Sheila opened her mind and listened to you, what might she do? 

 

You're so mean 1000
             
            Narrow-Minded Kids Might Tell a Parent,                   
"You're So Mean!"

 

  1. “You’re So Mean.”

13 year-old Jerry begged his dad for an expensive new bike. His father asked, “Are you willing to work for it?”

“Do I have to?”, asked Jerry.

“If you really want a bike, you’ll need to keep your room clean, do your chores without complaining, and cut the grass every week this summer. Are you willing to do that?”

Jerry stared at his dad and yelled, “You’re so mean!”

  1. Why did Jerry yell that his dad was mean?
  2. What do you think stopped Jerry from working for a new bike?
  3. If you were Jerry’s Dad, would you give him a bike without expecting anything in return? Why?
  4. How open-minded do you think Jerry was about taking responsible?
  5. Is manipulating others with insults a good strategy? Why? 
  6. If you gave Jerry advice, what would you suggest?

 

Getting children to think reasonably helps them see the bigger picture. Open-minded thinking can slow down their pleasure seeking and speed up accepting responsibility. They might even think before they act.

Becoming reasonable and open-minded won’t happen overnight. Using dinner discussions can start the process.

Here are similar posts you might find helpful:

Character Tips for Parents of Kids Who Whine

Parenting Skills - Turning Your Kids Into Independent Thinkers

 

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Parenting - 2 Childhood Dilemmas for Teaching Kids Empathy

Boy Cheating
 
Teaching Empathy Through Dilemmas
       Can Be Done

 

Childhood dilemmas help your kids think more deeply about choices.  They can teach empathy too. 

In this post, Carter is a math whiz. But he didn't study for his test and he couldn't remember how to solve some problems. He secretly pulled out his calculator and cheated. 

Ask your child questions like:

1. Can you understand Carter's feelings? Please explain.

2. What thoughts might have helped Carter to avoid cheating?

3. Can you explain Carter's dilemma?

4. What advice would you give Carter? Why?

5. Have you ever faced a difficult dilemma where you had to make a quick choice?

6. Would you like to discuss it?

Having empathy for someone doesn't mean you agree with their behavior. Empathy can soften harsh judgments and can help the person deal with what they've done.

 

IStock_000009721676XSmall.jpg.girl.stealing.cookies
 
Understanding Others Is a Form of Empathy.
 

 

Meredith wanted to see an R rated movie, but her mother disapproved. Meredith's friends were going. So Mededith decided to take her mom's money from the cookie jar and sneak off with her friends. Her mother nabbed her in the act.

Ask your child:

1. Can you understand Meredith's feelings about seeing the movie with her friends?

2. How many solutions can you think of to help Meredith avoid stealing?

3. If Meredith's mom hadn't caught her, how might she have felt about taking the money?

4. What advice would you give Meredith?

5. Have you ever felt a strong desire to do something, but your parents disapproved?

6. If yes, can you talk about it?

Understanding others' problems can help your child forgive others when they've been wronged, enjoy a kinder heart, and accept herself when she makes her own errors in judgment.

When you chat with your child about childhood dilemmas, you teach character, understanding, and empathy for others. 

Father and Son 700
 
Kids Love to Share Their Thoughts with Parents Who
Listen.

 

When kids think through specific dilemmas, it helps them with decisions and choices because a similar problem may occur in their near future. Since they've already considered it in detail, they'll know better which choice to make.

 

Articles with Similar Helpful Content

Social Conscience: How to Use Moral Dilemmas Effectively with Kids

 

How Parents Build Character with Fun Moral Dilemmas

 

 

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Open-Minded Kids – How Parents Promote Skilled Thinkers

Thinking Jeans Girl 900          
           How Sophie Became an Open-Minded Thinker

OPEN-MINDED KIDS ARE SKILLED THINKERS. They learn to see more than one side of issues, problems, and discussions. They think bigger than one-sided kids.

How Sophie Opened Her Mind

I spoke with a 4th grade girl, named Sophie, (Identity concealed) who told me how she changed her mind. Her teacher asked, “Should school be year-round?” Sophie said a loud, “No!”

