Permissive Parenting – 3 Ways to Recapture Your Parental Authority

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When Permissive Parents Bribe, Kids Are The Boss

 

Permissiveness, parenting without structure and guidance, and over-negotiating rules and chores hurt your authority. Your kids are injured too. 

How Permissive Parents Harm Kids

  1. Without parental structure and direction, your kids won’t know the path to a successful life. They may follow a destructive trail and hurt themselves instead.
  2. Without parental supervision about right and wrong expect your kids to experience trouble and pain.
  3. Without responsible chores they will lack the life skills for future know-how and self-care.

How to Overcome Permissive Parenting and Take Back Your Authority

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Bribing Doesn't Work. Your Mind Power Does.

 

  1. Visualize yourself as a kind and firm parent with your child. (See your child not yourself.)
  2. Feel what it's like to be a kind and firm parent.
  3. Tell yourself, “I am kind and firm with my child.”

Put all 3 into one magic moment so that you see, feel, and say them all at once.

Do this before you fall asleep at night and before you rise each morning. Do this for 21 days. If you do, you’ll regain your authority and become the parent you need to be. Make it a habit.

This Kind but Firm Video Helps You Be the Authority and Your Kids Do Their Chores:

 

You Might Also Like:

Raising Responsible Kids – How to Get Your Children To Do Their Chores  It includes a 4-Point Formula.

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Chore Card Tip - Moms Don't Yell nor Kids Rebel

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Building Family Teams and Life Skills

Mothers meltdown when they’re stressed, overworked, and exhausted. When  patience flies out the window,  rage stomps through the door. The yelling begins.

  1. “Who left their dirty dishes in the sink?”
  2. “Who spilled juice all over the floor?”
  3. “Who left their bike in the rain?”
  4. “You kids are so lazy!”
  5. “Get in here and clean this mess up!”

Who can blame frazzled moms? They’re out of patience, energy, and practical solutions. Yelling comes easy and it works when kids jump up to help.

But when rage happens too often, kids get used to it. They stop jumping up. They pout and fume inside. They blame the yeller.

Unless moms solve the problems with a practical plan, rage will stamp out good will and everyone will be angry. Home life becomes miserable.

Problem Solving Plan for Kids' Chores:

Write chores on separate cards for each child to complete before dinner. Lay the cards on the kitchen counter.  You can make chore cards for different days of the week or for regular daily chores. 

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Chore Cards Name Each Child's Task

 

Lined 4" X 6" Chore Cards work well too. They  don't have to be fancy.

Sample Chores for Kids:

  1. Clean sink and counter after snacks.
  2. Do homework.
  3. Make bed.
  4. Put toys away.
  5. Feed animals.

The chores you choose are up to you. Why not involve the kids in creating the list at a family meeting? When kids have input, they're more likely to cooperate.

You may even choose to create a chore card for after dinner cleanup.

  1. Clear table.
  2. Put leftovers away.
  3. Scrape dishes.
  4. Put dishes in dishwasher.
  5. Empty Garbage.

Be Reasonable:

  1. Don't add so many chores that kids can't relax or play. They need both.
  2. Avoid discouraging your child by adding chores that are too difficult.
  3. Let teachers know when their homework load is turning your child's love for learning into hate for school.

Advantages of Chore Cards:

The beauty of Chore Cards is parents don't need to remind kids what to do. Kids just look at the cards and complete the tasks on their own time. 

Chore Cards are an easy way to build a family team and teach kids the skills they need for life. 

Learning Tools You May Like:

Frustrated Moms - 10 Temper Triggers with Solutions

Chore Chart Kit

 

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The Assertive Child - How Parents Empower Kids

Aggressive boy  2 450

 
The Aggressive Child Lacks Friends
 

 

Aggressive kids, like Joey aren't liked. He hated waiting in line at the water fountain. He'd shove the kids lined up ahead of him. They'd fall forward like dominoes. The first child always hit his face while drinking. Joey laughed. I visited his parents and had a glimpse into Joey's life at home. 

