Why Listening is a Parenting Superpower

Listening is a powerful parenting tool that can help you build stronger relationships, solve problems, and create compassion within your family. Here are six reasons why listening counts:

1. Listening Cares

 My listening is caring.

My kids love our sharing.

Listening Is the Caring Connection Between Parent and Child

"When you listen, you sprinkle caring into the conversation."

When you listen to your child with care, you show them that you value their thoughts and feelings. This helps them feel loved and supported, which is essential for their emotional well-being.

Listening Understands

I listen with understanding,

And my mind is expanding.

Listening Boosts Understanding Between Parents and Children

"When parents listen, they give children the gift of their time and attention."

When you listen to your child with understanding, you try to see things from their perspective. This helps you build trust and rapport, and it makes it more likely that your child will come to you for help when they need it.

3. Listening Heals

 

My listening is healing.

It's a beautiful feeling.

Listening is the Superpower to Healing Your Kids' Emotions

"Your listening is the silent kiss your child loves." 

Listening heals. When you listen to your child with compassion, you help them to feel validated and understood. This can help them to heal from emotional pain and to cope with difficult experiences.

4. Listening Supports

 

My listening is supportive,

And the results are effective.

Listening Gives Your Child the Support System They Need

"Love is heard through the ears, not just the lips."

When you listen to your child with support, you offer them encouragement and guidance. This helps them to feel confident and capable, and it makes it more likely that they will succeed in life.

5. Listening Encourages

 

My listening is encouraging,

And my children are

flourishing.

 

Encouraging Parents Boost Their Children's Belief in Themselves

"Your listening is like a warm hug in your child's heart."

When you listen to your child with encouragement, you let them know that you believe in them. This helps them to develop a positive self-image and to achieve their goals.

6. Listening Bonds

 

My listening is bonding, 

And my children are responding.

Children Who Feel Heard and Respected by Their Parents Bond with Them

"Parents who listen are like hearts beating in harmony with their children."

 When you listen to your child with empathy, you create a strong connection between you and them. This helps your child to feel safe and loved, and it makes it more likely that they will thrive.

Based on this article, here is a little Quiz. Pick out the best answer:

When you listen to your child with care, you show them that you:

• 1. Value their thoughts and feelings
  2. Love and support them
  3. Understand their perspective
  4. All the above

When you listen to your child with care you show 'd' All the above. 

Conclusion for Listening - Your Parenting Superpower

Listening is a skill that takes time and practice to develop. But it's one of the most important skills a parent can have. By listening to your child with care, understanding, and compassion, you can build a solid foundation for a happy and healthy relationship.

Your call to action: Pick out one of the 6 listening techniques to practice. Add a new one each week. Let me know the results.

This 50-second video The Key to Family Closeness is helpful when you don't have time to talk. Its tip is priceless.

 

The Key to Family Closeness

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Jean Tracy

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Dear Parent!

Your heartfelt love creates an incredible journey with your child. It's filled with joy, laughter, and love. But let's face it, sometimes communicating with our children can be a challenge. We've all had those moments of not understanding their feelings and struggles.

Parenting Struggles:

We get it. Talking with your child can be tough. Balancing everyday life while staying tuned in to your child's world isn't always easy. Distractions, impatience, and finding the right balance between listening and guiding can hurt effective communication. But remember, you're not alone on this journey.

 

Parents Face Challenges.

 

But don't worry! This post is here to help you overcome those struggles and strengthen the deep connection with your child through the power of parenting with heart by 'listening with heart.' 

Practical Tips for Listening with Heart:

1. Be a Safe and Non-judgmental Parent:

Be a safe space where your child can freely express themselves. Here's how:

• Look them in the eye.
• Show open body language.
• Give them your undivided attention.
• Remember the 70/30 Rule: Listen 70%. Speak 30%.
• Be open-minded and caring.

This builds trust and encourages your child to share their thoughts and feelings.

2. Confirm and Empathize:

 

 Understand Your Child's Feelings

Support your child's feelings. Use phrases like:

• "I understand how you feel."
• "It's okay to feel that way."
• "I'm sorry that happened."
• "You seem happy."
• "What's making you smile?"

By speaking in these ways, you show care and understanding.

Quote from a Child Therapist:

Dr. Haim G. Ginott, a respected child psychologist, once said, "Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression." Your empathetic listening can leave a lasting positive impression on your child's emotional well-being.

3. Strike the Balance:

Listening with heart doesn't mean being a passive listener. Your child looks up to you for guidance and support. Find the right balance by setting clear boundaries and expectations. Here are three guidelines:

• Be Respectful: Listen without interruptions, giving each other time to express thoughts and expectations. Expect respect from your child too.
• Pay Attention: Show you value the conversation by giving your full attention and removing distractions.
• Encourage Positive Behavior: When children feel heard and confirmed, it encourages positive behavior. It helps them develop a powerful sense of self-worth. It also leads them to healthier relationships and decision-making.