But the teacher told the class to study both sides. Sophie did her research. This is what she found that could happen if school was year-round:

  1. The school day would be shorter.
  2. There would be more but shorter vacations.
  3. There would be fun after-school programs.
  4. Daycare wouldn’t cost parents so much because of the after-school programs. The 3-month summer vacation would be eliminated so no need for daycare then either.
  5. Teachers wouldn’t need to waste time reviewing what the children forgot due to the summer vacations.

Sophie opened her mind to these new ideas. She decided “Yes,” school should be year-round.

Sophie had an open-minded teacher who asked open-minded questions. She taught kids to see issues from both sides. Each child was free to come up with their own conclusions.

The Difference between Open Minds and Closed Minds

Spoiled Michael
 
Close-Minded Thinkers Won't Listen to New Ideas

 

Open-minded children don’t try to win arguments. They avoid stubbornly sticking to their own viewpoint. They are willing to change their opinions with new information.

Closed-minded kids won’t listen to others’ ideas. They believe they already know what’s best.

How Parents Raise Kids with Open-Minded Discussions

 

Family Discussion SMALL
 
Sample Question: Should  Parents Make Kids Try
New Foods?

 

Be the parent who uses discussions to open your kids’ minds. Discuss topics that interest them. Get them to consider both the side they favor and the one they disagree with. When they have enough information, ask them what they favor  now and why. If you do, they'll become BIGGER thinkers.

For more parenting strategies and stories to raise your children's consciousness, read full article at: 

 9 Ways Parents Raise Open-Minded Kids

 

Talk Mom and Son 900
 
Be Sure to Praise Your Open-Minded Child

 

Popular Posts with Similar Topics:

Parenting: 2 Strategies for Raising Kids with Optimistic Characters

Parenting: Turning Fearful Kids into Confident Children

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How Parent Turn Closed-Minded Kids into Open-Minded Children

 

Dad and Daughter Bigstock 900
 
Raising Broad-Minded Kids Is Fun

 

Closed-minded children, like adults, only want things their way. They won’t consider opposing evidence. They won’t admit when they're wrong. How do parents open kids' minds to other points of view?

Boy crossed arms (2) 715
 
Parents CAN Open Kids Minds

 

Today’s brand new video shows you how to raise open-minded thinkers. You’ll find out exactly what parents can do.

For example, discuss topics kids can relate to, like:

  1. Homework
  2. Bedtime
  3. Lying
  4. Bullying
  5. Texting

Make questions out of the topics and ask children to give two sides. The side they agree with and the side they oppose. They must give good reasons for each side. Finally, they must decide which side is best. They are free to compromise by blending the best ideas from each side.

Thinking Shrug Huge 900
 
Open-Minded Kids Consider Different Viewpoints

 

One huge goal is to help children understand why people think differently. Could appreciating opposing views be one way to learn cooperation, collaboration, and preserve freedom of expression? You be the judge.

Watch here:

How Parents Raise Open-minded Kids

 



Popular Posts with Similar Topics:

How Discussions, Quotes, and Compliments Build Character in Kids

5 Rules for Teaching Your Kids Respect

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Unleash Your Child's Success with These 9 New Mindsets - Gift

 

Attitudes
 
2 Conversations Can Help Your Kids
Develop Successful Attitudes.

 

ENVISION YOUR CHILD’S ACCOMPLISHMENTS HELPED BY 9 NEW MOTIVATING IDEAS.  You can plant those ideas with 2 conversations about positive attitudes.

First Conversation - Your Child's Inner Self-Talk

Just like you, children everywhere have conversations in their heads. Their inner conversations can sow seeds of discouragement, “I never do anything right,” or sprout growth, “I love learning new things.” Let's find out how to turn their internal chats into positive mottoes.

Second Conversation - Your Parent/Child Discussions

Talk with your child about the power of positive thinking and the importance about being curious. Let her know that her outlook will greatly determine whether she succeeds or fails. Why? Because the thoughts in her head influence her feelings and become self-fulfilling prophecies. Discuss how she can become a successful thinker  by sharing the 9 self-talk sayings in this parenting gift.

Dad and Daughter Deposit
 
It's Never to Early to Talk about Attitudes

 

Ask your children which saying is best one for repeating often. Better yet see if they can create a self-fulfilling one-liner of their own. Rhymes are easier to remember. Post the one that fits best.

