Why won't this daughter listen?

Parents, who cannot listen, are the worst communicators. They cannot teach effective communication because they don’t practice it. 

Hey there! Are you someone who argues instead of listening to your child? Many parents do. Yet, listening is your most important parenting tool. Don't worry, if you decide to, you can always improve it. There are some habits you might have to brush aside before becoming a good listener.

Today I will share:

5 listening mistakes to avoid

5 simple listening habits to increase

1 simple formula for being your child's best counselor

3 fun listening activities for your family. 

5 Harmful Listening Habits to Avoid as a Parent:

Do you ever:

1. Interrupt your child?
2. Discount your child's opinions?
3. Dismiss your child's feelings?
4. Criticize your child?
5. Lecture your child?

Don't be overly concerned because here are 5 easy listening habits that you can use right now. They'll quickly improve your listening skills.

5 Listening Habits to Learn, Practice, and Model:

 

Father and Son Communicating

1. Look your child in the eye.
2. Focus on what they are saying.
3. Remember the key points.
4. Repeat those points in your words.
5. Ask questions to better understand your child.

By practicing these skills, you'll become a better listener. You'll be teaching your child good communication skills too. 

Become Your Child's Best Counselor:

Do you know why counselors are loved by their clients? It's because they are good listeners. They practice the 5 good habits. They also include the 70% Law of Communication, meaning, they listen 70% and speak 30%. As a parent, strive to speak less, listen more, and appreciate your child's thoughts and feelings. As you progress, notice how your relationship with your child strengthens. You'll become your child's best counselor too.

Here are 3 activities to make 'listening' a priority in your family: 

3 Activities for Family Listening:

1. Post a ‘Listening Habit of the Week’ on your refrigerator. Practice that habit in your home and outside your family. ‘Catch your children being good’ with a compliment when they listen well. 
2. The Morning Forecast: Tell your child, “Name something you’re looking forward to today.” The Evening Review: Ask, "What are some things you are grateful about today?"
3. Create free time each day and turn off technology. Use this time to discuss both your day and your child's day. Practice the 70% Law. 

Make 'Listening' a priority in your family. Listening Works!

Video - Short Clip - 1.11 minutes 

Sometimes pictures do speak 1,000 words. What do you think?

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Jean Tracy

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Mother and Daughter Discussing Character

Judging character is easy to teach. Coach your child to see how a person acts and hear what she says. Is the other kind, honest, and respectful? Or is she rude, unkind, and dishonest?

Training Your Child to Look for the Good 

Good Character is about being honest and having strong moral values. You can trust an honest person. But a dishonest person signals the red alert, "He lies. I can't trust him." The following questions open your child's eyes to finding good character in others.

Parenting Tip List - How to Ask about Character: 

Consider using these discussions around the kitchen table, in the car, or at bedtime.

1. Reject fault-finding in classmates.

• How can the habit of finding fault in others hurt you?
• How could fault-finding lead to gossip?
• What do you think about gossiping?

 

How Could Gossip Hurt Him?

2. Explore the Qualities of Character:

• How would you describe someone with a weak character?
• What are signs of a good character?
• How would you recognize the good character in others?

   3. Help Your Child Make Friends with Kids of Good Character:

• How can you be friendly?
• How can you have fun?
• How can you be appreciative?

3. Practice Praising a Classmate's Good Character:

 

Girl Enjoying a Compliment

• Pick a classmate to praise.
• What would you say? Let’s practice. 
• Share it with your classmate and tell me what happened.
• Who will you praise next?

Help your child listen to a classmate's words and see how she acts. He'll be assessing the 'content of her character.' It can influence him about who to avoid and who to choose as a friend. 

Guide your child to 'look for the good' in others. He will find it because you opened his eyes to see and his ears to hear.

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Jean Tracy

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"Positive Thinking Works Wonders"

Norman Vincent Peale wrote the Power of Positive Thinking. This short parenting article and video share how positive thinking leads to positive action.

Children can use positive actions to make friends. They can become friendly. Friendly children are a delight to know. They see the good in others and tell them. Because they are positive and friendly, they are magnets.

Friendly children give peers what they want: sincere attention, appreciation, and compliments. These positive actions boost the receiver’s spirit. Friendships may be the result. Norman Vincent Peale was right, “Positive thinking works wonders.”

Here's How It Works – 

 

Be Positive! Be Friendly!

Your Child:

1. Rejects fault-finding and criticism.
2. Looks for the honest good in others.
3. Doesn’t keep it to themselves.
4. Praises the other.
5. Makes friends.

How to Encourage Your Student to Find the Good in a Classmate.

 

Discuss and Encourage Honest Praise.

1. Pick a classmate to praise.
2. Discuss different genuine compliments to give.
3. Tell your child, “Share the compliment.”
4. “Come home and tell me what happened.”
5. Praise your child and ask, “Who do you want to compliment next?” Repeat the process.

How Parents Can Teach Kids an Unfriendly Attitude 

 

Looking for the Worst in Others

1. Look critical. Be critical.
2. Search for the worst in others.
3. Gossip about it.
4. Feel superior to your victim.
5. Lose your kids' trust to confide in you because you might tell others.