Remember, offer gentle guidance without imposing solutions, and let your child explore their thoughts to find their answers.

 

"I Can Choose"

These guidelines empower children to engage in discussions, fostering understanding, respect, and effective communication. Follow these tips. Your children will share their thoughts and build a stronger relationship with you.

Remember, setting clear boundaries with children is an ongoing process that requires consistency, open communication, and understanding. It helps your child develop structure, responsibility, and respect for themselves and others.

Based on the content of this blog, here is a little quiz:

 Which of the following is NOT a practical tip for "listening with heart"?

1. a) Show open body language.
2. b) Use interruptions to guide the conversation.
3. c) Listen 70% and speak 30%.
4. d) Be open-minded and caring.

Answer: b) Use interruptions to guide the conversation.

Listening without interruptions is essential for "listening with heart." The other options (a, c, and d) are positive and effective strategies for connecting with your child.

Conclusion:

By acknowledging the struggles and challenges of parenting, you can take steps to overcome them. "Listening with heart" is the key to a deeper connection with your child.

Embrace the practical strategies we've shared, create a safe space, affirm their emotions, strike the balance between listening and guiding, and explore creative avenues for communication.

 

'Listening with Heart' Helps Her Bond with You

       Please listen - only 1 minute and 11 seconds.

Now, go and strengthen that special bond with your child through the magic of listening!

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy

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"There's Something about Love that Builds Up and Is Creative."

Martin Luther King, Jr. wanted his four little children (and all people) judged by the "content of their character," not "the color of their skin." Dr. King believed in love not hate. Find out how character, judgment and love fit together in a way Dr. King might approve.

Effective parents teach children to judge. Not by skin color but by searching for the good.

Today, I’ll share how this love works through the story of Gabby, a family activity, and an activity that increases others’ self-esteem. It creates friendships too.

Practice it in your home. I guarantee it will boost your family’s love. Then watch it spread outward from your family to others.

 

Dad, I like how you take the time to play UNO with me.

How Kids Judge Others by the "Content of Their Character"

Dr. King was right. "There is something about love that builds up and is creative." 

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Jean Tracy

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How Do Assertive Children Express Themselves?

ARE ASSERTIVE KIDS AGGRESSIVE? Do they dominate conversations or do they speak-up with respect?

An assertive child learns to express himself respectfully because he shares the microphone. He speaks and listens. But what if he needs to defend himself against aggression?

In today’s gift you’ll learn the assertive formula. It includes 3 parts:

1. Describe what offends you.  
2. State your feeling.
3. Suggest a solution.

When you use the formula, respectful communication grows. Teach it during dinner discussions. If you do, they’ll become the teaching moments all kids need.

In this gift your kids will role-play:  

1. How Jimmy could respond to Lola when she rolls her eyes.
2. How one brother shares his frustration when Bobby hogs the ice cream.
3. How Suzy asks Tammy to quit messing up her room.
4. How an older sister orders John to quit telling her secrets to his friends.
5. How Mary tells Sara what she wants her to say instead of cussing.

It is important that children have a simple respectful blueprint for expressing their upsets.

As the parent, use the formula yourself whenever appropriate. Post it on the fridge. Point to it when kids fight. Tell them to cool down. Later, tell them to replay their argument using the formula.

Download the formula now at www.KidsDiscuss.com using the code word:

DISCUSS

Add it to your 3-hole binder to use whenever you need it.

You might also like: How Parents Teach Assertive Skills to Kids

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

******

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You Can Raise a Kinder Reasonable Child

The entitled child believes everything should go his way. He acts like he’s the king of the universe. Justin was such a boy.

Whenever Justin’s younger brother, Seth, wouldn’t play Justin’s video games with him, he’d punch Seth and yell, “I hate you!” When his mom scolded Justin, he’d sass back, “You always take Seth’s side,” then slam his bedroom door.

If Justin was your son, would you want to hit him? Would you yell, “I’m sick and tired of your angry behavior!” and preach the same old lecture?

Consider having a conversation with Justin when both of you are calm.

 

Teaching the Entitled Child How to Be Realistic

Use yourself as an example. It might go something like this:

Mom: Remember when I arranged a birthday party for Grandpa?

Justin: Yah.

Mom: I was frustrated because only three of our family members came. I really felt mad inside. I wanted to tell those who didn’t come what I thought of them.

Justin: Did you?

Mom: No, because I remembered something Grandpa taught me as a child. He’d say,  “Sally, you’re not the Queen of the Universe. Things don’t have to go your way.”

Justin: How did that help you?

Mom: Can you guess?

Justin: No.