Great posting places include the fridge, a bulletin board, a bedroom door and a bathroom mirror.

Note on Fridge Self-Talk 600
 
Posting Positive Attitudes
Become Eye-Candy Reminders

 

Be sure to save these 9 curiosity mottoes in your 3-hole binder. Revisit them whenever you need to discuss motivation with your child.

Enter Code:  CURIOSITY at https://www.KidsDiscuss.com  

Boy with thinking finger

Download Your Parenting Gift Now

 

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How Parents Promote Learning and Avoid Being Pushy

Homework-Dad-Yelling 758
 
Turning Pushy Parents into Motivators

 

ANGRY PARENTS CAN'T MOTIVATE KIDS TO STUDY. Why?  Because kids get discouraged, some cry. Others shrink with fear. Still others rebel. Their minds can't focus on schoolwork because painful emotions take over when parents are angry. 

Bribing kids to study only works if the bribe is big enough. Kids ask, "What will I get?" They miss the point.  Studying develops their learning, their minds, their inner discipline, and their inner satisfaction. Do these benefits sound too lofty ? They aren't and you'll see why.

How can you help your child learn without becoming an angry "PPP" (pushy, picky, parent)?

 

Homework Mom and Son 700
 
Motivated Kids Love to Learn

 

It's easy really. Have some special time with your child. A dinner out or a family dinner where everyone is relaxed is ideal. Bedtime discussions or long car rides are good too. Keep the mood positive and NO interrogating by asking:

  1. Did you finish your homework?
  2. Did you get it in on time?
  3. When are you going to show it to me? 
  4. Why didn't you get it done last week?
  5. Why is it so sloppy?

There is a better approach. I call it "investigating."

You'll find it in my one-minute video on YouTube, which you can watch right here. Beneath the video on YouTube is the simple transcript with it's motivating attitude and questions. Feel free to copy it and add it to your 3-hold binder and use whenever you need it. 

Watch Now!

How Parents Motivate Children's Brain Power

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How Parents Deal with Childhood Boredom - 10 Ways

Bored girl
 
Helping Bored Kids Become Interested Children

 

BUILDING KIDS’ INTERESTS STARTS WITH ASKING THE QUESTIONS THEY LOVE TO ANSWER. Good questions create a bond between you and your child. With these questions you’ll find out:

  • How they feel about boredom
  • What blocks their curiosity
  • What they’d really like to learn
  • What fills them with wonder
  • How you can help them satisfy their curiosity

 

Science Kids (2) 900
 
Curious Kids Have More Fun

 

After you hear the answers to the 10 discussions, You’ll know what fascinates your children. This helps them overcome boredom. You can then support and nurture their quest for knowledge by:

  • Suggesting they ‘Google’ the information they seek
  • Taking them to the library
  • Asking about and listening to their research
  • Praising their efforts to learn more
  • Suggesting they share their knowledge with grandparents and friends.
Asian Girl (2) 483
 
"I Love Discussing My Interests."

 

Pick up today’s gift with the 10 discussions that your children love exploring.

Add them to a 3-hole binder to ask whenever needed.

Enter code:

 

INTERESTS

At

https://www.KidsDiscuss.com

 

and download now!

 

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10 Parenting Tips for Raising Curious Thinkers - A Gift

Boy with robot
 
Parents Can Raise Naturally Curious Children

Kids with curious mindsets are bound to enjoy interesting lives. As parents you can nurture wonder and a thirst for knowledge in your youngsters. In today's parenting gift you will receive a checklist of 10 ways to boost your child's intellectual curiosity.

You Will Find Out What To:

  1. Say when your child asks about a topic.
  2. Answer when you want to promote his questions.
  3. Do to encourage his enthusiasm.

 

Children Book (2) 900
 
Curious Learners Search for Answers

 

Some parents do to much to help. Others show little or no interest. Being balanced in your words and actions is the key. It's fun too.

Pick up your parenting checklist by inserting the code word:

WONDER

at

www.KidsDiscuss.com

Add it to a binder to refresh your memory whenever you need to help your child's curiosity grow.

 

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