Looking for the worst in others and broadcasting it to people is gossiping. Gossip is bad for our minds. It creates adverse pathways in our brains. Our attitudes turn sour. Dissatisfaction and gloominess can result.

Proving Norman Vincent Peale Right

 

Look for the Good - So Easy!

Looking for the best in others and telling them specifically is a loving act. Honest complimenting is good for our minds. It creates positive pathways in our brains. Our attitudes blossom. Satisfaction and happiness can result. Positive thinking does work wonders.

Be your child's role model. Teach her to find the good in others. It's powerful and will make her world a happier place.

Please pass this 1-minute video forward to your friends and their families.

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Jean Tracy

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"Nobody likes me."

This sad boy talks to himself constantly. He tells himself self-pity thoughts. Find out how to help him.
People talk to themselves a lot. Often, they’re not aware of what they tell themselves.
When their thoughts are happy and healthy, they feel strong and positive.
When their thoughts are sad and filled with self-pity, they feel weak and miserable.

 

You CAN help your child choose how to think.

How can you help your child become

a strong happy thinker? Here’s how:

Pick up your free Happy Thinker Exercise at https://www.KidsDiscuss.com  Insert the code word - THINKER and download your gift.

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Jean Tracy

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You Can Help Your Bullied Child

The Bullied Child - How Parents Can Help

Bullying is a big deal. When a bullied child fills his mind with revenge, bad things can happen.

Or he thinks thoughts like:

1. Nobody likes me.
2. I’m so ugly.
3. I’m stupid.

His mind recycles many painful thoughts. He may turn his pain into self-shame.

In this post, I will share how a parent of elementary age children can counsel their bullied child with ideas that work.

How Your Bullied Child Is a Big Deal for the You

 

Raising a Bullied Child Hurts You Too

Imagine your child, Samuel, hates school. You talk to his teacher. She says, “Your child is being bullied and he has no friends.”

You learn what kids yell at him and it breaks your heart because the name-calling happens over and over.

Now Sam avoids eye contact. He doesn’t talk. He stays alone in his room. Lately, he pouts, grunts his answers, and often cries. His behavior hurts you because you love him so much.

 

Parents Comforting Bullied Son

What can you do?

1. Go to him. Hug and hold him gently. Say, “I know something is wrong.”
2. Tell Sam what you’ve noticed about his behavior that tells you he’s unhappy.
3. Ask him, “What’s going on, Sam?”

The Pillow Punching Technique

 

Teach the Pillow Punching Technique

If Sam cries or just grunts say, “Here’s a way to let your feelings out. Take this pillow. Punch it as hard as you can. Do it over and over until you feel better. I’ll be here if you need me.”

When Sam’s done ask, “What was that all about?”

Listen without interruption. When he stops talking say, “Tell me more.”

The Stress Drawing Technique

 

Guide with the Stress Drawing Technique

The painful picture:

Tell Sam to draw a picture of his feelings. The picture could be dark scribbles, a stick picture of himself, or something else. Say, “Tell me about your picture.”

Appreciate what your child told you. Say, “Thank you for sharing your pain with me.

The positive picture

Ask Sam to:

1. “Draw a picture of how you would like things to be.”
2. “Brainstorm 3 good ideas to try for making your positive picture come true.”

The Bullying Plan

Because bullying is a big deal, include your child in the plan. Make sure he will cooperate. Tell him, “No one deserves to be bullied and that means you.” Here's How:

Make a Bullying Plan with Your Child  - Read How

In this article you'll also find important tips to help your bullied child make friends.

Watch this short video together. 

Bullying – How Parents Help Kids Choose Kindness 

Related Product: Social Skills Kit for Kids

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Jean Tracy

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"There's Something about Love that Builds Up and Is Creative."

Martin Luther King, Jr. wanted his four little children (and all people) judged by the "content of their character," not "the color of their skin." Dr. King believed in love not hate. Find out how character, judgment and love fit together in a way Dr. King might approve.

Effective parents teach children to judge. Not by skin color but by searching for the good.

Today, I’ll share how this love works through the story of Gabby, a family activity, and an activity that increases others’ self-esteem. It creates friendships too.

Practice it in your home. I guarantee it will boost your family’s love. Then watch it spread outward from your family to others.

 

Dad, I like how you take the time to play UNO with me.

How Kids Judge Others by the "Content of Their Character"

Dr. King was right. "There is something about love that builds up and is creative." 

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How the Family Makes His Dream Come True

August 28, 1963, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech. He told the crowd he wanted his four little children to be judged by the “content of their character,” not by the color of their skin.  You can make his dream come true.

Today, my new video will share 2 simple activities to teach your children. It promotes judging others in a way, I believe, Dr. King would approve.

Teaching Children To Find the Good in Each Member

First Character Building Activity

Gather your family together once a week. Pick a member's name from a special bowl. Each member tells the person with the name they picked an honest compliment. What's this got to do with judging character and Dr. Martin Luther King?  'Judging' includes the good qualities you see in each other. 

 

"Gabby, I like how nicely we talk to each other. You're

the best sister ever."