The father put his wife down several times during our conversation. She looked straight into my eyes but said nothing. Tears ran down her face.

When parents model meanness, children pick it up. Joey was mean. He didn't know how to relate to others.

I found out that Joey's dad was too busy to spend time with Joey. Joey didn't feel important. He didn't feel love from his dad. As we ended the meeting, Joey's father promised to spend time with him. He and his wife decided to work on their relationship too.

 

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Parents Must Model How Children Can Assert Themselves
 

Teaching children how to assert themselves, speak up with respect, and be friendly starts at home. Parents must model how to communicate well. If they don't know how, they can learn. The following article will show how.

 Assertive Children  - How Parents Raise Great Communicators

You'll find:

1. An empowering formula for teaching kids assertiveness skills

2. 5 assertive role-plays to practice at the dinner table

3. A fun family activity 

4. An assertive poem for kids

How Joey Became Assertive

Joey told me with a big smile that his dad playfully put shaving cream on his face and let him shave it off with an empty razor. It made a real difference. Joey, over a matter of weeks, stopped shoving kids and started making friends. A greater respect developed between Joey's parents. Soon they were ready to learn the Assertiveness Formula within this article:

Assertive Children  - How Parents Raise Great Communicators

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Loving Parents Empower Kids

 

You can raise assertive children by practicing the formula within your family. Advise your kids to use it with others too. If you do, they'll learn to speak up for themselves, make friends, and become respectful communicators too.

Watch our brief video on assertiveness:

 

 

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How Smart Parents Teach Assertive Skills and Stop the Fights - Video

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"Stop Blaming Me!" "Stop Taking My Stuff!"
             Sound Familiar?

 

Do your kids bicker? Is it grating on your nerves? Some quarreling is normal. But if your kids continually fight, it’s a telling sign to “Detour! Danger Ahead!”

My brother and I fought so much that years later my mother told me, “I thought you were going to kill each other.” A slight exaggeration but we did yell, wrestle, and throw some punches. Underneath it all, I really did love him and if anyone criticized him, I ached inside.

When we fought our mother would yell, “Stop!” She’d complain. She’d even lecture. But she had been an only child and never experienced sibling rivalry. She didn’t have a clue how to help us be civil and neither did we.

Assertive Role-Playing

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How Do I Teach My Kids Assertive Skills?

 

Assertive role-playing can be taught using “Instant Replay.” This parenting technique is assertive because kids must come up with their own answers and then act them out. It uses Time Out.

I remember being sent to bed after many a fight. It often lasted the whole afternoon, but it didn’t work. I just took long naps.

With Instant Replay you separate your kids and send them to different boring places within your home. They come back to you after each child brainstorms 3 good ways they could have handled their disagreement without fighting. Then you tell them, “Act out the best one. When done, they shake hands and are free to go off to play.

I like this strategy because you’re no longer the judge and jury. You don’t choose who’s right and who’s wrong. You don’t even come up with solutions. Your children solve their own problems.

The Assertive Formula

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The Assertive Formula Works

 

This formula includes 5 parts:

  1. The Assertive Voice
  2. The Assertive Face
  3. The Assertive Posture
  4. The Assertive Words
  5. The Assertive Role-Play

The video below shows parents and children several simple suggestions to practice within each part.

Before teaching this formula, I suggest practicing it with your partner first. Why? Because your example is the most powerful way for kids to learn.

Watch Now: How Parents Teach Assertiveness Skills




 
Practice One Sibling Solution Per Dinner Discussion

 

 

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3 Parenting Tips: How Kids Discuss Making Excuses

"It wasn't my fault."
 
Narrow-minded kids might say, "It wasn't my fault."

 

Narrow-Minded Children Need Open-Minded Parents. Many kids naturally act to gain pleasure and avoid pain (punishment). Open-minded parents can model both calmness and reason. By doing so, they can help their children see both sides of a bigger picture.

In today’s post, we are sharing 3 dinner discussions. They don’t tell your children what to think. That’s not their purpose. The goal is to help your child slow down, think reasonably and see a side other than their own.