Mom: Because if I was the queen, I could make everybody do what I want.

Justin: But you’re not the queen so you couldn't force everyone to come to Grandpa's party.

Mom: That’s right. How might that thought help you?

Justin: I’m not the King of the Universe so things don't have to go my way either.

Mom: Right. What about Seth not playing your video games?

Justin: Yah.

Mom: How can we remind ourselves that we’re not the king or queen of the universe?

Justin: Let’s make 2 signs that say, “I’m Not the King,” and “I’m Not the Queen” and post them on the fridge.

Mom: And every time we stop ourselves from losing our tempers let’s make a tally mark on our signs.

Conclusion for Helping Entitled Kids Become Reasonable

Entitled kids need to know that life isn’t fair, doesn’t cater to what they want, and can be disappointing at times. You can teach them with reasonable self-talk how to be more rational about life. None of us is the king or queen of the universe. Things often don't go our way. Sometimes we need to be patient and accept that fact. And sometimes it becomes a challenge to creatively overcome the problem.

As the parent, you are the best one to teach him this lesson by being reasonable yourself and having good discussions with him. Start with a true story about when you were angry and irrational. He won't feel like you're pointing a finger at him and he'll like spending private time with you.

A Gift for You:

Pick Up:

 10 Ways Successful Parents Handle Their Aggressive Child

Insert the code word: AGGRESSIVE and download your gift.

https://www.KidsDiscuss.com 

You might also like this brief YouTube video with it's simple technique to teach your child:

How Parents and Kids Discuss Emotions

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Thank you so much.

With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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The Aggressive Child Lacks Friends

 

Aggressive kids, like Joey aren't liked. He hated waiting in line at the water fountain. He'd shove the kids lined up ahead of him. They'd fall forward like dominoes. The first child always hit his face while drinking. Joey laughed. I visited his parents and had a glimpse into Joey's life at home. 

The father put his wife down several times during our conversation. She looked straight into my eyes but said nothing. Tears ran down her face.

When parents model meanness, children pick it up. Joey was mean. He didn't know how to relate to others.

I found out that Joey's dad was too busy to spend time with Joey. Joey didn't feel important. He didn't feel love from his dad. As we ended the meeting, Joey's father promised to spend time with him. He and his wife decided to work on their relationship too.

Teaching children how to assert themselves, speak up with respect, and be friendly starts at home. Parents must model how to communicate well. If they don't know how, they can learn. The following article will show how.

 Assertive Children  - How Parents Raise Great Communicators

You'll find:

1. An empowering formula for teaching kids assertiveness skills

2. 5 assertive role-plays to practice at the dinner table

3. A fun family activity 

4. An assertive poem for kids

How Joey Became Assertive

Joey told me with a big smile that his dad playfully put shaving cream on his face and let him shave it off with an empty razor. It made a real difference. Joey, over a matter of weeks, stopped shoving kids and started making friends. A greater respect developed between Joey's parents. Soon they were ready to learn the Assertiveness Formula within this article:

Assertive Children  - How Parents Raise Great Communicators

 

Loving Parents Empower Kids

You can raise assertive children by practicing the formula within your family. Advise your kids to use it with others too. If you do, they'll learn to speak up for themselves, make friends, and become respectful communicators too.

Watch our brief video on assertiveness:

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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"Stop Blaming Me!" "Stop Taking My Stuff!"

             Sound Familiar?

Do your kids bicker? Is it grating on your nerves? Some quarreling is normal. But if your kids continually fight, it’s a telling sign to “Detour! Danger Ahead!”

My brother and I fought so much that years later my mother told me, “I thought you were going to kill each other.” A slight exaggeration but we did yell, wrestle, and throw some punches. Underneath it all, I really did love him and if anyone criticized him, I ached inside.

When we fought our mother would yell, “Stop!” She’d complain. She’d even lecture. But she had been an only child and never experienced sibling rivalry. She didn’t have a clue how to help us be civil and neither did we.

Assertive Role-Playing

 

How Do I Teach My Kids Assertive Skills?

Assertive role-playing can be taught using “Instant Replay.” This parenting technique is assertive because kids must come up with their own answers and then act them out. It uses Time Out.

I remember being sent to bed after many a fight. It often lasted the whole afternoon, but it didn’t work. I just took long naps.

With Instant Replay you separate your kids and send them to different boring places within your home. They come back to you after each child brainstorms 3 good ways they could have handled their disagreement without fighting. Then you tell them, “Act out the best one. When done, they shake hands and are free to go off to play.

I like this strategy because you’re no longer the judge and jury. You don’t choose who’s right and who’s wrong. You don’t even come up with solutions. Your children solve their own problems.