Second Character Building Activity 

Each member looks for the good in friends, classmates, and teachers. You'll see in the video how simple it is. Your children pay forward what they learned within your family. Imagine them sharing their experiences at your next family dinner.

 

Toby, your speech about Dr. King was so interesting.

Hopefully friends, classmates and teachers will also spread the good they find in others. Why? Because to 'judge' by looking for the good in others makes both the giver the receiver feel great.

It all starts in the family.

Enjoy this video now.  How Children Promote Dr. Martin Luther King's Dream

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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Children CAN learn to control their self-talk.

Lou Tice, speaker, motivator and founder of the Pacific Institute, taught the 3 parts in goal-setting. He said that good goal-setting starts with the thought, then the picture, and then the emotions that go with them. When we put them altogether, they become our self-talk. He said  "Control your self-talk and you control your life."

 

Speaker and

Motivator

Many years ago, I viewed a film in which he taught goal-setting. Immediately, I saw its value. I knew I could teach this technique to adults and children in my counseling practice. The following is an example:

 

I can't.

Fearful Negative Self-Talk

1. The thought - “I can’t give my book report in front of the class.”
2. The picture – the class is making fun of me.
3. The emotion - fear

When we say, see, and sense it altogether and keep recycling it, it becomes our painful reality. As Lou Tice said, “We move toward our pictures (the pictures in our head).

We don’t have to think negatively. We can control our lives with positive self-talk. We can teach our children to set goals with positive self-talk too. But how? I'll show you soon.

Brave Positive Self-Talk

1. The thought - “I am giving my book report with confidence.” (Use “I am” as if it is happening now.)
2. The picture – The class is listening and smiling. (Look at what you would see, not yourself – see your class.)
3. The emotion - confidence.
4. Finally, put the positive thought, picture and emotion all together in one moment and do it each morning and night. This is the way to set goals, be successful and create a happier life.

We can control our destiny by controlling our self-talk. Let’s instruct our minds to create positive pictures with positive self-talk using this simple method.

This video shows you how:

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 Mojo Mindsets Helps Kids Succeed

Achieving goals is easy when your child creates a mojo mindset. Just be sure his goals are realistic. 

Tell Your Child:

Pick one goal like –

• I am getting a good grade on my next math test.
• I am giving my book report with confidence.
• I am making a friend at school.

Clear your mind and relax with 5 deep breaths.

1. See clearly by looking outward at your goal not at yourself.
2. Sense it with a strong feeling like focusing, confidence, friendliness etc.
3. Say it starting with the words, “I am… as if you already have it.

1. Put the picture, the feeling, and the words all together in one magic moment.
2. Do this before getting out of bed each morning and before falling asleep at night.
3. Take the action to make it happen like studying, practicing your book report, smiling and saying “Hi!”

Enjoy using this mojo mindset to help your child achieve his goals. You can use it too.

My special gift to you:

Download this gift to use whenever it's needed by inserting the code word, MOJO at: 

KidsDiscuss.com

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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How Moody Kids Become Happy Children

Your sulking child won’t talk. You ask yourself:

1. Is she mad at me for saying, ‘No.”
2. Did her brother tease her about the pimple on her chin?
3. Has her best friend dumped her for a new girlfriend?

You can torture yourself or not.

Choose to teach your child good communication skills instead. Skills that help her talk about her problems before painful thoughts grip her mind.

Recycling resentment, hurt, fear, blame, and sadness can become your child’s lifelong habit. Recycling negative thoughts hurts. Talking about problems and solving them feels good.

The following solutions are for both girls and boys.

3 Ways to Rescue Kids from Moodiness

 

Listening Helps Kids Share Their Feelings

      1.Listening

        Good listening by parents builds trust. When children trust parents will hear their problems without arguing or criticizing, they talk.

        It takes many talks to teach children the communication skills they need. By listening well, parents are teaching good communication. Kids will learn to listen in return.

        Find a sample parent/child conversation that’s easy to use at Listening Chats.

2. Repeating Motivational Sayings

 

Repeating Positive Sayings Motivates Kids

        Teach children through repetition. Use motivational thoughts for your child to absorb. Here are a few:

           “The most beautiful smile belongs to those who make others smile” Mahnoor Tahir

          “The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”  Mark Twain.         

          “The best sleeping pill is a clear conscience.” Dada J. P. Vaswani

Repeating upbeat motivational quotes helps your child remember them. They become her inner self-talk.

Get 5 more quotes that my mother used to motivate me. I passed them on to my children too. Family Sayings.

3. Creating a Fun Home-life

 

Family Music Night

•  Once a week have a ‘Family Compliment Night.’
•  Help kids ‘Write a Newsletter’ for your expanded family.
• Each night Discuss One Act of Kindness each member did that day.

Pick up 5 more fun events for your family at Bright Attitudes

Conclusion: How to Help Your Moody Child

1. Use conversations to teach good communication skills that solve problems.
2. Repeat motivational quotes for kids to absorb.
3. Put fun events into your family life.

For more in depth ideas go to:

How Parents Turn Dark Moods into Bright Attitudes

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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