Use the dinner discussions to find out what your children really think. Don’t force your ideas. Listen well. Your mission is to open their minds by asking them to give advice to 3 narrow-minded kids.

 

  1. “It Wasn’t My Fault”

12 year-old Josh had been told many times to pick up his things. Yesterday, his 5 year-old brother Tommy, while running down the hall to the bathroom, tripped on Josh’s bookbag. He sprained his wrist in the fall. Josh blurted out, “It wasn’t my fault.”

  1. Did Josh have any responsibility for Tommy’s sprained wrist? Why?
  2. How could Josh blame Tommy for spraining his own wrist?
  3. By blaming Tommy, what could Josh avoid?
  4. What advice would you give Josh?
  5. If Josh followed your advice how might he have reacted differently?

 

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Narrow-Minded Kids Might Say, "I Forgot."

 

  1. “I Forgot”

Whenever 11 year-old Sheila’s mom asked her, “Do you need help with your math homework?” Sheila would answer, “No, it was easy. I did it in school.” Then she’d run out to play.

Sheila received a poor grade in math because she rarely handed-in her homework. When her mother saw the report, she said, “You’re supposed to ask for help when you need it. Why didn’t you?” Sheila said, “I forgot.”

  1. Do you think Sheila was open to getting help? Why?
  2. Did anything stop Sheila’s from doing her homework? If so, what?
  3. If you were Sheila’s mom, would you accept, “I forgot,” for an answer? Why?
  4. What advice would you give Sheila? Why?
  5. If Sheila opened her mind and listened to you, what might she do? 

 

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            Narrow-Minded Kids Might Tell a Parent,                   
"You're So Mean!"

 

  1. “You’re So Mean.”

13 year-old Jerry begged his dad for an expensive new bike. His father asked, “Are you willing to work for it?”

“Do I have to?”, asked Jerry.

“If you really want a bike, you’ll need to keep your room clean, do your chores without complaining, and cut the grass every week this summer. Are you willing to do that?”

Jerry stared at his dad and yelled, “You’re so mean!”

  1. Why did Jerry yell that his dad was mean?
  2. What do you think stopped Jerry from working for a new bike?
  3. If you were Jerry’s Dad, would you give him a bike without expecting anything in return? Why?
  4. How open-minded do you think Jerry was about taking responsible?
  5. Is manipulating others with insults a good strategy? Why? 
  6. If you gave Jerry advice, what would you suggest?

 

Getting children to think reasonably helps them see the bigger picture. Open-minded thinking can slow down their pleasure seeking and speed up accepting responsibility. They might even think before they act.

Becoming reasonable and open-minded won’t happen overnight. Using dinner discussions can start the process.

Here are similar posts you might find helpful:

Character Tips for Parents of Kids Who Whine

Parenting Skills - Turning Your Kids Into Independent Thinkers

 

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How Parents Teach Children Empathy - 7 Steps

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Empathy CAN Be Taught

PARENTS CAN TEACH CHILDREN EMPATHY WITH SIMPLE DISCUSSIONS. Today you and your child will find a childhood behavior to discuss, what mindsets to avoid, and 7 easy steps for teaching empathy.  Use it to help your child grow into a caring person who understands others.

Ask your youngster to analyze this situation by asking, “What don’t we know?”

Sarah gave her friend, Jane, a friendly punch. Jane yelled, “Stop it!” and hit Sarah hard.

Ask your child, "What don't we know?"

Hopefully, she answered, “We don’t know why Jane hit Sarah back so hard.”

Many kids might judge Jane and call her names. But that would put Jane on the defensive and make her mad because no one wants to be judged harshly.

Rather than being a critical judge, ask your child to think of some positive reasons why Jane may have hit Sarah. Why positive?

Usually, when someone does something, even if it’s negative,  it’s for a positive reason. We call it the ‘positive intent.’ This is because the doer, (Jane) is getting something positive out of her behavior.

Yelling girls
 
What Positive Reasons Do Kids Have for Acting Badly?

 

Here are some sample reasons:

  1. Maybe Sarah told her class a big secret about Jane's family and Jane found out. Now Jane’s breaking off the friendship.