The Assertive Formula

 

The Assertive Formula Works

This formula includes 5 parts:

1. The Assertive Voice
2. The Assertive Face
3. The Assertive Posture
4. The Assertive Words
5. The Assertive Role-Play

The video below shows parents and children several simple suggestions to practice within each part.

Before teaching this formula, I suggest practicing it with your partner first. Why? Because your example is the most powerful way for kids to learn.

Watch Now: How Parents Teach Assertiveness Skills

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Jean Tracy, MSS

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Parents Can Teach  Children  to Disagree with Respect

Any parent can teach kids to be open and respectful. But it takes practice. Today we'll share:

• 9 simple rules for open-minded disagreements 
• 1 practice example about a sleepover
• A 90 second video with 5 reasons why children love confiding in you

9 Rules for Conducting Open-Minded Arguments

Have you and your child ever yelled at each other? Did you feel guilty and wish it hadn't happened? I know the feeling.

 

Respectful Disagreements Take Practice

If you're like most parents, you'll have many disagreements with your kids. Now you can turn them into opportunities for open-minded discussions. If you do, you'll be teaching your child an important life skill.

How to teach your child 9 simple rules for open-minded respectful disagreements:

1. Both speak in a calm voice.
2. Both hear and repeat each other's words or ideas.
3. Both take time to find the good points in each other's thoughts.
4. Discuss each other's good points.
5. Create a compromise in which each side wins. at least, a little. 
6. Avoid arguing, yelling, walking away, or being sarcastic.
7. If either side is disrespectful, make a future date to discuss the issue.
8. Keep that date and stay calm.
9. Praise your child for her respectful openness during the argument. 

Use This Sleepover Example to Role-play:

Your 12 year-old son, George, is begging you to stay overnight with a friend you've never met. He says he doesn't know his mom's name or number. You want to introduce yourself and checkout  the sleepover with her.

 

Teach Your Child to Think Clearly and Stay Calm

Use the 9 rules for staying open-minded and come to a consensus. In the end, remember you are still the parent and have the responsibility to make sure your child is safe. The final decision is yours even if your child is unhappy.

5 Reasons Kids Trust Open-Minded Parents

Other Popular Articles You Might Like:

Child Discipline Tips - How to Discipline Kids without Arguments

10 Biggest Listening Mistakes by Parents with 35 Simple Solutions

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With warm wishes,  

Jean Tracy, MSS

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        3. If either side is becoming disrespectful say, "Let's make a future date, when we are both calm, to discuss 101 Ways to Get Your Children to Cooperate

 

Power Struggles with Your Strong-Willed Child

Can Be Solved!

THINK OF HANDLING STUBBORN CHILDREN LIKE METAL BEADS AND A MAGNET. Your child's stubborn behaviors are the metal beads. Your reactions are the magnet. Each stubborn behavior can cause a swift and powerful clash if you let yourself explode with emotion. This doesn't have to happen.

Consider Using Logic by Asking Yourself 3 Questions:

1. What are the consequences to our relationship if I consistently blow-up?

       When I continually react with anger, his stubbornness hardens even more. Respect dies.

2. What are better ways of reacting to his stubbornness?

         I can use a kind, firm, and self-controlled voice.  With time and repetition, mutual respect could grow.

3. Are there specific ways to be the respectful parent and turn his headstrong behaviors into cooperative ones?

        If you draw a blank, watch our 1 minute video below. You'll find 5 solutions you can start using today.

Please remember, no parent is perfect. We all get over-stressed and lose our tempers. Don't get down on yourself if this happens to you. Just reconfirm your commitment to be a respectful parent.

One more thing, you CAN make the magnetic pull between you and your child into a pleasant and positive relationship.

Click on: Have a Headstrong Child? 5 Solutions

 To subscribe to my YouTube Videos, click on my face at the end of this video. To see my longer video on stubbornness click on the video in the upper left-hand corner.
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Thank you so much.With warm wishes,  

 Jean Tracy, MSS

******Sign up for my FREE Parenting News and receive:

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When parents interrupt by talking louder than children to make their point, kids feel angry, unheard, and closed down. If you've ever been interrupted, talked down to, or over-talked, remember how you felt. 

Listening doesn't mean you agree with what your child said. It just means you listened. Of course, if you disagree, don't charge into your child with loud disagreement. Calmly ask questions and listen some more. The better you understand the better your child may listen to you.

Arguing doesn't solves problems. It just cements each side's opinions. We see this in the news every day. I bet there have been times you turned it off. Who wants to hear people fight?

Today's parenting gift offers rhymes as reminders to listen. You'll find 10 altogether. Pick the one you may need and save the others in a 3-hole binder in case you need them in the future. Here are two more of the rhyming reminders:

To be attentive and wise, I look with both eyes.

Get all 10 Listening Reminders with Rhyming Solutions by using the code to download:

POEMS

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With warm wishes, 

Jean Tracy, MSS

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