 

  1. Maybe Sarah has given Jane too many friendly punches that have bruised her in the past. Now Jane’s showing her what it feels like to stop Sarah from punching her again.

 

  1. Maybe Jane was ridiculed by her class for a wrong answer and she thought Sarah’s friendly punch was intended to tease her for it. Jane’s hitting tells Sarah her teasing isn’t funny.

 

Who knows why Jane reacted the way she did? We’re not mind readers. Only Jane really knows. 

But stepping into Jane’s shoes and trying to see the situation from her point of view, your child is on the path to understanding and empathy.

Tell your child, “It’s hard to feel empathy for Jane or anyone else if you’re judging with a mean critical mind.”

Bigstock_Family_Problems_183002
 
Your Child CAN Switch Her Critical Judgments  to
Understanding Thoughts

 

Rather than judge, teach your child to:

  1. Switch your critical thoughts to exploring positive reasons why she did what she did.
  2. Avoid calling names or making accusations.
  3. Ask don't tell. "Why did you...? rather than, "You did it because..."
  4. Listen without judgment.
  5. Try to see her point of view.
  6. Show empathy with understanding comments like, "I can see why you felt that way."
  7. Suggest she apologize, if appropriate.

If you do, she just might follow your suggestion. All because you asked, listened and cared.

Another important point, when someone acts poorly and you understand why they did it, doesn't mean you agree with their negative behavior. It does mean you chose to understand it.

Use these steps, whenever your child tells you about another child’s negative behaviors. Your discussions will be interesting, and you’ll be teaching her to be an empathic person with an understanding character.

Watch this 2 minute video with 5 questions to help your child turn from criticism to empathy.

How Parents Teach Empathy to Kids


 

The Transcript with the 5 Questions is beneath the video at YouTube when you click Show More. 

Bonus Articles with Videos:

7 Ways to Encourage Positive Brain Power in Your Child   

The Positive Child - 18 Top Parenting Tips and Tools 

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Open-Minded Kids – How Parents Promote Skilled Thinkers

Thinking Jeans Girl 900          
           How Sophie Became an Open-Minded Thinker

OPEN-MINDED KIDS ARE SKILLED THINKERS. They learn to see more than one side of issues, problems, and discussions. They think bigger than one-sided kids.

How Sophie Opened Her Mind

I spoke with a 4th grade girl, named Sophie, (Identity concealed) who told me how she changed her mind. Her teacher asked, “Should school be year-round?” Sophie said a loud, “No!”

But the teacher told the class to study both sides. Sophie did her research. This is what she found that could happen if school was year-round:

  1. The school day would be shorter.
  2. There would be more but shorter vacations.
  3. There would be fun after-school programs.
  4. Daycare wouldn’t cost parents so much because of the after-school programs. The 3-month summer vacation would be eliminated so no need for daycare then either.
  5. Teachers wouldn’t need to waste time reviewing what the children forgot due to the summer vacations.

Sophie opened her mind to these new ideas. She decided “Yes,” school should be year-round.

Sophie had an open-minded teacher who asked open-minded questions. She taught kids to see issues from both sides. Each child was free to come up with their own conclusions.

The Difference between Open Minds and Closed Minds

Spoiled Michael
 
Close-Minded Thinkers Won't Listen to New Ideas

 

Open-minded children don’t try to win arguments. They avoid stubbornly sticking to their own viewpoint. They are willing to change their opinions with new information.

Closed-minded kids won’t listen to others’ ideas. They believe they already know what’s best.

How Parents Raise Kids with Open-Minded Discussions

 

Family Discussion SMALL
 
Sample Question: Should  Parents Make Kids Try
New Foods?

 

Be the parent who uses discussions to open your kids’ minds. Discuss topics that interest them. Get them to consider both the side they favor and the one they disagree with. When they have enough information, ask them what they favor  now and why. If you do, they'll become BIGGER thinkers.

For more parenting strategies and stories to raise your children's consciousness, read full article at: 

 9 Ways Parents Raise Open-Minded Kids

 

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Be Sure to Praise Your Open-Minded Child

 

Popular Posts with Similar Topics:

Parenting: 2 Strategies for Raising Kids with Optimistic Characters

Parenting: Turning Fearful Kids into Confident Children

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Unleash Your Child's Success with These 9 New Mindsets - Gift

 

Attitudes
 
2 Conversations Can Help Your Kids
Develop Successful Attitudes.

 

ENVISION YOUR CHILD’S ACCOMPLISHMENTS HELPED BY 9 NEW MOTIVATING IDEAS.  You can plant those ideas with 2 conversations about positive attitudes.

First Conversation - Your Child's Inner Self-Talk

Just like you, children everywhere have conversations in their heads. Their inner conversations can sow seeds of discouragement, “I never do anything right,” or sprout growth, “I love learning new things.” Let's find out how to turn their internal chats into positive mottoes.

Second Conversation - Your Parent/Child Discussions

Talk with your child about the power of positive thinking and the importance about being curious. Let her know that her outlook will greatly determine whether she succeeds or fails. Why? Because the thoughts in her head influence her feelings and become self-fulfilling prophecies. Discuss how she can become a successful thinker  by sharing the 9 self-talk sayings in this parenting gift.

Dad and Daughter Deposit
 
It's Never to Early to Talk about Attitudes

 

Ask your children which saying is best one for repeating often. Better yet see if they can create a self-fulfilling one-liner of their own. Rhymes are easier to remember. Post the one that fits best.

Great posting places include the fridge, a bulletin board, a bedroom door and a bathroom mirror.

Note on Fridge Self-Talk 600
 
Posting Positive Attitudes
Become Eye-Candy Reminders

 

Be sure to save these 9 curiosity mottoes in your 3-hole binder. Revisit them whenever you need to discuss motivation with your child.

Enter Code:  CURIOSITY at https://www.KidsDiscuss.com  

Boy with thinking finger

Download Your Parenting Gift Now

 

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How Parents Deal with Childhood Boredom - 10 Ways

Bored girl
 
Helping Bored Kids Become Interested Children

 

BUILDING KIDS’ INTERESTS STARTS WITH ASKING THE QUESTIONS THEY LOVE TO ANSWER. Good questions create a bond between you and your child. With these questions you’ll find out:

  • How they feel about boredom
  • What blocks their curiosity
  • What they’d really like to learn
  • What fills them with wonder
  • How you can help them satisfy their curiosity

 

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Curious Kids Have More Fun

 

After you hear the answers to the 10 discussions, You’ll know what fascinates your children. This helps them overcome boredom. You can then support and nurture their quest for knowledge by:

  • Suggesting they ‘Google’ the information they seek
  • Taking them to the library
  • Asking about and listening to their research
  • Praising their efforts to learn more
  • Suggesting they share their knowledge with grandparents and friends.
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"I Love Discussing My Interests."

 

Pick up today’s gift with the 10 discussions that your children love exploring.

Add them to a 3-hole binder to ask whenever needed.

Enter code:

 

INTERESTS

At

https://www.KidsDiscuss.com

 

and download now!

 

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10 Parenting Tips for Raising Curious Thinkers - A Gift

Boy with robot
 
Parents Can Raise Naturally Curious Children

Kids with curious mindsets are bound to enjoy interesting lives. As parents you can nurture wonder and a thirst for knowledge in your youngsters. In today's parenting gift you will receive a checklist of 10 ways to boost your child's intellectual curiosity.

You Will Find Out What To:

  1. Say when your child asks about a topic.
  2. Answer when you want to promote his questions.
  3. Do to encourage his enthusiasm.

 

Children Book (2) 900
 
Curious Learners Search for Answers

 

Some parents do to much to help. Others show little or no interest. Being balanced in your words and actions is the key. It's fun too.

Pick up your parenting checklist by inserting the code word:

WONDER

at

www.KidsDiscuss.com

Add it to a binder to refresh your memory whenever you need to help your child's curiosity grow.

 

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